5 Ways For a Man to Tell If You’re Equally Yoked with Him

A very familiar question I’m asked often is “so why are you single?” This is a question that has become a little redundant to hear and answer. In a way, I sort of anticipate the day I’m no longer asked. However, a week ago, I didn’t mind answering it. Why, because something changed within me.

While I was brainstorming and jotting ideas for the vision God has given me for ministry, something happened. Another vision had set in that would compliment the vision of ministry. As the pen stood still in my hand, I looked off to the side and saw a particular woman in my minds eye. I didn’t see an actual physical person, but I saw qualities that go beyond that. Whoever this woman is I believe God has set aside for me for a purpose. She’s chosen for me, and vice versa. This woman is special because I know I’ll find her equally yoked with me.

I want to 5 ways for a man to tell if you’re equally yoked with him. I aware that I can’t speak for every man. We’re all different and like different things. I get that, but I’m describing below is basic essential for a healthy relationship. And yes, I know you’re thinking, “but you’re still single, how can you write blog about being equally yoked with someone? Well, I believe you can tell the same way you know someone isn’t the one for you.  You just know it. Your spirit doesn’t agree with that person–no matter how attractive, intelligent, spiritual and well put together they maybe. Besides that, there’s a particular scripture that qualifies me to answer the question of how you can tell you’re equally yoked with someone.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”–Jeremiah 29:11

The woman I had a vision about is a Proverbs 31 woman. That’s a promise to me from God. I believe this by faith and I’m speaking her into existence. Perhaps you should do the same.

Here are 5 ways for a man to tell if you’re equally yoked with him.

  1. Acceptance and understanding of his purpose.

In part I of this blog, I mentioned that I didn’t see myself being with a woman who doesn’t understand or support my calling. By calling, I mean my life’s purpose or vocation if that word works a little better for you. I didn’t quite explain what my calling is, but I offered a variety of responses that I receive when I open up about it. I’ll share them again. These are a few responses I receive when I tell women I’m called to pastor, and writing is one medium God uses me to minister to others.

“That’s deep.” (My all-time favorite.)

“Oh, that’s nice.” (The modest, but indifferent response.)

“That’s great. I wish you success.” (Me, really?)

“Oh okay…nods head.” (I nod my head back feeling all the awkwardness in the world.)

“Oh really??????” (Yup…nodding my head)  *This is the fake super excited response.

“So you must really take your faith seriously?” (As if it’s like a hobby and not a lifestyle.)

“That would be too much pressure.” (Pressure? I feel the pressure already and I don’t think my ministry has begun. There are days I feel unqualified, inexperience and unworthy. Hey, I’m a man trying to live a life please to God.)

When I hear these responses, I don’t have to figure out if she’s the one or not. The work has already been done. The evidence is in the indifferent reactions. A good listening ear will take a long way.

The love of your life isn’t going to run away from your purpose. That person will fit in it. In my case, I understand some hesitance may be there. My is life dedicated to serving in the Kingdom of God, and not every woman can see living a Christ-like lifestyle.I believe, when two lives intersect, two worlds are merging into one. It’s God’s ultimate plan to bring two people together to walk the same path in a relationship with Him and each other.

Trust God, and watch Him make love happen in your life. That’s a promise.

Because there’s acceptance and understanding of his purpose, there’s another way a man gages you to tell if you’re equally yoked with him.

2. Spiritually compatibility.

I know this sounds cliché, but think of a relationship like rhythm in music. It’s harmonious. All the components that go into making a quality and good sound, are working together to sit well with your ear and heart. This is how I see the woman that’s equally yoked with me.

Spiritual compatibility is the gelling of two spirits and souls dancing in rhythm, and projecting the same sound, that lets you and the other person know, you found something special in one another.

If a woman has no desire to know God, the chances of a spiritual connection probably isn’t going to happen with him either. A man of God is looking for a woman of God. If your heart is moving in the direction of coming into a relationship with Christ, he sees hope in a “you and him.” He believes he could build something long lasting and special with you. He’s thinking, like myself, It would be an honor to play a role in her salvation or strengthening her walk with God: This is great, because while God is working on you, He’s unfolding a wonderful relationship before your eyes.

If the roles are reversed, as in the woman has the stronger relationship with God, it would be his desire to meet you where you’re at. He isn’t going to shy away or feel less of a man if you’re there spiritually and he’s not. His focus on building HIs relationship with God is on Him anyway, and he sees you as playing an important part in that. He sees a helpmate in you.

3. Great Communication and Honesty.

A man of God wants a woman who’s open and honest with him.

If the woman I’m with is afraid to communicate with me in open honesty and truth, let’s say for example, there are typos in this blog or in my novel, and I ask what she thought about it, and she says, “it was really good,” Houston, we have a problem. Love tells the truth from a place of honesty and sincerity.

I’m not expecting her to be an English teach as someone pointed out when I posted the excerpt above a week ago. I was halfway joking here. The point is to be straightforward and honest.

Let’s consider how Proverbs 31: 26 describes a woman that’s a great and honest communicator.

“She speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction is on her tongue.”

Wisdom is truth. Wisdom is also the ability to say something out of love and without fear.

Going back to the example of a woman pointing out the flaws in my work: Faithful instruction is her giving me the opportunity to correct what’s wrong, so that I could improve as a writer and present the best work possible. Or, if there were things I need to work on as a person, I would expect her to voice what they are. Trust me when I say this, a man values and appreciates a woman who speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction. He will  know it’s coming from a place of her love and respect. Equally important, he’ll know it’s coming from God. She is a helpmate that’s trying to help him.

4. She’s an excellent listener. Great Communication also translates into excellent listening skills.

Wisdom is to know when to listen.

Sometimes after posting devotional message after message, responding to prayer requests and inbox messages from others asking for spiritual or relationship advice–adding in listening to the concerns of others over the phone, I’m drained. Spiritually. Don’t misunderstand me. I enjoy this. I have a heart for people. I love helping others. Its my nature. I always welcome the opportunity to be used by God. However, I’m human too.

I’m not sure if people who are overly talkative are aware that someone may want them to just listen. There are moments when someone may want to pour into you or pray for them, but an extended hand or a listening ear isn’t offered—only 45 min’s to an hour worth of what’s on your mind when you do “talk.” When this happens to me, I’m repeating in my head, why is this happening. I’m sure he is too.

A proverbs 31 woman is a listening woman. I’m praying for a woman who can listen, and listen without the urge to get a word out. Talkers without the balancing of listening are anxious to get a word out, which means, they really aren’t listening. I know when this is happening lol ;). I’m a good listener and observer.

Listening seems so insignificant but can be detrimental to a relationship or friendship. Any nature of relationship involves exchange. Exchange also means listening.

Note: When a man is into you, you’ll come to discover an excellent listener in him. He’s in tuned into your tone voice, choice of words and how you convey them. He’s taking mental note of your facial expressions, how you move your hands when you talk, and other body language that suggest what kind of mood you’re in.  And if he’s really in tuned to you, he’ll know what’s your mind before you get a chance to tell him. He’ll know when to listen and do nothing else but listen or to offer you sound advice  of encourage. His empathy will increase your love for him.

5. Another way for a man to tell if you’re equally yoked with him, if the transition into a relationship is a smooth one.

 A relationship happens when you are equally yoked with someone

Reflecting on dating situations I was in, or getting to know someone, there were always something in a way that prevented a relationship from happening. Sometimes it was the woman I was interested in that other things going on, or I had personal things in my life to focus on. I walked away thinking, “maybe the timing isn’t right.” Here’s what I’m alluding to.

When things are too difficult from the onset, that’s never a good sign. Yeah, I understand that no one is perfect, therefore a relationship doesn’t have a chance to be either, however, if there are challenges that has the power to take your focus off each other, perhaps bad timing is not the case here, it’s God saying this isn’t the person I want you to be with.

I believe that God’s timing is perfect in drawing two imperfect people together. In God’s timing, the transition into love is a smooth one. And if there are unforeseen challenges ahead or external circumstances currently going on, it’s not going to draw your attention off of each other. What’s happening will draw you closer to each other. Praying for and with each other, and being emotionally and spiritually present, is always a plus. You really have no idea what this can do for you.

In part II. B of Equally Yoked, I want to share a few characteristics that a woman should look for a man to tell if he’s match for you.

One Person Could Change Your Life Forever

Love can change your plans of direction because it’s a part of your purpose.-Melvin Davis

During this season of your life, I urge you to seek God in all that you do. Pray and pray some more. Listen and stay in tuned to what’s around you, and the people you meet. I don’t believe in coincidences. I don’t believe in chance. God is the master chess player moving certain pieces in your life as he prepares you for the love of your life. Many of you, like myself,  are moving closer and closer into you purpose and plans that God has for you. Wise decisions are pivotal of you showing up at that right appointed time and place. And wherever God that place is, I believe there’s someone waiting to join you on this journey called life.  Love is something that will change your life forever, but you can meet one person who could make you give up on love. This is my prayer for you:

I pray whoever you’re seeing now that you pray for confirmation about the relationship

I pray that whatever God reveals to you about that person, He reveals it to them as well, so when you talk about a future together, you’re on the same page

I pray for you strength to accept God’s will.  Amen.

This is a prayer I’ve used in the past, and it worked every single time. I only pray this prayer when I see great potential in someone, otherwise, I don’t. God answers this prayer immediately because He  knows my heart is turn towards pleasing Him, and living a life totally surrendered in His God. I don’t think God has interest leaving you in the dark about someone. He’s eager to speak the truth to you about every aspect of your life.

Identifying Someone You’re Not Equally Yoke With Pt I

The person you’re equally yoked with is your love language. This person is a helpmate that embraces your purpose. Your relationship with God doesn’t scare them. It draws them closer to you to experience love. They get you in a way that gives you peace to be who you are. Your soul mate is your best friend.–Melvin Davis

Factoring in that I’m still single, I can’t write a blog of what it feels like to be with someone who’s equally yoked with me, however, I can offer some key points of identifying someone who’s not. I credit my past experiences, and intimate relationship with God. Both help me avoid disappointment. So here are 5 ways to identify someone who’s not equally yoked with you.

  1. They’re still playing the field. They’re not ready for a commitment.

If one person is ready for a relationship, and the other is still playing the field, it’s not going to work. Wanting two things in life is a sign that you’re in two places in life. You’re unequally yoked by default of bad timing.

Given my purpose, and how I’m growing, evolving and maturing in Christ, I’m beginning to see myself with a particular kind of woman. Her shape or form hasn’t changed much, but the inner part of a woman has. Besides having fun personality to balance me and take me out of my world (I’m a thinker,) and an intellect that makes conversation intriguing, I can’t see myself being with a woman who’s less self-assured and less confident in herself. And if she doesn’t have a desire to know Christ or get closer to Him, the relationship is going to shatter.

I see myself being with a woman with strong faith. Strong faith equates to spiritual and emotional maturity and a sound and centered mind. It would be difficult for us to speak the same love language if her faith is lacking because it would be difficult for her to understand ways I desire to communicate and love her.  I say this with strong emphasis: Faith has a language of it’s own. Where a person is at in their faith will also convey how well your purpose is received. I’ll go in depth later.

What you’re searching for in life has a lot to do with how well you know yourself or where you are in Christ.  If you’re still playing the field, it because you haven’t discovered the person you are in God. This really isn’t a negative thing. In my youth, I wanted to be with women who were way more spiritually mature than I was. Looking back, I couldn’t fault them for choosing to part ways with me. They saw that I didn’t know who was in Christ, so I sort of played the field. I get it now.  No one is going to invest you when you’re keeping options open

  1. The person doesn’t have a desire to speak your love languages.

Speaking each other love languages keeps the relationship vibrant. You simply get along well when you’re articulating the depth and surface of each other love languages. One of my love languages comes from the spirit. Here’s what I mean by that:

Being with you will also be a time spent with God. There are days when I want you to pray for me or hold hands praying with me. I also want to discuss the word of God with you, perhaps having a bible study. I see myself growing with you in God in a ways you never imagined. I want to get so close to your spirit that I know you inside and out. I want to interpret what you cannot articulate with words. I want to sense how you’re feeling or what you’re thinking when we’re not each other presence. I want us to finish each other sentences, and laugh about something that only we understand. I want to us call on when we’re facing something that’s out of our control. Do you see the picture of a relationship looks like when God is at the center? Or, should I paint more? Speaking each other love languages makes the relationship strong and fulfilling.

  1. You have a differing definition of what communication is.

Isn’t it interesting of how you could speak the same language, for example, English, yet still misunderstand and misinterpret each other. Well, that’s an indication that your energy and spirit are in disagreement with one another. There’s division–not unison.

I used to think I was getting punished for coming across women who talked excessively. There are people who talk a lot and they listen. Then, there are some people who just talk a lot.

Communication styles are essential to chemistry, connecting and understanding each other. If you’re getting to know someone who chit chats without being mindful that there’s a such thing as a “human attention span,” and they aren’t aware that you’re there, I don’t think there’s a chance of a relationship. Not for me at least. For me, I don’t want to feel like I have to throw a snowball at you or snap my fingers to break the potty mouth trance. You shouldn’t have to interrupt or slice and dice your way into a conversation. Communication is an exchange. Not a one -way street.

Excellent communication also means listening, being conscious that someone may want to cast their opinions into the pot or interject their thoughts into a passionate conversation. Others want you to know how their day went after you told them their. Also, if someone is confiding in you about something they’re going through, and you switch the conversation around by turning the attention on you, something you experienced, that’s poor communication. That’s a bit absentminded. My mind roams when someone is talking too much. I’m sorry. I can’t help it. If I were in a lecture, then I would be mentally prepared for a 3 hour talk. But you shouldn’t have to feel like you’re in a lecture in a relationship. I love teaching, but sometimes that isn’t necessary when engaging a person.

Let’s be mindful. None has in mind in signing up for a 300 hour credit course or a 30 minute lecture ;)

  1. You’re unequally yoke if the persons’ faith is not where it should be. Faith matters, IFyou have a relationship with God.

I’m not talking about being “saved” or being “spiritual.” Everyone who’s spiritual doesn’t subscribe the same spirit or is being led by the same spirit. Having a relationship means actually spending time with God and getting to know Him through prayer and reading His word. You can see where a person is at spiritually if you pay attention.  That’s called, spiritual discernment. “penetrating eyes*

If you’re dating someone who has no desire to strengthen their relationship with God, or if they acknowledge a different deity altogether, or if they’re flat out atheist, you’re unequally yoked. I know that sounds a bit harsh and insensitive, but faith is a reality and reflection of the intimate relationships we have, whether friendship or something more. Faith also influences what kind of family you want to raise, how you want to love your wife and children.  Faith matters.

I want to say this before I move on:

God could use you to lead to someone who believes in something different, believes in nothing at all or still has a hand committed to this world to Him. Introducing someone to Christ is a beautiful end transitioning into a new beginning. So, do I overlook women because they’re not where I’m at spiritually or don’t believe in the God I serve, no! That’s not fair. I wasn’t always the man that I am today, and I still have a lot to learn. I don’t know it all. You could be the reason why someone comes to know Christ. All things are possible through God. All!

  1. Purpose! This is very important here. If you want to know if someone is the one for you, tell that person what your purpose in life is. Remember earlier, when I said, “I say this with strong emphasis: Faith has a language of it’s own. Where a person is at in their faith will also convey how well your purpose would be received.” Read further.

I lost count of the reactions I get when I tell women what I’m called to do in life lol. It’s quite interesting. Here are few comments that I get when I tell women that I’m called to serve God in ministry.

“That’s deep.” (My all-time favorite.)

“Oh, that’s nice.” (The modest, but indifferent response.)

“That’s great. I wish you success.” (Me, really?)

“Oh okay…nods head.” (I nod my head back feeling all the awkwardness in the world.)

“Oh really.” (Yup…nodding my head)

“So you must really take your faith seriously?” (As if it’s like a hobby and not a lifestyle.)

“That would be too much pressure.” (Who are you telling? I feel the pressure already and I don’t think my ministry has begun.)

Now, the last comment is a valid one. I could see the pressure. I have many associates in ministry who wives feel like they have to live up to high standards or be involved in ministry. That’s not fair. I’m looking for a wife to play a key role in what God has called me to do. She could support me behind the scenes. If she’s led by God to be on the forefront, so be it. I will not pressure her or allow anyone else to. I will protect her.

You don’t have to be called to do ministry or serve in the Kingdom of God to turn people away. Your life’s purpose could just require great responsibility. Great responsibility is what makes the earth tremble within a person because of the level of commitment that’s required of you or the attention that comes with the purpose.  Hence, I can’t see myself being with an insecure woman.

I also can’t see myself with a woman who doesn’t understand or support my calling. I see my wife as my best friend. She is the woman I want as a companion, who I want to confide in. She’s the woman I want to say, this what I’m thinking about without being judged. If I’m not able to do any of these things with my future wife, what’s the point of us having a relationship? There is no relationship if you have to censor who you are or omit certain topics in conversations. There’s no relationship if you object to my purpose. Sorry

Although I’m single or haven’t found the woman that God has for me–maybe I have. I do know the person you’re equally yoked with is your love language. This person is a helpmate that embraces your purpose. Your relationship with God doesn’t scare them. It draws them closer to you to experience love. They get you in a way that gives you peace to be who you are. Your soul mate is your best friend. I’ll elaborate a little more in Pt. II

Identifying Someone You’re Not Equally Yoked With, The Introduction

In 2014, it’s becoming more and more difficult to find love. We live in a wave of a “carefree,” “go with the flow” attitude. I would think by the time you approach your late 20’s or early 30’s, that attitude would be abandoned. Unfortunately, that’s not the case. Who has time to waste? Anyhow, the carefree, go with the flow attitude means this: “I’m going to date whoever I want to date, although I know you have sincere intentions of being monogamous with me.” If you haven’t come across that person, you may meet the broken wing. This is a person who recently exited a relationship. They’re hurt and broken, but feel a sense of liberation and freedom now that they’re single. The excitement of being back on the market propels them to relive what it feels like to be single again. In other words, it’s time to have “fun” and “to see what’s out there.” This is okay for them, but you have to take charge of your well-being. The result of encountering this person also leads to uncertainty, like the carefree; go with the flow type of person. Their emotions are pulling them in all kinds of different weird directions. Well, maybe weird isn’t a good choice of word. Let’s just say, they’re dealing with the past of who they were with, while trying to remain faithful to their healing process, with great potentials darting their way. It’s about variety and choice here. However, properly healing isn’t in the forefront of their minds.  Practice caution with this person.  You don’t know if they’ll return to the relationship they just left, or if they’re going out with 2 of 3 different people days or worse, sleeping with someone else while entertaining you. Step way. It’s a cold world out there.  Is there any wrong with the broken wing person?  Not necessarily. Who hasn’t experienced brokenness? But, in order to find and experience true love, you have to do it God’s way. Your heart should be turned toward him instead of dating someone else.

Pressure mounts up to find someone you can experience love and life with as time passes. You start to think do you have to settle for the sake of not being alone, even if that means putting up with someone who’s unfaithful to you or will treat you like an option.  If this person is you, come back for the second installment of Identifying Someone You’re Unequally Yoked With. I have a message for you. You don’t have to settle. You don’t have to be anyone’s option. You can stay course of waiting on God to send you someone beautiful and something meaningful. While you’re positioning yourself to find love, I want to share few points that will help you avoid disappointment in the next blog.

Something about Her

The thought of her is never force down on to paper.

She is the romantic period in this 21st century.

She is suitable like honey is to tea.

A whiff of her spirit is of the finest fragrance: Soft and alluring.

The aesthetic of her being came into existence by the breath of God.

I am made for her.

And she is the perfect gift that stops me from looking any further

She’s everything she needs to be for me.

If she gives me a chance by letting me into my heart, I’ll pluck strings she never knew she had

Her eyes would reflect the blue skies and the brilliance of white clouds in heaven

Her skin would glow like the streets of pure gold

Her hair would shine like the harp in the angels hand

I want to be the reason you glow.

I whispered selah into her ears, but I’m not done

I give you my heart to search

In it, you’ll find  my devotion and faithfulness toward you

Would you back off, because what you discovered, does exist?

Would you tell me I’m too good to be true, and settle for what doesn’t match your love or speaks your love language?

I am the man who wants to master you. I want a doctoral in you. I want to speak and love you fluently

You have my attention

Her Ambiance

I’m like a sheet of paper carried off of my foundation by the ambiance of your presence

Or a leaf that stands no chance against the whisper of winds

She’s angelic and pure–clear like water in a holy cup#Holygrail

I ask her this question: “May I be the reason your heart beats differently?”

I’m just a man transforming into something else

Something that I hope is fitting to compliment your life

I wanna be your everything, and for your forever

I hope you’ll give me just one chance, and if I fail, say no more

But I doubt I fail, although I’m imperfect

Press your palms against mine, and feel the presence of my spirit, and you feel that I’m worth it

I kiss your hand, because you are my queen

I’ll kiss you feet, because you’re my everything

Nothing on you goes untouched