You are responsible for what you choose not to ask. —Melvin Davis
Befriending someone you’re attracted can turnout to be an unfortunate experience if the other person doesn’t feel the same way you do. But if so, the chances of having a successful relationship with that person can be a good one, because you have built a solid foundation on friendship. I want to take a few paragraphs to talk about individuals who are friends with persons they are attracted to, but don’t quite know how the feel about them: My aim in this blog to part the gray clouds lingering over your head so you can proceed with clarity.
We all cross paths with different people in life at any given moment and location. Maybe you met someone at Starbucks while waiting for a barista to read off your specialty drink that reads like a recipe. Yes, I’m often embarrassed too amongst crowds of people. Or, you met someone standing in a long line at a popular deli shop, perhaps a lounge or a bar, sitting or standing next to someone on the metro. Shortly after, good looks and conversation draws you together. While sparking up some interesting conversation with dreamy eyes, you’re daydreaming about getting a little cozy on the sofa on a wintry stormy night with that person, but you soon catch yourself from drifting too deep into your fantasy and switch gears to exchange contact information for the sake of “networking,” “business,” to “get information about whatever” a “job opportunity,” or, that good old infamous reason, to be “friends.” I used the “we can just be friends” excuse before, and so did you. Don’t deny it. Anyhow, however you want to frame the reason for “networking,” in the back of your mind, for some men, you thought you were getting some loving or maybe you were really interested in her. And vice versa for some women too. After you’ve entered the number into your phone, text them so they can have yours, in your mind you’re screaming, “FIELD GOAL” or, pardon me as a I borrow a line from Jay-z and Kanye West Otis, “Popping Bottles putting supermodels in the cab, Proof!” Sorry, I got a little carried away —but moving on. Here’s where things get lost in translation from the start: one person is really exchanging contact information to pursue something romantic with the person while the other person is thinking this is just a friendly encounter with an opportunity to do business or land a job or a better one, nothing more. Nonetheless, weeks or a month later, a friendship is birthed and your beginning to wonder if there could be something special on the horizon.
Whether you are conscious of it or not, we send nonverbal signals to let other people know how we feel about them or to let them know whether we attracted to them. Nonverbal cues can be picked up from, eye contact, how a person looks at you or body language and the vibe a person gives off. Vibe is the kind of energy you give off, your aura, how make the other feel when they are around you. If you’re hanging out with this hot guy or girl who you are friends with, and there’s a significant amount of space in the distance between you two for another person to conclude that you’re not together, that’s an indicator that he or she may not interested you in the way you think they are. Closeness, such as walking close together, a facial that exudes ownership in public places will communicate, we are together or we really like each other. Distance communicates this is just a platonic friendship.
Fellas, if a woman has her arms folded and doesn’t make much physical playful contact with you. For instance, the hitting or rubbing on the arm, shoulder or back, she’s probably not attracted to you. Or, with fingers crossed, she may not be quite ready to reveal how she feels about you because she maybe under current conditions such as, (coughs), someone else lingering in the background. To the most beautiful beings on this earth, my beautiful women, if a guy is not interested you; less flirtation and playful physical contact. If I must confess, I’m flirtatious by nature. I flirt with women I am attracted to and some that I’m not. However, there’s a level flirting that I do with women I find appeasing to the eye than others I don’t. I won’t give examples but whomever I like will know that I like them, vice versa. Flirting, I guess, is my way of being friendly, making the other woman feel comfortable around me.
Another way to find out if the person you’re friends with likes you is not is to listen to the choice of words they use with you and their tone of voice. Flirting as has language and tone of its own. If someone tells you that you’re good looking frequently and makes a remark about you being single on a consistent basis, and their tone of their voice shift into the gear of extreme comfort as if you’re already in a relationship, factoring the playful physical contact, these are definitely indicators they see you as more than a friend. Some men, like myself, use a romantic tone—that’s shifts gradually, thoughtfully, a tad bit sensual and sensitive. If the tone of voice is more upbeat, as if a guy is talking to you like one of male friends/homeboys, he’s saying, “I just see you as a friend.” I think it’s safe to say the same goes for a woman.
Similar to nonverbal communication, what a person is not saying to you is another way to tell if he or she is really into you: the dodging of questions regarding relationship status. If you do get an answer, fingers crossed, your question may not be answered satisfactory. There will remain an outstanding balance of confusion on your behalf. Sad, but so true: some people just don’t have the courage to tell you how they feel, some people just don’t feel the need for you to respond—and will leave it up to you to figure it out. Dodging questions of availability to hang out is another sign.
Here’s one simple thing to do to change the forecast from dark clouds to sunlight. It’s called: face-to-face VERBAL COMMUNICATION! DITCH TEXT MESSAGING AND EMAILING, BECAUSE. MORE THAN LIKELY, PROBABLY 90% OF THE TIME, WHAT YOU’RE SAYING IS BEING LOST IN TRANSLATION, hence, MISINTERPRETATION! I say this in caps because I want to encourage you to reserve conversations regarding the matters of the heart for face-to-face conversations. My motto, adults talk, children text. The results will come out much different when talking things out. And if the other person doesn’t feel the same way about you, the likelihood of having a friendship with that person increases but it’s totally your decision to befriend someone who like and doesn’t feel the same way about you.
Depending on the length of time you’ve been friends with the person you’re attracted to as more than a friend, if you think its’ too early to have the conversation about how they see and feel about you, don’t. However, you can those nonverbal communication and verbal conversations as cues as a reference to navigate your way out of gray areas. If you have been “friends” with this person for quite sometime, and you feel comfortable enough to have the face-to-face conversation with them, have it. It’s better to sit in the light with hurt feelings than to sit in the dark in confusion.
Yes there are peculiar and divine instances where patience is required of you when you’re friends with that special person however patience and attraction don’t have much of a relation. If a person is not attracted to you the same way you are attracted to them, the odds of experiencing love with that person are slim. And of course, I do believe in miracles: if God so happens to change that persons mind and perception about you that will happen. I know that God has place within me a particular preference, and that hasn’t quite changed since Kindergarten. Yep, I knew what I was attracted to then. I still remember her name. Ashley, anyhow…
I’m sure they are objections to perspective (s) I shared here. Each case can be subjective, but I do know there are some valid truths in in this blog. Pay attention to the signs, proceed with prayer and caution, and always discern when patience is required of you or if you need to move on.
I hope this helps.
Before I go, I would like say this:
In past situations, I felt misled, but I learned that you responsible for what you choose not to ask. These days, I make it a priority to let women know, that I know who are interested in me, where I stand. If I’m not interested, I will say that I’m not. If they care to know reasons why, I will share. Leaving room for someone to play the guessing game is unfair and manipulative. Time is something that we obviously can’t get back.