If there is any emotion within her, she can love and be loved. —Melvin Davis
In part I of this blog, I noted at the core of every woman, no matter how rough she’s been sanded by the hardships of life, she still has a soft side to her. She wants to be courted and romanced. She desires to be desired and loved. And for the topic at hand, she also wants a man to speak her love languages of honesty, one of friendship and simplicity. But I want to add a few more love languages to the equation of developing a meaningful, long-lasting and spiritual, intimate relationship with a woman that could potentially lead to the altar.
Women want to be transparent and vulnerable enough with a guy to show her true self. I believe women have sides of them that they are afraid to reveal to a man because she’s afraid he may use it to have the upper hand on her. But in order for a man to make her feel comfortable enough to lay down her hair, he must speak the love languages of transparency and vulnerability. Transparency involves being open and honest with another person—not holding anything back. I define vulnerable, hence, vulnerability by making yourself available for a person to see all, including the good and the bad. No one is perfect, but presenting yourself as perfect makes you unbelievable, and does damage to the self and the other person.
It’s extremely difficult for some men and once upon, myself, to be transparent and vulnerable. However, the last woman I was in love with, and have moved on from so that my eyes could bee open to see a special someone else, and for my heart to be open to experienced that same special feeling that I felt with the previous woman, I was completely transparent and vulnerable with her. I wanted her to see all of me. I wanted her to know that I wasn’t coming with folly or to get into her pants– nor did I come with a posture of perfection but one of good, honest, sincere intentions. Although things didn’t work out, I’d take the same chance again with the next woman I feel is special enough to see all of me. Speaking a woman’s love language of transparency and vulnerability by being open, revealing the what’s going in your head, what you feel in your heart, your aspirations, your dreams, what foundations you come from, how you define or have redefined love, what love should and shouldn’t look like, your relationship with God and how you come to know God, will an intricate part in finding a home in a woman’s heart. She needs to see all you to truly understand and love all of you.
There’s also another part of the equation of developing a great relationship with a woman. She has to know that she can trust and feel secure around you. Often times men get so excited, although they come with good intentions, they, including myself, have to be extremely patient in earning a woman’s trust and for her to feel secure around you. You speak a woman’s love language of trust and security by simply being patient with her and by following her speed. There’s nothing more awful and such a turnoff than rubbing a woman the wrong way in the preliminary stages with impatience. When this happens, she may just lose interest in you—altogether forfeiting your chances of ever getting close to her. But yes, there’s that “but” of hope: if she’s curious enough, and feel that you are special to be given another chance, she will. But in the event of building or rebuilding a road that leads to her heart that you have fractured, you could earn her trust by following her speed. In other words, if she doesn’t want anything more than a relationship, don’t pursue anything more. This doesn’t necessarily mean that she’s not interested. She may have something else going in life that demands her attention or she may have recently exited a previous relationship or it just may not be the right time for her. Women have a timing of their own, because things have to be and feel right. For men, things just have to make sense lol. Anyhow, be friends with her. Being friends will provide the opportunity to earn her trust, and for her to feel secure and comfortable around you.
And a question to ask yourself guys, “what’s the rush?” Patience will bring your heart desires closer to you. Impatience will push it away.
Trusting someone with your heart is nearly like putting your life into someone else hands. I know what a relationship looks like, a marriage for that matter, when trust and security withers away from the bond that you brought you together with that person to begin with. My parent’s marriage serves as a point of reference, in addition to my last relationship of four years ago. Although my parents have moved on with their lives, the scars remain. This is why write about the topic of love with such passion and vigor. I don’t want people to experience what I saw, nor do I again.
Whatever you choose to disclose to that woman you find special, if she she’s spiritually mature, she should not judge you. This is why it’s important for you to know her love language.
Note II: There is something that doesn’t need to be disclosed, especially if they are irrelevant at the time. Learning a woman’s love language, as well as listening to the voice of God guide you into a woman’s heart, will serve you will. Love and disclose carefully.