love

Why I”m Not Looking For Love? Pt IV

My heart doesn’t sing a sad tune. It sings one of singleness.–Melvin Davis

In part III of this blog series, I shared very personal experience of mine that didn’t happen too long ago. An experience about a woman I pursued that I felt was the one. But in my youth, I didn’t quite understand the importance of timing and patience, learning how to love myself so that I could overcome the feeling and state of loneliness. And also, in which I probably wasn’t clear enough, allowing a friendship to blossom without the pressure of wanting a relationship with her. I want to share more in depth, what was going on at the time of pursuing love with her, and what was birthing out of me that became more important than experiencing love, which continues to be case in 2012 so far.

While this woman was in my life, I discovered a gift and passion for creative writing. Occurrences, the gift, and the turbulence, needed my undivided attention, but at the time, I wasn’t listening to what God was telling me. My heart desire for her smothered the voice of God in my ear, which I truly believe was the demise of our friendship. Today, God hasn’t given me any indication to enter a relationship.

I’m not looking for love because I’m fighting to see my dreams come true. Getting published maybe a success for some, but not for me. I’m the type of guy that aims high to a point that you probably would think I’m crazy for envisioning what I foresee in my future. Writing is what I want to do for a living, so my time and energy has to be invested in that while I’m trying to fight internal demons and external circumstances that weigh on me.  I’ve tried to avail myself to dating, but such persons became mentally and emotionally taxing on me that I had to withdrawal. Some people can just jump into the relationships because they can, but not I. I was never built that way, which is why I’ve only been in two relationships.

Am I trying to birth a dream, but I believe to be successful at anything, you must first have success in your spiritual walk with God. I honestly say, without distant sincerity, that my relationship with God is the most important thing in my life. There were, and still are, a lot of things that I know intellectually. But the things we know intellectually don’t’ always sink into our hearts. I now know what it feels like to be a man after God’s own heart. Submitting to God is a process– at least it’s been that way for me. The things I believe will to come to pass concerning my dreams takes a greater level of faith. However, a greater level of faith has to be earned. You may have to go through long periods of pain, and loneliness. There’s also a greater level of sacrifice that must match the kind of faith you want to have. I am willing to sacrifice whatever it is to see my dreams as an novelist come to pass. If I have to be single for another 2 or 4 years, so be it. If I have to sacrifice my comfort, then so be it. If have to walk this journey of faith that will lead to great success, then so be it. I told God I am all His. Whatever that needs to be done, do it. I’m wiling to go through the pain and discomfort. Now, can you imagine look for love under such critical and pivotal moments in your life?

I think it would be a true blessing to find love on your way to success. I believe there are some wonderful people out there who be very understanding of present conditions, who are willing to be patient with you instead of rushing or pressing you to be in a relationship with them. I believe they are people who out there who are willing to truly be a friend and be supportive you in your endeavors, but those people are hard to find. Understanding is just as important as great conversation and chemistry. If a person criticizes your singleness, it’s because they have the slightest idea of the limitations around you. They are more know church or a few scriptures, but knowing the two does not translate into spiritual maturity. I’m looking for a spiritual mature woman.

There are other reasons why I’m not looking for, but I have to reserve those reasons for myself.  A friendship would be appropriate for now because I need a friend more than anything. I’m at a sensitive crossroads in life. And occupying my space with someone I know is not the one could cause me to travel down a road God didn’t intend. No more detours for me.

I’m not looking for love because I want it enter my life naturally. For me, it doesn’t feel right to say in mind, “okay, it’s time to find my wife.” I want to the first or the second encounter, the phone call, the text, or the email, to happen by divine design.  I don’t want to feel like things are be forced or rushed. I don’t want there to be resistance on my behalf or the other. I’ve come a long way to able to know when God is or isn’t speaking to me. And to my knowledge, He hasn’t say this or that woman is the one—no matter how intrigued I am by her. I’ve been told to wait, to focus on Him, my dreams, and a few other things.  These are the tunes my heart sings, not one of sadness.

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6 thoughts on “Why I”m Not Looking For Love? Pt IV

  1. Awesome! I’m on that same road Melvin. Trust me I’ve jumped into many relationships too fast and put my career on the back burner. Now I’m watching others do what I love and they have found happiness w/ going after their dreams and living out their passion. There has been many times since 5/15/11 when I had my accident and walked away w/ no injuries that I’ve been asking God what is my purpose. I’ve opened a business to allow me to be self employed and go back to acting full-time. That business now has exhausted my savings. Now I’m stuck trying to find a real job to get me out of debt to get back on track w/ my business and my passion for acting. I feel like I’m starting my life all over again. I’m also lonely and want to find love simply because of my age and that I long to have what my parents had someone who is my partner. I’ve went out on a few dates only to find out that the people I was dating had only one thing on their minds and it had nothing to do w/ love. I’m no longer dating because that is a distraction of me focusing on my career. I want get back to what makes me happy and that is acting. I also believe that no matter how much we focus on a career that makes us happy if love is what God wants us to have we will have it and there will be no red flags. He’s saved me time and time again. At this point I’m finding myself trapped w/ no where to go but to him. Meaning my love should be for him and no man beneath him. That I should focus on me and only what makes me happy. I also need a true friendship and if that opens up to love and I feel that it is sincere and right w/ no red flags I shall go for it but its no longer something I’m focusing on. So I’m at a stand still waiting for my guide through God to find my destination in life. If single is what he wants me to be I have no problem accepting that w/ open arms. He has a reason for me being here because 5/15/11 could have been the end of my existence here. Please know that you are not alone I think every artist has this struggle and we are just beginning to realize our direction and purpose while yes being single. Great story and a wonderful read bro!

    • Melvin Davis says:

      Brandi,

      Thanks for reading and commenting. Thanks for liking my story.

      Our lives are a bit similar here: both of us are artist trying to make it to the top while be conscious of the fact that love is absent from our lives for the moment.

      Love will be there, but not windows of opportunities and the time to use your gift (s) and to fulfill your dreams. I rather pursue my dreams than to pursue love at this moment: to find love on the way to success or when you get there is much wiser decision, but to pursue love while opportunities are slipping away isn’t.

      Thanks again for reading. I will say a prayer for you.

      Melvin,

  2. Please do say a prayer and trust me one is following you back. Again it was a wonderful read and its good to know I’m not alone in this process called life, dreams, career and making it. #100

    B

  3. Anonymous says:

    a friend is a difficult person to find. a friend is one who can listen, be patient and be with you spirituality and emotionally, a friend is the foundation of any relationship. you are not alone in your journey as you walk , walk with a friend next to you

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