Out of the pain we experience from failed relationships, we come to know a little more about ourselves in a more thoughtful, spiritual and meaningful way. Hurt prepares you for success next time around—Melvin Davis
I’ve been single for four years now but dated from time to time, here and there, but nothing serious enough to commit to a relationship. There were too many transitions, as well as personal and spiritual transformations that I have undergone in my life that demanded my attention, which is still the case now, but not as extreme as before. I did, however, meet someone, in 2009, a few months after my breakup in 2008 with the ex-girlfriend. I don’t recall praying to meet “the one” after my breakup. I was sort of just focusing on school and breathing from a three year on and off bad relationship. Anyhow, the woman I met was something special. From head to toe, from her personality to her spirituality, and intellect, she was everything that kept my attention. But at time progressed, our friendship ended for several reasons, as I understood everything that was going on. After our “friendship” ended, I discovered I didn’t quite know myself. I didn’t understand love in the way I do now. I also wrestled with issues of impatience and loneliness. Loneliness was my reality after my “friendship” ended with that special woman, but I eventually made a decision for it not to be, which was possible by learning how to love myself. Impatience was a constant struggle for me. It filtered into my outlook on life and how I approached relationships. I wanted things to happen now in the past I guess because I was used to having certain things at the time in the past. However, I made a decision to change my perception about being a single man, which changed my perception about being patient.
Your time of being single is essentially a time of addressing all the things that are pertinent to your life, such as discovering your purpose, or having stability in the important areas of your life. People say that loneliness is a state of mind, in which I partially agree, but it doesn’t have to become your reality. Instead of perceiving single as a time of being punished, or thinking you can’t attract the perfect/perfect soul-mate, view this time as a time of preparation, personal and spiritual development, a time of figuring your definition and love language is and what love should and shouldn’t look like. If it weren’t for my last pursuit love, a novel wouldn’t have exited. I wouldn’t write about love and relationships, unashamedly, and with passion. And, I wouldn’t have become the person that I am today. After the pain passed, I gathered some wisdom that I could not impart to others.
In part II of this blog, I was going more in depth about how you can change your perception about being single. The key here is to develop patience within you.
Thanks for reading. And as always, I encourage comments
Feel free to sharing with family and friends, or with someone who maybe challenged in their single life.