Perception is not the truth of your reality, but it can be if you interpret what’s in front of you as so.–Melvin Davis
Those who are impatient for love view the single life as punishment, as if they have been singled out to watch their friends enter new and exciting relationships or perhaps get engaged, or see others jump the broom. I could totally understand how seeing others around you experience love may make you feel a little sad, a bit anxious and maybe create a tune of melancholy in the soundtrack of your life, but these emotions don’t have to be a part of your reality.
In part I of this blog, I pointed out after my “friendship” ended with the woman I was in love with, it was only then I began to undergo the changes that were necessary for my personal and spiritual growth, as well as advancing in my understanding about women, unconditional/love, relationships and marriage. But more importantly, how I perceived being single. At times, in passing, I would come across couples enjoying each other’s company. I didn’t become jealous but I frequently asked the question, “why not me?” After asking this question several times, I arrived to the conclusion I can experience what I see, but first, my perception of being single needed to change, which will further help me understand what it truly means to be patient.
Note: By definition, patience means to wait for something without definitively knowing when it will arrive. Knowing this definition alone to develop patience or to be patient for something isn’t just enough to acquire it. There’s another dimension to patience that needs to be highlighted here in order to develop patience. That is, patience also has an emotional dimension to it. It is an intense, more deeper, a spiritual yearning to have something right a way. You have to get a grip of your emotions because it pulling you in whatever direction in your life, not God.
A time of singleness is a time of developing patience. Some of us have a firm grip on our emotions, whereas, we don’t allow external circumstances to change the weather of what we feel and think. However to develop patience, you have to surrender whatever it is that your heart is yearning for or calling out for silently at night, and or roaring during the day as you go about your day. Since I am a single man of Christian faith, I have finally begun to understand the relation, the connection between patience and surrendering: for me, surrender means to let go of something or someone without looking back, or questioning your decision of what you did so. Questioning will draw you back to where you started.
But there’s something you have to be mindful of when you surrender. Fear. Fear will provoke you to ask the question, “what if I lose what I’m letting go of?” Here’s my response:
You can’t let go of someone who never held your hand or haven’t had the chance to reach out to hold yours because of past internal conditions that are affecting their present external conditions that you aren’t aware of. You’re actually letting go of the idea of being with that person so you can free yourself from emotional bondage.
Impatience is emotional, self-imprisonment. The idea of being with that special person shackles you from living your life because that idea resides in your heart. And whatever is in your heart can be found in your prayers. It is there, in your prayer and by prayer, you must let go. In others words I am saying, in regards to some of my heart desires, I am willing to let go what I desire to have a true chance to have it or to be open to someone else. I am also doing myself a favor by focusing on having a successful writing career. There are certain things that we have to continue praying for, and others that we must stop praying for. When you stop praying about something or someone, it doesn’t mean that you’re giving up on what it is that you want. It means that you’re putting your trust in God to let your heart desires come into fruition on His time, not yours. It also means there are others things need your attention in your life—something you wouldn’t be able to do if you were in a relationship.
Stay tuned for part III