love

Single, but I’m Struggling to be Patient for Love: How Can I Overcome My Impatience? Pt. III

If you cannot make a commitment to being with yourself, you can never truly commit to being with someone else. –Melvin Davis

When you know your worth, you’ll wait for love. When you don’t, you’ll enter relationship after another to avoid being lonely. In singleness you discover your worth. –Melvin Davis

As I’ve come to understand patience, it is a plethora of healthy things that positions you to be successful at something. Patience really places you in a win-win situation. And pertinent to the topic at hand, being patient for love increases your attractiveness, your self-sufficiency and self-stability.  There are certain things we need to experience in life while we’re single that we would not have a chance to if we were in a relationship.  Lets take for instance, an opportunity to build or rebuild our self-esteem, to heal from our past emotional and physical hurts, to discover or find again, our worth– furthermore, a time to pursue, passionately, our dreams, to hash out what we want and expect out of life and love. To some degree, being in a relationship won’t allow you the time to spend alone because you have an obligation to be present and an obligation to give reason as to why you need “me” time. My personal and spiritual development has been credited to being single and discovering my worth, which has encouraged me to be content as a single man.

Developing patience did not come to me overnight. In fact, it took nearly two years. The saying goes, “using the same approach expecting the new result doesn’t workout.” And that’s what I have been doing:  On one hand, telling myself I was going to be patient for love, but on the other hand, my actions contradicted what I had committed to.  I wont’ go into too much detail here because I want to save this revelation for a separate blog, but in brief:  getting the same results is exhausting, and I didn’t have the impatience of investing my time in women I knew I would not be with in the long haul.  My understanding of wasting time, as well as understanding the importance of timing, aided me in coming to a resting point. My heart finally let my mind know that I would not find love by looking for it at a time when I’m not suppose to. So I threw up my hands and surrendered. And I feel so much at peace—no rush—no worries.

Knowing your worth is something you need to take with you in your next relationship. It will enable you to stand in love as oppose to falling in love. When you stand in love, you maintain a sense of self, dignity and respect.  You’re also willing to love someone unconditionally but your not foolish enough to be taken advantage of. The opposite happens when you fall in love.

If being patient for love is something you struggle with, there is a foundation as to why. In my case, I was looking for love in relationships because I did not get it from my mom. And because I didn’t experience love from my mother, my innate yearning for love and to experience searched for it any other places—until I came to the conclusion that this was not the right course of action to take. My last pursuit of love opened my eyes to see. And yes it was painful, but it was worth the transformation and wisdom and insight I’ve gained.

If you want to develop patience and experience true love, you have to learn how to be patient and love yourself as a single person—otherwise you’ll continue to fall in love—looking for someone to set and define your worth—while forever failing short of please the other person. People are attracted to those who know there worth and can sense another’s patience. Impatience makes you appear desperate no matter how good your intentions maybe in the pursuit of love.

As always, thanks for reading

FYI: I’m going viral with my blogs soon. It’s about that time for you to see and hear the writer speak 😉

 I share my shortcoming with you that you may experience clarity and to make the right decisions next time around. I share my pains that you may experience healing.
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14 thoughts on “Single, but I’m Struggling to be Patient for Love: How Can I Overcome My Impatience? Pt. III

  1. Nicole Manley says:

    This was a wonderful article. I felt like I was reading my own thoughts but I don’t think I could ever write them down as lovely and gracefully as you just did. Thank you for sharing.

  2. Anonymous says:

    Getting the Same results IS very draining….there were times I expected the “relationship perks” but still wanted that title “Im single”….and actually BE single..lol..i know..it dnt make sense..but it did to me…as for matters of the heart..its not easy being patience…but its something that can be developed over time :)….and patience is necessary to having a healthy and functional relationship.

  3. Erica McLendon says:

    Before I typed into my google search engine “The importance of being patient in love” which led me to your article I said a quick prayer…. “God grant me insight”. Stumbling upon your words tonight is truly a blessing. I feel as though you read my thoughts, gathered my sentiment and made them come to life in your writing. Thank you for sharing

  4. Andrea says:

    “Impatience makes you appear desperate no matter how good your intentions maybe in the pursuit of love.”

    Well said my friend… Hopefully I learned the lesson this time around.

  5. Here you go making me think and ponder again! I really enjoyed this read. You have a way of making things so much clearer-you are a true professor! The whole time I’m reading this I’m noding my head in agreement 🙂

  6. M.R says:

    Melvin. As I type this, I am in tears. I have been very very very impatient in Love. And I am not happy with myself either. And maybe I am so because I have never experienced love myself – Never got it from my parents so I desperately looked for it in friendships and love and started keeping high expectations. It is a viscous circle. Loved your article. “In my case, I was looking for love in relationships because I did not get it from my mom.” That hit me like a ton of bricks.

    • Melvin Davis says:

      M.R,

      Love is one of the most powerful element and force in this world. It’s what drives people, and makes them feel alive, balanced and well. But the mistake is that people feel they can only feel this way with someone else in your live. You can experience this as a single person.

      As I’ve noted in other blogs, the love from another serves the purpose of complimenting you. The love from another doesn’t define or complete you. So let’s take for instance, when you meet the man God has for you, what will happen if God took him away? Would life stop or cease to exist. Or will you curl up in a bed and make a conscious decision to be depressed for the remainder of your life?

      What the love you had already will do if that kind of experience were to ever occur, is that it would give you the strength to keep living and to expect something or someone else God may bring into your life. This is why I stress the importance of loving yourself.

      Now that you know what you didn’t experience in your youth, that can no longer be an excuse to hook up with anybody. God has so helped me to see this, and He’s also given me the patience to wait for the wife He desires to bless me with.

      I pray God fills you with love and patience 🙂

  7. M.R says:

    Thank you Melvin. I agree with you.
    I hope too that God gives me the patience to wait for the wife who he best feels will compliment my personality the most.

  8. Thank you for writing an awesome article..I feel blessed by yours..

    I’ve been single for a year,,
    until about a week ago i haven’t let my past relationship go,,
    I was dealing with my emotion, trying to forgive my self and my ex..and It hurt me alot..After the broke up things I was in a rush to find another one, but I haven’t..
    And at some point i realized that my motive at that time was wrong..
    And then I surrender to God and tell Him everything I feel,,everything I’m worried about..It feels so magical that I feel like my burden lifted up from my heart..
    For the first time I feel that God loves me too much therefore He made me broke up so that He can set me up with another person..
    Now I’m savouring my singleness moment,,I take it as a process to know my self better, to love and knowing what God’s will in my live..beside that I’m not forget to pray and hope that He’ll guide me in this journey of finding a true love and let me fall in love with the right person..

    Regards, and God bless you forever more..

    • Melvin Davis says:

      Your experiences weren’t in vain, and God’s timing is forever perfect.

      Wo both know can use our past experiences or failures to experience success when we’re mature enough to handle. Love will come when the circumstances are ready.

      God bless you too. Keep your eyes on God, and rest in his timing.

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