love

Friend’s Before Lovers: Building a Relationship to Last it’s Lifetime, Pt. I

True love births under the sunlight and becomes intense when the sun falls. —Melvin Davis

Is it possible to focus on a friendship with someone you’re attracted to as more than a friend? My answer is yes. It depends how bad you want to see a relationship grow and how much you respect them.

The crux of a successful relationship is a strong friendship. Building a friendship with a love interest happens under the sun. Instead of making plans for a candlelight dinner by tranquil waters or inviting someone over to “watch” a movie, spend time in non-romantic settings. Meeting up for lunch, coffee or even taking a walk downtown in the city or at a park may open up a conversation about the landscape and it’s history or interesting people you see walking or running by. You will find out a persons outlook on life. Exercising together is another way to build a friendship: going for a run is a time for friendly, flirting competitiveness. While you maybe checking each other out discretely, the conversation you have may show something about their family upbringing, their dreams and ambitions or how they really feel about their occupation You may have found a new workout partner, someone who could help you reach your fitness goals or vice versa. The point here is to get to know each other in public places before you decide to know each other in intimate settings. If someone likes spending time with you out in the day, more than likely they will feel comfortable with you in intimate settings.

Being transparent and vulnerable is another way to build a friendship. It’s impossible to get to know someone one by hiding who you are. Yes I understand the last guy you were making wedding plans with broke your heart, or the last woman you believed was the one cheated on you. But, after you have healed, and gained wisdom by understanding what happened to you from that experience, you will know when and when not to fully avail yourself to the other person. When two people are completely transparent and vulnerable with each other, honesty, mutual respect, unconditional love and sincerity, and much more, will soon add to the foundation of building a good thing. But you can’t experience any of this hiding the person you truly are. As time progress, more than likely, you will begin to exchange some personal matters of the heart that will bring you closer together as friends. There’s absolute security in a friendship.

Sharing your faith is also another way to build a strong friendship. Note I: Tread carefully here because not everyone will be on the same spiritual level as you. Heck, they may not have any spiritual beliefs at all, but this isn’t a reason to cut someone off: many have come to know God through your relationship with Christ. Not only did they find a great partner in you, but they also have come to know the person who joined you together. Note II: You don’t want to overwhelm or make someone feel they have to get right within at the given moment, however, if this happens without you throwing and quoting scriptures or throwing a bible at them, then you will know this was not you. Sharing your experiences with God will bring a meaningful and deep kind of respect and admiration from someone or turn them off completely. Nonetheless, sharing your faith adds depth to your character, your personality and who you are: to hide your faith is to hide an important part of you. If you have to hide who you are, this is a huge red flag. Perhaps the person you have your heart set on is not the one for you. Furthermore, to bring God into the equation is a sure sign that you are serious about the person, and that you want things to flow in God’s way.

Afterthoughts

Developing a friendship with someone you view as more than a friend is a task many failed at. It takes patience, security, maturity, the understanding of timing and equally important, independence and self-love. If you really love someone, you would take the time to really get the know them, be their best friend. What makes people rush into relationships is not just the fear of losing that special someone to someone else, but the fear of being place and stuck in the friend zone. The friend zone is an emotional location a person places you once they no longer view you as a romantic interest. People are often placed in the friend zone when they act impulsively on their feelings. They lose a sense of self because they’re lost in in their emotions. Your emotions cannot have control over you during the beginning stages. Yes, you may feel love, but the key here is to allow all the necessary things to happen for the two to grown on the same page. When security, maturity, the understanding of timing and equally important, independence and self-love is absent, you will make mistakes that will you leave you kicking yourself when the friendship has ended. What keeps things on the romantic side is combining friendliness with chivalry, and a few drops of flirting here and there to let the other person know you view them as a friend, but flirt with subtlety and lightly.

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9 thoughts on “Friend’s Before Lovers: Building a Relationship to Last it’s Lifetime, Pt. I

  1. Pingback: Friend’s Before Lovers: Building a Relationship to Last it’s Lifetime, Pt. I | Melvin Davis

  2. Gabrielle Nicole says:

    Omg!!!! I so needed this this morning. I met a guy and we both want to build a friendship/foundation before we move to the romantic relationship stuff. It’s hard because I see him as more, but I get annoyed when things move slow. As friends you can’t get mad about certain things. But I know i get annoyed due to past experiences. I am emotional which can lead to impulse, and it’s hard to bite my tongue sometimes when he acts a certain way. But thank you thank you for this.

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