When you stop looking for love, you’ll find yourself. Once you find yourself, you’ll have a better idea of what you’re looking for and who will not be a good fit for you.–Melvin Davis

When I embraced the personal and spiritual transformation I underwent a year and a half ago, it was only then did I find myself. This was a painful and uncomfortable time for me, because for once in my life, I realized I needed to spend time with myself and that I needed to learn how to love myself while being single. 

We often beat ourselves about being single because we feel loved and validated in a relationship, and we feel alone when we aren’t with someone. All of these reactions are valid ones. However, if you can’t feel loved or worth something while as a single man or woman, then what do you have to bring to a relationship? You will suck the life out of someone if you don’t have any love or independency when you enter a relationship. Remember, relationships are designed for two people to compliment each other, not define each other.

Being single is a wonderful opportunity to find yourself if you haven’t. I have a better idea of what kind of woman will and will not be a good fit for me. Sometimes I can discover this in just one conversation or simply by observation. Spiritual discern comes in handy at times.


When you don’t know who you are, you’re more inclined to date anyone with good looks or accept someone below your standards. But when you know who you are, you aren’t easily moved by appearances, although you beauty partially matters. Substance and character is what will keep you curious and interested.  Substance and character will make you want to stay for a lifetime.


Know thy self before you decide to love someone else. 



When you stop looking for…


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