Discovering a Woman’s Language of Intimacy

Speak a woman’s love language of intimacy, and you’ll do more than tickle her fancy. You will have a strong connection with her. Your connection with her is an opportunity to court her. –Melvin Davis

Speaking a woman’s language of intimacy starts with knowing the kind or type of woman you want a relationship with. Looking back, I can laugh at the experiences I’ve had in dating. I dated women that were, how I can say this, quite rough around the edges. They expected me to engage in them in a way that reflected the social environments they came from, and the men they dated in them. As you can tell by now, from reading my blogs, you get the hint that I’m a gentleman, spiritual, calm and sort of romantic. My personality didn’t work well with them, and vice versa.

Note: The more you get to know yourself, you have a better idea of who will and will not mesh well with you.

There were women I dated that weren’t so brash. I found this kind of woman feminine, from head to toe and in speech and etiquette, yet they still liked a little edginess. This kind of women calls for balance: combining romanticism and with some edginess works well for her. Note: I’ll let you define what “edginess” is.  I shared these two examples because you have to know the nature of a woman before you show your romantic side to her. I’ve dated women that weren’t necessarily my type, but I had to make adjustments (that’s if I really liked them.) The point is here to know what type of woman you are dating before you engage her an intimate way. I’m not suggesting you to change because who are could introduce her to something entirely different. Something she wasn’t accustomed but discovered that she liked it.

Knowing what type of woman you’re dating is one way to discover a woman’s language of intimacy. Listening is also another way. I often to pray to become a better listener– specifically when it comes down to recognizing Gods voice among the chatters of the world. I also pray how to listen to a woman. One fatal mistake I made in my last pursuit of love, was failing to listen to her needs, and where she was in life. I’ve learned that women aren’t always going disseminate information directly to you. They will speak about the matters of their heart indirectly, expecting you to pick up on the cues. For instance, if she says, ” you know there’s something about a man when he dresses this or that way, or I like a guy with stubble, she’s communicating to you that, “this is what I like about a guy or this is what catches my eye.  Now, if you’re not picking up on these hints, you’re shooting yourself in the foot. A few years ago, I met someone who said I needed to grow a little facial hair. My response in my head was, I’m not changing who I am…she’s going to like me for me. Yes, you have a right to stand your ground, but ask yourself, is she worth the adjustment? I dated someone briefly who liked my stubble and then I started to like it. I just didn’t feel like shaving during the time I met her. Well, I kept the stubble and women like my stubble now lol. By listening to a woman, you learn what she does and doesn’t like. Listening is your opportunity to flow in love with her.


Note II: When I worked at Ralph Lauren,  men would come in look around, but they wouldn’t buy anything. I thought this was a little odd at first, but as it continued to happened, I understand now: if the wife didn’t approve of what her husband wanted, he didn’t get it. I used to mumble to myself. “Punk.” Until a gentleman told me that his wife would put her “loving” on lock if what he wore didn’t appease to her sense well. I definitely took mental of that. You can’t withhold loving for me. It’s essential and good stuff and quite nurturing to the soul.



Developing a friendship with a woman is also critical in discovering her language of intimacy. In addition to her telling what she likes about a man or what type of man she’s into, by befriending a woman, you get a chance to learn her ways. A woman’s ways is her mood, personality, the things that make her happy or upset, the way she speaks, her outlook on life, what she cares or could care less about, her faith, her taste for food or wine. All of these tangible and intangibles things factor into her language of intimacy. For instance, in my opinion, if a woman is playful and not uptight, more than likely, she’s experimental and receptive to a little chivalry/romanticism. If she’s uptight, a card and a rose may get you a blank stare. You’ll be lucky to get a thankful…. been there and done that…. bad memories.

Every woman has a language of intimacy she wants a man to speak to he. But he can only speak her language if he’s in tuned to her emotions and spirit. It’s not a coincidence that a good listening ear, along with transparency and vulnerability are important aspects of a relationship. Women look for these characteristics in men, although she may not come out and say it. She may not be aware that this is what she’s been missing.



3 thoughts on “Discovering a Woman’s Language of Intimacy

  1. Nicole L. Bristol says:

    You have done it yet again!! Thank you for this… I’ve gotten really good at knowing my own and recognizing love languages. Hopefully God will bring a partner that understands them as well.

    • Melvin Davis says:

      Nicole, thanks for reading, and you’re welcome.

      One of the wonderful things about being human is that we’re complex creatures, complex in a good way. Complexity is the many depths of your personality, way (s) of thinking, etc. You can chose what you want to show or don’t want to reveal based upon a person personality type or where they are in life. For instance, if I know the deep, spiritual and philosophical side can be overwhelming to someone who is not, I share those aspects of me bit by bit. Too much can be overbearing or taxing on a person if they aren’t accustomed to interacting with a person like me. In retrospect, sometimes I can only handle small doses of a persons personality.

  2. Pingback: Discovering a Woman’s Language of Intimacy | Melvin Davis

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s