I moved to another state a month ago. I was excited and looking forward to a new beginning. However, I was drained getting here because of car issues, but my spirits were lifted after seeing and talking to a cousin who I haven’t seen in years. Shortly after arrival, I returned to working on my novel. And while writing, loneliness started to seep back into my life and my patience again, was tested in the area of love. I was in a place where I didn’t know anyone. There are beautiful women are everywhere, wearing practically nothing, and I’m not complaining about this, by all means, but I realized that there was something holding me back from embracing someone new. I didn’t quite let go of the woman I was love with.
After being honest with myself about being in love with her, and receiving a few unexpected text messages that were divinely sent, I was encouraged me to focus on God and completing my novel. In addition to those text messages, a talk with my mentor and spiritual advisor, I realized that I wasn’t going to be happy if I didn’t let go, nor was I going to position myself to meet someone else. This hurt like hell, because after you nearly two years, hoping and praying that person your heart desire or your ex would come back into your life, and they don’t can be devastating. Nonetheless, I finally let go of her and felt a sense of relief, peace, and contentment. I felt weight lift off of me. I was finally free.
You can only close the door to your past if you’re honest with how you feel in the present. You have to admit that you still have feelings for someone or else, you’re going to stay stuck in the past, missing out the person who waiting in front of you.
Since closing the door, a few days after, I felt I was ready for a relationship. I haven’t felt this feeling since my breakup in 08. As I mentioned earlier, where I moved to, there are beautiful women all over. There were definitely opportunities to date, but whenever I felt like going over to introduce myself, this feeling that this isn’t the time would come over me. I couldn’t ignore this feeling. And inside, I would hear, she isn’t the one for you, so I either I stayed put or turned the opposite direction. A part of me was kicking myself, because the women where I’m at are indeed, beautiful.
Although I’m ready for a relationship, I know it’s still not the time to be in one. I believe a part from that fact, I am a little hesitant and fearful to meet someone while writing my novel, and things don’t workout. At this time, I just can’t afford any emotional or mental distractions.
I will say that I did meet someone. I honestly only approached her because she did a double take before she left. I looked up as she was leaving out, and she had this look like, “aren’t going to say something to me” lol. I was flattered that she, nonverbally, met me half way. After a conversation with her, I was intrigued. I thought, maybe it was a coincidence, that soon after I let go of the woman I was in love with, her she comes. I really don’t have any expectations because I don’t want to build my hopes up. And again, I can’t afford any emotional and mental distractions if things don’t workout. I am curious to see where this leads, if it’s still going anywhere.
As always, thanks for reading my blog. I encourage comments.