love

How To Handle a Closed Door

In my last blog “Making Sure the Door is Closed: Moving on from Your Ex or Your Heart Desire,” I shared how I came to the realization that I wasn’t being honest with myself about how I still felt about the woman I was in love with. I thought I moved on from her months ago, but the truth was, I didn’t, until a month ago. In part II of this blog, I elaborated on how I felt a burden lifted off me when I walked away. And shortly after, I met someone new. I even wrote a poem titled, “Someone New, She’s My Spiritual Hue?” inspired by our encounter. I wrote the poem because I don’t hesitate on an opportunity to create something artistic. If you read the poem, you may have noticed the first few stanza’s flowed somewhat with certainty or promise about their being something between us, but as I got toward the end, I proposed the question and concluded the poem with a statement of uncertainty, “Listening to you talk you seem to fit my spiritual hue, my ideal soul mate, could you be the new addition to my life? Only time will avail the truth of our acquaintances, so hush, silencing all expectations.” Well, time did tell, rather quickly.

After leaving her last night, I received a text from her that read, in paraphrasing, “we’re better off as friends.” I was stunned and speechless. I didn’t know what to say after reading her text, but what I felt wasn’t good: I started to open myself to her, and in return, I got hurt a little.  I was more disappointed than hurt though. I was kicking myself because I didn’t stick to my game plan, which was to focus on God and my novel…don’t entertain any romantic encounters in this stage in life.

At points in our conversation, there were moments where I felt like I was being judged and misunderstood. Sometimes when this happens, there’s not much you can do at this point:  when people draw their conclusions about you before they give their self time to know you, their reality of their perception of you, is final. I’m sure some of her perceptions were accurate, but for the most part, knowing the kind of guy I am, and what kind of woman wouldn’t work with me, I have to let my foot of the pedal of pushing my case of explaining myself and things be.

Note: No matter how good-looking people think you are– you have to be conscious that aren’t for everyone.

When I closed a door, a door was closed on me. It’s never a good feeling to have, in what you think, a great opportunity to know a great person and things turn sour. It’s funny how when I was telling my friend about her a few days ago. I said,” if things don’t work out between us, she’s still a good woman. I saw that in her. And to add this statement now, she’s going to be a good woman to another man, unfortunately not me.

After this door closed, I searched for strength to give thanks to God. Why, he knows what kind of woman who will and who will not work for me.  Her text message proved so. I’m not the type of guy that only be liked on the surface. I have many layers to me that unravel with time and once I get comfortable around someone. I’ve always been the kind of person that learned my environment before I fully interacted. I take that same approach to people, whether friendship or relationship.

Whenever a door is shut in your face, and although it may hurt or disappoint you, you have to find the strength to give thanks: This doesn’t mean that the person who chooses to walk out of your life is a bad person. They’re just not the right person. Keep that in mind.

I’m going to stick to my original, which is to STAY PUT! Focus on God and completing my novel. I can’t afford anymore mental and emotional distractions at this point. It’s worth it.

As always, thanks for reading. I look forward to your comments.

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4 thoughts on “How To Handle a Closed Door

    • Melvin Davis says:

      My writing style is a reflection of me, although at times I fail to exude these kind of qualities: open, honest, transparent, authentic, spiritual, human and expressive, however, I learned something about myself:

      Sometimes what a person projects to me, for instance, their energy (negative) or attitude (uptight, judgmental), I will shut down and become non-responsive. If someone brings positive energy to the table, as well as an open mind, and the ability to be understanding and not judgmental, I engage in harmony with them.

      Connections happens with setting aside preconceived notions and equal exchange, whether it be conversation or giving, etc.

  1. Anonymous says:

    I admire you as a writer and your ability to open up with the public. Sharing your personal thought and views are amazing. I look forward to reading more.

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