How to Lose a Great and Awesome Man

To say there aren’t good men out there is an overboard statement. I believe there are.  But as I noted in previous blogs, for a man to settle down with a woman, she has to make sense in his life. She has to add, not subtract. Enrich, never to scare, and better, never to destroy.

Now let’s get into the reasons why women end up losing a good and awesome man.

  1. Past experiences. Women encounter good men all the time, but they fail to realize that he is because they’re past experiences are covering their eyes. My slogan for singles is: A time of singleness is a time of preparation.

Part of the preparatory process involves healing from previous relationships. When you move on from someone you’re still have fond of, have mixed or unresolved feelings for, you’ll be mentally and emotionally unavailable. Noticed how I didn’t say physically? People are capable of lying down with someone while they’re heart is another place.

What you still feel for the last person prevents you from seeing the blessing God has in front of you, but you can’t see that he is a blessing because you’re still praying to revive something from your past. What makes you think you can’t experience something better than what you had before?

Don’t allow past experiences to be the reason why a good man has slipped away from you.  Take the time to deal with whatever it is before you give a guy the time and day. Give him the option to not be an option. Give him the option to not be apart of your confusion. It’s not out of the norm that people are walking around with unresolved feelings.

Just be honest with yourself, and respect the next man enough to let him know. A wonderful friendship could blossom out of it, which you lead to a wonderful relationship.

2. Accuse him of cheating or the potential to cheat. One of the worse things for a woman to do is to accuse a good man of cheating, whether directly or indirectly. You’re basically calling him a liar or condemning him before he gets a chance to court you and to prove to you he’s worthy of an opportunity with you.

Accusing a man of being a cheater sets a bad tone for the beginning of a great thing.

3. Low self-esteem and Passiveness. I’ve encountered women with low esteem. And as much as I wanted to look pass it, I couldn’t. It made me think a relationship wasn’t what they needed, but time alone to work on them, to heal from whatever it is that makes them feel less confident and unworthy of experiencing the best in life.

A man responds well to a woman with confidence, but low self-esteem will change the fixture of your beauty. No one wants to be with someone who lacks confidence.

Passiveness is also a turnoff. It sends a signal of weakness, and no man wants to build a foundation on weak grounds. With a passive approach, your presence and voice will go unnoticed. Be confident, and be comfortable with who you are.

4. Indecisiveness. Once a man sees you’re still straddling the fence, or you don’t quite know who you are, he shrinks back. He’ll see how you operated in the past. That is: you moved on from other men as if you never met them.  A man of God hears beyond words and sees through the portraits you paint to cast yourself as an ideal wife.

When I sense a woman is indecisive, I back away-far back. Indecisiveness is also a sign man that perhaps you still have some living to do, which translates to: maybe you need to see what else out there.

5. Spiritual Immaturity. This is a deal breaker for the guy who has a close, intimate relationship with God. I lie you not, I’ve discovered that faith truly has a language and perspective of it’s own. Faith grants you the opportunity to see how people respond to life challenges—especially issues that will arise later on a relationship or marriage. Faith also lets you know how far a person will go in life, and what they will do when doors appear to close on them. I refuse to be with a woman who can’t speak life into my situation when things seem faint. It’ll also be difficult to converse with a woman who has no desire to seek a relationship with God. We’ll be communicating on different frequencies–consistently misunderstanding each other.

6. Expressing disbelief in him. Another deadly offense to commit against a man:  want to get rid of guy, tell him you don’t believe in his dreams. Enough said!

7. Show him you have the potential to be unfaithful. You may think a man isn’t a good listener or that he isn’t attentive. If he’s into you, he’s pay attention to every aspect of you. He’s reading your body language, listening to the tone of voice, your choice words, you and the sincerity in your heart. At least I do. If he senses you’ll be unfaithful, you’ll lose him.

8. Communicate to him that your stock is in your body. A woman may hook a woman with her curves but only substance will keep him.  Yes, we’re visual, but we aren’t just moved by our senses…we’re also moved by our spirit.

A woman with personality and spiritual substance, and you add physical attraction on top that, you’re a good prospect and a rarity. Men are truly looking for this kind of woman.  I know I am.

9. Super spiritual and religious. Women, who are like God this or God that every 5 seconds, send two messages. 1) They aren’t relatable. 2) They aren’t down to earth 3) You read into things too much. They’re also woman communicating they are out of touch with their humanity, which can be taxing and exhausting because everything she makes is spiritual and religious in nature. It’s also difficult to have a having a conversation with this kind of woman because she’ll be easily offended and judgmental.

Some conversation doesn’t always warrant a spiritual or religious context. Something’s are just the way they are. Everything isn’t a sin. Laugh and live a little. Let down your hair.  Relax and again, don’t read into things too much. Let love flow without super spiritual and religious restraint.

10. Poor Communication. Instead of internalizing what you feel, express it. Every man you encounter may not be intuitive or discerning as you, so you can’t expect him to be. And even if he was, you should still voice what’s on your mind instead of carrying a nonverbal conversation. Speak your mind and be straightforward. This is a sign of strength and assertiveness.


14 thoughts on “How to Lose a Great and Awesome Man

  1. Tania M says:

    Hello Melvin,

    Loved this post. This is Tania from Peace Makers, would like to communicate with you. Hope to hear from you soon.

    • Melvin Davis says:

      Hello Tania,


      I’m getting a new phone, so I’ll forward my # over to you soon.

      Hope all is well.


  2. Melvin,

    This is awesome! Thanks for sharing this from a Christian man’s perspective! As a single lady in waiting, its definitely about preparation and these are things we should know so that we dont loose out on great men. May God continually bless you in your ministry!

    • Melvin Davis says:


      Thanks for the blessings. I’m honore you enjoyed it.

      May God bring the man that your heart desires, and who compliment you in a way that never imagined.

  3. charry love says:

    Great post, love the points you highlighted. The truth might be hard to hear but it is still the truth. From reading this post, I gathered you have a very high standard and rightly so because you earned that. Any woman who deserves your attention & time would need to have substance & value based on who God created her to be, otherwise it wouldn’t be a good fit. I perceive you don’t take relationships lightly. You’ve taken the time to allow God work on you & have being patient throughout the process. Now you’re waiting on the right woman, God has designed specifically for you, who will compliment you in every way.
    I just thought to share that.

  4. charry love says:

    You’re such a gift & a blessing to me in a lot of ways. Your posts challenge me in a way I haven’t been challenged before which is a good thing because that’s what I need. Not many people are willing to speak the truth about things and that’s one thing i have come to appreciate about you, in the way you write. The points you emphasized in this blog were right on, I understand where you are coming from and I also get why is important to work on those things. My question is how do you know you are ready for a relationship? Do I have to have my life together first (i.e emotionally, spiritually, financially, mentally,..) before I am finally ready to meet the one?

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