love

6 Benefits of Being Alone and Single Until You Find the One

I immediately see the reasons why people cling to others or rush into relationships. What’s consistent in the outpouring of many troubled individuals is loneliness. They’re simply afraid to be alone, so they seek relationships, settle for less– never experiencing fulfillment—all for the sake of having a body around them. I’ve been single since 2008. And yes, I’ve dated and relationships since then. But as I noted in earlier blogs, filling your space with empty relationships will never resolve your feeling of loneliness. Overcoming it starts within you.

At 30, I realized that I sought relationships because of loneliness. I didn’t know the motives behind my relationships until I parted ways with a woman I was in love with. For a year, I spent a great deal time with myself, where God pointed out the things I needed to work on as a man. He also showed me to how to love myself through loving Him. He taught me how to be a man, how to develop that inner strength to stand complete and whole on my own. And it was during those times where I learned how to love myself being by myself. I was also happiness and contentment in being single. And although I’ve had my short comings of occupying my time in short-lived situations, I got better at disciplining myself from selling my self short with.

I can say this process of learning about your can be a painful one. For the reason that: You have to wake up everyday and spend time with yourself. This is something that many people don’t want to do because they get antsy, feeling the need to surround themselves with people to ease or rescue them from loneliness. I’m not suggesting you to be a loner. I’m encouraging to stop seeking relationships because you’re lonely. Perhaps after you read these 6 reasons to embrace your time of singleness, maybe you’ll reconsider the relationship you’re currently in or trying to pursue.

  1. You have the opportunity to know more about God. There is an array of benefits of getting to know God. People wonder where my wisdom comes from, or why I am so wise at my age. Well, I attribute that to spending time with God. He has taught me so much about life, people/human behavior, love and relationships, has given me a roadmap to success, and given me the kind of spiritual discernment to see what kind of woman will and will not work for me.  Sometimes I know in a matter of second or minutes, or from one or two conversations. Sometimes I know on sight.

2. You have to opportunity to get to know yourself. Here’s what I know from experience. The more time I spent myself I’ve developed a better understanding of what kind of woman will mesh well with me.  Many jump from relationship to relationship because they don’t know what they’re looking for. So, the most rational thing to do is serial date. When you mature, and come into your own as a person, one, you’ll see the value in time, and you won’t waste it. And also, you wouldn’t spend your time with just anyone.

3. You will discover what kind of person will be compatible with you. Knowing the personality I have, and where I’m at spiritually and relational with God, and adding on what my purpose in life is, I can’t be with any woman. She has to be sound mentally, emotionally and spiritually. These three components has an impact of how you communicate, your compatibility with that person, and where you see yourselves in the future individually, and as a couple.

4. You have the time to accomplish your goals. I’m sure you hear the stories of person who wished they could’ve did this or did that before they got married and had a family. Well, as a single person, without children, you have the time to do the things God called you to do without distractions. I have the time to finish my novel and build a foundation for myself. And that’s not say I can’t do these things in a relationship, but for now, I can dedicate all my time and energy into my novel.

5. You develop the kind of discernment to avoid heartbreak, confusion and disappointment. In the first point, I mentioned how I developed the kind of discernment to know if a woman is the one or not.  I’ve also developed the insight to recognize confusion, to foresee heartbreak and disappointment.  Sometimes this is scary, but I see where people are at emotionally, mentally and spiritually—often times without a conversation. Someone could walk into a café, and I’ll start to see and feel where they’re at. I acquired this kind of spiritual discernment during my time of singleness. I encourage you to cultivate this same kind of relationship with God. It will be vital for your own well-being and happiness.

6.  Understanding God’s timing, hence, PATIENCE.  I’m at place in life where I’m patient with finding love. Yes, I have those moments when I’m like, where the heck is the woman God has for me. But then, peace settles in and reminds me that experiencing love is not going to happen on my time, but God’s.

Understanding God’s timing is so critical to experiencing love. You have to be in tuned in which the way God moves, not just in the areas of love, but success too.

Feel free to share this blog with your friends. I hope this message was beneficial to you.

Remember, don’t’ miss out on an opportunity to get to know yourself because of the fear of being alone. Love will come. God has promised you would experience it.

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5 thoughts on “6 Benefits of Being Alone and Single Until You Find the One

  1. Wow!! Didn’t think I needed this truth until I read it fully Melvin! Was enjoying being single yet still willing to meet or listen to talk from guys I knew I would not want to be with, almost feeling like I had to speak to some one simply because I was single and getting on a bit age wise and had placed blocks in front of me no human could have got through! Day by day as I remove such blocks I am embracing my freedom and singleness…and its ok!
    Brilliant On Point Post…Thank You For Sharing!

    • Melvin Davis says:

      Jill,

      There’s nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite sex to meet and talk with. However, some people will still want to have some type of contact with you—thinking you will change your mind. You have to be careful with befriending this person. Sooner or later, they will make you feel like you’re in a relationship with them, which is kind of scary.

      • Mmmm…very true Melvin, as I have recently learned at the cost of losing what could have been a beautiful friendship…if only there was less ‘why can you not see how I feel about you so we must be together now’ very VERY scary until i blocked, deleted and now ignore him.

        Thanks for your reply and great blog

  2. I agree with singleness being a time to get closer to God, assess wrong turns, and strengthen your understanding of what you want in a relationship, however once a person understand these things, they won’t have to date many because it will narrow things down to one. The greatest accomplishment in life is understanding yourself through another; finding that one that makes two halves whole. God put a sense of belonging in our DNA to make sure we unify. We will only find unity when we are tired of being separate….

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