Love doesn’t require you to lose yourself in it. Love is about maintaining a sense of who you are and your purpose, while experiencing it. -Melvin Davis
Love is the most powerful force in this universe. It has the power to bring life into something that never existed. It awakens you, nurtures you, and enhances all the wonderful qualities you have within. Love is commitment, faithfulness, and forgiveness. Love makes you laugh, cry with overwhelming tears of joy. It makes you reflect over the course your life with gratitude, a heart full of thankfulness that you found when you never thought you could experience. Love makes you fight for what you believe in. It stands firm–bold-relentless. Love is the beginning and the end of something. Love helps you to love the things you may not necessarily like about yourself, which is why its important that love must exist within you before you meet the love of your life: Your value isn’t given by someone else. Love is all the great things and so much more.
There are many reasons why people get lost in love. The familiar saying: is “I fell in love with him or her, for the reason that the were the best thing that ever happened to them. Of course people mean that in the positive, as in they found someone they can totally trust, and that they feel secure with. However, there are some people who literally fall in love. And here are three things that happen when you lose yourself in love.
- You lose your their identity. It’s important to maintain a sense of self, and the things that are important in your life. Such as your purpose, exercising/staying fit, healthy eating habits, staying connected to the healthy relationship you had beforehand, whether their friends or family–are all part of who you are. These things bring presence, a voice and a fresh, new, different perspective to a relationship. Once you start neglecting those foundations above, your life is no longer yours.
You don’t have to lose yourself in pleasing someone. That’s not love. That’s called insecurity and fear. If someone truly loves you, they aren’t going to smother you. They will continue to encourage you to do the things that make you happy, and keep being the wonderful person that you are. Having a life outside of a relationship will prevent boredom, and again, the feeling of being smothered.
Love is a gift that transforms us into someone greater than who we were before. “Than” suggests that there is something there already–that’s alive, occupied–not vacant.
2. Lose sight of your purpose.
The moment you take your eyes off the very thing you’re called to do, to cater to someone else, you’ve lost sight of your purpose. Love doesn’t distract you from your purpose if you have your priorities in line. You keep your purpose first by keeping your attention on God. If you can do that, your emotions will never take control over you.
I learned a valuable lesson three years ago: Don’t place anything or anyone over God. If you desire something so much that it totally shoves God out of your mind, that’s unhealthy. And you will either lose the very thing that you desire or make hard to hear that’s not who God had for you. Keep your purpose first.
3. Negotiate your values and self-worth.
Physical attraction and having someone who can provide materialistic things are two reasons why people fall in love. 1) They believe they can’t find someone equally attractive or better—so they embellish in the idea of having “arm candy” or showcasing someone who fits what the ideal husband or wife looks like. This makes them feel good around close friends or family members. This isn’t love. It’s secretly settling while plastering on insincere smile. It’s better to be single than to kill time, for the time you’re wasting—you maybe holding up the person God wants to bless you with.
Remember, it’s important to keep your identity, purpose and values/self-worth in check while dating. You can’t love someone so much that you empty into your entire essence into the relationship to make someone else happy. Love is about being complete, becoming one—yet you are two persons with two minds, two lives.