“Why is it taking me so long to find a God-given true love? On the other hand, my lonely soul runs to my son’s dad for attention and sex and I know there is nothing that ties us together.
To answer you question with a question first: What are you doing while you’re waiting? Are you walking in/seeking God’s will for your life?
I don’t know when I’m going to meet the woman I will marry– maybe I’ve already met her. Whatever the possibility maybe, while I’m waiting, I’m putting my focus on God. I ask him everyday, what I can do to serve him, or how can I please him. What am I doing here? “I’m seeking first the Kingdom of God, and his righteousness” because I know “all other things will be added to me.” This spiritual regimen keeps my mind off when I’ll meet her or what went wrong. It also makes me more in tuned into the woman I do across paths with while I’m waiting.
When you are in tuned to God, sometimes you will know immediately, if things will work out between you and a potential love interest. Other times, you may see potential, and patience is required of you to let the truth unfold. I know that whoever she is, God will open our eyes to see each other on the same page of being a part of each other’s life. I truly believe that.
On to the sex with your father’s son:
You are a functional being with all kinds of emotions. I am too. It is a challenge to abstain from sex when your body yearns for it. And it’s even more tempting and convenient to have sex with him you had history with. The question: Is having sex with your son’s father drawing your closer to God’s will or further away? And since the love of your life is in God’s will, what are your chances of crossing paths with him, or meeting each other again on the same page?
I don’t blog about the topic of sex because it’s personal. However, I don’t have a problem with openly confessing that I rather share my body with the woman God has for me. I’ve had enough fun to say that I have yet to find fulfillment. As I matured emotionally and spiritually over the years, I look at women differently–not that I was ever a “dog” or look at woman as “sex objects.”. Yes women are exotic, and beautiful, sensual and feminine beings like poetry in emotion, but I continue to remind myself, I rather make love to my wife than to satisfy a temporal need that could have lifelong consequences. This keeps me grounded.