Here’s an inbox question I received on FB:
“With God’s help and your words of wisdom they are helping me to understand some questions I battle with for answers. I’m a single 44-year-old mother with son who is 17. I’m not going to say that I have found love here and there but have found men that are not honest with starting a basic friendship relationship. Because of these hurtful relationships, I question what is wrong with me. Why is it taking me so long to find a God-given true love? On the other hand, my lonely soul runs to my son’s dad for attention and sex and I know there is nothing that ties us together. ”
I want to point out two contradicting variables I noticed here before I answer her question.
1) She encounters men who are dishonest with her while building friendship. When you are developing a friendship with someone, this is the best time to be honest with each other.
People are often afraid to tell the truth about their emotional/relationship status, out of fear they’ll lose their interest. What I’ve done in the past, and will continue to do, if I’m interested in someone, and she recently got out of a relationship, or still praying about the relationship, I would like to know. Because a) it gives me the option to make whatever decision that’s best for myself. You have to protect you at the end of the day. B. If I continue on in the friendship, I can support her by being a listening ear or a mind of prayer. I always believed that my personal feelings for someone aren’t important as their well being. Her emotional health comes first. C) It gives the chance to say: “I think it’s best for you to focus on that situation.” I’d give her the space to handle whatever that’s going on. This doesn’t mean I would write her off and not talk to her if things don’t work out between her and the other guy. It means I respect her enough to give her the space she needs to deal with the situation ( with clarity.) And if I’m around, and still interested, I would pick up where we left off. If not, well….
2) Because she encounters dishonest men (the contradiction), therefore she believes that something is wrong with her. You see the cause and the effect: Meeting bad men = Self-Condemnation.
Don’t ever think someone’s dishonesty or unfaithfulness is the result of something you have done wrong, if you done nothing wrong.
You can’t allow someone who treats you in condescending or demeaning way to devalue who you are. You have to find someone who will recognize your value and add to it. And who will not amplify and expose your weakness.
Now to the question.