I had a 2 hour a conversation with a married couple a few days ago. What I heard benefited me tremendously. Their testimony and experiences rejuvenated my hope and excitement in finding a faithful woman. Not just a faithful woman, but a God-fearing one. The wife said to me, “I rather be hurt by the truth than to be hurt by a lie. It’s more difficult to recover from a lie. People forgive, however lies are like tough stains that are hard to get out of the heart and memory. The husband and wife both confessed that they have had difficult times in their marriage, which is expected, but they never lied to each other. The husband said, “I always tell her the truth–even if it hurts her, but at least she knows I am being honest.” A woman respects when a man truthful. Vice versa. I want to point out a trend that’s not new, but more obvious in 2016. It makes finding love more challenging, as well as having meaningful friendships. It’s called “The Art of Passive Aggressiveness.” This isn’t new profound revelation, so I encourage you to dislodge you’re excitement. However, what I present to you is something I think you should be conscious of. Let’s get into it.
Matthew 5: 37 says, “But let your ‘yes’ be ‘yes,’ and your ‘no’, ‘no.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.”
Matthew 5: 37 talks about being truthful and dishonest. When you tell the truth in love, you’re mirroring the image of Christ. When you lie, you emulate the nature of our adversary. Finding honesty in people is hard to come by in 2016. Rather than telling the truth, individuals opt to be passive aggressive or lie altogether. I understand the fear of hurting someone’s feeling lingers at the forefront of your mind. You know the impact it could have on the other person who’s deeply interested in you. However, hiding what you truly feel or just completely ignoring the person you welcomed them into your life, doesn’t do the entire situation much justice. It doesn’t help the other person either. You’re building momentum to the hurt the person in a greater way by prolonging what needs to be said now than later. It’s essential to keep in mind the concept of sowing and reaping. I’m speaking from experience.
When it comes to where you are emotionally, mentally or spiritually, be truthful. Be forthright. Be honest. If you recently exited a relationship, and you’re on the brink of entering another one without communicating where you stand, failure is the likely outcome. I suggest being single for a while. Breathe. Heal. Reflect. Learn. Grow. Going into new situation broken will create more brokenness. God wants you sit still, so He can deal without the other hurts in your life before he addresses the recent hurt of your breakup. God works strategically and in order.
Maybe the above doesn’t apply to you. Perhaps investing time with someone you’re not really interested in for the reason that you’re lonely, need attention, just killing time and banking on another relationship to heal you is call deception. Deception is to posture yourself in a way to hold another attention. It’s like conversing or interacting in a way to gives a false sense of hope. It’s okay to say, “I’m not interested. Or, “I don’t foresee anything pass a friendship.” It’s only right for the other party to know the truth. Putting yourself in a position of power to pick and choose when you want to be bothered, talk, text, or blatantly ignore the person altogether is impolite, rude and insensitive. Put yourself in their shoes and ask yourself if you want to be recipient of this kind of behavior. God isn’t going to curse or strike you down for being honest about you how feel and where you stand. Communicate the truth. Communicate the truth in love. The person maybe hurt when you tell them how you feel, but they will respect you. If they choose to leave of your life, at least you know they you aren’t keeping them around for any other reason. They will meet the person God has for them. So will you. It’s better to give the other party the option to make the best decision for their self and emotional well-being.
If you’re like me, God has you on hold. And while you’re in the waiting room, opportunities are going to come your way to date or entertain a love interest. I know this is frustrating. I’ve been single since 2008. That’s not to say that I haven’t dated since. I have, but God taught me a lesson about dating, which is, don’t date. You’re probably thinking, well, that doesn’t make sense. Doesn’t Proverbs 18:22 say, “He that finds a wife finds a good thing.” This is absolutely true. True when God releases you to find or pursue. True when God says yes. True in the context of His timing. Here’s what God taught me about dating. Don’t date. When I pray about someone I’m interested in, the Holy Spirit reveals the Father’s will to me. Jesus tells us in John 16:13, “But when he, the Holy Spirit comes, he will lead you and guide you into ALL truth.” I lie to you not. God answers my prayers in sometimes minutes, hours, a day or two. No longer than a month. Hearing “no” is disappointing. Really disappointing when YOU see potential, but think of the impact of the disappointment of going forth without seeking God’s will. When you’re in the waiting period, you can say, “This isn’t the season for me. God hasn’t permitted me get involved with anyone at this time.” When a person completely objects to spiritual statement of truth, because it “doesn’t make sense,” or it “sounds like BS,” you don’t have to pray. The person has either communicated they aren’t born of the Spirit of God through Christ or they lack spiritual maturity. You would be unequally yoked on both accounts if you choose to go forward. Embracing anything that’s not the will of God comes with unnecessary heartache, drama, confusion and pain. I’ve been there before too.
Get into the habit of being honest. Having courtesy for another feelings goes along way. It’s called communication. Honest communication. I know it’s more convenient to hide what you’re truly feeling and thinking or to simply ignore someone. I’m guilty of this, but I changed when the Holy Spirit convicted me and I reaped what I sow. Folks may think you’re being “mean” for being honest, forthright and truthful. We live in “I don’t want to offend you” aka Passive Aggressiveness times. The scripture doesn’t teach us to be passive or lukewarm. The word of God teaches us to let your “yes, be yes. Your no, be no.”
There will come a time when the tables are turned. Where you are the one head over heels and the other person is the puppet master. Having your emotional and mental strings pulled by someone isn’t a good feeling. Be truthful. Be forthright. Be honest.