Ulterior Motives
Communication, friendship, Honesty, How to Find Love, love

Ulterior Motives

It’s normal for God to send people in your life to help bring clarity, offer financial help, lend understanding, aid in your healing process or perhaps offer emotional support or assistance concerning a business venture.  Then there are persons the adversary sends. These people may stir up anger, frustration or even try to seduce you out of the wonderful plans of God. Walking into the things of God rests on your ability to hear and discern His direction. People often miss their open doors or new place of intimacy with God, because they were distracted. In other words, they were too busy investing time in someone God didn’t place in their life to be with. It’s easy to fall in luring traps of the adversary when someone looks and sounds like what your heart desires. In Genesis 3, the serpent knew actually what to say to Eve. The deceptive spirit knew if it could have the ear of Eve, he could have the mind of Adam. The adversary knows that if he could hold your attention long enough, you would fall into his trap. I want to help you avoid deception by highlighting some visible signs that who’s in your life, is not in your life to be a sincere help. There are ulterior motives.  I will go on to say that not every person sent in your life is from the adversary. The flesh rises up too. By that I mean, some people simply don’t have self-control. They are so attracted to you that they find it difficult solely focus on the reason (s) why God sent them into your life. Nonetheless, a distraction is a distraction.

6 Visible Signs

  1. Attitudes.

Confronted with an attitude is one way to tell if someone is in your life for a different reason than what they initially communicated to you. Attitudes may result in your unavailability to hangout, talk and text at the moment. It could also fall upon the individual’s distaste of not getting the desired reaction to their kind gesture or effort.  A snappy attitude let’s you know you didn’t do what was expected of you, according to what’s going on in their mind.

  1. Change of Availability. “Oh, I was busy.”

When you became “friends” or began working on a “project” or “collaborating,” you talked often. From the start of the acquaintance, the person was always available to communicate. But now, things have changed. They’re no longer available like they were before. Why the drastic change? Here’s why. Once a person can’t get what they want or they found out the attraction isn’t mutual or that you’re interested in someone else, distance is created. This is an act of self defense. Their typical response now is “Oh, I was busy. Sorry.”  People become more “busier” than usual when they know a relationship with you is out of the plans.

3.  Biased Counsel/Feedback.

Be careful who you confide in or seek advice from–particularly, someone who likes you as more than a friend. If it’s making an important life decision, there’s a chance to receive biased feedback or advice. Their opinion may lean towards their interest in you or whatever ulterior motive they have. This is a sign of manipulation.

I have dealt with women like this before. If I asked for a different perspective, their opinion was never in the favor of the woman I was interested at that time. They would say, you need a woman with x, y and z qualities. Beneath the surface, they were referring to their self. I have learned it’s not always wise to seek advice from someone of the opposite sex, unless it’s someone you can trust to get unbiased counsel or feedback from.

4. Third-person Referral.

Ever met someone who you confided in about a potential significant other, and they had all negative things say about the person you have your eye on. And later on in the conversation, they start to listing off qualities/characteristics of a person you mesh well with, but they’re really referring to their self. Self-referrals should be avoided even if you do have certain traits your “friend” is looking for. It’s wise to leave it up to them to decided.

5.  Distracted from Your Purpose.

“How did we end up here” maybe a question you would ask yourself when you realized you have been distracted. It’s not a good feeling to realize to find out you spent more time getting to know someone than on the actual reason of why the person is in your life. The assistance, healing, understanding and clarity you needed became irrelevant. For example, you crossed paths with someone who wanted to help you start a business. In the beginning, phone conversations and meet ups were centered on business. But after a while, now you’re talking about personal matters and personal feelings for each other. Business takes the back burner or something God had you working on. You drifted and started to realize something is wrong.

Taking a look at another example. You were just about to start a fast or God was prepping you for a transition. Then someone reaches out to express interest in you or began speaking “prophetically” over your life. After a few conversations with this person, unknowingly, you find yourself drifting away from what God had instructed you to do. Your attention was captured and trust had been earned, based on things that were mentioned about your past, present and future.  As time progresses, your attention is fully given to this individual, and you start to have this unsettling turning feeling in your stomach that something is wrong. Confusion clouds around you like fog. Before, you had clarity and you knew what God was up to in your life. What happened? You were distracted and deceived. It’s important to know the adversary may know what God is doing in your life. He will send false prophets to speak what he has learned about you. Be careful.

6.    Compulsive behavior is a form obsession. It means the person can’t control their personal feelings for you. So it doesn’t matter how many times you tell them you aren’t interested in having a relationship, they will continue to persist and insist  on behaving in a way that’s their inappropriate and make you feel uncomfortable. Dealing with someone who’s compulsive and obsessive is quite scary.

Some emotions are appropriate if the feelings are mutual or you’re currently in a relationship, but in everything, balance is necessary. When someone starts getting sappy with you, as in sending “good morning sunshine” or “hello love” text messages in the early a.m., or, “sweet dreams” “thinking of you,” and the nature of the acquaintance isn’t on that level, the person has become comfortable enough with you to unleash their true feelings. Lengthy emotional text messages or numerous phone calls is an indication of emotional attachment. You may start to feel suffocated or awkward, because of the intensity of their feelings being projected towards you.

All in all, being attracted to someone is inevitable. Yes, it’s possible to meet the love of your life through other means than an initial romantic interest. Yes, you could end up becoming friends first, partnering and networking in some way or another, and later, becoming more. I believe those acquaintances unfold into something more naturally and mutually. However, when you have ulterior motives from the start, that’s never a good thing. There’s a slight chance that plan may backfire or put you and the other person in an awkward position to have an awkward conversation. It’s not worth being a stumbling block in the life God has sent you to be a help.

It’s also your responsibility to be clear with people from the start. You have to set boundaries, be professional and articulate what is or isn’t appropriate. This will help you and the other part keep things in perspective, so nothing is misinterpreted and expectations remain in their rightful place and context. Communication matters.

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