love

The Cost of Love

Love imagined in a fairytale way creates unrealistic expectations in a relationship. During the honeymoon stage, we often don’t think about the challenges, obstacles and the “unexpected” things that could occur later on. We also don’t consider the true personality, behavior, habits and pet peeves that come out once the comfort level settles in. Typically, the “representative” doesn’t stick around after a successful pitch. God spoke the reality of love and marriage into existence. The paradigm of marriage is holy and divine by design because God is holy. Marriage was created out of the holiness, bosom, beauty, and perfection of God between a man and a woman. Unfortunately, when sin entered paradise, walked its way through the sacred doors of marriage, it gave life to unfaithfulness, arguments & quarrels, competition, insecurities, wandering eyes, haughtiness, arrogance, envy, murder, keeping records of wrongs, boasting, etc. There are costs to experience love and a Christ-centered relationship the way God intended. I want to note a few.

The cost of love is denying your emotions. Emotions are a persuasive force that can dictate the forecast of your perspective and commitment to someone. Emotions tell you when, where and how to “love”. It needs a feeling to justify itself to act in the name of “love.” There is a subsequent danger here. Love is not emotional and if you thought it was, you’re in for a constant deep disappointment. Your emotions will have you mistaken sex for love. Emotions could cause you to skip every step and foundation it takes to build something godly, which is a relationship that stands on the word of God. The ground that God wants to establish a marriage is the word of God, which is a rock. A God-like relationship is faithful, concrete, substantial and long-lasting. Your emotions will also cause you to be so enthralled and enamored with the beauty of a person that you’ll stop on the surface and overlook the depth to discover what’s really inside a person. When someone is interested in you, they will engage you by asking questions. When the attraction is physical and emotional, the interest wouldn’t be fully there. I’m a man who wants to meet the depth of a godly woman to appreciate her surface (external beauty). In my earlier years of dating, I would associate beauty with God’s confirmation. I would think, she’s so beautiful, she has to be the one. I was immature and inexperienced. I never sought the understanding and wisdom of God to receive a confirmation on relationships. I ignored what was in the mind, heart, and spirit of a person that I missed the red flags. I didn’t see the toxic behaviors that thrived on brokenness and insecurity. I accepted, selfishness and self-centeredness, manipulation, indecisiveness, and immaturity. When I was immature and broken, I was a lot of things too. The difference of me now is that I seek the Lord every day and pray that I become more like Christ. I didn’t know that was a certain level of commitment behind physical attraction and finding a God-fearing woman was nowhere on the radar. I wasn’t in a place with God to pursue a Proverbs 31 woman. I wasn’t fully surrendered and living a consecrated life in Christ. I’ve learned, if you’re not submitted to Christ, your eyes will continue to wonder, “like” and scroll, searching and looking something you wouldn’t recognize even if God sent it your way. Relationships end quickly when it stands on 100 % emotion. You have to ask yourself what’s there once all the emotion fizzles out? What do you have to talk about when the honeymoon stage passes? Or, are you able to forgive and work things through when it’s challenging and difficult? Can you come together and pray through tough times? Can you choose to love when you don’t feel like it? When two are committed to each other their heart will remain with each other. If not, they list all the reasons why it can’t work. I strongly believe God prepares a man for his wife by helping Him understand the way Christ loves the church, which is spiritual. God love for us is a choice.

The other cost of love is spending time with God. How is this a cost? Well, you could have plenty of things to do to occupy your time. Sunday could be only your only day of praise & worship, praying and opening the word of God. This is evidence of a relationship with God. A relationship encompasses commitment, devotion, and sacrifice. It also entails time. Intimacy with God costs time. Quality time with God develops spiritual maturity. It’s the time you spend with God that your definition of love matures, you began to see marriage from His perspective, and your former ways of loving someone and going about relationships passes away. So many Christians want a godly relationship but don’t have a relationship with God. To ask for something you haven’t prepared for wouldn’t end well. Embracing and living a secular life would clash with someone who’s committed to living a holy and consecrated life. The holiness about someone brings conviction–not condemnation. In other words, when someone is walking with God and have set their self apart from the world, their lifestyle speaks. Women walked away from me due to my commitment to celibacy or for the simple fact that I talk about God. When I was devoted to God, I was no longer interested in a woman who didn’t want to have sex. Just facts.

The other cost of love is walking away from your old self. Dysfunctional family upbringing and past toxic relationships are what I’m hinting to. Many of us never had positive examples of love and what a healthy, godly relationship looks like. We may have heard our parents argue or show little or no affection that you question what is love and what is marriage. You may have been exposed to infidelity. You may have been in so many disappointing, physically and verbally abusive, self-centered and sex-grounded relationships. All of these experiences will undoubtedly distort your perception of what love and a relationship look like. You have every right to fear to give your all to someone. Have you ever realized it’s easier to give someone your body than it is to give your heart? There are no risks in involved giving your heart to someone. Jesus said in Matthew 9:14, “No one puts new wine into old wineskins. New wine is stored in new wineskins so that both will be preserved. What is Jesus saying?

Inserting your former self, as in your old/secular ways of thinking, who you were before you gave your life to Christ, and all your past hurts into something new, would cause you to ruin it. Recreating the past in the present would take the life out of the new. Spending quality time with God, so your mind can be renewed, your definition of love could be redefined, and healing can take place makes you a suitable and godly partner for someone. A new mind in Christ qualifies you to have a godly relationship. Amos 3:3 reads, “How can two walks together unless they agree?  In 2 Corinthians 6:14, Paul points the truth that fellowship or any kind of relationship with an unbeliever wouldn’t work.

Walking in the spirit is pivotal to meeting the love of your life. You have to know what God is saying when you come across someone. Discerning if you met someone for a season, reason/ purpose could save you disappointment. In my last relationship, I knew I was preparing her for another man. The thought of that reality crossing my mind killed me and hurt to articulate that to her, but it was the truth. It’s a feeling I never want to encounter again.  

Spend time with God. You’re not missing out on life by doing so. Your relationship

Advertisements
Standard
Communication, Faith, friendship, God's Will, Honesty, How to Find Love, inspiration, love, Love Again By Melvin Davis, marriage, Melvin Davis, Patience, poetry, Relationships, romance, Romance/Love

A Safe Place for Her

Be her peace

Her safe haven

A source of godly counsel and wisdom

Speak the word of God over her life

Love her as Christ loves the church

Walk beside her and lead her into the presence of God

Be a voice of faith and hope when she feels discouraged

Hug her from the heart. She will feel that

Rest your face against hers and let the Holy Spirit speak on your behalf

Minister to her

Pray over her

Love over her

Hold her hand when it’s raining, lightning and thundering outside

Seek the Lord with her

Fast with her and pray on her behalf

Allow her to speak. God is in her too

Compliment her virtue and give her praises just because

Remind her that she’s the only woman in your life.

Standard
Communication, Faith, friendship, God's Will, Honesty, How to Find Love, inspiration, love, marriage, Melvin Davis, Relationships, romance, Romance/Love

Three Kisses

There was never a moment in time that I kissed you without meaning. I want to add three more to our memory bank of our love.

I planted one kiss on top of her forehead, slightly below her hairline and said looking deeply into her eyes, “I love the color of your soul.”

“White as snow, you walk in the purity of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.”

“You are everything I’m not and everything I need you to be.”

“I am strong with you.”

“You are my perfection.”

 

And then I got on one knee and kissed her hand.

“I never so loved a woman in this way. Your imprints are all over my heart.

“My Queen, I adore you to no end.”

“I would marry you over and over and over again.”

 

Then I took her foot into my hand.

She laughed, yanking a foot away from me until I kissed it

“I kiss your feet because you never walked over me.”

“Instead, you walk beside me–never behind– striding in confidence, forever in meekness and humility,

“These are my three kisses for you.”

 

 

Standard
Communication, Faith, friendship, God's Will, Honesty, How to Find Love, love, marriage, Patience, Relationships, romance

Intimacy of Covenant Pt. II

Yet you, LORD, are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.-Isaiah 64:8

 

As I type, revelation is being downloaded into my spirit of how Isaiah 64:8 correlates to John 15. In John 15, Jesus tells the disciples that He is the True Vine, and those who are connected to him are the branches. He goes on to say that His Father is the Vine-dresser. and that every branch in Him that does not bear fruit, he breaks away. And every branch that bares fruit, He prunes, so that produces more fruit.. In Isaiah 64:8, God is the Potter and we are the clay. Our personality, the way we think, speak and love  is different when God is the Potter and the Vine-dresser and Jesus is the True Vine in our lives. Dirt without water isn’t clay. It’s can’t be molded or formed into anything. A tree branch loses its life when it’s cut from the vine.  Without life, fruit doesn’t bare. When two individuals are totally surrendered and yielded to Jesus, you have an equally yoked, Christ centered relationship. You and the person you’re pursuing or courting must be the clay in the Father hands and connected to the True Vine. Imagine what two pieces of clay molded into one. That’s what marriage looks like.

A specific height, weight and shape are some preferences are well pronounced desires people look for in a significant other.  Some women prefer taller men over shorter, muscular over lean or slender. Some women  don’t have a preference. Men may prefer curvy, petite, or fully figured women. Some don’t care. Personality is also a factor. Humor, intellect, conversation or a combination of all, may compensate for a lack physical attraction.  All of these qualities are wonderful to desire and have, but have you considered examining what you desire to have through the eyes of Christ?

Have you ever prayed, better yet, is humility on your ” What I want in a man/woman list?” A harden heart is dirt without water.  It’s not soft. It can’t mold like clay. Potential are like seeds underneath fertile ground. They remain potential without sunlight and water added. Those seeds could inherently die. How often do people kill what God brings into their life because of a harden heart. You cannot love when you heart is hardened by bitterness, insecurity and hurt. You’re heart must be in the hands of The Potter, if it’s going to be soft. Softness produces gentleness and kindness humility. Can you see the Fruits of the Spirit here?  Humility must be a part of your character is you’re going to love another human being. Humility is a component of an equally yoked and God-centered relationship. For God to make us into the husband and wife we will soon be, we have to become like clay.

 

 

 

Standard
Communication, Faith, friendship, God's Will, Honesty, inspiration, love, marriage, Melvin Davis, Patience, Relationships, romance

She’s Marrying Your Calling Too

In a relationship, emotions fly out the window when you ask questions that makes you examine is this the person I really want to spend my life with. Questions about raising a family, motherhood, fatherhood, educating your children or more relevant to the topic at hand, what do you believe about God or how do you feel about what God has called me to do. When I was younger and immature, I wanted a “bad” woman. Most younger men want the most attractive woman. Whether she was God-fearing, intelligent or a good conversationalist or not, physical attraction was the only thing that matter. These days, I say to myself, I want someone who I can talk to you. You come to appreciate the small things in life such as conversation that makes you enjoy someone’s company. There’s another element to add to the table. Several months ago, I heard the Lord say to me (paraphrasing), she’s not just marrying you. She’s also marrying what I called you to do.  After the Lord said this to me, I listened to a teaching of a man who walks with God sometime after. The man of God talked about his nephew, who has a calling on his life. His nephew believed the young lady he was seeing was the one. Until one day the Lord told him she wasn’t. Disappointed, he broke the relationship off. He said to his nephew, if you had married this woman she would have stopped you from fulfilling your calling. Looking back he agreed. Hearing this message was confirmation to me that gave me the chills.

I remember asking my ex-girlfriend one day. What if God wants me to travel to other countries to teach the Gospel, would you come?  She was quiet for a few seconds and  said, “that’s something we could talk about later.” Her response was a disappointing one. I don’t mean this in a demeaning or belittling way, but it was confirmation that she wasn’t the woman God wanted me to marry. Uncertainty about each other is a sure sign you aren’t with the right person.

Everyone’s life is unique. We’re all called to serve God in some capacity. Whether in ministry or in a secular/ corporate setting. Your particular calling has a responsibility and a commitment. Some assignments may require you to travel locally. Perhaps abroad. If preaching or teaching the Gospel of Jesus Christ is your calling, you have to consider does the person I envision being with fit the life God has set apart for me? It’s a question I don’t necessarily have to ask anymore. You come to know that many of your questions are answered by getting to know someone. You listen to them speak and you discern and see where they’re commitment to Christ is, what they’re going after to achieve in life or how they envision the kind of life they want to live.

 

Standard