Ulterior Motives
Communication, friendship, Honesty, How to Find Love, love

Ulterior Motives

It’s normal for God to send people in your life to help bring clarity, offer financial help, lend understanding, aid in your healing process or perhaps offer emotional support or assistance concerning a business venture.  Then there are persons the adversary sends. These people may stir up anger, frustration or even try to seduce you out of the wonderful plans of God. Walking into the things of God rests on your ability to hear and discern His direction. People often miss their open doors or new place of intimacy with God, because they were distracted. In other words, they were too busy investing time in someone God didn’t place in their life to be with. It’s easy to fall in luring traps of the adversary when someone looks and sounds like what your heart desires. In Genesis 3, the serpent knew actually what to say to Eve. The deceptive spirit knew if it could have the ear of Eve, he could have the mind of Adam. The adversary knows that if he could hold your attention long enough, you would fall into his trap. I want to help you avoid deception by highlighting some visible signs that who’s in your life, is not in your life to be a sincere help. There are ulterior motives.  I will go on to say that not every person sent in your life is from the adversary. The flesh rises up too. By that I mean, some people simply don’t have self-control. They are so attracted to you that they find it difficult solely focus on the reason (s) why God sent them into your life. Nonetheless, a distraction is a distraction.

6 Visible Signs

  1. Attitudes.

Confronted with an attitude is one way to tell if someone is in your life for a different reason than what they initially communicated to you. Attitudes may result in your unavailability to hangout, talk and text at the moment. It could also fall upon the individual’s distaste of not getting the desired reaction to their kind gesture or effort.  A snappy attitude let’s you know you didn’t do what was expected of you, according to what’s going on in their mind.

  1. Change of Availability. “Oh, I was busy.”

When you became “friends” or began working on a “project” or “collaborating,” you talked often. From the start of the acquaintance, the person was always available to communicate. But now, things have changed. They’re no longer available like they were before. Why the drastic change? Here’s why. Once a person can’t get what they want or they found out the attraction isn’t mutual or that you’re interested in someone else, distance is created. This is an act of self defense. Their typical response now is “Oh, I was busy. Sorry.”  People become more “busier” than usual when they know a relationship with you is out of the plans.

3.  Biased Counsel/Feedback.

Be careful who you confide in or seek advice from–particularly, someone who likes you as more than a friend. If it’s making an important life decision, there’s a chance to receive biased feedback or advice. Their opinion may lean towards their interest in you or whatever ulterior motive they have. This is a sign of manipulation.

I have dealt with women like this before. If I asked for a different perspective, their opinion was never in the favor of the woman I was interested at that time. They would say, you need a woman with x, y and z qualities. Beneath the surface, they were referring to their self. I have learned it’s not always wise to seek advice from someone of the opposite sex, unless it’s someone you can trust to get unbiased counsel or feedback from.

4. Third-person Referral.

Ever met someone who you confided in about a potential significant other, and they had all negative things say about the person you have your eye on. And later on in the conversation, they start to listing off qualities/characteristics of a person you mesh well with, but they’re really referring to their self. Self-referrals should be avoided even if you do have certain traits your “friend” is looking for. It’s wise to leave it up to them to decided.

5.  Distracted from Your Purpose.

“How did we end up here” maybe a question you would ask yourself when you realized you have been distracted. It’s not a good feeling to realize to find out you spent more time getting to know someone than on the actual reason of why the person is in your life. The assistance, healing, understanding and clarity you needed became irrelevant. For example, you crossed paths with someone who wanted to help you start a business. In the beginning, phone conversations and meet ups were centered on business. But after a while, now you’re talking about personal matters and personal feelings for each other. Business takes the back burner or something God had you working on. You drifted and started to realize something is wrong.

Taking a look at another example. You were just about to start a fast or God was prepping you for a transition. Then someone reaches out to express interest in you or began speaking “prophetically” over your life. After a few conversations with this person, unknowingly, you find yourself drifting away from what God had instructed you to do. Your attention was captured and trust had been earned, based on things that were mentioned about your past, present and future.  As time progresses, your attention is fully given to this individual, and you start to have this unsettling turning feeling in your stomach that something is wrong. Confusion clouds around you like fog. Before, you had clarity and you knew what God was up to in your life. What happened? You were distracted and deceived. It’s important to know the adversary may know what God is doing in your life. He will send false prophets to speak what he has learned about you. Be careful.

6.    Compulsive behavior is a form obsession. It means the person can’t control their personal feelings for you. So it doesn’t matter how many times you tell them you aren’t interested in having a relationship, they will continue to persist and insist  on behaving in a way that’s their inappropriate and make you feel uncomfortable. Dealing with someone who’s compulsive and obsessive is quite scary.

Some emotions are appropriate if the feelings are mutual or you’re currently in a relationship, but in everything, balance is necessary. When someone starts getting sappy with you, as in sending “good morning sunshine” or “hello love” text messages in the early a.m., or, “sweet dreams” “thinking of you,” and the nature of the acquaintance isn’t on that level, the person has become comfortable enough with you to unleash their true feelings. Lengthy emotional text messages or numerous phone calls is an indication of emotional attachment. You may start to feel suffocated or awkward, because of the intensity of their feelings being projected towards you.

All in all, being attracted to someone is inevitable. Yes, it’s possible to meet the love of your life through other means than an initial romantic interest. Yes, you could end up becoming friends first, partnering and networking in some way or another, and later, becoming more. I believe those acquaintances unfold into something more naturally and mutually. However, when you have ulterior motives from the start, that’s never a good thing. There’s a slight chance that plan may backfire or put you and the other person in an awkward position to have an awkward conversation. It’s not worth being a stumbling block in the life God has sent you to be a help.

It’s also your responsibility to be clear with people from the start. You have to set boundaries, be professional and articulate what is or isn’t appropriate. This will help you and the other part keep things in perspective, so nothing is misinterpreted and expectations remain in their rightful place and context. Communication matters.

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Communication, Faith, friendship, Honesty, How to Find Love, love, marriage, Melvin Davis, Patience, poetry, Relationships, romance, Romance/Love

She is My Proverbs 31

I kneel and kiss your hand because you are a virtuous woman

In your presence, the curtains of my life pull back for you to see all:

 You find faithfulness, respect, the ability and desire to love unconditionally

Because of what you saw, you took center on my heart with security

I sit and watch you do what you do with perfection

As you dance swiftly with grace, the power of your footprints compels me join you

Eye meets eye, you smile, I smile, chemistry sizzles and God, the conductor standing in between us, approves of this symphony that moves our souls

Hand against hand, the movement from my lips as I confessed, “you are my Proverbs 31”—tickle you but comfort sits in

 “May I have the honor?”

“Yes,” God replied.

I took out a ring and kneeled before my virtuous woman

“Will you?”

“Yes,” she answered before I could ask the question

Our eyes filled with tears of joy because God ordained this moment and gave us unspeakable peace to transition into a lifelong commitment

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Communication, Faith, friendship, Honesty, How to Find Love, love, Relationships

God’s Confirmation vs An Emotional High Pt.III

Two prayers I came to mind for you. One is for patience. The second is discernment. This idea literally came to mind. I thank God for His guidance in writing this blog.

I come to realize there’s a lack of patience with others. You know the saying–no one is perfect. Neither are you, therefore, practice patience with one another. Release your finger from the trigger of writing someone off. Breathe a little. Everyone has some type of character fault. I do. However, if you aren’t conscious of what you’re doing and someone points it out, and you’re sold on not doing anything about it, that’s an issue. Maybe God has to do a work within you before He releases you to love. But if you’re with someone who knows what their shortcomings are, and you see effort to change by the reading of the Word, prayer and fasting, practice patience. Ultimately, in all things, be led by God.

A prayer for patience:

Jesus, I love you. I want to become more like you. You are the perfect model and High Priest

Teach me your ways Lord. Change the things about me that makes loving me difficult and hard. Stir the fruit of patience inside of me.

Allow your love to rule in my soul, spirit, mind and heart. Renew my mind. Give me understanding of who you are, that I may become more who you are.

Help me to be patient with others. Help me to walk in purity, holiness, righteousness and love. It’s your name Jesus that I pray, amen!

Discernment is given to every believer who has the Holy Spirit living inside of him or her.

A prayer for discernment:

Father, increase my discernment. Help me to stay in tuned to your

Holy Spirit. Stir me in a way that I’ll stop to listen and wait to see to what you’re trying to reveal to me.

It’s in Jesus name that I pray, amen.

Red flags are always flaring, but you wouldn’t be able to see them if you’re sinking in your emotions. Emotions aren’t your enemy. Emotions are a gift from God. Whether good or bad, what you feel is the confirmation of something you need to know in the natural. They just have to be invested into someone or a relationship that’s in the will of God. That being said, when it comes to your love life, God confirms His will in two ways.

Confirmation in the natural

  1. Incompatible lifestyles

According to 2 Corinthians 6:14, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?”

Paul clearly points out why believers and unbelievers don’t work in a relationship. That includes a friendship too. Light and darkness can’t coexist. Believers in Christ often began relationships with someone of a different faith. This happens when the believer views Christ as a religious figure and Christianity as a religion. Christ is real person and Christianity is about having a relationship with Him. Entering a relationship with a believer who’s committed to being lukewarm can be troublesome too. As in, they have one foot softly planted in Christ and the other firmly stapled in the world.

Incompatibility leads to arguments and debates. Those arguments stem from contrary beliefs and understandings of the scripture. When you aren’t compatible, you will argue about the movies & TV shows you watch, music you listen to, books you read, places you go, what’s appropriate to wear and what you believe about the word of God. Christ wants us to live a life of purity, holiness and righteousness. Any opposite isn’t of God.  You must be careful of what and who you allow to speak into your spirit.

2.  Without respect, there’s no l-o-v-e.

When I speak with men about their relationship problems, I listen carefully to their concerns and all that’s taking place. As soon as I hear, “man, she curses at me, doesn’t answer my phone calls or texts. Or, she talking down to me or hanging out with another guy and refuses to tell me who’s she with.  I say yep, the respect is gone. When I talk to women about their relationship issues, it’s pretty much the same. The respect is totally out the door. Think about it for a second, would God send someone in your life that doesn’t respect you? I’m sorry, that’s not love. Exit left. Follow that arrow that points you back into the will of God.

3.     Rude, negative and pessimistic behavior is a mood, attraction and potential love killer. Underneath these toxic characteristics are deep emotional wounds. Healing is imperative before entering a relationship. When pain comes a part of who you are, it’s difficult for the light of Christ to shine through your personality. Instead of a loving, easy-going, confident, sure and stable person, you would exude an angry, frustrated, insecure, bitter and defensive.

4.  A Busybody is an unsettled spirit.

I may have an unpopular view on dating. I’m okay with that. I actually don’t believe in dating.  Neither am I sold on the tag of dating or serial dating. It’s unwise to go forth with someone without seeking God about it. If I’m really into a woman, I simply pray about her. Often times, I don’t have to. Given everything that I mention above, you’ll see why. People find themselves recovering from great disappointment and unpleasant breakups because they didn’t seek God’s confirmation. They became too caught up in their emotions and attached to what they feel and interpreted it as God’s confirmation. I’ve been there quite a few times.

It’s okay to develop a friendship and hang out as friend. It releases the pressure to perform. Praying before you push the pedal to the floor and swerving into all types of lanes is wise too. Lanes that lead into premature life planning and performing duties and making sacrifices that are reserved for a sacred, God ordained marriage. This is what I prayed the prayer of discernment for you. You too can have a direct line of communication with the Holy Spirit about your love life. You just have to be patient. Discontinue running fast into relationships for the sake that you can or you’re bored. Wait on the Lord and He will reveal His will.

5. I actually like you as a person.

Imagine having an argument with someone or a deep disagreement from the onset. The entire mood just got zipped up into a body bag. Yellow tape is everywhere and both of you are now taking a step back to examine the crime scene like CSI. What happened? Chemistry.

Chemistry is one element God uses to confirm His will in the natural. Yes, you will have disagreements with the love your life, but that doesn’t delete the history and the chemistry you have with each other. A strong friendship is a sign of that chemistry. Great, stimulating conversation too. The fact that you actually get along, like each other and always have something to talk about is a result of chemistry.

Part V is on the way. I’m trucking in the direction of confirmation in the spirit. Yes, God is spirit. We are made in His likeness, which means, yep, we’re spirit too

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Communication, Faith, friendship, Honesty, How to Find Love, inspiration, love, marriage, Melvin Davis, Relationships, romance

Be truthful. Be forthright. Be honest.

 

I had a 2 hour a conversation with a married couple a few days ago. What I heard benefited me tremendously. Their testimony and experiences rejuvenated my hope and excitement in finding a faithful woman. Not just a faithful woman, but a God-fearing one. The wife said to me, “I rather be hurt by the truth than to be hurt by a lie. It’s more difficult to recover from a lie. People forgive, however lies are like tough stains that are hard to get out of the heart and memory. The husband and wife both confessed that they have had difficult times in their marriage, which is expected, but they never lied to each other. The husband said, “I always tell her the truth–even if it hurts her, but at least she knows I am being honest.” A woman respects when a man truthful. Vice versa. I want to point out a trend that’s not new, but more obvious in 2016. It makes finding love more challenging, as well as having meaningful friendships. It’s called “The Art of Passive Aggressiveness.” This isn’t new profound revelation, so I encourage you to dislodge you’re excitement. However, what I present to you is something I think you should be conscious of. Let’s get into it.

Matthew 5: 37 says, “But let your ‘yes’ be ‘yes,’ and your ‘no’, ‘no.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.”

Matthew 5: 37 talks about being truthful and dishonest. When you tell the truth in love, you’re mirroring the image of Christ. When you lie, you emulate the nature of our adversary. Finding honesty in people is hard to come by in 2016. Rather than telling the truth, individuals opt to be passive aggressive or lie altogether. I understand the fear of hurting someone’s feeling lingers at the forefront of your mind. You know the impact it could have on the other person who’s deeply interested in you. However, hiding what you truly feel or just completely ignoring the person you welcomed them into your life, doesn’t do the entire situation much justice. It doesn’t help the other person either. You’re building momentum to the hurt the person in a greater way by prolonging what needs to be said now than later. It’s essential to keep in mind the concept of sowing and reaping. I’m speaking from experience.

When it comes to where you are emotionally, mentally or spiritually, be truthful. Be forthright. Be honest. If you recently exited a relationship, and you’re on the brink of entering another one without communicating where you stand, failure is the likely outcome. I suggest being single for a while. Breathe. Heal. Reflect. Learn. Grow. Going into new situation broken will create more brokenness. God wants you sit still, so He can deal without the other hurts in your life before he addresses the recent hurt of your breakup. God works strategically and in order.

Maybe the above doesn’t apply to you. Perhaps investing time with someone you’re not really interested in for the reason that you’re lonely, need attention, just killing time and banking on another relationship to heal you is call deception. Deception is to posture yourself in a way to hold another attention. It’s like conversing or interacting in a way to gives a false sense of hope. It’s okay to say, “I’m not interested. Or, “I don’t foresee anything pass a friendship.” It’s only right for the other party to know the truth. Putting yourself in a position of power to pick and choose when you want to be bothered, talk, text, or blatantly ignore the person altogether is impolite, rude and insensitive. Put yourself in their shoes and ask yourself if you want to be recipient of this kind of behavior. God isn’t going to curse or strike you down for being honest about you how feel and where you stand.  Communicate the truth. Communicate the truth in love. The person maybe hurt when you tell them how you feel, but they will respect you. If they choose to leave of your life, at least you know they you aren’t keeping them around for any other reason. They will meet the person God has for them. So will you. It’s better to give the other party the option to make the best decision for their self and emotional well-being.

If you’re like me, God has you on hold. And while you’re in the waiting room, opportunities are going to come your way to date or entertain a love interest. I know this is frustrating. I’ve been single since 2008. That’s not to say that I haven’t dated since. I have, but God taught me a lesson about dating, which is, don’t date. You’re probably thinking, well, that doesn’t make sense. Doesn’t Proverbs 18:22 say, “He that finds a wife finds a good thing.”  This is absolutely true. True when God releases you to find or pursue. True when God says yes. True in the context of His timing. Here’s what God taught me about dating. Don’t date. When I pray about someone I’m interested in, the Holy Spirit reveals the Father’s will to me.  Jesus tells us in John 16:13, “But when he, the Holy Spirit comes, he will lead you and guide you into ALL truth.” I lie to you not. God answers my prayers in sometimes minutes, hours, a day or two. No longer than a month. Hearing “no” is disappointing. Really disappointing when YOU see potential, but think of the impact of the disappointment of going forth without seeking God’s will. When you’re in the waiting period, you can say, “This isn’t the season for me. God hasn’t permitted me get involved with anyone at this time.”  When a person completely objects to spiritual statement of truth, because it “doesn’t make sense,” or it  “sounds like BS,” you don’t have to pray. The person has either communicated they aren’t born of the Spirit of God through Christ or they lack spiritual maturity. You would be unequally yoked on both accounts if you choose to go forward. Embracing anything that’s not the will of God comes with unnecessary heartache, drama, confusion and pain. I’ve been there before too.

Get into the habit of being honest. Having courtesy for another feelings goes along way. It’s called communication.  Honest communication. I know it’s more convenient to hide what you’re truly feeling and thinking or to simply ignore someone. I’m guilty of this, but I changed when the Holy Spirit convicted me and I reaped what I sow. Folks may think you’re being “mean” for being honest, forthright and truthful. We live in “I don’t want to offend you” aka Passive Aggressiveness times. The scripture doesn’t teach us to be passive or lukewarm. The word of God teaches us to let your “yes, be yes. Your no, be no.”

There will come a time when the tables are turned. Where you are the one head over heels and the other person is the puppet master. Having your emotional and mental strings pulled by someone isn’t a good feeling. Be truthful. Be forthright. Be honest.

 

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Before I get into the message, I want to do something different this time. It’s my heart desire God speaks to you through the words He’s given me. I want you to be spirit fed and led rather than emotional fed and led. I want you to pray this prayer before you read further. I never want to give anyone false hope or have anyone believe there’s life in something God isn’t going to touch. Simply, because, it’s not His will. It’s my heart desire for you to experience everything in God’s will. There’s peace, joy, love, kindness, gentleness and more in God’s will. Relationships aren’t perfect because you aren’t. I say, posses what you’re requiring in someone else. I mean mentally, emotionally and spiritually. By keeping God first, all things are possible through Jesus Christ. All things.

Jesus, guide me by your spirit as I read this blog

Speak to my heart in ways that you never have before

Give me clarity and understanding about your will for my life

May confirmation and peace be with me when I’m done reading

Bless me with the wisdom to see your will during this time of my life

It’s you Jesus that I desire more than anything

It’s through You that all things are revealed

Open the eyes of my heart to see what you’re showing me in this blog

Show me your will about the person I have my eyes on

Remove from this relationship if it’s not what you desire for me

It’s in Jesus name that I pray, amen!

 

Determining if you met the love of your life is difficult when emotion is the only point of reference you have to confirm God’s will. I’m in no way suggesting feeling a deep interest, love or longing for someone is negative. Emotions are gift from God. It’s how we experience the humanity of a person. That’s the good and the bad. Feeling is an aspect of love. It’s passionate and breathtaking. However, as I pointed out moments ago, you need something more than feeling to confirm if you are or aren’t with the right person. Having an emotional high for someone without God ‘s confirmation can be devastating.

An emotional high prescribes the euphoria like your favorite romantic movie. The feeling of meeting someone with promising potential feels sublime. Everything feels right. I’m sure you’re well acquainted with early “good morning” texts from your love interest, along with some Christ-like words of encouragement. A.m., texts often leads to, in between afternoon texts and maybe, in between short phone conversations. Preferably around lunch time or a “bathroom break” or out getting “a whiff of fresh air.” Whatever is your vice is to get out of the office, house or chair, I understand. Those afternoon texts and short conversations will more than likely drift into evening and midnight conversation.  Midnight for some reason creates an atmosphere of transparency. Perhaps your guard is let down when the pressures and responsibilities of life are asleep in the wee hours of the morning. Candid conversation opens you up to exchange some of the most personal and intimate parts of your life. You talk about painful times of tribulation, lost and moments you felt like there was no other than God who pulled you through defying times. You also share memorable high points of your life. Like how God blessed you with the new career, how you started a business, or found a new church home. As the night turns into early morning, you end the call with a mutual feeling of excitement, renewed faith and hope. This newfound picture of life includes you two in it. You see each other spending life together in the most perfect, peaceful and Godly way. Optimism takes precedence as you sleep the 4 or 5 hours you have left to start the day.

Whether you’re aware of it or not, exchanging the matters and experiences of your heart is a way to build a soul-tie. There’s intimacy involved when you connect with someone in a spiritual and emotional way.  A bridge of closeness is coming together that creates just enough security and trust that you feel safe. You start to think, just maybe, I found someone special.  You’re ready to blow the trumpet and make the announcement to family and friends that you found the person you’ve been praying and waiting for. Oh, I forgot, that announcement is also extended to Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, IG too, but that’s hold until you know it’s official. I’ve learned the hard lesson of premature announcements. You cringe behind door, asking yourself, what I tell those closest to me I found the love of my life. You feel embarrassed, stupid and ashamed. You ultimately feel like the “Donkey of the Day.” If you “named” it and “claimed” it, fine. It’s not too late to seek God’s will. You have the chance to stop the boat from sailing out too far in the sea. This is a time to pray. If you have been talking to someone for several months, with the intent to court, I suggest praying if you’re feeling unsure. If you’re engaged to someone, and you feel skeptical about this person, it’s not too late to seek God’s confirmation. Pray. If you married someone, without the peace and confirmation in your heart, pray. God loves you so much to see you live life outside of His will. There isn’t a need to feel ashamed. Most of the content in my blogs derive from personal experiences, but as Paul says so unashamedly to the church of Corinth, in 1 Corinthians 13:11, reflecting on life before his encounter first encounter with Christ, “When I was a child, I spoke as a child, and reason like a child. But when I became a man, I put away childish things.” Part of those childish things I put away was not moving forward with someone without God’s confirmation. I don’t care how good she looks, what accolades she has, people she knows, what she possesses materialistically or the kind of relationship she has with God, I’m seeking God’s confirmation before I become emotionally and spiritually invested. Time is a gift that cannot be squandered. I want to touch on a few key points of how God confirms His will to you It happens naturally and spiritually.  In part III, I will share the wisdom and knowledge God has blessed me with. I pray that you find them useful and applicable to your life.

 

Faith, Honesty, How to Find Love, love, marriage, Melvin Davis, New Contemporary Romance, Patience, Relationships, romance, Romance/Love

God’s Confirmation vs An Emotional High Pt. II

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Faith, friendship, Honesty, How to Find Love, Love Again By Melvin Davis, Melvin Davis

Compatibility: What a Woman Longs For

I confess that I’m not a relationship expert, nor do I claim to understand women 100%. I don’t have all the answers. I do ask God for the understanding, knowledge and wisdom of how to court and love the woman He has for me.  This is my way of preparing for marriage. I want the woman I marry to say, “I’m the reason her eyes are filled with contentment, tears of peace and joy. And that her parents, close family members and friends smile, because “I’m in her life.” More importantly, I want to be the reason she looks forward to expressing her love each day. I also pray to be a great husband. I envision teaching my son how to court a woman, and what my daughter should expect when a guy is really into her. I also imagine explaining to them about the man I used to be, and the person I became in Christ, which made it possible to marry their mother, hence, why they exist. I’m advocate that women are one of the greatest gifts to men.

I’m sure all men can say without theory, based on concrete empirical facts of their experiences, women are a little complicated at times. I’m sure the majority of them could agree. I don’t mean this as a negative. I see beauty in woman’s complexities, how her emotions often envelope over one another like water colors on a canvas–yet the picture is still beautiful, transparent and clear–sometimes only understood by the eyes of her lover. How a woman’s mind works with depth, intelligence, humor and spirit, is all a wonder to me. However, no matter how complex some women are, they long for the basic essentials that makes her feel alive, loved, cared for, and like a woman. Let’s go a little deeper to see what I mean that. I suggest reading Proverbs 31 to truly enjoy this ride. As you read, see the kind of man a Proverbs 31 woman could see walking beside.

  1. A Proverbs 31 woman longs for a man who can trust her.

A way to build trust with a woman is to establish an authentic and transparent friendship with her. When you’re getting to know a person, hesitance rises of revealing who you really are. This is the imperfect, flawed person. I understand the temptation of presenting a near perfect, appealing person, but we know that isn’t the case.  You have to keep in mind that people will expect what you’re advertising. Be honest. My motto is: A person may actually like you if they have a chance to know the imperfect you. I understand you may or may not expose certain details about your personal life and relationship experiences, failures, weakness and shortcomings. at first There’s a time and a place to dispense such information. Timing is critical role of how a friendship develops and relationship unfolds. Ultimately, a woman would only get to know and respect you if you’re up front with her. A mature woman isn’t going to judge or look down on you so don’t worry. She wants to see the man who you have evolved and matured into. Personal and spiritual growth is a plus in her eyes. She would appreciate you in the now if she understood your past.

Trust is something a woman wants in a man. It’s impossible to have a relationship without trust. Your trust in her encourages her to be genuine, confident and carefree in your presence and in public.

  1. A Proverbs 31 woman desires a man who’s consistent in doing “good” to her and not harm.

Consistency presents pressure. It means you have to stay on top of doing something over and over to achieve the same results, but this is where God’s power, grace and mercy steps in. This is where it’s important for a man to have a strong relationship with God.

There are days when you’re going to fail at loving, but an understanding, compassionate and self-less woman already understands that. You’re human. She’s human. It’s your effort that moves her, and your desire to consistently love her that makes her smile when she’s thinking of you. Effort simply shows that you care.

The importance of keep God first in a relationship is that He helps to sustain it. He will give you the knowledge and wisdom to love her in a way that’s consistent and effective, if you ask.

A lack of effort and care is what causes her arm. I’m under the belief, and I know this may sound cliche, but hey, it’s true. Women are like plants. You have to water and pay attention to them on a consistent basis. You water a woman with unconditional love, thoughtfulness, adoration, kindness, patience, understanding, etc. See the Fruits of the Holy Spirit in Corinthians.

  1. She wants a man who has a taste for excellence and a strong work ethic.

A taste for excellence represents the quality of your work ethic. In other words, what your purpose is in life, or what is of importance to you. For me, it’s writing and my relationship with God. I put my best into what’s a priority because I want to see great results. Loving a woman works the same way.

When your heart is set on pleasing a woman, you want her to have the best, and you’ll work hard to accomplish those measurable means.

Sometimes giving your best is sacrificing a hobby to spend more time with her, getting up early to exercise with her, lending a helping hand with choirs or dinner.

  1. A woman longs for a man who could enhance or add something to her life–not the opposite.

It’s never a good idea to pursue a woman who wants to experience true love, and you have no intentions of truly loving her. She’s not looking for added confusion or unnecessary pain, if she’s already accompanied by challenges of her own.

Besides having stability and independence into the equation, walk into a woman’s life with a sense of who you are and your purpose. A man with purpose is appealing to a woman with purpose. Also, offer her unconditional love, commitment and the absence of pride and ego.

In order to enhance something, something has to be already there or in a place. A Proverbs 31 woman isn’t looking for a man to define, complete or take care of her. She knows her identity. She is whole, self-sufficient and is able to take care of herself.  Being wooed by monetary means is just an option to her.

  1. A woman longs for a man who can to speak to her mind.

To take a woman outside of her emotions, and into a place she seldom experiences touch, which is in the pacific of her mind, your conversation has to be enriched with something that feathers her interest.

Intimacy happens before any heated moment. In any way am I’m offering advice of how to get a woman in bed. I believe you should wait to share yourself in marriage. However, intimacy begins with conversation. Intellectual stimulation has mental and physical reactions. Romantically, conversation is a way to turn a woman’s wheels upstairs. To have her think, laugh, smile, or consider you for advice, because of your conversation, sketches you into her life as an ideal husband. A woman who thinks long-terms wants have a man she could talk to, and actually enjoy as a person.

If you’re not versed in areas she’s interested in, do the homework. Find out why intrigues her, and meet her there in the given topical conversation. This shows that you she matters to you.

There are five more things I believe a woman longs for…coming up next.

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Communication, Faith, friendship, Honesty, How to Find Love, inspiration, love, Love Again By Melvin Davis, Melvin Davis

5 Ways For a Man to Tell If You’re Equally Yoked with Him

A very familiar question I’m asked often is “so why are you single?” This is a question that has become a little redundant to hear and answer. In a way, I sort of anticipate the day I’m no longer asked. However, a week ago, I didn’t mind answering it. Why, because something changed within me.

While I was brainstorming and jotting ideas for the vision God has given me for ministry, something happened. Another vision had set in that would compliment the vision of ministry. As the pen stood still in my hand, I looked off to the side and saw a particular woman in my minds eye. I didn’t see an actual physical person, but I saw qualities that go beyond that. Whoever this woman is I believe God has set aside for me for a purpose. She’s chosen for me, and vice versa. This woman is special because I know I’ll find her equally yoked with me.

I want to 5 ways for a man to tell if you’re equally yoked with him. I aware that I can’t speak for every man. We’re all different and like different things. I get that, but I’m describing below is basic essential for a healthy relationship. And yes, I know you’re thinking, “but you’re still single, how can you write blog about being equally yoked with someone? Well, I believe you can tell the same way you know someone isn’t the one for you.  You just know it. Your spirit doesn’t agree with that person–no matter how attractive, intelligent, spiritual and well put together they maybe. Besides that, there’s a particular scripture that qualifies me to answer the question of how you can tell you’re equally yoked with someone.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”–Jeremiah 29:11

The woman I had a vision about is a Proverbs 31 woman. That’s a promise to me from God. I believe this by faith and I’m speaking her into existence. Perhaps you should do the same.

Here are 5 ways for a man to tell if you’re equally yoked with him.

  1. Acceptance and understanding of his purpose.

In part I of this blog, I mentioned that I didn’t see myself being with a woman who doesn’t understand or support my calling. By calling, I mean my life’s purpose or vocation if that word works a little better for you. I didn’t quite explain what my calling is, but I offered a variety of responses that I receive when I open up about it. I’ll share them again. These are a few responses I receive when I tell women I’m called to pastor, and writing is one medium God uses me to minister to others.

“That’s deep.” (My all-time favorite.)

“Oh, that’s nice.” (The modest, but indifferent response.)

“That’s great. I wish you success.” (Me, really?)

“Oh okay…nods head.” (I nod my head back feeling all the awkwardness in the world.)

“Oh really??????” (Yup…nodding my head)  *This is the fake super excited response.

“So you must really take your faith seriously?” (As if it’s like a hobby and not a lifestyle.)

“That would be too much pressure.” (Pressure? I feel the pressure already and I don’t think my ministry has begun. There are days I feel unqualified, inexperience and unworthy. Hey, I’m a man trying to live a life please to God.)

When I hear these responses, I don’t have to figure out if she’s the one or not. The work has already been done. The evidence is in the indifferent reactions. A good listening ear will take a long way.

The love of your life isn’t going to run away from your purpose. That person will fit in it. In my case, I understand some hesitance may be there. My is life dedicated to serving in the Kingdom of God, and not every woman can see living a Christ-like lifestyle.I believe, when two lives intersect, two worlds are merging into one. It’s God’s ultimate plan to bring two people together to walk the same path in a relationship with Him and each other.

Trust God, and watch Him make love happen in your life. That’s a promise.

Because there’s acceptance and understanding of his purpose, there’s another way a man gages you to tell if you’re equally yoked with him.

2. Spiritually compatibility.

I know this sounds cliché, but think of a relationship like rhythm in music. It’s harmonious. All the components that go into making a quality and good sound, are working together to sit well with your ear and heart. This is how I see the woman that’s equally yoked with me.

Spiritual compatibility is the gelling of two spirits and souls dancing in rhythm, and projecting the same sound, that lets you and the other person know, you found something special in one another.

If a woman has no desire to know God, the chances of a spiritual connection probably isn’t going to happen with him either. A man of God is looking for a woman of God. If your heart is moving in the direction of coming into a relationship with Christ, he sees hope in a “you and him.” He believes he could build something long lasting and special with you. He’s thinking, like myself, It would be an honor to play a role in her salvation or strengthening her walk with God: This is great, because while God is working on you, He’s unfolding a wonderful relationship before your eyes.

If the roles are reversed, as in the woman has the stronger relationship with God, it would be his desire to meet you where you’re at. He isn’t going to shy away or feel less of a man if you’re there spiritually and he’s not. His focus on building HIs relationship with God is on Him anyway, and he sees you as playing an important part in that. He sees a helpmate in you.

3. Great Communication and Honesty.

A man of God wants a woman who’s open and honest with him.

If the woman I’m with is afraid to communicate with me in open honesty and truth, let’s say for example, there are typos in this blog or in my novel, and I ask what she thought about it, and she says, “it was really good,” Houston, we have a problem. Love tells the truth from a place of honesty and sincerity.

I’m not expecting her to be an English teach as someone pointed out when I posted the excerpt above a week ago. I was halfway joking here. The point is to be straightforward and honest.

Let’s consider how Proverbs 31: 26 describes a woman that’s a great and honest communicator.

“She speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction is on her tongue.”

Wisdom is truth. Wisdom is also the ability to say something out of love and without fear.

Going back to the example of a woman pointing out the flaws in my work: Faithful instruction is her giving me the opportunity to correct what’s wrong, so that I could improve as a writer and present the best work possible. Or, if there were things I need to work on as a person, I would expect her to voice what they are. Trust me when I say this, a man values and appreciates a woman who speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction. He will  know it’s coming from a place of her love and respect. Equally important, he’ll know it’s coming from God. She is a helpmate that’s trying to help him.

4. She’s an excellent listener. Great Communication also translates into excellent listening skills.

Wisdom is to know when to listen.

Sometimes after posting devotional message after message, responding to prayer requests and inbox messages from others asking for spiritual or relationship advice–adding in listening to the concerns of others over the phone, I’m drained. Spiritually. Don’t misunderstand me. I enjoy this. I have a heart for people. I love helping others. Its my nature. I always welcome the opportunity to be used by God. However, I’m human too.

I’m not sure if people who are overly talkative are aware that someone may want them to just listen. There are moments when someone may want to pour into you or pray for them, but an extended hand or a listening ear isn’t offered—only 45 min’s to an hour worth of what’s on your mind when you do “talk.” When this happens to me, I’m repeating in my head, why is this happening. I’m sure he is too.

A proverbs 31 woman is a listening woman. I’m praying for a woman who can listen, and listen without the urge to get a word out. Talkers without the balancing of listening are anxious to get a word out, which means, they really aren’t listening. I know when this is happening lol ;). I’m a good listener and observer.

Listening seems so insignificant but can be detrimental to a relationship or friendship. Any nature of relationship involves exchange. Exchange also means listening.

Note: When a man is into you, you’ll come to discover an excellent listener in him. He’s in tuned into your tone voice, choice of words and how you convey them. He’s taking mental note of your facial expressions, how you move your hands when you talk, and other body language that suggest what kind of mood you’re in.  And if he’s really in tuned to you, he’ll know what’s your mind before you get a chance to tell him. He’ll know when to listen and do nothing else but listen or to offer you sound advice  of encourage. His empathy will increase your love for him.

5. Another way for a man to tell if you’re equally yoked with him, if the transition into a relationship is a smooth one.

 A relationship happens when you are equally yoked with someone

Reflecting on dating situations I was in, or getting to know someone, there were always something in a way that prevented a relationship from happening. Sometimes it was the woman I was interested in that other things going on, or I had personal things in my life to focus on. I walked away thinking, “maybe the timing isn’t right.” Here’s what I’m alluding to.

When things are too difficult from the onset, that’s never a good sign. Yeah, I understand that no one is perfect, therefore a relationship doesn’t have a chance to be either, however, if there are challenges that has the power to take your focus off each other, perhaps bad timing is not the case here, it’s God saying this isn’t the person I want you to be with.

I believe that God’s timing is perfect in drawing two imperfect people together. In God’s timing, the transition into love is a smooth one. And if there are unforeseen challenges ahead or external circumstances currently going on, it’s not going to draw your attention off of each other. What’s happening will draw you closer to each other. Praying for and with each other, and being emotionally and spiritually present, is always a plus. You really have no idea what this can do for you.

In part II. B of Equally Yoked, I want to share a few characteristics that a woman should look for a man to tell if he’s match for you.

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