Hold her from behind at the waist. Kiss her on the cheek. Restate in your own words what she confided in you about. She will know you did more than listening, but that you understand her.-Melvin Davis
In a relationship, emotions fly out the window when you ask questions that makes you examine is this the person I really want to spend my life with. Questions about raising a family, motherhood, fatherhood, educating your children or more relevant to the topic at hand, what do you believe about God or how do you feel about what God has called me to do. When I was younger and immature, I wanted a “bad” woman. Most younger men want the most attractive woman. Whether she was God-fearing, intelligent or a good conversationalist or not, physical attraction was the only thing that matter. These days, I say to myself, I want someone who I can talk to you. You come to appreciate the small things in life such as conversation that makes you enjoy someone’s company. There’s another element to add to the table. Several months ago, I heard the Lord say to me (paraphrasing), she’s not just marrying you. She’s also marrying what I called you to do. After the Lord said this to me, I listened to a teaching of a man who walks with God sometime after. The man of God talked about his nephew, who has a calling on his life. His nephew believed the young lady he was seeing was the one. Until one day the Lord told him she wasn’t. Disappointed, he broke the relationship off. He said to his nephew, if you had married this woman she would have stopped you from fulfilling your calling. Looking back he agreed. Hearing this message was confirmation to me that gave me the chills.
I remember asking my ex-girlfriend one day. What if God wants me to travel to other countries to teach the Gospel, would you come? She was quiet for a few seconds and said, “that’s something we could talk about later.” Her response was a disappointing one. I don’t mean this in a demeaning or belittling way, but it was confirmation that she wasn’t the woman God wanted me to marry. Uncertainty about each other is a sure sign you aren’t with the right person.
Everyone’s life is unique. We’re all called to serve God in some capacity. Whether in ministry or in a secular/ corporate setting. Your particular calling has a responsibility and a commitment. Some assignments may require you to travel locally. Perhaps abroad. If preaching or teaching the Gospel of Jesus Christ is your calling, you have to consider does the person I envision being with fit the life God has set apart for me? It’s a question I don’t necessarily have to ask anymore. You come to know that many of your questions are answered by getting to know someone. You listen to them speak and you discern and see where they’re commitment to Christ is, what they’re going after to achieve in life or how they envision the kind of life they want to live.
I was catching up with my Dad a few days ago. Yesterday, I talked to my mom. I’m not sure how we got on the topic, but my parents asked when am I getting married? The question caught me off guard. Given that my parents are divorced and no longer talk to each other, I don’t think it’s a coincidence they asked me the question a few days apart from each other. I believe they want to see my sibling’s and I marry. I think they also want grandchildren. Anyhow, I didn’t have an immediate answer. I had to think about it. I feel like I’m in an awkward place when it comes to a love life. Finally I said to the both of them, “It’s not like your days where it was easier to find someone. Things are different now. I’m in my mid late 30’s. Women my age are either married or divorced with children. Some divorced women have accrued deep emotional and mental wounds that may require counseling or just time alone. I retired from playing the role of a counselor. Other divorced women are so guarded that would take work to gain their trust. I don’t foresee expending time and energy.” At least God hasn’t put it on my heart too. Some women my age are still clubbing and partying. This is not the kind women I want to be with. As far as women with children, although I’d like two of my own, I’m open to being with someone who has children. I wasn’t when I was much younger. There are moments when I don’t think about having children. I’ve been on my own so long that I’m used to thinking single-minded.
With younger women, patience is a required of you and communication can be a challenge. Where she’s at in her relationship with Christ, how emotionally stable and mature she is and where we’re on the same page intellectually, tells me if she’s worth pursing. By younger I’m talking about the ages between 27-32. Anyhow, younger women I’ve encountered aren’t so much great communicators. They are rather evasive or passive aggressive. Both are a turnoff to me. Other younger women are just in a different place in life. They’re still having fun, figuring out or pursuing what they want out of life. This presents a problem. When you know what you want and are headed, and the other person isn’t, you’re not going to merge together because you’re walking two different paths. Usually the people who are interested in you are the one’s you aren’t really attracted to. I don’t think I need to elaborate on this statement
I heard about women having a biological clock. They reach a certain age in their prime, where they want to marry and have children. I’ m starting to believe men have a biological too. When I see a father with his daughter, or with his wife and kids, I get to thinking, I want a daughter to spoil of my own. I’m at a place in life where I desire to build a life with my wife and have a family of my own. A part of me is starting to believe that maybe marriage isn’t apart of God’s plan for my life. And that maybe there’s a possibility that God has called me to a life of singleness like the Apostle Paul. If this is what God has called me to, I would have to shift my mind from my personal desires to what God planned for my life. It would be hard, but I know God’s will bring out the best in life.
It’s been a while since I blogged about love & relationships. Like a really long time. For several months, God had taken my attention away from blogging, and have put it solely on Him. Seeking more intimacy with God has reserved much of my time. I do feel led to return back to subject. I now have fresh eyes and have grown in Christ since blogging consistently.
I recently exited a relationship a few months ago. People asked what happen? What went wrong? I’ve graduated to a point to not bother answering those questions. They are quite irrelevant. I think more people should do away with such questions. The underlying question to ask is was the relationship in the will of God? If there answer is no, the relationship is not going to work anyway. Fruit cannot produce outside the will of God. Apart from Jesus you can do nothing ( John 15: 4-6).
I’ve graduated to an understanding that experiencing love with someone is more than just being in a relationship. It’s more than “looking good” together or “creating an empire” or being someone who have a great personality and conversation and financially stable. The Holy Spirit has told me my wife will understand the anointing and calling on my life in the Kingdom of God. Vice versa. I would have to understand the calling and the anointing that’s on her life. It works both ways.
Since my recent breakup, I have somewhat actively pursued or have engaged to see where a woman’s mind is at. Her mind gives me a snapshot of how she speaks and thinks. It also opens my eyes to see where she’s at in God. There are some women who have given their life to Jesus, but there mind is still worldly. Equally yoked also embodies having the same mind in Christ (Amos 3:3). You cannot walk with Christ and the world at the same time. Lukewarm isn’t the way to go.
The number is small when it comes to really following Jesus and have an intimate relationship with Him. There are a few women who are seeking fellowship with the Lord. There are many women who have a casual relationship with Him. By that I mean, they only seek the Lord when they need something or read & study scripture a few times out of the year. It is true, that less you read the word, your mind begins to revert back to its secular ways. Feeding on the word of God is a lifestyle. It’s vital for continued growth and spiritual transformation in Christ.
I’m in a place now that I think about the calling on my life when it comes to pursuing a woman. I can no longer entertain, let alone, try to court a woman who isn’t passionate about the Lord. We’ll find each other spending less time with one another because of it or probably at odds of how we view scripture, God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit.
Is her mind in Christ is question I look and listen to see answered when I engage in conversation. By discernment through the Holy Spirit, He will lead and guide me into all truth. Although I am man writing about women, this matter is also applicable to a woman giving a man a chance to court her. You would also have to discern if his mind is in Christ and if he will fit into God’s design for her life.
She’s a woman unfit to be “arm candy.” The Christ in her prevents her from being downgraded. She’s a woman of God
She has a voice and presence. I never have to speak on her behalf
The wind that follows her comes with confidence. She’s a walking proverb
Her speech is like living wells of water filled with sound judgement, depth, substance and wisdom
I met an amazing woman
She spoke to my rock than struck it. Water flowed out of me. I gave her possession of my land. My heart, which flows with milk and honey. She knew how to handle me with gentle care
I marvel at her grace. She’s a woman girded in humility and meekness. The scale of her beauty is balanced. She remains in the middle, seated in Christ
I serve my wife. I pray for her. I pray with her. Her hands are in mine in public. My heart is in her hands when I’m not with her
She’s my blessing, a modern-day Ruth in the midst of Delilah’s and Jezebel’s
She is not perfect, but her heart is committed to Christ
I can see her clay in the hands of the Potter
God is constantly molding and sculpting her heart and mind into the image of his Son. Jesus Christ.
It’s a beautiful sight to wonder. She sees my clay as well
Gazing into her eyes, I can see blue oceans and forceful waves overlapping over each.
In her is life, the breath of God, the same Spirit that hovered over the face of the deep in the beginning.
She walks and sits in the company virtue.
When she speaks, I listen.
When she touches, I heal.
When she counsels, I have clarity.
Her wisdom and virtue is her honor.
I adore this woman.
She doesn’t give me life. She adds to my life.
When I speak, she listens.
When I touch, she heals.
When I counsel, she has clarity.
She honors my love and intimacy with Christ.
We are compatible in every way.
Our relationship glorifies God.
As my custom, I kiss her hand in public every now and then. She’s my royal queen.
She’s royalty to me.
I kneel and prayed for favor, and found a “good thing” in her
We laugh together. Pray together. Praise together. Worship together. We are on flesh.
We are not perfect, but we are made for each other.
Our hearts are in the hands of The Potter.
We’re both His clay–forever shaped, refined into one and sealed with a coating of God’s love, promise and blessing.
She is the finishing touch. I don’t have to look further.
I belong to her, but she truly belongs to God. He loved her first. My love can never replace or surpass what the way God loves her, so I clang to Him the more, keeping Him first.
I adore this woman.