Hold her from behind at the waist. Kiss her on the cheek. Restate in your own words what she confided in you about. She will know you did more than listening, but that you understand her.-Melvin Davis
It’s been a while since I blogged about love & relationships. Like a really long time. For several months, God had taken my attention away from blogging, and have put it solely on Him. Seeking more intimacy with God has reserved much of my time. I do feel led to return back to subject. I now have fresh eyes and have grown in Christ since blogging consistently.
I recently exited a relationship a few months ago. People asked what happen? What went wrong? I’ve graduated to a point to not bother answering those questions. They are quite irrelevant. I think more people should do away with such questions. The underlying question to ask is was the relationship in the will of God? If there answer is no, the relationship is not going to work anyway. Fruit cannot produce outside the will of God. Apart from Jesus you can do nothing ( John 15: 4-6).
I’ve graduated to an understanding that experiencing love with someone is more than just being in a relationship. It’s more than “looking good” together or “creating an empire” or being someone who have a great personality and conversation and financially stable. The Holy Spirit has told me my wife will understand the anointing and calling on my life in the Kingdom of God. Vice versa. I would have to understand the calling and the anointing that’s on her life. It works both ways.
Since my recent breakup, I have somewhat actively pursued or have engaged to see where a woman’s mind is at. Her mind gives me a snapshot of how she speaks and thinks. It also opens my eyes to see where she’s at in God. There are some women who have given their life to Jesus, but there mind is still worldly. Equally yoked also embodies having the same mind in Christ (Amos 3:3). You cannot walk with Christ and the world at the same time. Lukewarm isn’t the way to go.
The number is small when it comes to really following Jesus and have an intimate relationship with Him. There are a few women who are seeking fellowship with the Lord. There are many women who have a casual relationship with Him. By that I mean, they only seek the Lord when they need something or read & study scripture a few times out of the year. It is true, that less you read the word, your mind begins to revert back to its secular ways. Feeding on the word of God is a lifestyle. It’s vital for continued growth and spiritual transformation in Christ.
I’m in a place now that I think about the calling on my life when it comes to pursuing a woman. I can no longer entertain, let alone, try to court a woman who isn’t passionate about the Lord. We’ll find each other spending less time with one another because of it or probably at odds of how we view scripture, God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit.
Is her mind in Christ is question I look and listen to see answered when I engage in conversation. By discernment through the Holy Spirit, He will lead and guide me into all truth. Although I am man writing about women, this matter is also applicable to a woman giving a man a chance to court her. You would also have to discern if his mind is in Christ and if he will fit into God’s design for her life.
She’s a woman unfit to be “arm candy.” The Christ in her prevents her from being downgraded. She’s a woman of God
She has a voice and presence. I never have to speak on her behalf
The wind that follows her comes with confidence. She’s a walking proverb
Her speech is like living wells of water filled with sound judgement, depth, substance and wisdom
I met an amazing woman
She spoke to my rock than struck it. Water flowed out of me. I gave her possession of my land. My heart, which flows with milk and honey. She knew how to handle me with gentle care
I marvel at her grace. She’s a woman girded in humility and meekness. The scale of her beauty is balanced. She remains in the middle, seated in Christ
I serve my wife. I pray for her. I pray with her. Her hands are in mine in public. My heart is in her hands when I’m not with her
She’s my blessing, a modern-day Ruth in the midst of Delilah’s and Jezebel’s
She is not perfect, but her heart is committed to Christ
I can see her clay in the hands of the Potter
God is constantly molding and sculpting her heart and mind into the image of his Son. Jesus Christ.
It’s a beautiful sight to wonder. She sees my clay as well
Gazing into her eyes, I can see blue oceans and forceful waves overlapping over each.
In her is life, the breath of God, the same Spirit that hovered over the face of the deep in the beginning.
She walks and sits in the company virtue.
When she speaks, I listen.
When she touches, I heal.
When she counsels, I have clarity.
Her wisdom and virtue is her honor.
I adore this woman.
She doesn’t give me life. She adds to my life.
When I speak, she listens.
When I touch, she heals.
When I counsel, she has clarity.
She honors my love and intimacy with Christ.
We are compatible in every way.
Our relationship glorifies God.
As my custom, I kiss her hand in public every now and then. She’s my royal queen.
She’s royalty to me.
I kneel and prayed for favor, and found a “good thing” in her
We laugh together. Pray together. Praise together. Worship together. We are on flesh.
We are not perfect, but we are made for each other.
Our hearts are in the hands of The Potter.
We’re both His clay–forever shaped, refined into one and sealed with a coating of God’s love, promise and blessing.
She is the finishing touch. I don’t have to look further.
I belong to her, but she truly belongs to God. He loved her first. My love can never replace or surpass what the way God loves her, so I clang to Him the more, keeping Him first.
I adore this woman.
In the introduction, I touched on how love is often defined by how a person makes them feel. God is love and He is spirit., which means love is spiritual. Galatians 5:22 highlights the fruits of His Spirit. Love is the first one listed and it’s not there randomly. Out of love flows joy, peace, patience, kindness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Without love, none of these qualities can be. You may ask yourself, how does this tie into the topic intimacy of covenant. What I’m giving you is a foundation to incorporate into your definition and outlook of love. I used to have a list of qualities that I wanted in a woman. The fruits of God’s spirit weren’t included. Being equally yoked is also having and embracing the same definition of what love is and looks like in Christ. A reason relationships fail are because of contrasting thoughts and opinions of what love is. It’s difficult arriving to a mutual agreement when perspectives clash. People have passionate, but destructive arguments due to how they intellectually, emotionally and spiritually understand something. Arguments are expressed through the reality of ones perspective, which is based on experience, or lack thereof, on emotional intelligence and how spiritually discerned they. And yes, I agree there’s beauty, intrigue and excitement in diversity and difference of opinion and how a person thinks. However, when it to comes to a Christ-like union, there must be a common ground and a path bigger but narrow enough for two people walk on. How can two walk together unless they agree. Amos 3:3. By bigger, I’m alluding to the ability to be unselfish and share your life with someone else. By narrow, when two marry, they become one flesh, walking side by side in agreement with each other. You must be equally yoked in Christ to walk the narrow path of holiness and godliness in a persuasive and secular world. Light and darkness can’t occupy the same space.
I want you to understand something that’s very poignant here. The deeper your intimacy is with God, more depth and substance is added to how you love. The gifts of wisdom and understanding will help you love in an impacting way. I speak of the kind of loving that transforms and opens another eyes to see Christ in you when its inconvenient to. Your spouse should see more of Christ in you than you. The scales fell from Paul eyes represents a new life, a new vision, a new purpose and a new love. Paul transitioned from a life of persecuting Christians to a life of becoming one. Believers in Christ couldn’t comprehend this drastic and sudden change. That’s to say, we cannot fully comprehend the love, the thoughts and the ways of God. We should be transformed from our former life and former way of loving to Holy Spirit way of loving. This doesn’t mean we’re going to be perfect. It means we are to surrender, commit and be active in treating others the way God shows grace and mercy towards us.
Many of you are praying for a sign of confirmation if you met the one. Look to see the fruits of God’s spirit are in the person you’re investing time with.
Love is often define within the limitation of emotion. It’s God who helps you understand the emotions you feel from love are just an over flow of a spiritual connection you have with someone. I’m sure you come to experience and understand that emotions are temporal, even misleading. They’re inconsistent. They fluctuate. Feelings are based on what someone does or don’t do for you. People aren’t perfect. Neither are you. Your significant other could do or say something that’s hurtful to you–intentionally or unintentionally. In that instance of offense, the emotions you associate love with will ultimately vanish. What you called love would take on the form anger, revenge or indifference. And usually when someone feels angered, neglected or “unloved”, creating distance or cheating becomes a viable option. You must truly understand how God defines love in 1 Corinthians 13, if you’re going to have a successful courtship and marriage. When you mediate on this scripture and the two above, you’ll begin to see the heart of God and the heart of His Son Jesus and the fruit of the Holy Spirit. You’ll begin to see kindness, patience and gentleness through His grace and mercy towards you. His love doesn’t dishonor. It’s neither self-seeking. You will also see those qualities on display in the life of Jesus Christ when you study the Gospels. If emotions are what define love for you, I encourage you to make room for how you define love.
The cliché “love is a choice” rings true, but what’s more profound is that God is love. The decision to surrender your love life to God will prove to be a wise one. A successful and godly relationship rests on Christ being at the center of it. In 1 Corinthians 13, love is defined. In 2 Corinthians 6:14, the word of God tells who He wants us to experience love with, which is a person who has the heart in the hands of the Potter. A person who is equally yoked with you is a man or woman who’s given and surrendered their life to Christ and has an intimate relationship with Him. I will go in detail later of what this kind of Christian looks like according to scripture and not Melvin Davis (me) thoughts or opinions. Being in a relationship or married to an individual in Christ is what makes two equally yoked.
Being equally yoked isn’t a metaphor. The yoke of something is the core of something. The core holds everything together, so that which you have built may live and have life more abundantly. It’s the foundation that everything else rests on. “Yoke”equates to spirit. When you are intimate with someone, you become yoked spiritually. It’s your spirit that joins together like two pieces of clay. I’m sure you have heard of “soul ties” and why it’s so hard to break away from someone. They are yoked by spirit through intimacy. Intimacy isn’t just within the parameter of sex. Intimacy is also experienced through conversation, investing quality time together, physical touch such as hugging, holding and kissing each other. It’s whatever you do to allow someone to earn you trust, affection, love and sacrifice.
To have a godly relationship, you must be in a committed relationship with God through Jesus Christ. You must be connected to the True Vine. An issue some believers in Christ have is they desire a godly relationship, but their lifestyle contradicts what they’re seeking, expecting and praying for. The desire maybe in you to want a godly man or woman, but your heart is still in covenant with the world. It’s possible to receive salvation and remain unchanged. This happens by not reading the Word and spending intimate time with God. When you are walking with the Holy Spirit that is in you, you’ll no longer have a taste or an attraction for what’s unholy. Men who have an intimate relationship with Christ, walk in the spirit. They no longer have a desire or an attraction for women who speak with profanity, adorns herself in sensuality, seduction and vanity. Neither does a godly woman, walking in the same magnitude of intimacy with God and holiness, have an affinity for men who easily overtake ungodly women by their fame, prestige, material possessions or the appeal of their physical attraction.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Apostle Paul
My attempt to describe the love God has for us would fall short. God’s love is far beyond human comprehension. His love is sublime. It’s perfect without defect. His love is revelatory, which means, there are so many facets about God that we’ll never know. God is the definition of depth. He’s deep. He cannot be measured. That’s to say, His love is immeasurable. However, we can attest to the love of God on three basic levels. 1. We know God displayed His love when he sent His Son Jesus into the world to remove sin and it’s power over us. 2. We know the love of God through the free gift salvation (John 3:16). 3. We also know the love of God by what He Sent Jesus through. On the way to the cross, God allowed His Son to experience every horrible feeling that we encounter in life. From betrayal, abandonment, being mocked and talked about, enduring physical pain and humiliation, and separation from his Father. Jesus overcame it all. The love of God carried him through. You’re not going to find to many people who are willing to sacrifice their life for you. God sent his Groom, Jesus, to get dirty so that His bride, the Church, could be clean. That’s love. Unimaginable love. Sacrificial love. Perfect love. Imagine a man loving his wife this way. A man of God who’s willing to lay down his life without question is powerful. A man of God who’s willing to help you dig up and remove the remaining debris from your life that hinders you is a man who loves you. A man who’s patient and prays over all your imperfections is a man who loves you. He doesn’t mind getting dirty, so He can see the bride he married, clean.
I’m confident enough to say that men who seek after the deeper things of God have the ability to love a woman of God in extraordinary ways. This kind of love would sure frighten a woman who isn’t ready to be loved in the way that Christ loved the church. I met women who weren’t ready. I’ve learned you can’t give something special to someone who isn’t mature enough to handle or comprehend what you have to offer. A godly relationship/marriage takes humility, emotional and spiritual maturity to sustain. It also takes the power of prayer and consecration. You need the wisdom and knowledge of God to grow and protect the blessings He gives you.
God knows every detailed structure and contour of a woman’s soul, spiritual and emotional anatomy. He knows how much time she does and doesn’t spend time with him. He knows the surface and depth of her understanding of Him. He knows her fears, insecurities and strengths. He knows the hidden things in her heart. He knows every single traumatic experience. He also knows her high points in life. He knows her success and victorious moments. Having this knowledge about her on hand enhances fellowship with her. This is not to say that women aren’t knowledgeable about God and the word. She’s there to also strengthen your walk with Christ too. My point is when two or three are gathered in Jesus name, He’s present (Matthew 18: 20). Christ should be present from the point you meet your wife, until the very moment you marry her. And Christ is still there when you have disagreements. Studying the word of God with her, fasting and praying together, is to love her the way Christ loved the Church (Ephesians 5:23). Dying daily to your shortcomings is loving her like Christ loved the church. Spending quality time with her is too. Jesus invested a great deal of time with his disciples. He taught them how to pray, truths and secrets about the Kingdom of God they would later understand. He also imparted knowledge, wisdom and other spiritual gifts into their lives. He built up their faith and equipped them with tools to continue the work of the gospel. To love your wife the way Christ loved the church to spend time with the Father. You’re probably asking yourself what do I mean? How does spending time with the Father relates to loving your wife that Christ loved the Church. Pull up John 5:19. Jesus said three things.
- “I can do nothing on my own.”
- “I only do what I see my Father doing.”
- “Whatever the Father does, the Son also does.”
First, Jesus acknowledges dependency on His Father. Jesus needed the strength of the Father to do His will. Second, Jesus only does what He can visibly/tangibly see His Father doing. The healing and miracles you read in the scriptures, God the Father showed him how to do it. Three, Jesus intimacy with the Father granted Him the same power and authority. Now here’s the connection. For a man to love His wife in an extraordinary way, He must realize he can’t love her solely on his own experience. Besides, each woman isn’t the same. He must depend on Jesus to love with care and wisdom. Two, a husband must be able to see what Jesus is doing in their individuals lives and in the marriage. If he takes his eyes of Christ, he takes his eyes of his wife. He will not be in tuned or recognize the source of problems that will arise and the important decisions they need to make as one in the marriage. He must keep God first. Last, when a husband has an intimate relationship with God, He’s given a measure of power and authority to lead in the relationship/marriage. He will be able to do the greater works Jesus talks about in John 14:12. The greater works are the healing and miracles. Imagine the wife or husband being diagnosed with some illness, and either could heal each other. You see all types of “relationship goal” captions in social media, as it relates to fitness, business or financial success. I’m not against health and wealth. However, incorporate some spiritual principles into your marriage. Having the power the power to heal, perform miracles and cast out unclean spirit is a power couple!
A man walking with God wants to love you the way Christ loved the church. He wants to love you to the point of drawing tears of joy. If you experienced the presence of God while simply waiting on Him in stillness and silence, I’m sure you found yourself in tears of joy. The love in God’s presence is just that powerful. Just the thought of God’s love and goodness, His grace and mercy alone, could leave you worshipping Him in silence and prostrate with tears of joy. Silence and stillness positions you to experience God in this way (Psalm 46:10). You are worshipping in Spirit and in Truth here. If you could connect to God this way, you could connect to a woman similarly. I’m not speaking of worshipping her. That’s absolutely forbidden. Your presence alone, while you’re sitting in stillness and silence with her, could bring tears of joy to her eyes. It’s not you. It’s He, the Holy Spirit in you, altering the atmosphere while you’re with her. He’s ushering the both of you into the presence of God. That’s fellowship. Later on, I will distinguish the difference between fellowship and a friendship. You should experience both with the love of your life.
The next part of this blog will be up soon.