Communication, Faith, friendship, Honesty, How to Find Love, inspiration, love, Love Again By Melvin Davis, Melvin Davis

5 Ways For a Man to Tell If You’re Equally Yoked with Him

A very familiar question I’m asked often is “so why are you single?” This is a question that has become a little redundant to hear and answer. In a way, I sort of anticipate the day I’m no longer asked. However, a week ago, I didn’t mind answering it. Why, because something changed within me.

While I was brainstorming and jotting ideas for the vision God has given me for ministry, something happened. Another vision had set in that would compliment the vision of ministry. As the pen stood still in my hand, I looked off to the side and saw a particular woman in my minds eye. I didn’t see an actual physical person, but I saw qualities that go beyond that. Whoever this woman is I believe God has set aside for me for a purpose. She’s chosen for me. Vice versa. This woman is special because I know I’ll find her equally yoked with me.

I want to talk about 5 ways for a man to tell if you’re equally yoked with him. I’m aware that I can’t speak for every man. We’re all different. I get that, but I’m describing below is basic essential for a healthy relationship. And yes, I know you’re thinking, “but you’re still single, how can you write blog about being equally yoked with someone? Well, I believe you can tell the same way you know someone isn’t the one for you.  You just know it. Your spirit doesn’t agree with that person–no matter how attractive, intelligent, spiritual and well put together they may be. Besides that, there’s a particular scripture that qualifies me to answer the question of how you can tell you’re equally yoked with someone.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”–Jeremiah 29:11

The woman I had a vision about is a Proverbs 31 woman. That’s a promise to me from God. I believe this by faith and I’m speaking her into existence. Perhaps you should do the same.

Here are 5 ways for a man to tell if you’re equally yoked with him.

  1. Acceptance and understanding of his purpose.

In part I of this blog, I mentioned that I didn’t see myself being with a woman who doesn’t understand or support my calling. By calling, I mean my life’s purpose or vocation if that word works a little better for you. I didn’t quite explain what my calling is, but I offered a variety of responses that I receive when I open up about it. I’ll share them again. These are a few responses I receive when I tell women I’m called to pastor, and writing is one medium God uses me to minister to others.

“That’s deep.” (My all-time favorite.)

“Oh, that’s nice.” (The modest, but indifferent response.)

“That’s great. I wish you success.” (Me, really?)

“Oh okay…nods head.” (I nod my head back feeling all the awkwardness in the world.)

“Oh really??????” (Yup…nodding my head)  *This is the fake super excited response.

“So you must really take your faith seriously?” (As if it’s like a hobby and not a lifestyle.)

“That would be too much pressure.” (Pressure? I feel the pressure already and I don’t think my ministry has begun. There are days I feel unqualified, inexperience and unworthy. Hey, I’m a man trying to live a life please to God.)

When I hear these responses, I don’t have to figure out if she’s the one or not. The work has already been done. The evidence is in the indifferent reactions. A good listening ear will take a long way.

The love of your life isn’t going to run away from your purpose. That person will fit in it. In my case, I understand some hesitance may be there. My is life dedicated to serving in the Kingdom of God, and not every woman can see living a Christ-like lifestyle. I believe, when two lives intersect, two worlds are merging into one. It’s God’s ultimate plan to bring two people together to walk the same path in a relationship with Him and each other.

Trust God, and watch Him make love happen in your life. That’s a promise.

Because there’s acceptance and understanding of his purpose, there’s another way a man gages you to tell if you’re equally yoked with him.

2. Spiritually compatibility.

I know this sounds cliché, but think of a relationship like rhythm in music. It’s harmonious. All the components that go into making a quality, good sound are working together to sit well with your ear and heart. This is how I see the woman that’s equally yoked with me.

Spiritual compatibility is the gelling of two spirits and souls dancing in rhythm, and projecting the same sound that lets you and the other person know, you found something special in one another.

If a woman has no desire to know God, the chances of a spiritual connection probably isn’t going to happen with him either. A man of God is looking for a woman of God. If your heart is moving in the direction of coming into a relationship with Christ, he sees hope in a “you and him.” He believes he could build something long lasting and special with you. He’s thinking, like myself, It would be an honor to play a role in her salvation or strengthening her walk with God: This is great, because while God is working on you, He’s unfolding a wonderful relationship before your eyes.

If the roles are reversed, as in the woman has the stronger relationship with God, it would be his desire to meet you where you’re at. He isn’t going to shy away or feel less of a man if you’re there spiritually and he’s not. His focus on building HIs relationship with God is on Him anyway, and he sees you as playing an important part in that. He sees a helpmate in you.

3. Great Communication and Honesty.

A man of God wants a woman who’s open and honest with him.

If the woman I’m with is afraid to communicate with me in open honesty and truth, let’s say for example, there are typos in this blog or in my novel, and I ask what she thought about it, and she says, “it was really good,” Houston, we have a problem. Love tells the truth from a place of honesty and sincerity.

I’m not expecting her to be an English teach as someone pointed out when I posted the excerpt above a week ago. I was halfway joking here. The point is to be straightforward and honest.

Let’s consider how Proverbs 31: 26 describes a woman that’s a great and honest communicator.

“She speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction is on her tongue.”

Wisdom is truth. Wisdom is also the ability to say something out of love and without fear.

Going back to the example of a woman pointing out the flaws in my work: Faithful instruction is her giving me the opportunity to correct what’s wrong, so that I could improve as a writer and present the best work possible. Or, if there were things I need to work on as a person, I would expect her to voice what they are. Trust me when I say this, a man values and appreciates a woman who speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction. He will  know it’s coming from a place of her love and respect. Equally important, he’ll know it’s coming from God. She is a helpmate that’s trying to help him.

4. She’s an excellent listener. Great Communication also translates into excellent listening skills.

Wisdom is to know when to listen.

Sometimes after posting  a devotional message, responding to prayer requests and inbox messages from others asking for spiritual or relationship advice–adding in listening to the concerns of others over the phone, I’m drained. Spiritually. Don’t misunderstand me. I enjoy this. I have a heart for people. I love helping others. Its my nature. I always welcome the opportunity to be used by God. However, I’m human too.

I’m not sure if people who are overly talkative are aware that someone may want them to just listen. There are moments when someone may want to pour into you or pray for them, but an extended hand or a listening ear isn’t offered—only 45 min’s to an hour worth of what’s on your mind when you do “talk.” When this happens to me, I’m repeating in my head, why is this happening. I’m sure he is too.

A proverbs 31 woman is a listening woman. I’m praying for a woman who can listen, and listen without the urge to get a word out. Talkers without the balancing of listening are anxious to get a word out, which means, they really aren’t listening. I know when this is happening lol ;). I’m a good listener and observer.

Listening seems so insignificant but can be detrimental to a relationship or friendship. Any nature of relationship involves exchange. Exchange also means listening.

Note: When a man is into you, you’ll come to discover an excellent listener in him. He’s in tuned into your tone voice, choice of words and how you convey them. He’s taking mental note of your facial expressions, how you move your hands when you talk, and other body language that suggest what kind of mood you’re in.  And if he’s really in tuned to you, he’ll know what’s your mind before you get a chance to tell him. He’ll know when to listen and do nothing else but listen or to offer you sound advice  of encourage. His empathy will increase your love for him.

5. Another way for a man to tell if you’re equally yoked with him, if the transition into a relationship is a smooth one.

 A relationship happens when you are equally yoked with someone

Reflecting on dating situations I was in, or getting to know someone, there were always something in a way that prevented a relationship from happening. Sometimes it was the woman I was interested in have other things going on or I had personal things in my life to focus on. I walked away thinking, “maybe the timing isn’t right.” Here’s what I’m alluding to.

When things are too difficult from the onset, that’s never a good sign. Yeah, I understand that no one is perfect, therefore a relationship doesn’t have a chance to be either. However, if there are challenges that has the power to take your focus off each other, perhaps bad timing is not the case here, it’s God saying this isn’t the person I want you to be with.

I believe that God’s timing is perfect in drawing two imperfect people together. In God’s timing, the transition into love is a smooth one. And if there are unforeseen challenges ahead or external circumstances currently going on, it’s not going to draw your attention off of each other. What’s happening will draw you closer to each other. Praying for and with each other, and being emotionally and spiritually present, is always a plus. You really have no idea what this can do for you.

In part II. B of Equally Yoked, I want to share a few characteristics that a woman should look for a man to tell if he’s match for you.

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Faith, friendship, Honesty, How to Find Love, Love Again By Melvin Davis, Melvin Davis

Compatibility: What a Woman Longs For

I confess that I’m not a relationship expert, nor do I claim to understand women 100%. I don’t have all the answers. I do ask God for the understanding, knowledge and wisdom of how to court and love the woman He has for me.  This is my way of preparing for marriage. I want the woman I marry to say, “I’m the reason her eyes are filled with contentment, tears of peace and joy. And that her parents, close family members and friends smile, because “I’m in her life.” More importantly, I want to be the reason she looks forward to expressing her love each day. I also pray to be a great husband. I envision teaching my son how to court a woman, and what my daughter should expect when a guy is really into her. I also imagine explaining to them about the man I used to be, and the person I became in Christ, which made it possible to marry their mother, hence, why they exist. I’m advocate that women are one of the greatest gifts to men.

I’m sure all men can say without theory, based on concrete empirical facts of their experiences, women are a little complicated at times. I’m sure the majority of them could agree. I don’t mean this as a negative. I see beauty in woman’s complexities, how her emotions often envelope over one another like water colors on a canvas–yet the picture is still beautiful, transparent and clear–sometimes only understood by the eyes of her lover. How a woman’s mind works with depth, intelligence, humor and spirit, is all a wonder to me. However, no matter how complex some women are, they long for the basic essentials that makes her feel alive, loved, cared for, and like a woman. Let’s go a little deeper to see what I mean that. I suggest reading Proverbs 31 to truly enjoy this ride. As you read, see the kind of man a Proverbs 31 woman could see walking beside.

  1. A Proverbs 31 woman longs for a man who can trust her.

A way to build trust with a woman is to establish an authentic and transparent friendship with her. When you’re getting to know a person, hesitance rises of revealing who you really are. This is the imperfect, flawed person. I understand the temptation of presenting a near perfect, appealing person, but we know that isn’t the case.  You have to keep in mind that people will expect what you’re advertising. Be honest. My motto is: A person may actually like you if they have a chance to know the imperfect you. I understand you may or may not expose certain details about your personal life and relationship experiences, failures, weakness and shortcomings. at first There’s a time and a place to dispense such information. Timing is critical role of how a friendship develops and relationship unfolds. Ultimately, a woman would only get to know and respect you if you’re up front with her. A mature woman isn’t going to judge or look down on you so don’t worry. She wants to see the man who you have evolved and matured into. Personal and spiritual growth is a plus in her eyes. She would appreciate you in the now if she understood your past.

Trust is something a woman wants in a man. It’s impossible to have a relationship without trust. Your trust in her encourages her to be genuine, confident and carefree in your presence and in public.

  1. A Proverbs 31 woman desires a man who’s consistent in doing “good” to her and not harm.

Consistency presents pressure. It means you have to stay on top of doing something over and over to achieve the same results, but this is where God’s power, grace and mercy steps in. This is where it’s important for a man to have a strong relationship with God.

There are days when you’re going to fail at loving, but an understanding, compassionate and self-less woman already understands that. You’re human. She’s human. It’s your effort that moves her, and your desire to consistently love her that makes her smile when she’s thinking of you. Effort simply shows that you care.

The importance of keep God first in a relationship is that He helps to sustain it. He will give you the knowledge and wisdom to love her in a way that’s consistent and effective, if you ask.

A lack of effort and care is what causes her arm. I’m under the belief, and I know this may sound cliche, but hey, it’s true. Women are like plants. You have to water and pay attention to them on a consistent basis. You water a woman with unconditional love, thoughtfulness, adoration, kindness, patience, understanding, etc. See the Fruits of the Holy Spirit in Corinthians.

  1. She wants a man who has a taste for excellence and a strong work ethic.

A taste for excellence represents the quality of your work ethic. In other words, what your purpose is in life, or what is of importance to you. For me, it’s writing and my relationship with God. I put my best into what’s a priority because I want to see great results. Loving a woman works the same way.

When your heart is set on pleasing a woman, you want her to have the best, and you’ll work hard to accomplish those measurable means.

Sometimes giving your best is sacrificing a hobby to spend more time with her, getting up early to exercise with her, lending a helping hand with choirs or dinner.

  1. A woman longs for a man who could enhance or add something to her life–not the opposite.

It’s never a good idea to pursue a woman who wants to experience true love, and you have no intentions of truly loving her. She’s not looking for added confusion or unnecessary pain, if she’s already accompanied by challenges of her own.

Besides having stability and independence into the equation, walk into a woman’s life with a sense of who you are and your purpose. A man with purpose is appealing to a woman with purpose. Also, offer her unconditional love, commitment and the absence of pride and ego.

In order to enhance something, something has to be already there or in a place. A Proverbs 31 woman isn’t looking for a man to define, complete or take care of her. She knows her identity. She is whole, self-sufficient and is able to take care of herself.  Being wooed by monetary means is just an option to her.

  1. A woman longs for a man who can to speak to her mind.

To take a woman outside of her emotions, and into a place she seldom experiences touch, which is in the pacific of her mind, your conversation has to be enriched with something that feathers her interest.

Intimacy happens before any heated moment. In any way am I’m offering advice of how to get a woman in bed. I believe you should wait to share yourself in marriage. However, intimacy begins with conversation. Intellectual stimulation has mental and physical reactions. Romantically, conversation is a way to turn a woman’s wheels upstairs. To have her think, laugh, smile, or consider you for advice, because of your conversation, sketches you into her life as an ideal husband. A woman who thinks long-terms wants have a man she could talk to, and actually enjoy as a person.

If you’re not versed in areas she’s interested in, do the homework. Find out why intrigues her, and meet her there in the given topical conversation. This shows that you she matters to you.

There are five more things I believe a woman longs for…coming up next.

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How to Connect with a Woman Spiritually

A woman is more than her body. She is spirit. She is soul. She wants to experience love from you there. Get to know her there.–Melvin Davis

Being spiritual often has a negative, boring connotation to it. Most people think those who are spiritual live mundane, disinteresting and predicable lives.  There’s no fervor or excitement. It’s also believed that those who are spiritual sit in an empty room praying or offering up chants all day. Well, some may actually do, but there are persons who are down earth and human too. I could see this perspective, if you aren’t spiritual, however, there are some benefits of being spiritual. In the context with a woman, you’ll understand why.

I’d like to have your undivided attention for a few moments. I want to brush over the canvas of your thoughts with the brush of wisdom and insight. My paint is the experiences and what I’ve acquired from above. Here are three ways to connect with a woman spiritually. This is nothing deep, nothing you never heard before but maybe not said this way.

  1.  Connecting with a woman spiritually lends to good listening skills. When you’re able to articulate to her what she’s saying underneath and through her emotions, or what she can’t say with words, she knows that you are listening.

Listening draws her closer to you because you taking into consideration of what’s important to her on her mind. And because you’re listening, her heart is more prone to open up to you, to share more with you.

  1. Understanding. Understand her history to coexist with her in the present.

Understanding is just as powerful as misunderstanding someone. Many, I mean many relationships and friendships have fell apart due to poor communications and misunderstanding. It happens everyday.

With it comes to understanding a woman, listen without judgment her or the intent to use her past to have emotional or mental leverage over her. Understanding takes listening with a heart of love and empathy.

  1. Becoming a part of her secret place. The secret place is her place of peace, intimacy and serenity. It’s where she sets aside time to get refocus and center herself. It’s where she communions with God.

Becoming a part of her secret may also take time and patience. Not everyone gets to go there. She has to absolutely trust and FEEL secure with you before she invites you there. There, in her secret place, is when you get the opportunity to see her true spiritual side. There, you may also see her cry, because she may be reflecting on the wonders of God, how far she’s come from her pas, and how you showed up in her life—possibily to good to be true.. This is your opportunity to join her in prayer, to read with her or to simply sit in silence. Silence in the secret place is just as powerful as spoken words.

Furthermore, her interpretation of your presence in her secret place must be one of strength, certainty and spiritual and emotional support. Your ticket to that secret place lies in your relationship with God, or willingness to have one.

  1. Demonstration of Unconditional love.

If I were to coin this chapter in my life, it’s called, Learning How to Love, Unconditionally.

It’s easy to love when it’s convenient for you. That’s call loving with conditions. When you reach a point of learning how to love others around you, who can be tough to love, you matured. You stepped out love despite of how you feel. And when you learn how to love unconditionally, you can take that same ability to love unconditionally, in a relationship.

A spiritual woman interprets a man’s ability to love unconditionally by what’s in his spirit. She’s asking. Is he…

  1. Patient
  2. Kind
  3. Forgiving
  4. Faithful
  5. Good
  6. Gentle
  7. Full of joy
  8. Fill with love
  9. Has a heart of peace.

If you could love her unconditionally, you could love her beyond her flaws and often times, mixed emotions. Your conditional love toward her is your consistency.

These are three ways of how could connect with a woman spiritually.

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Learn Her Love Language of Intimacy and Love Her Accordingly, Pt. I

A way into a woman’s heart is through prayer. Pray with her.–Melvin Davis

You have to love a woman in a powerful, heartfelt, sincere, spiritual and unconditional way to make it impossible for her to leave you.–Melvin Davis

 

She is gentle, independent and strong. And because she possesses these attributes, a woman can face adversities in life on her own if she has to. However, it would be a kind gesture to let her know she’s not alone during difficult times. And that she doesn’t have to go outside of he relationship to find someone to pray with. I believe what constitutes a great relationship is incorporating spirituality into the equation of intimacy. Intimacy is the friendship; the closeness, the chemistry and the connection that will make a woman feel loved, appreciated and desired. It will also make it hard for her to leave you.

There are various approaches men use to develop intimacy with a woman. Some men try to couch their love for a woman in sex, which doesn’t quite work out often.  Sex will eventually get boring to her. It will become a habitual ritual throughout the course of the relationship. It will also open a door for her to be unfaithful because she really wants something meaningful. Other men use money to create a world of intimacy, however, even to the woman that never gets tired of being showered with gifts, living a lavish and fancy life, her heart will eventually roam to another man while she tries to keep the benefits of being spoiled. You cannot give money in exchange for love. At the core love and its purity, love is not physical, which means good sex or money sustain your love for a woman. I’m not denying that love cannot bee expressed physically, but an expression is an reaction caused by something internal or that which happens beneath the surface. Another way to put it, love is not physical. I motion that love is something spiritual. So if a man wants to develop something meaningful with a woman, he has to do something other men rarely do. He has to be the rare gem that stands out in her collection of experiences with other guys. A man has to be that which is refreshing to a woman, so that he could reconstruct her world and perception about love, relationships and men.  A man must speak a woman’s love language of intimacy with prayer, which is something spiritual, so that he can love her accordingly.

Praying with a woman in a relationship moves you closer to her heart but what can move you further away if you don’t. When she needs emotional and spiritual support, or just someone to pray with, and you have no desire or interest to, you will start to become insignificant in her mind—thus making her forget the reason why she gave you her number to begin with. A man should want to be the first person she turns to in prayer, because it shows that you are a spiritual leader. Praying with a woman will not only move you closer to her heart, it will offer her another reason to trust you and to feel secure around you. Trust and security will create a desire for her to give you her best.

In part II, I’m going to further into the benefits of a man praying with a woman.

 

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