love, marriage, Melvin Davis, Patience, Relationships

What a Man Walking with God Longs For: A Peculiar Woman Pt. I #Proverbs31

For a man walking with God to find a holy and righteous woman in a committed relationship with Christ, the help and guidance of the Holy Spirit is needed. Walking with God and in self-control is also pertinent in avoiding deception. Fellowship with the Trinity, reading the Word of God and prayer is where discernment comes from. You don’t want to be misled or seduced by a woman who claims to have given their heart to Christ. You could tell if she truly has a relationship with Christ by the fruit she bears. Many popular/mega Christian Churches are secular, because their leaders who are pastoring them are. This happens when the leader isn’t living a holy and righteous life. The focus in ministry today is about who has the largest church. Large churches are built by the comfortable messages preached. Simply put, they’re afraid to teach the Gospel out of fear of offending people, which may translate to losing members. People have unfollowed me from sharing the truth. I’m fine with that. As long as they read the truth, they’re responsible for what they now know. This is a time to mature. Ministry today has less to do with signs, wonders, miracles and true spiritual transformation that could only happen by the presence of the Holy Spirit. Therefore, when you have secularism filtering into the church and a fraction of the truth taught, a body of secular Christians are produced. Consequently, you have Christians living secular lives, because their leaders aren’t encouraging them to live a holy and righteous life.

In the introduction of this blog, I explained how my preference in a Christian woman has changed. I credit my commitment to living a holy and righteous life. In addition, answering the call to deeper intimacy in Christ. I can’t see myself with a Christian woman modeling herself after the world and the secular entertainers she’s influenced by or content with not growing spiritually. God revealed to me you could still be unequally yoked with another Christian. You’re probably asking yourself, how is that possible. The answer lies Christians who to adapt the ways of world vs., the ones truly walking out their life in Christ.  Yes, you are in the world, but Christ teaches us to not conform to it. (John 17:16)

Before I move on to type of Christian woman walking with God looks like according to the word of God, and not the thoughts of Melvin Davis, I want make a brief point to women:

You have and will continue to come across Christian men who haven’t truly committed their life to Christ. They’re going to tempt you have sex, object to celibacy before marriage or approve moving in together when you aren’t married. To men, some Christian women may have the same influence on you as well. Marrying for the sake of making it “right” to have sex is still fornication. Lust was the motive to create a sacred union. It wasn’t God that brought you together in unity to become one flesh (Matthew 19:5). I urge both men and women to live their life in Christ, to pursue holiness and righteousness and to not be afraid of standing out. God called you apart. You were never meant to fit it.

This is the kind of Christian woman a man walking with God is praying for.

  1. A woman who’s Set Apart. A priest.

You must be holy because I, the LORD, am holy. I have set you apart from all other people to be my very own. -Leviticus 20:26

But you are the chosen race, the Kings priests, the holy nation, God’s own people, chosen to proclaim the wonderful acts of God, who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light. 1 Peter 2:9

A priestly woman is set apart. She’s a woman living her life in Christ without one foot in the world. When you’re walking with God, you’re distinguishable, different, and peculiar. Some people may go on to describe you as “intriguing,” “different,” or  “unique.” A Christian believer may say, “You really are walking the walk.” It’s possible to be unequally yoked with another Christian.

There are some Christians who just refuse to fully surrender their life to Christ. It’s uncomfortable for them. They care about what others may think if they choose a life of holiness and righteousness. They’re afraid of not being able to have fun or being lonely. It saddens me they have listened to the lies of the adversary, the desire of their flesh and other Christians who have been taught the word of God incorrectly. As a result, they still do, watch and listen to what the world listens to you. 2 Timothy says, the NLT, “They will act religious, but they will reject the power that could make them godly.”

A priest is compatible with a priest. In other words, two people pursuing holiness and righteousness are compatible with each other.  When two people aren’t, lifestyles and ways of thinking will clash. Arguments would  also occur as well as many moments of spending less time together. The individual fully surrender to Christ will desire like-minded company. The person who’s in the world will cling to similar company.

2. A woman of God who doesn’t fashion herself after the world.

The world comes up with a variety of terms and mantras to give women a sense of self-empowerment. I wonder why does a Christian woman need to be validated by the world when Christ knew you and set you apart before you were born (Jeremiah 1:5). Embracing secular terms don’t align with who Christ such as “Diva,” “bossgirl/bosslady” and “alpha female” are unbiblical. Acting “hood” is unbiblical too. Men also embrace these secular tags and model their behavior after them. Jesus, the Son of God, wasn’t and isn’t an alpha male, nor did he liken himself to one, yet He’s The King of Kings and Lord of Lords. I strongly suggest women look up the word diva to find out the origins of it.

A woman who’s walking with God models herself after the Fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23), which can be seen when you study the life of Christ in scripture. When you see Christ, you see the Holy Spirit. The book of Proverbs is a direct correlation of the wisdom of God on display through the life of Solomon (Isaiah 11:2 and Proverbs 1). Proverbs 31 is a direct correlation and representation of how Christ sees fit, of how His daughter, soon to be bride, and already bride, should carry herself. A woman who walks with God is confident, strong and humble. She’s a woman of faith and prayer, patience, love and joy, and more. She is the bride that Jesus sees.

3. A woman you can fellowship with.

I chose not to use the word “friendship” for a reason. There are two kinds of friendships: Christ-like and secular. As a believer, we have to balance the two. I say balance because we are called to share the Gospel of Christ with those who are living in the world and to strengthen other believers who have one foot in the world or are still maturing in their faith.

By fellowship, I’m speaking of a Christian woman you could enjoy being around. You could also have Bible study and pray together. You could really dig deeper into the deeper things of God, and not leave the conversation feeling you shouldn’t have discussed a particular topic. I’ve been there. Awkward feeling.

Conversation, chemistry, discussions and socializing runs much smoother when you’re engaging a woman who’s on the same walk in Christ as you are. It would be amazing to meet a woman who has the same spiritual goals as you do. I came across a prophet recently that the Holy Spirit led me to on Youtube. God reveals things both he and his wife at the same time. I thought to myself, how wonderful that is to experience things in the spiritual realm at the same time.

Fellowship in a relationship is important. It’s a sign of compatibility, and the two of you are on a track to grow spiritually.

  1. A woman of Humility

Vanity isn’t hard to find. In social media you’ll find vain, haughty, arrogant, conceit, sensuality and sexuality oozing from the images of women. Some women are constantly throwing themselves into social media to solicit attention, validation and self-worth. Even married ones. Men who give into these forms of seduction and desperate attempts of attention and validation are also walking in the lust of their flesh. They are looking to satisfy the lustful desire in the way these women are. Lust and holiness do not agree with each other.

A woman who possesses the spirit of humility doesn’t need throw herself at men. She’s confident enough in the timing of Christ to be sought (Proverbs 18:21.) Both men and women, who rely on their bodies to find love, haven’t discovered their identity in Christ. The Fruits of the Holy Spirit in you is as just attractive of the physique or beauty God has given you. However, when you rely solely on good looks, you will reap what you’re sowing. You may find an attractive or successful man by the way your present yourself, but that doesn’t guarantee you’ll land a committed and faithful husband who’s sold out to Christ. That goes for men too. “Arm candy or a “trophy” wife comes with a price. More than likely, it’s going to cost you $$$$.

Many Christians do drift away from the word of God. When this happens, they conform back to their old ways. Humility is who Christ is. He’s the perfect example and definition of humility. Look at him, then look at you.

5. A man who walks with God looks for a godly mother in a godly wife.

I pay close attention to how a woman talks and carries herself. It gives me insight to the kind of mother she would be. The vision that I have for my family is a Christ-centered one. With the help of my wife, I envision reading and teaching my children from the book of Proverbs. With my daughter, I would teach her about a virtuous woman, and the kind of woman she should avoid becoming and socializing with. I imagine teaching my son by about Adam and his rightful place in the Garden of Eden before the fall. I would transition out of the OT scriptures into the NT, and show them God’s remarkable plan of redemption through Jesus Christ. Christ will be there ultimate primary focus on conducting their self in a secular world. This is shortlist of how I want to raise my family with my wife. When it comes certain things I look for a woman, one certainly is a mother.

When I hear profanity leave a woman’s mouth, see herself posting seductive pictures and behaving haughty, I wonder how she’s like as mother. Children are like clay. They take on the shape of what they see, hear and what they are taught. If the mother has a nasty and sassy attitude, more than likely, the child would have one too. If the mother is living her life in Christ, more than likely, her children would too. I’m not speaking or a religious mother but one who has a relationship with Christ.

Men who are walking in the spirit aren’t moved the beauty of women. They see beyond the surface and into the spirit. Some women complain about not finding a good man or someone lost out on them. Perhaps your lack of commitment to Christ is the reason why the relationship didn’t work out or why the guy passed you up. God may have prevented a disastrous relationship and heartbreak. I wouldn’t pursue a woman who has no desire to give her life to Christ or grow in Him. Christ said, you don’t pour new wine into old wineskins. If so, the old wineskin would break (Matthew 9:17). In other words, praying for a godly husband when you aren’t living a holy, righteous and committed relationship with Christ isn’t going to work. You would be unequally yoked.

It’s my prayer that you seek first the Kingdom of God and his righteousness; so all the other things will be added to you (Matthew 6:33). God has great things in store for you, but you will only possess them with a transformed and renewed mind that comes by the reading of the word. Say goodbye to the past and what didn’t work out. Jesus loves you so much to allow you live below His will. Connect to Christ and fully surrender to Him. Get in the word so it can cleanse your spirit and transform your mind.

 

Note: The photos of women featured in my blogs are in no way a representation of a Christian or Proverbs 31 woman. I choose them because they’re elegant.

 

 

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love

God’s Confirmation Vs An Emotional High Pt. I

 

When you see someone who looks like what your heart desires, before you call it love, check with God first. Pray, and He will reveal what you feel is a matter of pure attraction and emotion, or His peace that is the key that unlocks the confirmation you need in your spirit.-Melvin Davis

An emotional high is to be so overtaken by your emotions that it’s difficult for you see the truth of what God is saying about the person you’re pursuing. It’s taken me sometime to master this. When I was younger, I didn’t have the emotional maturity and intelligence I needed to avoid unnecessary experiences. I often got caught on the emotional high with a person. Back then, I equated physical attraction as someone who was God-sent. Whereas, because she was pleasing to the eye, she had to be pure, divine and the one. I’ve learned that beauty often comes with all kinds of destruction, dysfunctional and toxic behaviors that makes you ask yourself, how did I get entangled in this emotional web? When you don’t know who you are, you could easily fall into deception and mistaken attraction for confirmation. Think of people react when they see a celebrity. They lose it. Good looks does not translate into love. There’s nothing wrong with emotions or having emotions toward someone. It’s just important to be under control to see what God is showing you.

With emotional maturity comes the ability to wait and see what God has to say about the person you’re interested in before you become emotionally involved. Sounds like patience huh? It takes time to develop emotional maturity accompanied with patience. You want to know God’s truth about the person you have your eye on, pursuing or dating before you taken an emotional step into their life, and vice versa. I think it’s important to know what God has to say before you arrive to a point of dating. At least this is how God deals with me. If I see great potential, I ask God to reveal if she’s my wife. I’m sure you’re thinking, isn’t it too soon to ask of such a request. Well, I’m going to say no. As you get older in age, and mature in your relationship with God, you have better understanding and value of the importance of time. I’m no longer in a position to kill time with someone because I can. You should never be that lonely that you allow anyone to occupy your space for the sake of passing time.

Emotional maturity is really developed through spiritual discernment. Spiritual discernment is cultivated and enhanced as your relationship with God grows. Spiritual discernment is the ability to know what is and what is not of God. It’s the Holy Spirit leading and guiding you into all truth. Now, in the natural, there are various signs on the surface you could see that will determine if you met the one or not. They’re so visible you don’t have to pray about it. That’s what I want to write about in part II.

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love

Communication: The Making Or Breaking of a Relationship

Communication is extremely important in developing a relationship with someone. It sets the tone for the kind of connection, chemistry and understanding you’ll have of each other. How you communicate provides insight as to if you will remain an acquaintance or friends with your love interest or become something more. Unfortunately, poor communication is a reason why relationship never evolve or why couples call it quits. Communication can make or break a relationship.

There are various contributing factors to poor communication. Self-centeredness is one of them. It’s difficult communicating to someone when the attention is always on them—just about 99 % of the time. The 1% of the attention given to you comes in two questions. “Why are you so quiet? Or why aren’t you saying anything?” And I’m sure you’re thinking inside your head, “Because you’re self-centered,” but you don’t say anything out of fear of offending the person or creating an awkward atmosphere after. However, if you’re okay with having your attention drawn to a stage of someone’s world and existence, hearing more “I’s” than “We’s” used in a conversation, and consuming only their views, perspectives or interest, because yours doesn’t count, perhaps you shouldn’t say anything. Talking to someone who’s self-centered is draining. When the mind is idle in a way, that you aren’t using it to contribute or give input into a conversation, because what’s being said isn’t conducive to having a balance discussion, you’ll be left depleted. Self-centered people are often self-absorbed and selfish. This doesn’t suggest that they don’t have other positive qualities about them like ambition, a caring heart, business-savvy, successful, church going, etc.. It’s just that they aren’t conscious or considerate of your thoughts, feelings and personal interest, and no one may have told them so. If you’re dating someone who’s self-centered, you may want to ask yourself, do you want to fight to have balanced attention and conversation? Love can’t flow in self-centeredness.

Talking too much is another could also break a relationship. Now, if you do talk a lot, I’m not taking a shot at you. This isn’t the objective of this blog. I’m raising awareness to what communication is and what it looks like. There’s nothing wrong with being talkative, however, life is about balance. A conversation should have balance. Talking too much is forgetting that another person is in front of you, and they have an attention span. If you’re sitting in a classroom lecture, you are the sponge. But since, we’re talking about relationships, you shouldn’t feel you’re in a classroom lecture. The person you’re interested in may have something to say or someone where to go. Could personality lend to being overly talkative? I don’t think so. In my encounters, I find that some people just aren’t conscious that they do talk a lot or don’t have an understanding that communication also involves listening. It’s impossible to get to know someone if you’re always talking and talking too much. You could talk the attraction out of you and romantic interest out of someone, if you never for a second took time to engage them.

How amazing it would be to get into the heart, spirit and mind of someone else by asking questions? I enjoy engaging someone I’m interested in. I ask questions. Lots of questions. To know a person is to ask questions. To know a person is to listen. To love a person to know their heart and who they are in God. You wouldn’t know these things if the attention is always on you and your overly talkative. Invite someone on your stage and give them a mic, then ask, tell me what you’re passionate about or what stirs you or how do you feel about x, y, z. And I dear you to let them finish without cutting them of and drawing the attention back to you.

Having absolutely nothing to say isn’t so appealing either. What’s a conversation without the other person ever knowing what’s going on inside your head. Saying nothing could give the impression that you aren’t confident, you are uncomfortable or awkward. These are the last things you want running through another person head while they’re giving you the blank stare. Say you may not be interested or well versed in a particular subject, I would still find an angle to interject. Ask questions and find ways to link what’s being said to what you know. What’s going upstairs in your head maybe the last words you have actually never said if you’re too quiet or not talkative.

I developed a kind of intuition over the years that I know when to speak or listen. I just know when I’m talking to a listener or a talker who doesn’t have an ear to listen because they’re so fired up to get back on the horse and ride again. I can also tell if a person is or isn’t attentive. I can feel it and see it. I’m not a person who’s overly talkative, but there are moments when God is like, Melvin, stop talking. It’s time to listen. Or, speak, you have done enough listening. I instinctively pickup on visual and audio cues of when to speak or listen. Spiritually speaking, I credit my instincts to the Holy Spirit. He’s given me to the ability to discern when to speak or listen. Communication is about balance. Many people have the idea that communication is only speaking. Communication is listening too.

You may find the last point I want to highlight funny. It’s a term I came up with…not sure if anyone has used it. If so, oh well. A ninja is someone who cuts you off before you could answer their question or elaborate on whatever it is that you’re talking about. Let’s take a look at this dialogue.

At the movies, the person you’re on a date with is talking throughout the entire movie. The lights come and they “So how was the movie?”

You lips move to respond. “I like…”

“I really like when the guy jumped off the roof and kicked him in the face. What did you like about the end?

Your lips move to respond.

“The ending should’ve been better,” your date responds.

You get the idea? The ninja slices and dices and gives you two back hands before you get a word out. Frustrating huh? Let’s a deeper look to how toxic this can be.

The root of being cut by a ninja is self-centeredness. Since self-centeredness is the root, the person is overly talkative. Hence, being too talkative is the result of being cut off in a conversation before you could get a word out. This can be irritating and makes you not want to bother talking. Draining huh?

Of course they are exceptions when it comes to likeminded and behavioral-like people. I will add tolerance too. Too people who are self-centered may work. I’m not sure how, for the reason they’ll be fighting for the spotlight. But hey, anything is possible. Two talkative people in a relationship could work as well. I’m sure you know some. You may have the tolerance to date a ninja. Perhaps you don’t mind slicing and dicing them back to get a word or approaching the conversation like double-dutch. It’s about finding your match. Excellent communication sustains long and healthy relationships.

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love

Single in Public. A Couple in Private

Some relationships are intentionally undefined for the option of having the benefits of it, but not the commitment.–Melvin Davis

Before I get into the message of this message, I pray that you seek God in love life. Who God has for and who you have mind may not align together.  Pray about that person before you get emotionally involve. The common mistake women make is mistaking good sex for love. Men often translate giving gifts to secure a relationship. Lust doesn’t translate into love and It sure isn’t a strong foundation to build a relationship on. Love can’t be purchased at a price. No matter how much you spend on a woman to buy her love, it can’t be bought. You are either renting her or giving her materialistic things instead of giving your time. A women of God isn’t moved by expensive gifts or any gifts if she can provide those things on her own and she knows the love is found in how much time a man spends with her. Quality time is when friendships are developed, respect and faithfulness is established, God is talked about as being first, which in sum, gives love a foundation to stand up on.

Your body is truly a temple. It’s where the Holy Spirit resides. He sends a message to your heart to let you know what’s not of the God the Father. That’s called conviction. God can do more with a heart set on pleasing him than willfully doing your own thing. I encourage you to wait until the day you say, “I do.” You will save yourself from unnecessary soul-ties, regrets and building the foundation of your relationship on premature intimacy. I know this is a challenge, but it’s worth undertaking. God keeps His word. He is not a liar.

Human behavior is intriguing. Through watching dating couples in public I can tell if they have just met, have been dating for a long time, or if they’re in or not in love. I could also see these things in married couples as well. I want o share five ways you can tell you are Single in Public.

1. Spacing

The space couples share between each other is significant. Too much distance sends a message to the person you’re with, and to the public, that you aren’t together. Intimacy is defined as “familiar” or “personal” or “private”. In a relationship, intimacy is an emotional and spiritual sacred connection you share with someone. You are familiar with that person because you intimately know each other. Sex is a form of intimacy, but it’s not the kind I’m talking about. A few synonyms of intimacy are nearness, closeness and inseparable. There’s a sense of warmness and closeness between two couples in public when they are in love. Affection is visible, even if it’s a stroke against the arm, a hand resting on the lower back or a kiss on the lips or the cheek . This is what intimacy looks like in public.

Too much distance, silence, a lack of chemistry and connectivity is either a sign of an emotional or spiritual disconnect. Or worse, the person doesn’t feel the same way you do. Confessing you are in a relationship in secret doesn’t suggest you are in public.

Too much distance is a negative.

2. Body Language.

Every person isn’t “mushy” in public. Some people are uncomfortable with PDA. For others, it takes time to arrive to this point. Another reason could be is self-consciousness.

 Interesting enough, some people or couples care about how they are perceived in public when they show affection. Some men don’t want to be perceived as weak or sensitive. They feel like PDA subtracts from their masculinity. There some women who don’t want to be viewed as clingy or insecure. These are some valid reasons for not showing affection in public.

However, when you are in love, nothing else outside of the sacred union of your relationship matters. You don’t care what others think or have to say about you. Better yet,  you are excited to show that person off. You This is you’re opportunity to share your testimony meeting that special person publicly. Unfortunately, there are dishonest people who are in relationships with God-fearing, faithful and passionately devoted people. Here are two examples that poor body language.

a. If you’re out at restaurant, a cafe, or somewhere sitting down or standing, and an attractive person walks in, and your significant other eyes shift and stay on that person, not only are they acknowledging  their physical attraction, but they’re signal of interest is non-verbally communicated. Or, and I’ve witnessed this happen a lot, a persons entire body will shift in the direction of the person they’re attracted or interested in.  They’re chest or head will slightly turn in their direction. This is simple an invitation communicated with body language. I’ve done this before and saw women respond that way to me. This kind of behavior happening in your relationship is  a no no.

 b. Hands and arms are close to the body.

Couples tend to hold hands in public or intertwine arms when they’re on the same page with each other. But when one person is unfaithful in their heart, their hands will be preoccupied with everything else except the person they’re with. Men will often stuff their hands in their pockets to demonstrate they are not with the woman they’re with. Women will fiddle in their purse. In 2015, both men and women will hop in their phone to respond to text and FB messages, etc. Distance is also created by stepping away.

3. An Improper Introduction.

There’s nothing more awkward and disappointing than meeting your significant friend (s), and you hear, this is _insert name___ , instead of this is my boy or girlfriend, fiancé.  If you’re simply introduced by name without the title, you may want to question the authenticity of your relationship.

There really isn’t an excuse of introducing your significant other by their name only. Love is not absentminded. Love means that you put the person love first. Of course, not above God. When that person is first in your life, they are a priority. You’re always thinking of them. You are thinking of them in private and in public. Being relationship conscious communicates that you are in love. When you are in love, the person you’re introducing significant should know they are more than just a friend.

4.  Flirting

I’m sure you heard the saying, “this is a part of my personality. I’m flirtatious.” Well, there’s a difference between being outgoing, and “friendly” vs flirting. I’m more than glad to break it down for you. I mention earlier love is mindful. Love is also respectful

Given the mindfulness and respect you have for the love of your life, you are aware of how you interact with the opposite sex. It  means you are conscious that  certain behaviors,  interactions and  conversations (in person,  on social media, via text or over the phone) are no longer acceptable.

The absence of respect and mindfulness results to flirting. Flirting unveils that you don’t appreciate the person you’re with and value the relationship you have with them. Flirting furthermore indicates you single and available to entertain someone outside of the relationship. Firing lets the other person know they have a chance.

5. Public Indifference.

It’s amazing how couples treat each other in public. Couples who are truly in love are extremely comfortable in public. They’re very much playful, communicative, affectionate , transparent and respectful. You could literally sense the genuine love they have for each other. Another way to tell if you’re single in public is public indifference.

Public indifference is an opportunity for a significant other to create a riff or conflict to kill PDA . Arguments in public is an excuse to be cold, distant and indifferent so you don’t have to stand near, hold hands or talk.

If these are behaviors of you’ve witnessed in your relationship, its take to pray and have that talk. It’s no a good feeling to feel you are only a couple in private. It’s not fair to you. I pray that you make the wise decisionl

 

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Communication, Faith, friendship, Honesty, How to Find Love, inspiration, love, Love Again By Melvin Davis, Melvin Davis

5 Ways For a Man to Tell If You’re Equally Yoked with Him

A very familiar question I’m asked often is “so why are you single?” This is a question that has become a little redundant to hear and answer. In a way, I sort of anticipate the day I’m no longer asked. However, a week ago, I didn’t mind answering it. Why, because something changed within me.

While I was brainstorming and jotting ideas for the vision God has given me for ministry, something happened. Another vision had set in that would compliment the vision of ministry. As the pen stood still in my hand, I looked off to the side and saw a particular woman in my minds eye. I didn’t see an actual physical person, but I saw qualities that go beyond that. Whoever this woman is I believe God has set aside for me for a purpose. She’s chosen for me, and vice versa. This woman is special because I know I’ll find her equally yoked with me.

I want to 5 ways for a man to tell if you’re equally yoked with him. I aware that I can’t speak for every man. We’re all different and like different things. I get that, but I’m describing below is basic essential for a healthy relationship. And yes, I know you’re thinking, “but you’re still single, how can you write blog about being equally yoked with someone? Well, I believe you can tell the same way you know someone isn’t the one for you.  You just know it. Your spirit doesn’t agree with that person–no matter how attractive, intelligent, spiritual and well put together they maybe. Besides that, there’s a particular scripture that qualifies me to answer the question of how you can tell you’re equally yoked with someone.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”–Jeremiah 29:11

The woman I had a vision about is a Proverbs 31 woman. That’s a promise to me from God. I believe this by faith and I’m speaking her into existence. Perhaps you should do the same.

Here are 5 ways for a man to tell if you’re equally yoked with him.

  1. Acceptance and understanding of his purpose.

In part I of this blog, I mentioned that I didn’t see myself being with a woman who doesn’t understand or support my calling. By calling, I mean my life’s purpose or vocation if that word works a little better for you. I didn’t quite explain what my calling is, but I offered a variety of responses that I receive when I open up about it. I’ll share them again. These are a few responses I receive when I tell women I’m called to pastor, and writing is one medium God uses me to minister to others.

“That’s deep.” (My all-time favorite.)

“Oh, that’s nice.” (The modest, but indifferent response.)

“That’s great. I wish you success.” (Me, really?)

“Oh okay…nods head.” (I nod my head back feeling all the awkwardness in the world.)

“Oh really??????” (Yup…nodding my head)  *This is the fake super excited response.

“So you must really take your faith seriously?” (As if it’s like a hobby and not a lifestyle.)

“That would be too much pressure.” (Pressure? I feel the pressure already and I don’t think my ministry has begun. There are days I feel unqualified, inexperience and unworthy. Hey, I’m a man trying to live a life please to God.)

When I hear these responses, I don’t have to figure out if she’s the one or not. The work has already been done. The evidence is in the indifferent reactions. A good listening ear will take a long way.

The love of your life isn’t going to run away from your purpose. That person will fit in it. In my case, I understand some hesitance may be there. My is life dedicated to serving in the Kingdom of God, and not every woman can see living a Christ-like lifestyle.I believe, when two lives intersect, two worlds are merging into one. It’s God’s ultimate plan to bring two people together to walk the same path in a relationship with Him and each other.

Trust God, and watch Him make love happen in your life. That’s a promise.

Because there’s acceptance and understanding of his purpose, there’s another way a man gages you to tell if you’re equally yoked with him.

2. Spiritually compatibility.

I know this sounds cliché, but think of a relationship like rhythm in music. It’s harmonious. All the components that go into making a quality and good sound, are working together to sit well with your ear and heart. This is how I see the woman that’s equally yoked with me.

Spiritual compatibility is the gelling of two spirits and souls dancing in rhythm, and projecting the same sound, that lets you and the other person know, you found something special in one another.

If a woman has no desire to know God, the chances of a spiritual connection probably isn’t going to happen with him either. A man of God is looking for a woman of God. If your heart is moving in the direction of coming into a relationship with Christ, he sees hope in a “you and him.” He believes he could build something long lasting and special with you. He’s thinking, like myself, It would be an honor to play a role in her salvation or strengthening her walk with God: This is great, because while God is working on you, He’s unfolding a wonderful relationship before your eyes.

If the roles are reversed, as in the woman has the stronger relationship with God, it would be his desire to meet you where you’re at. He isn’t going to shy away or feel less of a man if you’re there spiritually and he’s not. His focus on building HIs relationship with God is on Him anyway, and he sees you as playing an important part in that. He sees a helpmate in you.

3. Great Communication and Honesty.

A man of God wants a woman who’s open and honest with him.

If the woman I’m with is afraid to communicate with me in open honesty and truth, let’s say for example, there are typos in this blog or in my novel, and I ask what she thought about it, and she says, “it was really good,” Houston, we have a problem. Love tells the truth from a place of honesty and sincerity.

I’m not expecting her to be an English teach as someone pointed out when I posted the excerpt above a week ago. I was halfway joking here. The point is to be straightforward and honest.

Let’s consider how Proverbs 31: 26 describes a woman that’s a great and honest communicator.

“She speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction is on her tongue.”

Wisdom is truth. Wisdom is also the ability to say something out of love and without fear.

Going back to the example of a woman pointing out the flaws in my work: Faithful instruction is her giving me the opportunity to correct what’s wrong, so that I could improve as a writer and present the best work possible. Or, if there were things I need to work on as a person, I would expect her to voice what they are. Trust me when I say this, a man values and appreciates a woman who speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction. He will  know it’s coming from a place of her love and respect. Equally important, he’ll know it’s coming from God. She is a helpmate that’s trying to help him.

4. She’s an excellent listener. Great Communication also translates into excellent listening skills.

Wisdom is to know when to listen.

Sometimes after posting devotional message after message, responding to prayer requests and inbox messages from others asking for spiritual or relationship advice–adding in listening to the concerns of others over the phone, I’m drained. Spiritually. Don’t misunderstand me. I enjoy this. I have a heart for people. I love helping others. Its my nature. I always welcome the opportunity to be used by God. However, I’m human too.

I’m not sure if people who are overly talkative are aware that someone may want them to just listen. There are moments when someone may want to pour into you or pray for them, but an extended hand or a listening ear isn’t offered—only 45 min’s to an hour worth of what’s on your mind when you do “talk.” When this happens to me, I’m repeating in my head, why is this happening. I’m sure he is too.

A proverbs 31 woman is a listening woman. I’m praying for a woman who can listen, and listen without the urge to get a word out. Talkers without the balancing of listening are anxious to get a word out, which means, they really aren’t listening. I know when this is happening lol ;). I’m a good listener and observer.

Listening seems so insignificant but can be detrimental to a relationship or friendship. Any nature of relationship involves exchange. Exchange also means listening.

Note: When a man is into you, you’ll come to discover an excellent listener in him. He’s in tuned into your tone voice, choice of words and how you convey them. He’s taking mental note of your facial expressions, how you move your hands when you talk, and other body language that suggest what kind of mood you’re in.  And if he’s really in tuned to you, he’ll know what’s your mind before you get a chance to tell him. He’ll know when to listen and do nothing else but listen or to offer you sound advice  of encourage. His empathy will increase your love for him.

5. Another way for a man to tell if you’re equally yoked with him, if the transition into a relationship is a smooth one.

 A relationship happens when you are equally yoked with someone

Reflecting on dating situations I was in, or getting to know someone, there were always something in a way that prevented a relationship from happening. Sometimes it was the woman I was interested in that other things going on, or I had personal things in my life to focus on. I walked away thinking, “maybe the timing isn’t right.” Here’s what I’m alluding to.

When things are too difficult from the onset, that’s never a good sign. Yeah, I understand that no one is perfect, therefore a relationship doesn’t have a chance to be either, however, if there are challenges that has the power to take your focus off each other, perhaps bad timing is not the case here, it’s God saying this isn’t the person I want you to be with.

I believe that God’s timing is perfect in drawing two imperfect people together. In God’s timing, the transition into love is a smooth one. And if there are unforeseen challenges ahead or external circumstances currently going on, it’s not going to draw your attention off of each other. What’s happening will draw you closer to each other. Praying for and with each other, and being emotionally and spiritually present, is always a plus. You really have no idea what this can do for you.

In part II. B of Equally Yoked, I want to share a few characteristics that a woman should look for a man to tell if he’s match for you.

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Identifying Someone You’re Not Equally Yoked With, The Introduction

In 2014, it’s becoming more and more difficult to find love. We live in a wave of a “carefree,” “go with the flow” attitude. I would think by the time you approach your late 20’s or early 30’s, that attitude would be abandoned. Unfortunately, that’s not the case. Who has time to waste? Anyhow, the carefree, go with the flow attitude means this: “I’m going to date whoever I want to date, although I know you have sincere intentions of being monogamous with me.” If you haven’t come across that person, you may meet the broken wing. This is a person who recently exited a relationship. They’re hurt and broken, but feel a sense of liberation and freedom now that they’re single. The excitement of being back on the market propels them to relive what it feels like to be single again. In other words, it’s time to have “fun” and “to see what’s out there.” This is okay for them, but you have to take charge of your well-being. The result of encountering this person also leads to uncertainty, like the carefree; go with the flow type of person. Their emotions are pulling them in all kinds of different weird directions. Well, maybe weird isn’t a good choice of word. Let’s just say, they’re dealing with the past of who they were with, while trying to remain faithful to their healing process, with great potentials darting their way. It’s about variety and choice here. However, properly healing isn’t in the forefront of their minds.  Practice caution with this person.  You don’t know if they’ll return to the relationship they just left, or if they’re going out with 2 of 3 different people days or worse, sleeping with someone else while entertaining you. Step way. It’s a cold world out there.  Is there any wrong with the broken wing person?  Not necessarily. Who hasn’t experienced brokenness? But, in order to find and experience true love, you have to do it God’s way. Your heart should be turned toward him instead of dating someone else.

Pressure mounts up to find someone you can experience love and life with as time passes. You start to think do you have to settle for the sake of not being alone, even if that means putting up with someone who’s unfaithful to you or will treat you like an option.  If this person is you, come back for the second installment of Identifying Someone You’re Unequally Yoked With. I have a message for you. You don’t have to settle. You don’t have to be anyone’s option. You can stay course of waiting on God to send you someone beautiful and something meaningful. While you’re positioning yourself to find love, I want to share few points that will help you avoid disappointment in the next blog.

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I rather capture your heart and mind than catch your eye.-Melvin Davis

 

When you haven’t experienced a deeper level of love, physical attraction speaks in high volumes, and is first over the underlying important tangibles that sustain love. Love is more than just physical attraction. I’m not suggesting that it doesn’t matter. The reality is that good looks don’t always translate into love, faithfulness or respect. More often, it’s the opposite. When you experienced a deeper and greater depth of beauty in someone else, your definition and views of attraction expands. It changes and evolves into something more realistic, mature and meaningful.

A spiritual, soulful connection is more powerful than physical attraction. There’s something ethereal about a spiritual, soulful connection. Imagine looking at a book without words. The page is bare, yet you could feel something surging inside of you that sing the tune of your heart. And that escorts your spirit to tropical islands and into heavenly realms. You can’t see the words, yet you feel them. You can’t see the words, yet you see the image that’s being painted in your mind. It’s perfect. A masterpiece. A spiritual, soulful connection works the same way. You could sit in each other’s presence, and communicate without words; touch without holding hands, because the love that’s nettling you two closer together resides under the coat of your skin.

I rather capture a woman’s heart and mind, now to add, spirit than her eye. Physical attraction withers away everyday, and an unforeseen freak accident could happen. If I won her over good looks, well, there’s go her interest and the relationship. But if she found beauty in my heart, mind and spirit, I know she’ll stay. I’ve found a Proverbs 31 kind of woman.

Stay tuned for another upcoming short blog called The Beauty of Imperfections  

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A Deeper Attraction

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