love

God’s Confirmation Vs An Emotional High Pt. I

 

When you see someone who looks like what your heart desires, before you call it love, check with God first. Pray, and He will reveal what you feel is a matter of pure attraction and emotion, or His peace that is the key that unlocks the confirmation you need in your spirit.-Melvin Davis

An emotional high is to be so overtaken by your emotions that it’s difficult for you see the truth of what God is saying about the person you’re pursuing. It’s taken me sometime to master this. When I was younger, I didn’t have the emotional maturity and intelligence I needed to avoid unnecessary experiences. I often got caught on the emotional high with a person. Back then, I equated physical attraction as someone who was God-sent. Whereas, because she was pleasing to the eye, she had to be pure, divine and the one. I’ve learned that beauty often comes with all kinds of destruction, dysfunctional and toxic behaviors that makes you ask yourself, how did I get entangled in this emotional web? When you don’t know who you are, you could easily fall into deception and mistaken attraction for confirmation. Think of people react when they see a celebrity. They lose it. Good looks does not translate into love. There’s nothing wrong with emotions or having emotions toward someone. It’s just important to be under control to see what God is showing you.

With emotional maturity comes the ability to wait and see what God has to say about the person you’re interested in before you become emotionally involved. Sounds like patience huh? It takes time to develop emotional maturity accompanied with patience. You want to know God’s truth about the person you have your eye on, pursuing or dating before you taken an emotional step into their life, and vice versa. I think it’s important to know what God has to say before you arrive to a point of dating. At least this is how God deals with me. If I see great potential, I ask God to reveal if she’s my wife. I’m sure you’re thinking, isn’t it too soon to ask of such a request. Well, I’m going to say no. As you get older in age, and mature in your relationship with God, you have better understanding and value of the importance of time. I’m no longer in a position to kill time with someone because I can. You should never be that lonely that you allow anyone to occupy your space for the sake of passing time.

Emotional maturity is really developed through spiritual discernment. Spiritual discernment is cultivated and enhanced as your relationship with God grows. Spiritual discernment is the ability to know what is and what is not of God. It’s the Holy Spirit leading and guiding you into all truth. Now, in the natural, there are various signs on the surface you could see that will determine if you met the one or not. They’re so visible you don’t have to pray about it. That’s what I want to write about in part II.

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Communication: The Making Or Breaking of a Relationship

Communication is extremely important in developing a relationship with someone. It sets the tone for the kind of connection, chemistry and understanding you’ll have of each other. How you communicate provides insight as to if you will remain an acquaintance or friends with your love interest or become something more. Unfortunately, poor communication is a reason why relationship never evolve or why couples call it quits. Communication can make or break a relationship.

There are various contributing factors to poor communication. Self-centeredness is one of them. It’s difficult communicating to someone when the attention is always on them—just about 99 % of the time. The 1% of the attention given to you comes in two questions. “Why are you so quiet? Or why aren’t you saying anything?” And I’m sure you’re thinking inside your head, “Because you’re self-centered,” but you don’t say anything out of fear of offending the person or creating an awkward atmosphere after. However, if you’re okay with having your attention drawn to a stage of someone’s world and existence, hearing more “I’s” than “We’s” used in a conversation, and consuming only their views, perspectives or interest, because yours doesn’t count, perhaps you shouldn’t say anything. Talking to someone who’s self-centered is draining. When the mind is idle in a way, that you aren’t using it to contribute or give input into a conversation, because what’s being said isn’t conducive to having a balance discussion, you’ll be left depleted. Self-centered people are often self-absorbed and selfish. This doesn’t suggest that they don’t have other positive qualities about them like ambition, a caring heart, business-savvy, successful, church going, etc.. It’s just that they aren’t conscious or considerate of your thoughts, feelings and personal interest, and no one may have told them so. If you’re dating someone who’s self-centered, you may want to ask yourself, do you want to fight to have balanced attention and conversation? Love can’t flow in self-centeredness.

Talking too much is another could also break a relationship. Now, if you do talk a lot, I’m not taking a shot at you. This isn’t the objective of this blog. I’m raising awareness to what communication is and what it looks like. There’s nothing wrong with being talkative, however, life is about balance. A conversation should have balance. Talking too much is forgetting that another person is in front of you, and they have an attention span. If you’re sitting in a classroom lecture, you are the sponge. But since, we’re talking about relationships, you shouldn’t feel you’re in a classroom lecture. The person you’re interested in may have something to say or someone where to go. Could personality lend to being overly talkative? I don’t think so. In my encounters, I find that some people just aren’t conscious that they do talk a lot or don’t have an understanding that communication also involves listening. It’s impossible to get to know someone if you’re always talking and talking too much. You could talk the attraction out of you and romantic interest out of someone, if you never for a second took time to engage them.

How amazing it would be to get into the heart, spirit and mind of someone else by asking questions? I enjoy engaging someone I’m interested in. I ask questions. Lots of questions. To know a person is to ask questions. To know a person is to listen. To love a person to know their heart and who they are in God. You wouldn’t know these things if the attention is always on you and your overly talkative. Invite someone on your stage and give them a mic, then ask, tell me what you’re passionate about or what stirs you or how do you feel about x, y, z. And I dear you to let them finish without cutting them of and drawing the attention back to you.

Having absolutely nothing to say isn’t so appealing either. What’s a conversation without the other person ever knowing what’s going on inside your head. Saying nothing could give the impression that you aren’t confident, you are uncomfortable or awkward. These are the last things you want running through another person head while they’re giving you the blank stare. Say you may not be interested or well versed in a particular subject, I would still find an angle to interject. Ask questions and find ways to link what’s being said to what you know. What’s going upstairs in your head maybe the last words you have actually never said if you’re too quiet or not talkative.

I developed a kind of intuition over the years that I know when to speak or listen. I just know when I’m talking to a listener or a talker who doesn’t have an ear to listen because they’re so fired up to get back on the horse and ride again. I can also tell if a person is or isn’t attentive. I can feel it and see it. I’m not a person who’s overly talkative, but there are moments when God is like, Melvin, stop talking. It’s time to listen. Or, speak, you have done enough listening. I instinctively pickup on visual and audio cues of when to speak or listen. Spiritually speaking, I credit my instincts to the Holy Spirit. He’s given me to the ability to discern when to speak or listen. Communication is about balance. Many people have the idea that communication is only speaking. Communication is listening too.

You may find the last point I want to highlight funny. It’s a term I came up with…not sure if anyone has used it. If so, oh well. A ninja is someone who cuts you off before you could answer their question or elaborate on whatever it is that you’re talking about. Let’s take a look at this dialogue.

At the movies, the person you’re on a date with is talking throughout the entire movie. The lights come and they “So how was the movie?”

You lips move to respond. “I like…”

“I really like when the guy jumped off the roof and kicked him in the face. What did you like about the end?

Your lips move to respond.

“The ending should’ve been better,” your date responds.

You get the idea? The ninja slices and dices and gives you two back hands before you get a word out. Frustrating huh? Let’s a deeper look to how toxic this can be.

The root of being cut by a ninja is self-centeredness. Since self-centeredness is the root, the person is overly talkative. Hence, being too talkative is the result of being cut off in a conversation before you could get a word out. This can be irritating and makes you not want to bother talking. Draining huh?

Of course they are exceptions when it comes to likeminded and behavioral-like people. I will add tolerance too. Too people who are self-centered may work. I’m not sure how, for the reason they’ll be fighting for the spotlight. But hey, anything is possible. Two talkative people in a relationship could work as well. I’m sure you know some. You may have the tolerance to date a ninja. Perhaps you don’t mind slicing and dicing them back to get a word or approaching the conversation like double-dutch. It’s about finding your match. Excellent communication sustains long and healthy relationships.

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Faith, friendship, Honesty, How to Find Love, Love Again By Melvin Davis, Melvin Davis

Compatibility: What a Woman Longs For

I confess that I’m not a relationship expert, nor do I claim to understand women 100%. I don’t have all the answers. I do ask God for the understanding, knowledge and wisdom of how to court and love the woman He has for me.  This is my way of preparing for marriage. I want the woman I marry to say, “I’m the reason her eyes are filled with contentment, tears of peace and joy. And that her parents, close family members and friends smile, because “I’m in her life.” More importantly, I want to be the reason she looks forward to expressing her love each day. I also pray to be a great husband. I envision teaching my son how to court a woman, and what my daughter should expect when a guy is really into her. I also imagine explaining to them about the man I used to be, and the person I became in Christ, which made it possible to marry their mother, hence, why they exist. I’m advocate that women are one of the greatest gifts to men.

I’m sure all men can say without theory, based on concrete empirical facts of their experiences, women are a little complicated at times. I’m sure the majority of them could agree. I don’t mean this as a negative. I see beauty in woman’s complexities, how her emotions often envelope over one another like water colors on a canvas–yet the picture is still beautiful, transparent and clear–sometimes only understood by the eyes of her lover. How a woman’s mind works with depth, intelligence, humor and spirit, is all a wonder to me. However, no matter how complex some women are, they long for the basic essentials that makes her feel alive, loved, cared for, and like a woman. Let’s go a little deeper to see what I mean that. I suggest reading Proverbs 31 to truly enjoy this ride. As you read, see the kind of man a Proverbs 31 woman could see walking beside.

  1. A Proverbs 31 woman longs for a man who can trust her.

A way to build trust with a woman is to establish an authentic and transparent friendship with her. When you’re getting to know a person, hesitance rises of revealing who you really are. This is the imperfect, flawed person. I understand the temptation of presenting a near perfect, appealing person, but we know that isn’t the case.  You have to keep in mind that people will expect what you’re advertising. Be honest. My motto is: A person may actually like you if they have a chance to know the imperfect you. I understand you may or may not expose certain details about your personal life and relationship experiences, failures, weakness and shortcomings. at first There’s a time and a place to dispense such information. Timing is critical role of how a friendship develops and relationship unfolds. Ultimately, a woman would only get to know and respect you if you’re up front with her. A mature woman isn’t going to judge or look down on you so don’t worry. She wants to see the man who you have evolved and matured into. Personal and spiritual growth is a plus in her eyes. She would appreciate you in the now if she understood your past.

Trust is something a woman wants in a man. It’s impossible to have a relationship without trust. Your trust in her encourages her to be genuine, confident and carefree in your presence and in public.

  1. A Proverbs 31 woman desires a man who’s consistent in doing “good” to her and not harm.

Consistency presents pressure. It means you have to stay on top of doing something over and over to achieve the same results, but this is where God’s power, grace and mercy steps in. This is where it’s important for a man to have a strong relationship with God.

There are days when you’re going to fail at loving, but an understanding, compassionate and self-less woman already understands that. You’re human. She’s human. It’s your effort that moves her, and your desire to consistently love her that makes her smile when she’s thinking of you. Effort simply shows that you care.

The importance of keep God first in a relationship is that He helps to sustain it. He will give you the knowledge and wisdom to love her in a way that’s consistent and effective, if you ask.

A lack of effort and care is what causes her arm. I’m under the belief, and I know this may sound cliche, but hey, it’s true. Women are like plants. You have to water and pay attention to them on a consistent basis. You water a woman with unconditional love, thoughtfulness, adoration, kindness, patience, understanding, etc. See the Fruits of the Holy Spirit in Corinthians.

  1. She wants a man who has a taste for excellence and a strong work ethic.

A taste for excellence represents the quality of your work ethic. In other words, what your purpose is in life, or what is of importance to you. For me, it’s writing and my relationship with God. I put my best into what’s a priority because I want to see great results. Loving a woman works the same way.

When your heart is set on pleasing a woman, you want her to have the best, and you’ll work hard to accomplish those measurable means.

Sometimes giving your best is sacrificing a hobby to spend more time with her, getting up early to exercise with her, lending a helping hand with choirs or dinner.

  1. A woman longs for a man who could enhance or add something to her life–not the opposite.

It’s never a good idea to pursue a woman who wants to experience true love, and you have no intentions of truly loving her. She’s not looking for added confusion or unnecessary pain, if she’s already accompanied by challenges of her own.

Besides having stability and independence into the equation, walk into a woman’s life with a sense of who you are and your purpose. A man with purpose is appealing to a woman with purpose. Also, offer her unconditional love, commitment and the absence of pride and ego.

In order to enhance something, something has to be already there or in a place. A Proverbs 31 woman isn’t looking for a man to define, complete or take care of her. She knows her identity. She is whole, self-sufficient and is able to take care of herself.  Being wooed by monetary means is just an option to her.

  1. A woman longs for a man who can to speak to her mind.

To take a woman outside of her emotions, and into a place she seldom experiences touch, which is in the pacific of her mind, your conversation has to be enriched with something that feathers her interest.

Intimacy happens before any heated moment. In any way am I’m offering advice of how to get a woman in bed. I believe you should wait to share yourself in marriage. However, intimacy begins with conversation. Intellectual stimulation has mental and physical reactions. Romantically, conversation is a way to turn a woman’s wheels upstairs. To have her think, laugh, smile, or consider you for advice, because of your conversation, sketches you into her life as an ideal husband. A woman who thinks long-terms wants have a man she could talk to, and actually enjoy as a person.

If you’re not versed in areas she’s interested in, do the homework. Find out why intrigues her, and meet her there in the given topical conversation. This shows that you she matters to you.

There are five more things I believe a woman longs for…coming up next.

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I’m Not Looking for the Perfect Woman

I’m sure the majority of women who have been reading my posts feel that I have high expectations beyond this world. They may think I’m looking to be with a supermodel woman or she has to look like the woman that’s eye candy to many men. Or, I’m specifically set on being with someone of the same culture. That’s not the case. Beauty and love extends beyond the color of my skin. And a high level of physical attraction doesn’t promise love. It promises lust. Other women may feel they have to be where I’m at spiritually. That’s not the case either. While physical attraction and chemistry, good conversation and having a spiritual connection matters, I’m a down to earth simple guy who sees himself with a down to earth, fun and simple woman. My expectations are realistic but not watered down or negotiated for just being with anyone.

I’m not looking for the perfect woman because the perfect woman believes she’s perfect is too good for anyone else. She also feels that no one measures up to her.  She seeks every opportunity to highlight your weaknesses rather than praise you strengths. Arrogance and conceitedness blindfolds her. I don’t know any man who would desire a woman like that. If so, it’s for the same of looking good in public or for sexual purposes, if you know what I mean.

I’m attracted to women who are humbled, who seek to experience love on a spiritual level, and knows how to communicate. Communication for some means yapping uncontrollably. Sorry. My attention span isn’t built that way. In a lecture, yes, it’s expected. My mind wanders when the uncontrollable yapping happens, and I immediately lose interest. Communication means to be conscious of another in your presence. You are engaging them. Not yourself.

I’m not looking for the perfect woman because I’m not a perfect man. I noted in a previous blog that although I may seem wise and knowledgeable, driven and well rounded, spiritually in tuned to people and my environment, and well put together, I’m flawed. I’m a human being who tries to live everyday improving.  I’m glad I’m not the perfect man. That’s too much pressure.

I’m not looking for the perfect woman because I’m looking for a woman I can grow, build and evolve with.  Relationships are built upon the building and rebidding of each other. I’m well aware that many people come from different family structures and relational experiences. And some of those who family structures and relational experiences may have created insecurities or have made their heart callous. I enter situations to learn about that person so I can understand who she is today, and how far she comes into being a woman. It’s important to understand who a woman is so I can be aware and sensitive to the woman she is today, as well as her to her needs. Empathy, listening and understanding is important her.

I’m not necessarily looking for a woman who’s where I’m at spiritually. Once upon a time, I was not who I am today. However, what’s important to me, and what I listen and look for in a woman is her desire to grow in God through Christ. I maybe the reason she may grow spiritually. She could be the reason why God taught me to love with compassion, with patience, kindness, etc., and to her strengths to compliment my weakness. Relationships are supposed to bring balance.

If you’re looking for the perfect person, I suggest you take a deeper look into the mirror. A perfect reflection isn’t staring back at you. It’s an illusion. That perfect doesn’t exist because you don’t exist in the reality of your humaneness. If you were created perfect, you wouldn’t have to depend on or acknowledge your Creator. No one one would be able to compliment you or please you.

I dig humble woman. They are attractive.

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How to Connect with a Woman Spiritually

A woman is more than her body. She is spirit. She is soul. She wants to experience love from you there. Get to know her there.–Melvin Davis

Being spiritual often has a negative, boring connotation to it. Most people think those who are spiritual live mundane, disinteresting and predicable lives.  There’s no fervor or excitement. It’s also believed that those who are spiritual sit in an empty room praying or offering up chants all day. Well, some may actually do, but there are persons who are down earth and human too. I could see this perspective, if you aren’t spiritual, however, there are some benefits of being spiritual. In the context with a woman, you’ll understand why.

I’d like to have your undivided attention for a few moments. I want to brush over the canvas of your thoughts with the brush of wisdom and insight. My paint is the experiences and what I’ve acquired from above. Here are three ways to connect with a woman spiritually. This is nothing deep, nothing you never heard before but maybe not said this way.

  1.  Connecting with a woman spiritually lends to good listening skills. When you’re able to articulate to her what she’s saying underneath and through her emotions, or what she can’t say with words, she knows that you are listening.

Listening draws her closer to you because you taking into consideration of what’s important to her on her mind. And because you’re listening, her heart is more prone to open up to you, to share more with you.

  1. Understanding. Understand her history to coexist with her in the present.

Understanding is just as powerful as misunderstanding someone. Many, I mean many relationships and friendships have fell apart due to poor communications and misunderstanding. It happens everyday.

With it comes to understanding a woman, listen without judgment her or the intent to use her past to have emotional or mental leverage over her. Understanding takes listening with a heart of love and empathy.

  1. Becoming a part of her secret place. The secret place is her place of peace, intimacy and serenity. It’s where she sets aside time to get refocus and center herself. It’s where she communions with God.

Becoming a part of her secret may also take time and patience. Not everyone gets to go there. She has to absolutely trust and FEEL secure with you before she invites you there. There, in her secret place, is when you get the opportunity to see her true spiritual side. There, you may also see her cry, because she may be reflecting on the wonders of God, how far she’s come from her pas, and how you showed up in her life—possibily to good to be true.. This is your opportunity to join her in prayer, to read with her or to simply sit in silence. Silence in the secret place is just as powerful as spoken words.

Furthermore, her interpretation of your presence in her secret place must be one of strength, certainty and spiritual and emotional support. Your ticket to that secret place lies in your relationship with God, or willingness to have one.

  1. Demonstration of Unconditional love.

If I were to coin this chapter in my life, it’s called, Learning How to Love, Unconditionally.

It’s easy to love when it’s convenient for you. That’s call loving with conditions. When you reach a point of learning how to love others around you, who can be tough to love, you matured. You stepped out love despite of how you feel. And when you learn how to love unconditionally, you can take that same ability to love unconditionally, in a relationship.

A spiritual woman interprets a man’s ability to love unconditionally by what’s in his spirit. She’s asking. Is he…

  1. Patient
  2. Kind
  3. Forgiving
  4. Faithful
  5. Good
  6. Gentle
  7. Full of joy
  8. Fill with love
  9. Has a heart of peace.

If you could love her unconditionally, you could love her beyond her flaws and often times, mixed emotions. Your conditional love toward her is your consistency.

These are three ways of how could connect with a woman spiritually.

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love, Melvin Davis

Broken Promises

A broken promise is God’s opportunity to give you what He promised.—Melvin Davis
We know the beginning of a new relationship is filled with excitement and pure intentions. The fuzzy feeling is record-breaking, considering what you experienced before. The emotional, intellectual, and spiritual connection you longed for has now arrived. And to top that off, you’re both on the same page of what you want out of life. Everything’s a go. You hop in the car of commitment, hit cruise control, and silently pray that the two of you will continue see the same road, driving at the same speed.

As a year and half approaches, you really start to think seriously about each other. By this time, you met the family and friends. And yep, they gave you the thumbs up for approval. However, a few out of the bunch just feel indifferent about your new relationship. But hey, at least you were independent enough to prevent outside perspectives and projections to influence the decision you made, or break the bond you have with that person. I truly commend you. And also, by this time, you’ve probably been on a few vacations together, and spent two of the most meaningful and anticipating holidays of the year together. Thanksgiving and Christmas. Family time with the love of you life is two of the most memorable and enjoyable memories. I could recall the joy that I had with ex’s family. It was good to see everyone together, eating and laughing. And I enjoyed my time with her. Family is truly important to me. Anyhow, as the holidays come to a closure, you saw each other lives merged into one. You’re thought, I could really see myself spending the rest of my life with this person. Those fuzzy feelings are still there, at least for one person. But, somehow, someone pumped the breaks, and totally disrupted the flow of the cruise. Heck, they even took their hand off of the steering wheel, and abandoned the car. You had no idea what changed and what happened. You thought all along things were great. No problems. Or, you know exactly what happened. At this point now, the commitment you had was shattered. You’re embarrassed and hurt because you told your family and friend’s about the promise. The promise was that you would spend the rest of your life together. I want to talk you about the broken promise of commitment.

A broken promise in a relationship is the deep emotional and spiritual blow that comes after the breakup. Simply because: you’re in a stage of reflection, thinking about that happened. You’re overwhelmed. You can’t figure things out, although the truth unveiled itself to your heart. Sometimes it takes a while for someone to accept the truth. Anyhow, more devastatingly: you really start to think about all the time you invested with that person, and with their family and friends. Money is something you could get back, but not them. If you been here before, you know exactly what I’m talking about. If you’re currently experiencing a broken promise, I’m not going to let you walk away without restoring your hope, and starting you on the road to recovery. It’s faith and healing time. Take a cruise with me.

That person may have promised the life you imagined to experience together as a couple or a life the you saw growing up before your innocent eyes. You saw your parents enjoy and relish those good moments that had with each other. But somehow, that promise was broken. Maybe unfaithfulness was the cause. Maybe the person just gave up on you, because it was easy to not fight for the love you believed in. Maybe, somewhere down the road, their emotional, physical and spiritual needs weren’t met, and they never said a word to you about it. The feeling of not having the opportunity to correct the problem leaves a feeling of being cheated. Maybe they voiced their concerns, but you failed, because either didn’t know how to make the necessary adjustments or you grew tired of watering a plant in a pot that was cracked. Whichever the cause, I have good news for you.

The person you were with may have hit you with a mighty blow.  You have all the reasons to be angry, to become better and to give up on love.  I want to encourage you today to not become the pain. Take the lesson out of the pain, and allow it become your wisdom, your eyes and ears of discernment. So, when you meet the next person, you’ll know how to communicate, address issues, and back out when you know you and your potential love interest, aren’t on the same page. A broken promise is God’s opportunity to give you what He promised. Faith is the key.

Sometimes you experienced heartbreak and disappointments, for the very reason of knowing the person you was with, isn’t the one for you. You have to have a starting point to know what or who doesn’t work for you, but now you know.

As tough as it may seem, refuse to become bitter. I repeat. Don’t become bitter, and to add, hopeless. There’s someone out there who will meet you where you are and accept you for who you are.

You are special. You are great. You are a confident loving person.

To my fellow gentlemen, you are a King. You were created to conquer. Not in a demeaning way. I’m talking about your purpose, your dreams, and to take your place in your marriage as a leader and protector. You were created to love with courage and boldness, to be a presence of might and strength.

And to women, you are a virtuous woman. You were created to nurture, care and to also love. You are a queen fit to stand next to your king. You strength is your compliment to what your King lacks. You aid in the success of the sacred union you have, and in other areas of your life.

You are beautiful. You are a woman. You are strength.

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Understanding the Importance of Timing: Being Patient for Love will Bring Distractions Pt. I

For once it feels great to fully grasp the importance of timing and being patient for love. I’m standing on the tallest skyscraper of my life, slowly watching life, and my purpose fall into place. I’m at a place of solidarity with God, in the context of allowing Him to order my steps to my wife, thus ordaining all that I desire. But there’s something you have to be conscious of when you develop patience: Being patient for love will bring distractions.

A few weeks ago I made a commitment to accept, rather be content with the single life. That commitment embodied an understanding of timing and patience. My mind was set on ease–smooth sailing in allowing love to unfold naturally and without force. However, distractions started to come from different angels. Women started to approach me, and their approach was quite aggressive–making the distraction obvious and unashamed. And so was I tempted to inquire. But purpose whispered to me and said: “If you want my best. If you want what’s in my will, be patient for it. It’s going to come.” Those words prepared to be on a lookout for more distractions, and to be attentive to the “insight “and words of “advice” that come from impatient people who feel that you should be in a relationship because you look good.

When you’re heading up the right road, there will be objects and things in your pathway to persuade you or force you to get off the nearest exit when your destination is a bit further. But will you settle for what avails itself to you at a premature stage in your life because it look or sounds good? Taking second best will never bring you fulfillment.

Stay tuned for part II. I’m going to go more into depth.

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