Faith, friendship, Honesty, How to Find Love, Love Again By Melvin Davis, Melvin Davis

Compatibility: What a Woman Longs For

I confess that I’m not a relationship expert, nor do I claim to understand women 100%. I don’t have all the answers. I do ask God for the understanding, knowledge and wisdom of how to court and love the woman He has for me.  This is my way of preparing for marriage. I want the woman I marry to say, “I’m the reason her eyes are filled with contentment, tears of peace and joy. And that her parents, close family members and friends smile, because “I’m in her life.” More importantly, I want to be the reason she looks forward to expressing her love each day. I also pray to be a great husband. I envision teaching my son how to court a woman, and what my daughter should expect when a guy is really into her. I also imagine explaining to them about the man I used to be, and the person I became in Christ, which made it possible to marry their mother, hence, why they exist. I’m advocate that women are one of the greatest gifts to men.

I’m sure all men can say without theory, based on concrete empirical facts of their experiences, women are a little complicated at times. I’m sure the majority of them could agree. I don’t mean this as a negative. I see beauty in woman’s complexities, how her emotions often envelope over one another like water colors on a canvas–yet the picture is still beautiful, transparent and clear–sometimes only understood by the eyes of her lover. How a woman’s mind works with depth, intelligence, humor and spirit, is all a wonder to me. However, no matter how complex some women are, they long for the basic essentials that makes her feel alive, loved, cared for, and like a woman. Let’s go a little deeper to see what I mean that. I suggest reading Proverbs 31 to truly enjoy this ride. As you read, see the kind of man a Proverbs 31 woman could see walking beside.

  1. A Proverbs 31 woman longs for a man who can trust her.

A way to build trust with a woman is to establish an authentic and transparent friendship with her. When you’re getting to know a person, hesitance rises of revealing who you really are. This is the imperfect, flawed person. I understand the temptation of presenting a near perfect, appealing person, but we know that isn’t the case.  You have to keep in mind that people will expect what you’re advertising. Be honest. My motto is: A person may actually like you if they have a chance to know the imperfect you. I understand you may or may not expose certain details about your personal life and relationship experiences, failures, weakness and shortcomings. at first There’s a time and a place to dispense such information. Timing is critical role of how a friendship develops and relationship unfolds. Ultimately, a woman would only get to know and respect you if you’re up front with her. A mature woman isn’t going to judge or look down on you so don’t worry. She wants to see the man who you have evolved and matured into. Personal and spiritual growth is a plus in her eyes. She would appreciate you in the now if she understood your past.

Trust is something a woman wants in a man. It’s impossible to have a relationship without trust. Your trust in her encourages her to be genuine, confident and carefree in your presence and in public.

  1. A Proverbs 31 woman desires a man who’s consistent in doing “good” to her and not harm.

Consistency presents pressure. It means you have to stay on top of doing something over and over to achieve the same results, but this is where God’s power, grace and mercy steps in. This is where it’s important for a man to have a strong relationship with God.

There are days when you’re going to fail at loving, but an understanding, compassionate and self-less woman already understands that. You’re human. She’s human. It’s your effort that moves her, and your desire to consistently love her that makes her smile when she’s thinking of you. Effort simply shows that you care.

The importance of keep God first in a relationship is that He helps to sustain it. He will give you the knowledge and wisdom to love her in a way that’s consistent and effective, if you ask.

A lack of effort and care is what causes her arm. I’m under the belief, and I know this may sound cliche, but hey, it’s true. Women are like plants. You have to water and pay attention to them on a consistent basis. You water a woman with unconditional love, thoughtfulness, adoration, kindness, patience, understanding, etc. See the Fruits of the Holy Spirit in Corinthians.

  1. She wants a man who has a taste for excellence and a strong work ethic.

A taste for excellence represents the quality of your work ethic. In other words, what your purpose is in life, or what is of importance to you. For me, it’s writing and my relationship with God. I put my best into what’s a priority because I want to see great results. Loving a woman works the same way.

When your heart is set on pleasing a woman, you want her to have the best, and you’ll work hard to accomplish those measurable means.

Sometimes giving your best is sacrificing a hobby to spend more time with her, getting up early to exercise with her, lending a helping hand with choirs or dinner.

  1. A woman longs for a man who could enhance or add something to her life–not the opposite.

It’s never a good idea to pursue a woman who wants to experience true love, and you have no intentions of truly loving her. She’s not looking for added confusion or unnecessary pain, if she’s already accompanied by challenges of her own.

Besides having stability and independence into the equation, walk into a woman’s life with a sense of who you are and your purpose. A man with purpose is appealing to a woman with purpose. Also, offer her unconditional love, commitment and the absence of pride and ego.

In order to enhance something, something has to be already there or in a place. A Proverbs 31 woman isn’t looking for a man to define, complete or take care of her. She knows her identity. She is whole, self-sufficient and is able to take care of herself.  Being wooed by monetary means is just an option to her.

  1. A woman longs for a man who can to speak to her mind.

To take a woman outside of her emotions, and into a place she seldom experiences touch, which is in the pacific of her mind, your conversation has to be enriched with something that feathers her interest.

Intimacy happens before any heated moment. In any way am I’m offering advice of how to get a woman in bed. I believe you should wait to share yourself in marriage. However, intimacy begins with conversation. Intellectual stimulation has mental and physical reactions. Romantically, conversation is a way to turn a woman’s wheels upstairs. To have her think, laugh, smile, or consider you for advice, because of your conversation, sketches you into her life as an ideal husband. A woman who thinks long-terms wants have a man she could talk to, and actually enjoy as a person.

If you’re not versed in areas she’s interested in, do the homework. Find out why intrigues her, and meet her there in the given topical conversation. This shows that you she matters to you.

There are five more things I believe a woman longs for…coming up next.

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I’m Not Looking for the Perfect Woman

I’m sure the majority of women who have been reading my posts feel that I have high expectations beyond this world. They may think I’m looking to be with a supermodel woman or she has to look like the woman that’s eye candy to many men. Or, I’m specifically set on being with someone of the same culture. That’s not the case. Beauty and love extends beyond the color of my skin. And a high level of physical attraction doesn’t promise love. It promises lust. Other women may feel they have to be where I’m at spiritually. That’s not the case either. While physical attraction and chemistry, good conversation and having a spiritual connection matters, I’m a down to earth simple guy who sees himself with a down to earth, fun and simple woman. My expectations are realistic but not watered down or negotiated for just being with anyone.

I’m not looking for the perfect woman because the perfect woman believes she’s perfect is too good for anyone else. She also feels that no one measures up to her.  She seeks every opportunity to highlight your weaknesses rather than praise you strengths. Arrogance and conceitedness blindfolds her. I don’t know any man who would desire a woman like that. If so, it’s for the same of looking good in public or for sexual purposes, if you know what I mean.

I’m attracted to women who are humbled, who seek to experience love on a spiritual level, and knows how to communicate. Communication for some means yapping uncontrollably. Sorry. My attention span isn’t built that way. In a lecture, yes, it’s expected. My mind wanders when the uncontrollable yapping happens, and I immediately lose interest. Communication means to be conscious of another in your presence. You are engaging them. Not yourself.

I’m not looking for the perfect woman because I’m not a perfect man. I noted in a previous blog that although I may seem wise and knowledgeable, driven and well rounded, spiritually in tuned to people and my environment, and well put together, I’m flawed. I’m a human being who tries to live everyday improving.  I’m glad I’m not the perfect man. That’s too much pressure.

I’m not looking for the perfect woman because I’m looking for a woman I can grow, build and evolve with.  Relationships are built upon the building and rebidding of each other. I’m well aware that many people come from different family structures and relational experiences. And some of those who family structures and relational experiences may have created insecurities or have made their heart callous. I enter situations to learn about that person so I can understand who she is today, and how far she comes into being a woman. It’s important to understand who a woman is so I can be aware and sensitive to the woman she is today, as well as her to her needs. Empathy, listening and understanding is important her.

I’m not necessarily looking for a woman who’s where I’m at spiritually. Once upon a time, I was not who I am today. However, what’s important to me, and what I listen and look for in a woman is her desire to grow in God through Christ. I maybe the reason she may grow spiritually. She could be the reason why God taught me to love with compassion, with patience, kindness, etc., and to her strengths to compliment my weakness. Relationships are supposed to bring balance.

If you’re looking for the perfect person, I suggest you take a deeper look into the mirror. A perfect reflection isn’t staring back at you. It’s an illusion. That perfect doesn’t exist because you don’t exist in the reality of your humaneness. If you were created perfect, you wouldn’t have to depend on or acknowledge your Creator. No one one would be able to compliment you or please you.

I dig humble woman. They are attractive.

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love, Melvin Davis

Broken Promises

A broken promise is God’s opportunity to give you what He promised.—Melvin Davis
We know the beginning of a new relationship is filled with excitement and pure intentions. The fuzzy feeling is record-breaking, considering what you experienced before. The emotional, intellectual, and spiritual connection you longed for has now arrived. And to top that off, you’re both on the same page of what you want out of life. Everything’s a go. You hop in the car of commitment, hit cruise control, and silently pray that the two of you will continue see the same road, driving at the same speed.

As a year and half approaches, you really start to think seriously about each other. By this time, you met the family and friends. And yep, they gave you the thumbs up for approval. However, a few out of the bunch just feel indifferent about your new relationship. But hey, at least you were independent enough to prevent outside perspectives and projections to influence the decision you made, or break the bond you have with that person. I truly commend you. And also, by this time, you’ve probably been on a few vacations together, and spent two of the most meaningful and anticipating holidays of the year together. Thanksgiving and Christmas. Family time with the love of you life is two of the most memorable and enjoyable memories. I could recall the joy that I had with ex’s family. It was good to see everyone together, eating and laughing. And I enjoyed my time with her. Family is truly important to me. Anyhow, as the holidays come to a closure, you saw each other lives merged into one. You’re thought, I could really see myself spending the rest of my life with this person. Those fuzzy feelings are still there, at least for one person. But, somehow, someone pumped the breaks, and totally disrupted the flow of the cruise. Heck, they even took their hand off of the steering wheel, and abandoned the car. You had no idea what changed and what happened. You thought all along things were great. No problems. Or, you know exactly what happened. At this point now, the commitment you had was shattered. You’re embarrassed and hurt because you told your family and friend’s about the promise. The promise was that you would spend the rest of your life together. I want to talk you about the broken promise of commitment.

A broken promise in a relationship is the deep emotional and spiritual blow that comes after the breakup. Simply because: you’re in a stage of reflection, thinking about that happened. You’re overwhelmed. You can’t figure things out, although the truth unveiled itself to your heart. Sometimes it takes a while for someone to accept the truth. Anyhow, more devastatingly: you really start to think about all the time you invested with that person, and with their family and friends. Money is something you could get back, but not them. If you been here before, you know exactly what I’m talking about. If you’re currently experiencing a broken promise, I’m not going to let you walk away without restoring your hope, and starting you on the road to recovery. It’s faith and healing time. Take a cruise with me.

That person may have promised the life you imagined to experience together as a couple or a life the you saw growing up before your innocent eyes. You saw your parents enjoy and relish those good moments that had with each other. But somehow, that promise was broken. Maybe unfaithfulness was the cause. Maybe the person just gave up on you, because it was easy to not fight for the love you believed in. Maybe, somewhere down the road, their emotional, physical and spiritual needs weren’t met, and they never said a word to you about it. The feeling of not having the opportunity to correct the problem leaves a feeling of being cheated. Maybe they voiced their concerns, but you failed, because either didn’t know how to make the necessary adjustments or you grew tired of watering a plant in a pot that was cracked. Whichever the cause, I have good news for you.

The person you were with may have hit you with a mighty blow.  You have all the reasons to be angry, to become better and to give up on love.  I want to encourage you today to not become the pain. Take the lesson out of the pain, and allow it become your wisdom, your eyes and ears of discernment. So, when you meet the next person, you’ll know how to communicate, address issues, and back out when you know you and your potential love interest, aren’t on the same page. A broken promise is God’s opportunity to give you what He promised. Faith is the key.

Sometimes you experienced heartbreak and disappointments, for the very reason of knowing the person you was with, isn’t the one for you. You have to have a starting point to know what or who doesn’t work for you, but now you know.

As tough as it may seem, refuse to become bitter. I repeat. Don’t become bitter, and to add, hopeless. There’s someone out there who will meet you where you are and accept you for who you are.

You are special. You are great. You are a confident loving person.

To my fellow gentlemen, you are a King. You were created to conquer. Not in a demeaning way. I’m talking about your purpose, your dreams, and to take your place in your marriage as a leader and protector. You were created to love with courage and boldness, to be a presence of might and strength.

And to women, you are a virtuous woman. You were created to nurture, care and to also love. You are a queen fit to stand next to your king. You strength is your compliment to what your King lacks. You aid in the success of the sacred union you have, and in other areas of your life.

You are beautiful. You are a woman. You are strength.

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Many are gifted but only a few will pay the price to use it on a higher level.–Melvin Davis

I have learned, and still am learning, as I get closer to success, that there’s a certain level of responsibility that comes with being gifted or being called to do something that’s bigger than you. I have discovered, with foresight, that the place (s) where your gift will take you must meet your level of your faith. If your faith is small, your perception about you and you confidence will be.

There is a price you have to pay to have great level of faith.  Contrary to the biblical reference, “that you all you need is faith the size of a mustard seed.” I reserve room to believe this is God’s view of our faith based upon our challenges and given such circumstances. That yes, we need to have some, even if it’s the size of mustard seed, if we are ever to have hope of a particular situation changing. However, I maintain, the goal is to see the kind of faith God wants you to have—something bigger than the size of mustard seed. But again, there’s a price to pay for having such faith. Keep that in mind.

I believe in writing goals, whether short term or long term. There’s a blueprint of my success that I have drafted, in which I will share with my siblings when the time comes, as well with my future children, if I have any. My model of success is founded in spiritual goals and success in my spiritual walk with God. One of the goals on my list is to have a greater level of faith.

Amidst romantic and lovely “dovely” writing, and the informative blogs about cultivating healthy and strong relationships, I am fighting battles of my own. I literarily take each day at a time. I wake up in the morning seeking guidance and direction, and the wisdom and clarity to walk in the path I’ve been set to walk in. Before I rest, I give thanks for making it another day. This is a consistent in my devotional life.

I asked for a greater level of faith and the conditions have been set to develop it. Sometimes I ask myself, “why did I pray for this?” Then God answers, “this is what you asked for, and this is the kind of faith you need to have if your are to fulfill the calling on your life.” After, I accept my circumstances and face them with courage, and thankfulness—thankful to have the struggles that I have because they are sharpening the gift (s) I have and building my courage to write and share without fear.

If you have the courage to ask, have the courage to receive.  If you want things to remain the same, or to live a mediocrity life, don’t pray for something greater. But if you want the contrary, expect the responsibilities and accept the sacrifices you’ll have to make. Relationship is about exchange—nothing is truly free in life.

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The Courage and Faith to use your Gift

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