love

Identifying Someone You’re Not Equally Yoked With, The Introduction

In 2014, it’s becoming more and more difficult to find love. We live in a wave of a “carefree,” “go with the flow” attitude. I would think by the time you approach your late 20’s or early 30’s, that attitude would be abandoned. Unfortunately, that’s not the case. Who has time to waste? Anyhow, the carefree, go with the flow attitude means this: “I’m going to date whoever I want to date, although I know you have sincere intentions of being monogamous with me.” If you haven’t come across that person, you may meet the broken wing. This is a person who recently exited a relationship. They’re hurt and broken, but feel a sense of liberation and freedom now that they’re single. The excitement of being back on the market propels them to relive what it feels like to be single again. In other words, it’s time to have “fun” and “to see what’s out there.” This is okay for them, but you have to take charge of your well-being. The result of encountering this person also leads to uncertainty, like the carefree; go with the flow type of person. Their emotions are pulling them in all kinds of different weird directions. Well, maybe weird isn’t a good choice of word. Let’s just say, they’re dealing with the past of who they were with, while trying to remain faithful to their healing process, with great potentials darting their way. It’s about variety and choice here. However, properly healing isn’t in the forefront of their minds.  Practice caution with this person.  You don’t know if they’ll return to the relationship they just left, or if they’re going out with 2 of 3 different people days or worse, sleeping with someone else while entertaining you. Step way. It’s a cold world out there.  Is there any wrong with the broken wing person?  Not necessarily. Who hasn’t experienced brokenness? But, in order to find and experience true love, you have to do it God’s way. Your heart should be turned toward him instead of dating someone else.

Pressure mounts up to find someone you can experience love and life with as time passes. You start to think do you have to settle for the sake of not being alone, even if that means putting up with someone who’s unfaithful to you or will treat you like an option.  If this person is you, come back for the second installment of Identifying Someone You’re Unequally Yoked With. I have a message for you. You don’t have to settle. You don’t have to be anyone’s option. You can stay course of waiting on God to send you someone beautiful and something meaningful. While you’re positioning yourself to find love, I want to share few points that will help you avoid disappointment in the next blog.

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The Temptation of Reliving the Past: When Old Feelings Surface

To return to what God led you away from is to jeopardize where he wants to take you with the person he has for you. –Melvin Davis

What do I do now that I’m “single”? is a question many people find themselves asking when they have “moved” on from a failed relationship. You’re somewhat emotionally detached, and you’re somewhat ready to give love through someone new. However, a flashback of the “good times” crosses your mind. Those fond memories emerge with joy, somehow putting a smile on your face, until you think about the toxic and heated arguments, and the intense moments of feeling unappreciated and emotionally and spiritually disconnected. You also remember those signs of unfaithfulness and lies, being ignored and uncared for. You cried next to that person in bed until no more tears could produce from your heart. You’ve talked to so many people about the situation until your mouth grew tired. The truth made itself known to you. And you even prayed about the relationship once more, and God showed you a clear painting of the situation. In fact, you saw the view of the picture from many angles. God showed you why it’s not his will, and where it will land you if you continued to stay in the relationship. His presence penetrated deep into your heart, that you had to stop doing what your were doing to sit still and gather yourself. You felt the ache bearing deep within that you couldn’t rest well at night, or concentrate during the day.  I want to talk about The Temptation of Reliving the Past.

It’s easy to return to the familiar, because you don’t have to put in the work of getting to know someone new all over again. It takes time and patience getting to know someone, which is something you probably don’t have. You’re short on patience. These days, there isn’t much legroom for mistakes. You have probably thought about returning to that person who didn’t appreciate you, than to give some else a chance who would appreciate and deeply love you. You’re ready to write someone off, because again, you don’t have the “patience.” After all, you “know” the person you were with.

To return to what God led you away from is to jeopardize where he wants to take you with the person he has for you. You have to remind yourself why the relationship didn’t work. Besides that you were toxic for each other, there was probably one prominent force at hand that was working against you two. It wasn’t God’s will.  What’s not in God’s will have no chance at life. Of course, you could make it work, but forcing love into the equation where it’s supposed to develop naturally, just isn’t worth it. Your “I love you’s” will have no feeling or passion behind it. And the touch or the holding of hands will not produce any feelings of love, comfort and assurance that this is the person God has for you.  When you step outside of God’s will, you’re forfeiting being valued and appreciated, love and cared for, respected and adored. You’re giving up your sanity/ peace of mind, because faithfulness and commitment will always be called into question when you’re not in that person’s presence. You’re also giving up the chance to build two important foundations a God-ordained relationship should stand on, which are a friendship and a spiritual connection. Without any of these positive components, love has nothing to stand on.

Before you think about reopening a closed chapter, remember why the relationship failed. God led you away from that person for a very important reason. It wasn’t his will. To return to the past is to jeopardize where he wants to take you with the person he has for you. But that page of finding new love can’t be read until you move on from the past.

In my novel Love Again, Jennifer is temped to return to the past but she comes to her senses. Let’s take a look.

Jennifer took a seat, removed her sunglasses, and got right to it.

“Robert, you know how much I still care for you.”

“Oh, here we go,” he complained, interrupting.

 “I’ve thought about you often throughout the years. I’ve often wondered what life would’ve been like if we’d gotten back together again. But after meeting up with you in New York and DC, I admit, some old feelings resurfaced, but they quickly faded away. I don’t feel the same way for you as I once did before.”

“What do you mean?” His nostrils flared up.

“What I’m saying that it’s too late to make up for what happened several years ago,” she said blinking back tears.” Time has passed. I’ve met someone new now, someone who has believed in me since day one, someone who understands me, someone who I pushed away.”

“Like you’re doing to me now?”

“No! I’m not pushing you away. I’m freeing us from one another so that we can be open to experience love from someone else. I’m sorry Robert, but I don’t see myself being with you. I don’t see us getting married.”

Here Jennifer comes to her senses. She remember all that happened in the past, and some people just don’t change. What’s in God’s will has a second chance.

Thank you for reading my blog. I would like to ask you to take a few minutes to check out my video on indiegogo. I’m raising funds to self-publish my novel Love Again.

Here’s the link:  http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/love-again-a-novel-by-melvin-davis/x/6665495

Your donation would help me tremendously, as well as passing on my campaign to your friends.

Thanks in advance.

 

 

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An Open Letter to My Future Wife

 

To My Future Wife,

 

I penned this letter now instead of later, because I want to thank God in advance for you. I already know you’re going to be an amazing woman. You’re going to be exactly what I prayed for. And by the time I meet you, I’m going to be everything you need me to be. So whoever you are, wherever you are, here’s an open letter I want to send to you, for all to see. I know you’ll be a testimony of my patience. I hope that your heart to open to receive these words.

 

I know that you’re probably in another situation now. Maybe you’re trying to work things out with the guy you’re with. Maybe your heart is healing from a terrible breakup, one that you invested a great deal of your time and energy in. Perhaps there are some other personal issues going on in your life, that’s preventing you from walking into mine.  May be we just haven’t met. Whatever that’s going in your life, there’s no rush. God’s timing is perfect. We will grace each other eyes and touch each other’s heart. We will enjoy plenty of days and evenings together, whether conversing about life, laughing about something silly, or doing something we both enjoy. I want you to know, that wherever you are in life, I’m praying for you to experience wholeness. I want you to be complete and happy, full of joy before you meet me. I’m going to look at you as a compliment to my life—only to add to it—never to subtract or divide from it.

 

And you’re not the only who’s being prepared for marriage. While I’m waiting on you, God is shaping me into the man he wants me to be for you: A protector and a provider, a great communicator, and a spiritual leader. He also wants me to be a great lover, a man who can make love to the deepest parts of you, and who can also be intimate without physical touch.  He’s molding me into a man who’s transparent, and vulnerable–vulnerable enough to accept you in my life without reservation of being hurt. He’s building my trust in him, so I can fully trust you, my blessing.

 

I want to end this letter by saying: I look forward to developing a wonderful friendship with you: One that’s based on open and honest communication, trust and prayer. I look forward to learning everything about you. I want to know the woman behind closed doors that many seldom see. I want to know what’s inside your heart, because that’s where your true treasure lies. I want to know what’s in your spirit, because that’s where your true beauty lies. I want to know you before I propose to you.

 

Until we cross paths, don’t rush love. We’ll find each other soon. I know it. I can feel it. I’ll see you soon.

 

David Bradshaw,

 

 

Thank you for reading the introduction of my novel. To listen to the audio version on youtube, here’s the link: http://youtu.be/OVjSamRZUh0

For information about my novel, check out my video below.

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/melvindavis/the-birth-of-my-novel-love-again

 

 

 

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Bringing My Dreams into Fruition, the release of my novel, Love Again

Thanks to all who have liked my FB page: All of my quotes and blogs will be posted on that page for now on. Also, in the upcoming weeks, I’m launching a budget on Kickstarter for the release of my novel Love Again, since I’m self-publishing. Hiring a professional copyeditor (maybe a developmental editor too), and a proofreader will be critical in producing quality work. I want my work to reflect the success I see, and I want you all to receive nothing but the best. The budget will also building a building a website, marketing and advertising materials. A professional photographer and a graphic designer will come in handy in designing my book cover and business cards. I want my website to reflect one of superb quality, and one that communicates the brand I’m trying to articulate. I need your support in fulfilling my vision. I will keep you posted. Thanks for your help.

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The Inspiration Behind My Novel, Poems, Quotes and Blogs. My Love Life and The Other Stuff in Between, Pt. III

I had a divine encounter with someone last week. I told her my story of how I ended up in South Florida. I can’t remember what she said word from word, but she commented on my level of obedience and how good God has been to me by His provision. I truly have many testimonies to share. She said it was refreshing to hear me to talk about my relationship with God. I also open up to her about why God led me to FL: 1) He’s revealed my Calling to me and 2) This is where my writing career will take off but the third reason wasn’t on my mind at the time. I guess I can tell you now: A few months ago, I was dating someone for a brief period. I wouldn’t dare call it a relationship. A friend of mine says the “relationship” title sticks because it was “Facebook official” Lmao but whatever.  While I was dating her, I left South FL to spend time with her. I was even considering relocating. But while I was away with her, I visited a friend church that I went to seminary with. I can’t recall the title of his sermon, but this was the message I received that hit extremely hard to home: “YOU CAN MISS OUT ON GOD’S BEST IF YOU STEP OUT OF HIS WILL.” I lie to you not: I had no peace or comfort. I lost sleep and weight. No disrespect to the woman I was dating at he time because she is truly is a wonderful and beautiful woman. I know the man God has for her will be blessed and vice versa. But I knew in my heart, I would’ve been settling if things had worked out between us. That situation inspired my upcoming podcast: HOW TO TELL IF YOU’RE WITH THE WRONG PERSON. But moving on, after shared the reason God moved me to South FL, the conversation transition to me having children because she made a comment about the luxury of shopping without her kids. I said something along these lines: “I want children, but I’m not in a rush to have any.”  She said, “You don’t wan to wait until old. You’d want to have your energy and vitality. She made ma laugh, not in a negative way, but I said, “well I’m not having children until I get married.” She then says to me:  “She’s coming soon. God is lining up your ducks before she comes.”  This was confirmation. She said “you know we weren’t mean to have this conversation. My answer was “yes.” But here’s where I’m at in my love life”

My love life is nonexistent now, for the reason that it’s not time for me to be in a relationship. I went on a fast the beginning of last month and one of the things I prayed about was a wife. I asked God to send me a woman who I could be friends with first, that would not judge but love me at where I’m in life now, but will see all the great things within me that God will bless me with. I’m sort of like Rory Jansen from the movie The Words, played by Bradley Cooper. I am the aspiring novelist who has dreams of becoming a successful novelist. I want to write for a living, but I also have a divine calling on my life. Pastoring is that calling, but I don’t feel it’s on the level of being the head pastor of a church, but becoming part of a ministerial staff to support the lead pastor. I don’t have a desire for the spotlight. Back to the movie, I watched in disbelief how Dora Jansen, played by Zoe Saldana, supported Rory throughout the duration of his journey. I was thinking to myself, that woman doesn’t’ exist today, but I have that she does.

Before I left work that day, I had one last conversation with this woman. She says to me: “You have a pure spirit. You don’t come with BS.” My reply was.” BS is unnecessary and that time is too precious to waste. I truly try to live life in a positive, God-like way and pursue love with the intention of building something meaningful and long lasting. I believe that’s what the woman saw in me. I was told on another occasion while I substitute teaching. My co-worker, a much older woman said to me out of the blue one day. “You’re going to be a great husband.” I was baffled, wondering what prompt her that to me but I asked how could she tell. She said “ I just know.”

Until then, I will continue to wait on God to ordain my love life. I will continue to be patient and do what I can to prepare for a relationship.

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The Importance of Spiritual Compatibility in a Relationship Pt. II

If you’re not comparable to each other, misunderstandings will be a continuous occurrence. The intention of loving will turn into judgment, and respect will soon transform into contempt. —Melvin Davis

As I’ve matured over the years in my faith and relationship with God, reflecting on past and most recent experiences, I see how important it is to be with someone who is spiritually compatible (“equally yoked”) with you. If you’re with someone who doesn’t’ take their faith and spirituality seriously, more than likely, you will be criticized, judged and misunderstood when God requires you to do something that seems illogical, which will ultimately put you in a place to censor your conversation, the sharing of past experiences–essentially who you are. In addition, when you’re with someone who don’t have a certain kind of respect and adoration to God and of His blessings, they will do inappropriate things in a relationship to disrespect you, such as accept sentimental gifts from others, or discretely sexting or sending flirtatious texts to others while their in and out of your presence. It’s not a coincidence that such people find themselves losing out on a great thing, and that they continue to search for love through sex–repeating the same relationship patterns and dysfunctional behaviors of their past. You’ll never find and experience love beginning a relationship with sex.

What I’m continuing to do in part II of this blog is simply outline what a relationship looks like when you’re with someone who’s has strong faith and a relationship with God.

For my devotional reading two nights ago and yesterday morning, I read chapters 1-4 in the book of Genesis. The word “comparable” jumped out at me when I read that God “saw fit” for man (Adam) to not be alone. This enlightenment inspired the remaining points of this blog.

6. When you are spiritual compatible to each other, you are a support and help to each other. There’s nothing like being in a relationship when you know your significant other has your back no matter what. They’re a voice of presence, a shoulder for you to lean on when you feel like giving up on yourself or when you feel most vulnerable. Sad to say, they’re people in relationships who significant other takes advantage of them when they feel most weakest. Can you imagine being with someone, and they know you’re struggling with whatever, and their taking what you confide in them and sharing it with other people? You thought they had your best interest because they told you they believed in you or how they were going to be with you in the beginning, but as time changed, they realized they were not willing to be by your side?

Whether you’re trying to materialize a dream that God has placed in your heart, or take on an endeavor or opportunity to move up the corporate ladder in your career, or whether you’re fighting something that’s haunting you from a previous relationship, or from a traumatic childhood experience, you’re significant is suppose cover and protect you when you’re most vulnerable, and to pray and help you during your time of difficulty.

7. There’s a common ground of mutual respect. When a couple knows they are a gift to one another that presumes a high-level of respect that follows. Respect goes a long way in a relationship, because it’s the very thing that keeps two people from saying or doing hurtful things they will later regret. They will also take pride in respecting one another when they’re away from each other. For instance, there isn’t a need to worry what your significant is doing when they’re handing out with other friends or are away for business. You know in the back of your mind they wouldn’t do anything inappropriate to jeopardize the relationship.

8. When you’re with someone your spiritually compatible with, you have a shared vision, and foundation of love you want to build your life on and future family. To know you’re with someone who loves God, there’s a sense of security you can experience with that person. You know that the source of their strength and self-survival is not only contingent on you, but God Himself. You also know that, although they’re not perfect, their morals and ethical standards are built upon a solid foundation of God. You can see yourself having a family with this person because you know they equipped to store biblical beliefs in them that will prepare them for the world we live in.

9. You have the opportunity to experience unconditional love. To know that your significant other or spouse loves you unconditionally gives you peace and a great sense of security. When someone loves you unconditionally, they’re making a conscious to love all of you and all of who you’re not. They understand that you’re not perfect, but because you have God in your life, they know you will become all God wants you to be. They don’t’ see a person is inapt or weak, but a person who’s made in the image and likeness in God.

10. You can experience soulful lovemaking. When God brings two together to become one, they are joined together not just in mind, body, and spirit, but the soul as well. To experience this kind of connection is like being in heaven: this person understands your love language and intellect that you only you get. There’s not much explaining or misinterpreting because know the core and the essence of who you are. And when you make love, factoring all of these elements, adding on the respect, the companionship, the unconditional love, knowing that person is a help and support to you, that moment of making love will be a soulful one. You’re making a love with a person who knows you.

Stay tune for my next two blogs title Relationship Patterns: Understanding Your Love Interest Before You Say I Do or Lets Make this Official and How to Tell if That Person Is the One for You

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Update on My Novel

Before I get into what I have to say, I first want thank all who have supported me since day one. I started off posting quotes—really just tampering around with thoughts and feeling but venting from a breakup in 2008. Some of you may remember the short stories I posted on FB. The responses were pretty good considering where I was at in writing. Some of you encouraged me to write a book, and years later, I did. Life puts us in a different direction at times. I never wanted to write a novel. I wanted to be the next Dr. Cornel West….”just sayin.”

Thank you again for waiting patiently for the release my novel. I have worked diligently on Unconditionally Yours (title subject to change) for about two years now or some where around there. It’s difficult writing when life deals you with so many obstacles and unexpected changes and transitions. It’s difficult writing when you’re trying to make ends meet or coming across relationship with people who don’t understand the journey God has placed you on. The road to success is quite lonely, but I am thankful for the family and friends, strangers, well, shall I say angels, who God had me crossed paths with when I felt like giving up. I literally would have a long time ago if he wasn’t for God picking me back up.

My novel has been edited and I’m currently making revisions. I have a friend, writer and editor, by the name of Ariel Driskell, who has helped me shape my story in the direction I want it to be. I thank her for her patience.

Unconditionally Yours has a total of seventeen chapters, and I’m revising twelve while my editor is editing chapter nine. I plan to have my novel proofread before I submit it literally agents. Yes, I’m going the traditional route, so it’s going to take my time to see my novel on the shelves of Barnes & Nobles and other bookstores.

Once again, thanks for your patience and support. I promise you wont’ be disappointed with the finished product. I know it will be a success—it’s just a matter of time.

Until then, I hope you continue to enjoy my quotes and blogs. Stay tuned for my podcasts.

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