Reminding yourself of what happened in the past could be the barrier that’s standing in between you and what you’re meant to have in your future.-Melvin Davis

The past could seem so near when the hurt and indifference remains so close to your heart in the present. It was, as if “IT,” happened yesterday. And when you move from one chapter to the next, without thoroughly addressing unresolved feelings from an ex or someone you dated, expect contention and confusion, lingering and unanswered questions, and for an explanation to be given if the person wronged you. Remember, how you deal with the past would tell your new love interest how ready you are for love.

So how can you position yourself to meet the right one? This answer is simple, yet tough to put into action. You have to put in the work to want to move forward. You have to be dedicated. The first step in dealing with the past is to:

1. Confess. Be honest with yourself by confessing you still have feelings for someone.
The healing process begins with confession. When you are honest with yourself about you still feel about someone, whether those feelings are fond or indifferent, verbally confess from your heart, how you feel about that person. Confession surfaces the truth from your heart so you can address those unresolved feelings head on.

2. Next, be patient with the healing process.

For many people, healing takes time. Healing may take up to several months, maybe a year or two. For deep emotional attachments, it could take two years or more. Whatever the severity of the emotional attachment, be patient to the healing process. Patience meaning: Allow those feelings run its course. So, if you feeling angry one day, write those feelings down on paper or talk to someone about it. If romantic feelings arise or stir up, do the same.
Telling yourself that yourself that you don’t feel a certain way confuses the heart. But when you are honest with yourself about you feel about someone, the heart opens to change.

Remember, with patience, God can repair your heart, help you see the good of that situation, of how it helped you mature and evolve as a mature man or woman. And as you continue to reflect, you’ll see how close that situation drew you to God. All things do work for the good—no matter how bad it hurt. When God begins to heal you, your heart desires will turn towards what he wants for you.

3. When you’re done healing, embrace the grace period. Meaning, enjoy your time singleness.

Healing is a sign that you have moved on, but it doesn’t necessarily means it’s time to dive into another relationship. It’s important to give yourself time to breath and function in your singleness as an emotionally and mentally clear-headed person. You want to approach life, your new love interest with clarity, a sense of assurance, that you know what you want, and what will and will not work for you. You want to be emotionally and mentally available without reservations of thinking about what someone in the past did you to you. However, I am not suggesting for you to be naïve. Your past could be the barrier that’s standing in between you and what you’re meant to have in your future. Love that is.

The grace period is also a time to refocus and aligned yourself back with God, and to find out what direction he wants you to head in next. The grace period may also be a time for you to seek his will and purpose for you life, if you haven’t discovered it yet already. A time of singleness is a time of preparation.

In my novel Love Again, David Bradshaw, my main character, who’s getting to know his new love interest, Jennifer Washington, is still conflicted and confronted with the past. Let’s take a look.

In this scene, David is opening up to Jennifer about his ex, Maria. What’s in bold is directly from my novel.
David finished telling Jennifer about how he was there for her during some really tough times, like the time he helped her pay for her grandmother’s funeral, edited her research papers and essays while she was graduate student. Even after doing a number of related selfless acts, she was still unappreciative and selfish.

“How did that make you feel?” Jennifer interjected.

“Like loving her was never enough, but it gets better,” David chuckled at the painful memories
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David recalled how he stayed with her, because he thought things would change between them. However, it was the worse decision that he had ever made. He returned to Venezuela from a book tour to propose to her, and found her on the beach in another man’s arms, kissing him.

“Talk about devastation,” he said, taking a deep sigh.

Jennifer gasped, pressing her hands against her chest. “Wow, David. I’m sorry to hear all of that.”
“It’s ok. I’m over it now.”

“Are you sure?” Jennifer saw his eyes boil, and his face tensed like a lion eyeing its dinner. We don’t have to talk it about anymore if you don’t want to.”

Here’s a flashback David is having while talking to Jennifer.

Strong winds clamored against the vast window, shaking the bamboo blinds. He stood infuriated with his back turned to Maria, watching the lightening flashes across the dark, gray skies. She stood behind the wooden pole with tears in her eyes.

“I’m sorry, David, but I was never really in love with you like I thought I was. Things kind of changed when you moved here.

You’re such a sweet guy and I mean that but…”

“But what?” David turned around and faced her. “What do you mean you never really loved me—you’re a…” but he caught himself before swearing at her. He vowed to never curse at a woman, but in that heated moment, a bullet from nearly left his verbal chamber.

“I’m sorry, David,”

“Sorry doesn’t cut it, Maria,” David closed his eyes listening to the raindrops on the windowpane that seemed to get louder as quick as throat dried, and he couldn’t speak anymore

“It’s okay,” David said looking away. “I learned something really important from that situation though.”

I’m sure you can see the contention David is confronted with about his past. And Jennifer has detected some lingering, unresolved feelings.

The past could be the barrier that’s preventing you from meeting the one God has for you. Face the past.

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An Open Letter to My Future Wife

 

To My Future Wife,

 

I penned this letter now instead of later, because I want to thank God in advance for you. I already know you’re going to be an amazing woman. You’re going to be exactly what I prayed for. And by the time I meet you, I’m going to be everything you need me to be. So whoever you are, wherever you are, here’s an open letter I want to send to you, for all to see. I know you’ll be a testimony of my patience. I hope that your heart to open to receive these words.

 

I know that you’re probably in another situation now. Maybe you’re trying to work things out with the guy you’re with. Maybe your heart is healing from a terrible breakup, one that you invested a great deal of your time and energy in. Perhaps there are some other personal issues going on in your life, that’s preventing you from walking into mine.  May be we just haven’t met. Whatever that’s going in your life, there’s no rush. God’s timing is perfect. We will grace each other eyes and touch each other’s heart. We will enjoy plenty of days and evenings together, whether conversing about life, laughing about something silly, or doing something we both enjoy. I want you to know, that wherever you are in life, I’m praying for you to experience wholeness. I want you to be complete and happy, full of joy before you meet me. I’m going to look at you as a compliment to my life—only to add to it—never to subtract or divide from it.

 

And you’re not the only who’s being prepared for marriage. While I’m waiting on you, God is shaping me into the man he wants me to be for you: A protector and a provider, a great communicator, and a spiritual leader. He also wants me to be a great lover, a man who can make love to the deepest parts of you, and who can also be intimate without physical touch.  He’s molding me into a man who’s transparent, and vulnerable–vulnerable enough to accept you in my life without reservation of being hurt. He’s building my trust in him, so I can fully trust you, my blessing.

 

I want to end this letter by saying: I look forward to developing a wonderful friendship with you: One that’s based on open and honest communication, trust and prayer. I look forward to learning everything about you. I want to know the woman behind closed doors that many seldom see. I want to know what’s inside your heart, because that’s where your true treasure lies. I want to know what’s in your spirit, because that’s where your true beauty lies. I want to know you before I propose to you.

 

Until we cross paths, don’t rush love. We’ll find each other soon. I know it. I can feel it. I’ll see you soon.

 

David Bradshaw,

 

 

Thank you for reading the introduction of my novel. To listen to the audio version on youtube, here’s the link: http://youtu.be/OVjSamRZUh0

For information about my novel, check out my video below.

 

 

 

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Bringing My Dreams into Fruition, the release of my novel, Love Again

Thanks to all who have liked my FB page: All of my quotes and blogs will be posted on that page for now on. Also, in the upcoming weeks, I’m launching a budget on Kickstarter for the release of my novel Love Again, since I’m self-publishing. Hiring a professional copyeditor (maybe a developmental editor too), and a proofreader will be critical in producing quality work. I want my work to reflect the success I see, and I want you all to receive nothing but the best. The budget will also building a building a website, marketing and advertising materials. A professional photographer and a graphic designer will come in handy in designing my book cover and business cards. I want my website to reflect one of superb quality, and one that communicates the brand I’m trying to articulate. I need your support in fulfilling my vision. I will keep you posted. Thanks for your help.

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The person God sends for you to become one with will bring out the best in you. They will add to your purpose—not distract you from it. —Melvin Davis

Someone asked me would my ministry (writing and teaching about love) be affected if I got involved in a serious relationship or when I get married? I answered no, and here’s why.

I believe the person God has for you will be a blessing to you in every aspect of your life. This doesn’t suggest you will marry the perfect person or have the perfect marriage. But I truly believe, if your future husband or wife has a close, intimate relationship with God, they will add to your life and not distract or subtract from it. And they will stand and still believe in you when things aren’t so great.

I see my future wife as a gift, a token of God’s act of unconditional love, as well as His grace and mercy towards me. In a way, while I’m waiting, it’s like God is saying to me: “I’m making you wait so you really appreciate and honor the woman I’m going to bless you to grow old with. I want you to wait you so you can be everything she wants you to be to her. I want you to wait because I’m giving you insight, a foundation for which will make a marriage last and keep the love; the vitality and spark going years to come, so don’t rush to experiencing love. Knowing this allows me to write about love in the way that I do, so just imagine how would write once that special woman is in my life. A few years ago I met someone and fell in love with. Although things never worked out, that situation inspired my novel and many of my poems. I didn’t know I could feel the way I did or be as vulnerable and transparent as I am now. I discovered myself. So just imagined what kind of impact your future wife, or my future wife for that matter, or your future husband will have on you once God aligns you up with them.  They will make you a better person and keep you focused on your purpose.

The person God …

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The Importance of Spiritual Compatibility in a Relationship Pt. II

If you’re not comparable to each other, misunderstandings will be a continuous occurrence. The intention of loving will turn into judgment, and respect will soon transform into contempt. —Melvin Davis

As I’ve matured over the years in my faith and relationship with God, reflecting on past and most recent experiences, I see how important it is to be with someone who is spiritually compatible (“equally yoked”) with you. If you’re with someone who doesn’t’ take their faith and spirituality seriously, more than likely, you will be criticized, judged and misunderstood when God requires you to do something that seems illogical, which will ultimately put you in a place to censor your conversation, the sharing of past experiences–essentially who you are. In addition, when you’re with someone who don’t have a certain kind of respect and adoration to God and of His blessings, they will do inappropriate things in a relationship to disrespect you, such as accept sentimental gifts from others, or discretely sexting or sending flirtatious texts to others while their in and out of your presence. It’s not a coincidence that such people find themselves losing out on a great thing, and that they continue to search for love through sex–repeating the same relationship patterns and dysfunctional behaviors of their past. You’ll never find and experience love beginning a relationship with sex.

What I’m continuing to do in part II of this blog is simply outline what a relationship looks like when you’re with someone who’s has strong faith and a relationship with God.

For my devotional reading two nights ago and yesterday morning, I read chapters 1-4 in the book of Genesis. The word “comparable” jumped out at me when I read that God “saw fit” for man (Adam) to not be alone. This enlightenment inspired the remaining points of this blog.

6. When you are spiritual compatible to each other, you are a support and help to each other. There’s nothing like being in a relationship when you know your significant other has your back no matter what. They’re a voice of presence, a shoulder for you to lean on when you feel like giving up on yourself or when you feel most vulnerable. Sad to say, they’re people in relationships who significant other takes advantage of them when they feel most weakest. Can you imagine being with someone, and they know you’re struggling with whatever, and their taking what you confide in them and sharing it with other people? You thought they had your best interest because they told you they believed in you or how they were going to be with you in the beginning, but as time changed, they realized they were not willing to be by your side?

Whether you’re trying to materialize a dream that God has placed in your heart, or take on an endeavor or opportunity to move up the corporate ladder in your career, or whether you’re fighting something that’s haunting you from a previous relationship, or from a traumatic childhood experience, you’re significant is suppose cover and protect you when you’re most vulnerable, and to pray and help you during your time of difficulty.

7. There’s a common ground of mutual respect. When a couple knows they are a gift to one another that presumes a high-level of respect that follows. Respect goes a long way in a relationship, because it’s the very thing that keeps two people from saying or doing hurtful things they will later regret. They will also take pride in respecting one another when they’re away from each other. For instance, there isn’t a need to worry what your significant is doing when they’re handing out with other friends or are away for business. You know in the back of your mind they wouldn’t do anything inappropriate to jeopardize the relationship.

8. When you’re with someone your spiritually compatible with, you have a shared vision, and foundation of love you want to build your life on and future family. To know you’re with someone who loves God, there’s a sense of security you can experience with that person. You know that the source of their strength and self-survival is not only contingent on you, but God Himself. You also know that, although they’re not perfect, their morals and ethical standards are built upon a solid foundation of God. You can see yourself having a family with this person because you know they equipped to store biblical beliefs in them that will prepare them for the world we live in.

9. You have the opportunity to experience unconditional love. To know that your significant other or spouse loves you unconditionally gives you peace and a great sense of security. When someone loves you unconditionally, they’re making a conscious to love all of you and all of who you’re not. They understand that you’re not perfect, but because you have God in your life, they know you will become all God wants you to be. They don’t’ see a person is inapt or weak, but a person who’s made in the image and likeness in God.

10. You can experience soulful lovemaking. When God brings two together to become one, they are joined together not just in mind, body, and spirit, but the soul as well. To experience this kind of connection is like being in heaven: this person understands your love language and intellect that you only you get. There’s not much explaining or misinterpreting because know the core and the essence of who you are. And when you make love, factoring all of these elements, adding on the respect, the companionship, the unconditional love, knowing that person is a help and support to you, that moment of making love will be a soulful one. You’re making a love with a person who knows you.

Stay tune for my next two blogs title Relationship Patterns: Understanding Your Love Interest Before You Say I Do or Lets Make this Official and How to Tell if That Person Is the One for You

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Update on My Novel

Before I get into what I have to say, I first want thank all who have supported me since day one. I started off posting quotes—really just tampering around with thoughts and feeling but venting from a breakup in 2008. Some of you may remember the short stories I posted on FB. The responses were pretty good considering where I was at in writing. Some of you encouraged me to write a book, and years later, I did. Life puts us in a different direction at times. I never wanted to write a novel. I wanted to be the next Dr. Cornel West….”just sayin.”

Thank you again for waiting patiently for the release my novel. I have worked diligently on Unconditionally Yours (title subject to change) for about two years now or some where around there. It’s difficult writing when life deals you with so many obstacles and unexpected changes and transitions. It’s difficult writing when you’re trying to make ends meet or coming across relationship with people who don’t understand the journey God has placed you on. The road to success is quite lonely, but I am thankful for the family and friends, strangers, well, shall I say angels, who God had me crossed paths with when I felt like giving up. I literally would have a long time ago if he wasn’t for God picking me back up.

My novel has been edited and I’m currently making revisions. I have a friend, writer and editor, by the name of Ariel Driskell, who has helped me shape my story in the direction I want it to be. I thank her for her patience.

Unconditionally Yours has a total of seventeen chapters, and I’m revising twelve while my editor is editing chapter nine. I plan to have my novel proofread before I submit it literally agents. Yes, I’m going the traditional route, so it’s going to take my time to see my novel on the shelves of Barnes & Nobles and other bookstores.

Once again, thanks for your patience and support. I promise you wont’ be disappointed with the finished product. I know it will be a success—it’s just a matter of time.

Until then, I hope you continue to enjoy my quotes and blogs. Stay tuned for my podcasts.

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Why I’m Not Your Man

Have you ever met a man you thought was the one you dreamed of or read about in a romance novel?  He’s intelligent, physically fit, goal oriented, ambitious, financially secure, has great ethical standards and morals, and the bonus…a man who’s knows what love is and what he wants out of a relationship. But after a few months of dating him, he let’s you go –giving you no clear indication why he did. Now here you are, heartbroken, conversing with your girlfriends over brunch, trying to figure out what went wrong.  More than likely, the issues weren’t your looks or how well you performed in bed or what kind of job, car or house you had. Here are three possible reasons why he’s not your man.

I’ve dated women who were extremely attractive and had a great personality. These characteristics were good for the sake of hanging out or being friends, but they weren’t good enough for me to commit. I saw that, because they didn’t know themselves well, their interest for me was based solely on what they saw on the surface. If a man can sense that you don’t know who you are, he’s going to feel that you don’t have a clear idea of what you’re looking for, and that your love and interest for him cannot go beyond the surface. I’m under the impression that the better understand YOU,  you’d have a better idea of what you’re searching for, and a better chance of offering someone something other than good looks or good sex. You’ll also become better at gaging what will and will not mesh well with your personality, standards, lifestyle and personal beliefs.

It’s not a coincidence that all of a sudden, after being with your significant other for a year or two that you feel the need to discover what else is out there. I’m sure you all heard of that infamous excuse before, which in reality is a plausible one. People, who have this kind of epiphany, are really communicating: “Hey look, I don’t quite know who I am, therefore I need to experience life a little more to discover me”. When you don’t know who you are, you can’t commit or give yourself wholly to a person because, you’re still trying to figure out who you are. I’m not with the women of my past because, I wouldn’t have felt secure with them in my future.  Security and assurance comes before commitment.

The other reason why your man may have walked away from is because you were impatient. Everyone has a list of qualities they want their significant other, potential husband or wife to have, and that laundry list may run something like this:

1) He or She has to be this tall, this toned, weigh this much and look this or that way.

2) Your potential lover must have this kind of job or this kind of bank account.

3) Be a man or woman of faith.

4) Have a great personality, etc., but have you thought about adding patience to your list?

Patience can either make or break a relationship in matter of seconds or even it’s potential before it could even happen, regardless of how good-looking you are. For me, impatience is a major turnoff. When a woman feels the need to pressure me to be with them, I feel…

1) they’re afraid another woman may step in. Insecurity never works.

2) They’re afraid to be alone. I understand that we all get a little lonely at times. I mean, hey, human beings are created to love, however, neediness is never attractive.

3) Have a now or never approach. I like to call this kind of woman the “end of days” woman, because she doesn’t believe in cultivating a relationship today so there can be a tomorrow. Love can happen instantly, like at first sight, but it’s still gradual. Love takes time to grow and a friendship is a wonderful seed to grow it.  Impatience will always affect the natural flow things.

The last reason why I think your last man cut ties with you: he felt youdidn’t know what love was.  You see, for men, committing to something or someone has to make sense in our minds. You have to keep in mind that we’re rational beings. If we feel that you cannot make sense in our future, they will be no present. Whenever I asked the women I dated in the past what was they’re definition of love was, a lot of their answers were that it’s something emotional. If love is only an emotion, what happens when you don’t feel love or loved?  There will be unseen and seen challenges that arise in relationships that won’t make you feel like loving. What if I did something un-intentionally to offend or upset you? Would that be the end of the relationship?

Perfection doesn’t exist.  Love is not only emotional; it’s also rational and spiritual. Love experienced at a spiritual level makes a friendship that much meaningful—thus making the relationship that much powerful.

They are various reasons why men walk away from women, but these are reasons coming from a man who knows who he is, who knows what love is, and that it takes patience and understanding for a relationship to work.

Here’s the link to the article: http://ownyourpower.biz/blog/2012/09/14/why-im-not-your-man-by-melvin-davis/

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