love

Update on My Novel

Before I get into what I have to say, I first want thank all who have supported me since day one. I started off posting quotes—really just tampering around with thoughts and feeling but venting from a breakup in 2008. Some of you may remember the short stories I posted on FB. The responses were pretty good considering where I was at in writing. Some of you encouraged me to write a book, and years later, I did. Life puts us in a different direction at times. I never wanted to write a novel. I wanted to be the next Dr. Cornel West….”just sayin.”

Thank you again for waiting patiently for the release my novel. I have worked diligently on Unconditionally Yours (title subject to change) for about two years now or some where around there. It’s difficult writing when life deals you with so many obstacles and unexpected changes and transitions. It’s difficult writing when you’re trying to make ends meet or coming across relationship with people who don’t understand the journey God has placed you on. The road to success is quite lonely, but I am thankful for the family and friends, strangers, well, shall I say angels, who God had me crossed paths with when I felt like giving up. I literally would have a long time ago if he wasn’t for God picking me back up.

My novel has been edited and I’m currently making revisions. I have a friend, writer and editor, by the name of Ariel Driskell, who has helped me shape my story in the direction I want it to be. I thank her for her patience.

Unconditionally Yours has a total of seventeen chapters, and I’m revising twelve while my editor is editing chapter nine. I plan to have my novel proofread before I submit it literally agents. Yes, I’m going the traditional route, so it’s going to take my time to see my novel on the shelves of Barnes & Nobles and other bookstores.

Once again, thanks for your patience and support. I promise you wont’ be disappointed with the finished product. I know it will be a success—it’s just a matter of time.

Until then, I hope you continue to enjoy my quotes and blogs. Stay tuned for my podcasts.

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love

Why It’s Difficult to Find Love in Today’s Dating Climate? The Introduction

Over the past few weeks, a few encounters and two recent conversations inspired me to blog about the topic of why it’s difficult to find love in today’s dating climate. Although this blog, at first, may paint a broad stroke of hopelessness or impossibility of ever finding love, however, I can’t help but conclude my blog series instilling faith. Smile, because there’s always hope for the hopeful romantic.

I’ve come to the conclusion that individuals such as myself, who desire to experience true love in today’s dating climate, will be extremely hard to find. I find finding true love to be literally like finding a needle in a haystack. Why? Because there’s a certain kind of ethos and fear that both men and women practice in America, as well as a commercial trends that are adopted from what is viewed on television, radio/music. If entertainment has become your barometer of finding love and loving someone else, you’re in trouble. I’m not indicating that all of what you see and hear is garbage, but the truth is, most of it is.

These elements I described above further complicates and contaminates the dating atmosphere, thus, encouraging people to a) play games, b) settle for less because they believe they will find nothing better and c) not get involved with anyone at all because their patience has run dry.

I plan to touch on the reasons why people play games. I’m gong to couch this discussion in what I call The Option Theory: Sampling. As it pertains to people settling for someone they truly don’t want to be with, I like to call this The Substitutionary Theory: Substituting finding true love for the sake of Convenience. And those who cut off their emotional side to weather through the messy storms of the dating world, I tip my hat off to you. It takes a great deal of discipline to abstain from relationships and intimacy. Many have the gift of singleness, but I don’t. I’m sorry to say that God is my only hope of finding true love.

Stay tuned.

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Communication, Faith, friendship, Honesty, inspiration, love, marriage, Melvin Davis, Patience, romance, Romance/Love

The Eve Checklist: What a Man Should Look for in a Woman Pt. III

When God orders a man steps to pursue a woman, he will be given all the right instructions to make his pursuit a successful one. In return, God will open that woman’s eyes to accept this man as a gift from God, one she should walk down the altar with someday. But it gets better, that man and woman are going posses something with them emotionally and spiritually that’s going to compliment each other. In the case of Adam and Eve, they both had attributes that mirrored each other. You ought to see yourself in the one you will marry, and vice versa, because you are now one.

The list below will slightly reflect the one in The Adam Checklist: What a Woman Should Look For in a Man. So men, as well as women, pay close attention here before you say, “will you” or “I do.”

1. Eve had a relationship with God, which means she had the ability to communicate, listen and spend quality time with Him, more importantly, be faithful. How well a woman communicates and listens to God will be an eye opener to how well she communicates and listens to her man in a relationship. Some women have a tendency to turn to their girl or male friends for advice before seeking God’s. More than likely, that friend will offer advice based upon limited information of the big picture or worse, off the misinterpretation of changes and challenges that arise in a relationship. This is quite dangerous. So, to be on the safe side, seek God’s counsel before seeking mans. The advice from your friend should confirm what God has already placed on your heart.

2. Eve was a woman of purpose. Her purpose was to be a helpmate to Adam, so they could maintain the Garden of Eden and to help replenish the earth by creating life together, i.e., to have children. When you think about it, Eve played a critical role in the redemption of mankind from sin. Jesus lineage can be traced back to Adam and Eve. I’m sure you heard of the theological term, The Second Adam. Please Google it for your own edification.

Pursuing a woman without purpose or a woman, who doesn’t have a desire to know what her purpose is, is to date a woman who will look for you to define and set her worth. It’s not good to be with this kind of woman because she will become possessive and insecure as time progresses in the relationship. She will suffocate you or accuse of cheating when you’re being faithful to her.

Eve was complete and whole within herself because God created Adam as complete and whole. God created a woman who was going to be compatible or self-sufficient in a way that Adam was.

3. Eve had a place to call home. Now, making this historic connection to a contemporary one can be a little tricky here, but let us consider this thought at hand, in terms of independency, and lets keep in mind the concept of “purpose” as explained in characteristic # 2.

A woman with purpose, if she doesn’t have a place to call home already, its an active, sure plan in the making. Translation: a woman with a home is not going to need a man to provide for her because she will be well apt to take care of herself. With that being said, the kind of Eve of today will have her own. When she meets her Adam she will bring something to add to the equation love, not to take away, subtract or destroy.

I often wonder about how many good men who married venomous women. That in the end, everything they loss everything they worked hard for. If anything was leftover, it was found in ruin. Fellas, please don’t make the mistake of marrying the serpent in the Garden. Pray for an Eve, a helpmate.

SN (side note): I pray that God blesses me with an Eve before I acquire whatever God has for me. I think anyone woman who I meet thereafter, I would have an extremely hard time trusting.

4. Eve was responsible. Self-explanatory.

5. Eve was a spiritual leader but knew how to follow the God in Adam…not Adam the man. Now, I know you’re probably asking yourself the question, wasn’t Adam the spiritual leader of their marriage? The answer is YES. But lets look at relationships today. Most women are the spiritual leaders in their relationships instead of their husband, fiancée, or significant other. This is partly due to the fall, as revealed in Gen 3: 15.  “And I will put enmity between you and the woman.” In other words, hostility, competition, arguments, distrust, and other hateful elements that could destroy the union between man and woman now exist. Can you imagine a relationship or a marriage without competition, hostility or arguments? Oh, the sound of birds chirping by a peaceful river bank, but lets wake up from our daydream lol.

I believe that God equipped Eve to be a spiritual leader just in case something happened to Adam. When you think of something that’s complete, you think of something that’s whole, something that can maintain or continue the task (s) or purpose that God has set out if some unfortunate events happen. Yes, Adam was a the spiritual leader in their marriage, but God sent Eve was compatible and was on equal ground with him spiritually.

It’s not a woman’s fault today that she has be the spiritual leader of her relationship. It’s partly due to some men lack of spiritual maturity, reverence toward God and his desire to know Him on a more deeper and intimate level. In the long run, no matter how good a man looks to a woman or what career he’s in, a woman also wants a man who is going to the be the spiritual leader of their relationship. She wants to turn to you for prayer in tough times, to help make critical financial decisions, deciding what city or state she wants to raise a family in. A man is to be the foundation that holds everything together with his wife supporting her, not the other way around.

6. Eve was a woman of spiritual discernment. Spiritual discernment is the ability to perceive the truth about something. But why is it important to be in a relationship with a woman who has spiritual discernment?

Pursuing a woman who’s not connected to God is to pursue a woman that’s not spiritually grounded or sound. And if a woman is not spiritual grounded or sound, she will be easily persuaded by popular dating trends of today. SEE THE PREVIOUS NOTE: This kind of woman is not going to have her own identity in Christ. Pursuing a woman taking on different identities of other women she looks up to can be risky. Can you imagine courting or haven been married to someone for years that you actually don’t know. I wonder why???????????

Furthermore, a woman with spiritual discernment is going to help her man make the kinds of decisions I shared in characteristic # 5.

7. Eve was a woman that kept God first.  Keeping God first above your heart desires takes a great deal of emotional control and spiritual stability. In sum, you need a great deal of discipline to accomplish this goal.  Here are a few reasons why it’s important to be with a woman who keeps God first.

a. A woman who keeps God first will draw her strength to love you from God, not just from herself. Theoretically speaking here, and I may be off or stepping out on a limb when I say this here, but hey, if you get offended, please know it was never my intentions to. Since women are more emotional than men, I don’t think its by coincidence that women become more frustrated or experience burnout in relationships than men because we are rational beings first before we are emotional.  When things are falling apart in a relationship, some women have a tendency to panic and overanalyze things way too damn much. While some men seem fine on the surface, not bothered, or even nonchalant about things. More than likely, it’s because we’re spending time processing and analyzing things more systematically instead of emotionally. We don’t allow our emotions to cloud us, but that doesn’t mean we aren’t capable of showing emotion.

SN: Men like myself who have the ability to be both rational and emotional can understand things in a systematic way then talk about it. Whereas, some men are reserved to be just rational, therefore, they will choose not to share and open up or will not speak about the issue because they don’t know how or out of fear women would consider them weak.

As much as I write about love, one would think that I am overly sensitive guy or weak, however, that’s not the case. I emotion when its necessary. For example, when I’m writing, I want you to feel what I feel. In relationships, I show emotion and affection when it’s necessary;) but not 24/7. The rational side of me will say, okay, I need time alone to do other things. Cuddling and being sentimental is good, but too much of this will suffocate me. Us men need space, so don’t take it personal when a guy says I need space…it has nothing to do with you but it has everything to do with processing life at home, at work, etc.

b. A woman that keeps God first is a virtuous woman. A man should want to be with a woman who carries herself in high esteem, with decency and respect. This goes back to a woman knowing her worth.

c. A woman that keeps God first will depend Him for her joy, not necessary her man, why, because us men will fail at loving you at times. This ideology goes back to the possessive and insecure kind of woman.

I know there’s more to explore in-depth, but I didn’t plan writing a dissertation here 🙂

Thanks for your time and by all means, please leave intelligible comments. I encourage them.

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Communication, friendship, Honesty, love, Relationships, Romance/Love

When someone avoids talking to you but will text message you.

Someone who asked for my opinion about a situation they are in inspired this blog. The person avoids verbal communication but is willing to text instead. I gave my opinion on the matter based upon the information given to me.

What is a person conveying to you if they “never” have time to talk, but have time to text? I’m busy writing my novel and dealing with life outside of writing. But, if I want to talk to x, y, or z, I will find time to make a phone call. If I don’t get an answer, I may leave a VM or call back another time. After I call the second time and I don’t get an answer, I’m not calling back lol. #Beinghonest!

Note: And this is not necessarily in the context of dating because I’m not interested in dating anyone, but this is in context of talking with friends. However, I want to share three reasons why I think people avoid talking with you on the phone but are more comfortable text messaging. I will define what does text-messaging means in the context of dating in the first reason.

1. Text messaging in the world of “dating” is often a way to communicate with someone while avoiding making a commitment to really get to know him or her. The person maybe curious or may have a liking to you, but that interest is on the low calorie end or possibly still developing. I believe people who are shy or nervous talking to you will go with the text option first instead of calling. But, if we are adults, and matures ones at that, we would go about matters via verbal communication.

2. I think some people avoid talking on the phone because they may end up really liking you.

Ever met someone who you know is interested in you, but I will try there best to avoid talking to you at all cost? They may return your call when they know you’re busy.  “Hey or whatsup this is _____. I know you’re busy but I just called to_____…Talk to you whenever.”

Note: You may hear them moving around, driving or doing something to distract their self because they’re nervous or called hoping you wouldn’t pick up. Yep, I’m saying this right along with you, “That’s some BS?”

I think in some instances, people will avoid chatting with you on the phone because they’re afraid they may end up liking you. In worse cases, the person may draw the distance by text messaging.

It’s hard to get to know someone via text because you can’t hear the tone of their voice, the choice and depth of their words or the emotions that go into them. Text messaging is an easy way to hide who you are but it’s also an easy way to leave room for misinterpretation. How many arguments or relationships have ended due to text messaging? Having arguments through text messaging or emails is juvenile. You’re sitting on one end of the phone sweating with an angry face cursing the person out in your mind while typing that angry text message or email.  *Go ahead and “LMAO” or insert your choice of word/ expression here* I did.

3. Test messaging gives a person room to straddle the fence with no true intentions of planting feet on your ground, but their activity of straddling is intended for you to keep the thought in your mind that they’re interested in you. Sometime ago, I used to get text messages from someone like every 4-6 months. I noticed their text patterns because I consciously started to pick up on when and how her conversation would go. I was sort of kind of interested in her and I sort of kind of entertained the thought of things possibly going somewhere. But, soon after, those 4-6 month text messages just became irritating. Why? Because I would be asked the same redundant question…then disappear and reappear again. So, I respectively let her know how I felt and ended that situation.  (There’s more behind that situation so don’t think I was being harsh. I am kind and fair.)

Note: There really isn’t anything wrong checking up on someone’s relationship status if you’re really interested in that person. The timing maybe off for whatever reason (s), but the approach of finding out if that person is involved with someone or not is the difference maker. Perhaps changing your conversation may hide the obvious fact that your really calling to find out if that person is dating  someone. However, I still would detect the “interest call.” *insert smh or another expression if you will*

In my opinion, if you’re the recipient of trying to know someone through text messaging, you may want to take a step back and ask yourself is it really worth it. I bet they are many people who have exchanged numbers with someone out of interest, but can count the times you actually talked to that person on the phone. If you’re not interested, say so via text since that’s the way you been communicating with that person anyway.

Yes, there is a possibility that the person has a lot going in their personal lives. If that’s the case, give them space. If that person is interested in you, they will pick up the phone to talk—even if it’s for 30 quality minutes.

As always, thanks for reading and please leave comments. I’m interested to know what you think.

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