Are You Seeking Love or Financial Security?

Finding someone who provides financial security doesn’t always translate into love. Often, the narrative is control, insensitivity and unfaithfulness once that person has you in their grasp. -Melvin Davis

There are both men and women in the dating scene with a particular approach and motive in mind of finding what they’re looking for in a relationship. Some are looking for love, absentminded of whether or not that person is financially secure. Love is all that matters to them and love can be experience when you’re at your best or worse. Then there’s the person who’s looking for love and someone who’s financially secure. This individual is more than likely financially stable, and having someone to take care of them is out of the question. They have everything that they need: A car and a house, a career and enough in their bank account to live comfortably. Having someone in their life whose financially stable creates sense of freedom for this person, and the focus can be on loving each other, hence the relationship, instead of whether or not you could afford to eat this restaurant or vacation, etc. They know that finances have ruined many relationships and marriages, so they want someone enter into a relationship with them who’s established financially. Then there’s the person who’s concluded that love doesn’t exist, and rightfully so in their minds if this is case:

The idea of finding true love appeared in close reach after they read a dreamy and passionate, a soul-felt and pure spirit filled poem or a blog that pitched overtones of hope of experiencing love one day. Or, maybe it was a song about love or a romantic movie about marriage that led them to feel that love was nearby. All of these outlets made them feel Mr. or Ms. Right was around the corner. But when they met that person who had all the qualities they were looking for, either that person wasn’t who they portrayed to be or decided they wasn’t ready for a relationship. At this point, their patience has run short. Frustration had taken a seat in their mind, and now they’re wiling to overlook physical attraction for personality or their relationship with God, or perhaps they’re willing to overlook all of these qualities for financial security. Since you can’t find an attractive, God-fearing person with a great personality, you still want the to live an extravagant lifestyle. You want what your favorite power couple has.

Here are a few question to consider as you continue to read along. Have you ever trusted God with your love life?

Finding someone who could finance your expensive lifestyle is a goal that’s in reach. You could manipulate your way into someone’s heart to get what you want by pretending you love that person. Or, you could forward with the relationship and ignore the feeling that you’re just as empty and unfulfilled inside. What you’ll probably have to negotiate in these kinds of relationships is your voice, having a say in important matters that could ultimately effect your peace and well-being, your living situation, your power, and sense of control. A relationship without a voice or a say in any important decision that could affect your life, or your living arrangement. That’s not a relationship at all. It’s called being someone’s eye candy or their object of self-gratification.

If you’re walking in God’s will, and seeking love without pursuing someone who’s in a particular financial bracket, I believe you will find love. Your approach and motives makes a difference. God loves you so much to send you someone lazy, who lacks ambition, and living life without purpose.

God is the one who’s control of all things, be he’s not going to force His way into your love life if your heart and mind is turned in a different direction, if you’re seeking financial security and not love. Remember, He’s given you free will, which means you have the power of choice, to make decisions with or without His input or intervention. You have to trust, have faith and confidence in God that you can experience love and financial security–both at the some time.

God created you to be dependent on him, so you can walk independently on earth. He’s given you a vision and a dream, a plan, will and purpose for your life. His will has everything you’re looking for. But, if you’re looking for love and financial security outside the will and timing of God, you’ll never experience the fullness of His blessing for your life. He didn’t create you to be dependent on another human being. He’s given you a gift that can provide and sustain yourself. And if you happen to meet someone who may have more than you in the bank, you’re not going to need that person. You will have your own. Seek the will of God and you will find love.

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Are You Seeking Love or Financial Security?

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The Temptation of Reliving the Past: When Old Feelings Surface

To return to what God led you away from is to jeopardize where he wants to take you with the person he has for you. –Melvin Davis

What do I do now that I’m “single”? is a question many people find themselves asking when they have “moved” on from a failed relationship. You’re somewhat emotionally detached, and you’re somewhat ready to give love through someone new. However, a flashback of the “good times” crosses your mind. Those fond memories emerge with joy, somehow putting a smile on your face, until you think about the toxic and heated arguments, and the intense moments of feeling unappreciated and emotionally and spiritually disconnected. You also remember those signs of unfaithfulness and lies, being ignored and uncared for. You cried next to that person in bed until no more tears could produce from your heart. You’ve talked to so many people about the situation until your mouth grew tired. The truth made itself known to you. And you even prayed about the relationship once more, and God showed you a clear painting of the situation. In fact, you saw the view of the picture from many angles. God showed you why it’s not his will, and where it will land you if you continued to stay in the relationship. His presence penetrated deep into your heart, that you had to stop doing what your were doing to sit still and gather yourself. You felt the ache bearing deep within that you couldn’t rest well at night, or concentrate during the day.  I want to talk about The Temptation of Reliving the Past.

It’s easy to return to the familiar, because you don’t have to put in the work of getting to know someone new all over again. It takes time and patience getting to know someone, which is something you probably don’t have. You’re short on patience. These days, there isn’t much legroom for mistakes. You have probably thought about returning to that person who didn’t appreciate you, than to give some else a chance who would appreciate and deeply love you. You’re ready to write someone off, because again, you don’t have the “patience.” After all, you “know” the person you were with.

To return to what God led you away from is to jeopardize where he wants to take you with the person he has for you. You have to remind yourself why the relationship didn’t work. Besides that you were toxic for each other, there was probably one prominent force at hand that was working against you two. It wasn’t God’s will.  What’s not in God’s will have no chance at life. Of course, you could make it work, but forcing love into the equation where it’s supposed to develop naturally, just isn’t worth it. Your “I love you’s” will have no feeling or passion behind it. And the touch or the holding of hands will not produce any feelings of love, comfort and assurance that this is the person God has for you.  When you step outside of God’s will, you’re forfeiting being valued and appreciated, love and cared for, respected and adored. You’re giving up your sanity/ peace of mind, because faithfulness and commitment will always be called into question when you’re not in that person’s presence. You’re also giving up the chance to build two important foundations a God-ordained relationship should stand on, which are a friendship and a spiritual connection. Without any of these positive components, love has nothing to stand on.

Before you think about reopening a closed chapter, remember why the relationship failed. God led you away from that person for a very important reason. It wasn’t his will. To return to the past is to jeopardize where he wants to take you with the person he has for you. But that page of finding new love can’t be read until you move on from the past.

In my novel Love Again, Jennifer is temped to return to the past but she comes to her senses. Let’s take a look.

Jennifer took a seat, removed her sunglasses, and got right to it.

“Robert, you know how much I still care for you.”

“Oh, here we go,” he complained, interrupting.

 “I’ve thought about you often throughout the years. I’ve often wondered what life would’ve been like if we’d gotten back together again. But after meeting up with you in New York and DC, I admit, some old feelings resurfaced, but they quickly faded away. I don’t feel the same way for you as I once did before.”

“What do you mean?” His nostrils flared up.

“What I’m saying that it’s too late to make up for what happened several years ago,” she said blinking back tears.” Time has passed. I’ve met someone new now, someone who has believed in me since day one, someone who understands me, someone who I pushed away.”

“Like you’re doing to me now?”

“No! I’m not pushing you away. I’m freeing us from one another so that we can be open to experience love from someone else. I’m sorry Robert, but I don’t see myself being with you. I don’t see us getting married.”

Here Jennifer comes to her senses. She remember all that happened in the past, and some people just don’t change. What’s in God’s will has a second chance.

Thank you for reading my blog. I would like to ask you to take a few minutes to check out my video on indiegogo. I’m raising funds to self-publish my novel Love Again.

Here’s the link:  http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/love-again-a-novel-by-melvin-davis/x/6665495

Your donation would help me tremendously, as well as passing on my campaign to your friends.

Thanks in advance.

 

 

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An Open Letter to My Future Wife

 

To My Future Wife,

 

I penned this letter now instead of later, because I want to thank God in advance for you. I already know you’re going to be an amazing woman. You’re going to be exactly what I prayed for. And by the time I meet you, I’m going to be everything you need me to be. So whoever you are, wherever you are, here’s an open letter I want to send to you, for all to see. I know you’ll be a testimony of my patience. I hope that your heart to open to receive these words.

 

I know that you’re probably in another situation now. Maybe you’re trying to work things out with the guy you’re with. Maybe your heart is healing from a terrible breakup, one that you invested a great deal of your time and energy in. Perhaps there are some other personal issues going on in your life, that’s preventing you from walking into mine.  May be we just haven’t met. Whatever that’s going in your life, there’s no rush. God’s timing is perfect. We will grace each other eyes and touch each other’s heart. We will enjoy plenty of days and evenings together, whether conversing about life, laughing about something silly, or doing something we both enjoy. I want you to know, that wherever you are in life, I’m praying for you to experience wholeness. I want you to be complete and happy, full of joy before you meet me. I’m going to look at you as a compliment to my life—only to add to it—never to subtract or divide from it.

 

And you’re not the only who’s being prepared for marriage. While I’m waiting on you, God is shaping me into the man he wants me to be for you: A protector and a provider, a great communicator, and a spiritual leader. He also wants me to be a great lover, a man who can make love to the deepest parts of you, and who can also be intimate without physical touch.  He’s molding me into a man who’s transparent, and vulnerable–vulnerable enough to accept you in my life without reservation of being hurt. He’s building my trust in him, so I can fully trust you, my blessing.

 

I want to end this letter by saying: I look forward to developing a wonderful friendship with you: One that’s based on open and honest communication, trust and prayer. I look forward to learning everything about you. I want to know the woman behind closed doors that many seldom see. I want to know what’s inside your heart, because that’s where your true treasure lies. I want to know what’s in your spirit, because that’s where your true beauty lies. I want to know you before I propose to you.

 

Until we cross paths, don’t rush love. We’ll find each other soon. I know it. I can feel it. I’ll see you soon.

 

David Bradshaw,

 

 

Thank you for reading the introduction of my novel. To listen to the audio version on youtube, here’s the link: http://youtu.be/OVjSamRZUh0

For information about my novel, check out my video below.

 

 

 

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The person God sends for you to become one with will bring out the best in you. They will add to your purpose—not distract you from it. —Melvin Davis

Someone asked me would my ministry (writing and teaching about love) be affected if I got involved in a serious relationship or when I get married? I answered no, and here’s why.

I believe the person God has for you will be a blessing to you in every aspect of your life. This doesn’t suggest you will marry the perfect person or have the perfect marriage. But I truly believe, if your future husband or wife has a close, intimate relationship with God, they will add to your life and not distract or subtract from it. And they will stand and still believe in you when things aren’t so great.

I see my future wife as a gift, a token of God’s act of unconditional love, as well as His grace and mercy towards me. In a way, while I’m waiting, it’s like God is saying to me: “I’m making you wait so you really appreciate and honor the woman I’m going to bless you to grow old with. I want you to wait you so you can be everything she wants you to be to her. I want you to wait because I’m giving you insight, a foundation for which will make a marriage last and keep the love; the vitality and spark going years to come, so don’t rush to experiencing love. Knowing this allows me to write about love in the way that I do, so just imagine how would write once that special woman is in my life. A few years ago I met someone and fell in love with. Although things never worked out, that situation inspired my novel and many of my poems. I didn’t know I could feel the way I did or be as vulnerable and transparent as I am now. I discovered myself. So just imagined what kind of impact your future wife, or my future wife for that matter, or your future husband will have on you once God aligns you up with them.  They will make you a better person and keep you focused on your purpose.

The person God …

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The Importance of Spiritual Compatibility in a Relationship Pt. I

Spirituality compatibility involves how two people will mesh together, how they will handle and respond to life challenges, relationship issues, and certain transitions that have to be made in life when God calls us to.

Spiritual compatibility is a topic often overlooked when we discuss what we look for in a significant other and what we expect out of a relationship. Much attention is given to physical appearance and personality. Attraction and chemistry are important factors of developing a relationship with someone but neither can sustain a one. Good looks and personality become insignificant when you’re having issues in your relationship. Here are a few reasons why spiritual compatibility is important.

  1. You understand each other without judging each other. I’m thankful to have a God who doesn’t judge me or tell anyone about our personal business to paint an unfair picture of me. But so often, this happens in relationships. One reason why people are so closed and hard-shelled, and carry around hurt is because the person they were with, took something personal that they shared and used against them for their advantage. Someone who has a relationship with God and understands Him is compassionate and understanding. They can listen to the worse of your experiences and still love you to the best of their ability. They won’t judge you how you used to be and not look at you any different in the present.

2. Someone to confide in. Having someone you can be honest, transparent and vulnerable with lets you know you have a friend and lover in the relationship. These days, it’s one or the other because it’s difficult for many people to establish an emotional connection when sex isn’t a part of the equation. It’s lonely to be with someone who’s not loving and caring, empathic and sympathetic. I believe God wants us to trust and confide in to the person he brings in our lives–instead of having to go outside of our relationship to discuss our issues with someone else first. The first person you should discuss your issues with is the person you’re with. This doesn’t mean you’re putting God second, but it means after you have whatever conversation you have with your partner, you bring those concerns to God. What your friends and family say should confirm what God has already spoken to you. How often have relationships or the potential of love have been destroyed because too many people had a take on what you should and shouldn’t do? If we believe that God knows everything or knows us better than our loved one, why is he a second option to consult with?

3. You can overcome obstacles, together. No relationship is perfect. Disagreements are inevitable because no two people are exactly alike. It’s hard to learn from each other if you think too much alike. But when challenges arise, like communication barriers, financial hardships, death in the family or perhaps a close friend passes away, or when you aren’t on the same page emotionally, romantically or in the context of lovemaking, being spiritually compatible allows you to work through these issues with compassion, understanding, patience and unconditional love.

4. Spiritual compatibility is an opportunity to grow together spiritually. A relationship should always be evolving and growing in a progressive direction. It is a reality that relationships sometimes get stale or boring and lose its excitement. This often happens one or both persons get too comfortable in a relationship they the neglect doing the very thing that brought them together to begin with. This is okay. Consistency is challenging, but we should never get too settled that we stop water the plant of love. Growing together in God will enhance the overall vitality of the relationship–whereas you’re respecting and loving each other unconditionally, and that you’re bond and lovemaking is reaching a higher plateau.

5. When two people have a close relationship with God, it eliminates unfaithfulness and infidelity. When you take for granted or take your eyes off what God has blessed you with, more than likely your eyes will start to roam and you’ll entertain thoughts that you shouldn’t. You’ll also begin to do things that are inappropriate in a relationship. Such as flirting or entertaining someone you know that views you as more than a friend and  who’s just simply waiting for the opportunity for you to be single again.  You have to be faithful to who God has blessed you with because He has proved himself to be faithful to you when you prayed for the kind of person you’re with now.  Cheating is outright selfish, and God has nothing to do with this kind of behavior. Spiritual compatibility allows a couple to be conscious that they are a gift to each other and that true love, trust and honesty is hard to find today’s dating climate.

Stay tuned for Pt. II

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Update on My Novel

Before I get into what I have to say, I first want thank all who have supported me since day one. I started off posting quotes—really just tampering around with thoughts and feeling but venting from a breakup in 2008. Some of you may remember the short stories I posted on FB. The responses were pretty good considering where I was at in writing. Some of you encouraged me to write a book, and years later, I did. Life puts us in a different direction at times. I never wanted to write a novel. I wanted to be the next Dr. Cornel West….”just sayin.”

Thank you again for waiting patiently for the release my novel. I have worked diligently on Unconditionally Yours (title subject to change) for about two years now or some where around there. It’s difficult writing when life deals you with so many obstacles and unexpected changes and transitions. It’s difficult writing when you’re trying to make ends meet or coming across relationship with people who don’t understand the journey God has placed you on. The road to success is quite lonely, but I am thankful for the family and friends, strangers, well, shall I say angels, who God had me crossed paths with when I felt like giving up. I literally would have a long time ago if he wasn’t for God picking me back up.

My novel has been edited and I’m currently making revisions. I have a friend, writer and editor, by the name of Ariel Driskell, who has helped me shape my story in the direction I want it to be. I thank her for her patience.

Unconditionally Yours has a total of seventeen chapters, and I’m revising twelve while my editor is editing chapter nine. I plan to have my novel proofread before I submit it literally agents. Yes, I’m going the traditional route, so it’s going to take my time to see my novel on the shelves of Barnes & Nobles and other bookstores.

Once again, thanks for your patience and support. I promise you wont’ be disappointed with the finished product. I know it will be a success—it’s just a matter of time.

Until then, I hope you continue to enjoy my quotes and blogs. Stay tuned for my podcasts.

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Finding Love in Your Purpose

The love of your life has to fit beside you in your purpose and never in the back of you because of their insecurities with who they are for the simple fact they don’t know who they are. –Melvin Davis

Many us are called to play a critical role in our communities and societies at large. Whether a pastor/preacher, professor, scientist, musician, artist, poet, writer, psychologist, social worker, medical doctor, beautician or any other professions that lends its self to aid the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual alignments from those who suffer pain or low self-esteem. Or to the entrepreneur or businessman who aims of getting out of poverty, not for the sake of experiencing financial freedom, but to break generational curses of their families, to raise a standard that would flagship the legacy of their families and culture generations to come, these are all purposes in which people have been called to do, and love plays a critical role within the midst of their purpose.

A few days ago I left the house asking God to speak to me through something or someone, or to make His presence felt. This is pretty much a daily routine for me. Where I’m currently living now, I have been sent here for a reason, and it’s important for me to stay spiritually focus so I don’t miss out on that reason. Getting side tracked comes has great consequences…been there and done that Anyhow, a few days ago, I found myself ministered to in GNC .A few questions about a product turned an hour and half conversation about my purpose in life. I was in awe for a few moments during and after our conversation, but I remembered the prayer I prayed before heading out the door that morning, In short, she told me to focus on God, myself and my novel, and not concerned myself with love because it’s not the time to. She also shared that if I felled to disobey God’s instructions, I could miss out what He really has for me. In sum, disobedience can grant you second best. She also confirmed things that were spoken over my life, in terms of the success of writing career, other things I have been called to do, and what put a smile on my face, having the option to choose and not being an option.

Because you’ve been called to do something that comes with great responsibility, if you haven’t found love yet, there’s a reason. Your focus should be on God, you and accomplishing that great task. I believe you will find love once you have fully committed yourself to your purpose or when you’re walking in it. Your purpose will introduce you to a different lifestyle and different people, hence, love. People feel you should be in a relationship because of what they perceive about you on the outside. But, you have to keep in mind that your life and purpose is different from the next man or woman. Never allow the pressure of family and friends to push you into a relationship. They may not understand what you’ve been set aside to do.

The love of your life has to fit beside you in your purpose and never in the back of you because of their insecurities with who they are for the simple fact they don’t know who they are.

Let love find you on your way into your destiny or once you get there.

 

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