love

Single in Public. A Couple in Private

Some relationships are intentionally undefined for the option of having the benefits of it, but not the commitment.–Melvin Davis

Before I get into the message of this message, I pray that you seek God in love life. Who God has for and who you have mind may not align together.  Pray about that person before you get emotionally involve. The common mistake women make is mistaking good sex for love. Men often translate giving gifts to secure a relationship. Lust doesn’t translate into love and It sure isn’t a strong foundation to build a relationship on. Love can’t be purchased at a price. No matter how much you spend on a woman to buy her love, it can’t be bought. You are either renting her or giving her materialistic things instead of giving your time. A women of God isn’t moved by expensive gifts or any gifts if she can provide those things on her own and she knows the love is found in how much time a man spends with her. Quality time is when friendships are developed, respect and faithfulness is established, God is talked about as being first, which in sum, gives love a foundation to stand up on.

Your body is truly a temple. It’s where the Holy Spirit resides. He sends a message to your heart to let you know what’s not of the God the Father. That’s called conviction. God can do more with a heart set on pleasing him than willfully doing your own thing. I encourage you to wait until the day you say, “I do.” You will save yourself from unnecessary soul-ties, regrets and building the foundation of your relationship on premature intimacy. I know this is a challenge, but it’s worth undertaking. God keeps His word. He is not a liar.

Human behavior is intriguing. Through watching dating couples in public I can tell if they have just met, have been dating for a long time, or if they’re in or not in love. I could also see these things in married couples as well. I want o share five ways you can tell you are Single in Public.

1. Spacing

The space couples share between each other is significant. Too much distance sends a message to the person you’re with, and to the public, that you aren’t together. Intimacy is defined as “familiar” or “personal” or “private”. In a relationship, intimacy is an emotional and spiritual sacred connection you share with someone. You are familiar with that person because you intimately know each other. Sex is a form of intimacy, but it’s not the kind I’m talking about. A few synonyms of intimacy are nearness, closeness and inseparable. There’s a sense of warmness and closeness between two couples in public when they are in love. Affection is visible, even if it’s a stroke against the arm, a hand resting on the lower back or a kiss on the lips or the cheek . This is what intimacy looks like in public.

Too much distance, silence, a lack of chemistry and connectivity is either a sign of an emotional or spiritual disconnect. Or worse, the person doesn’t feel the same way you do. Confessing you are in a relationship in secret doesn’t suggest you are in public.

Too much distance is a negative.

2. Body Language.

Every person isn’t “mushy” in public. Some people are uncomfortable with PDA. For others, it takes time to arrive to this point. Another reason could be is self-consciousness.

 Interesting enough, some people or couples care about how they are perceived in public when they show affection. Some men don’t want to be perceived as weak or sensitive. They feel like PDA subtracts from their masculinity. There some women who don’t want to be viewed as clingy or insecure. These are some valid reasons for not showing affection in public.

However, when you are in love, nothing else outside of the sacred union of your relationship matters. You don’t care what others think or have to say about you. Better yet,  you are excited to show that person off. You This is you’re opportunity to share your testimony meeting that special person publicly. Unfortunately, there are dishonest people who are in relationships with God-fearing, faithful and passionately devoted people. Here are two examples that poor body language.

a. If you’re out at restaurant, a cafe, or somewhere sitting down or standing, and an attractive person walks in, and your significant other eyes shift and stay on that person, not only are they acknowledging  their physical attraction, but they’re signal of interest is non-verbally communicated. Or, and I’ve witnessed this happen a lot, a persons entire body will shift in the direction of the person they’re attracted or interested in.  They’re chest or head will slightly turn in their direction. This is simple an invitation communicated with body language. I’ve done this before and saw women respond that way to me. This kind of behavior happening in your relationship is  a no no.

 b. Hands and arms are close to the body.

Couples tend to hold hands in public or intertwine arms when they’re on the same page with each other. But when one person is unfaithful in their heart, their hands will be preoccupied with everything else except the person they’re with. Men will often stuff their hands in their pockets to demonstrate they are not with the woman they’re with. Women will fiddle in their purse. In 2015, both men and women will hop in their phone to respond to text and FB messages, etc. Distance is also created by stepping away.

3. An Improper Introduction.

There’s nothing more awkward and disappointing than meeting your significant friend (s), and you hear, this is _insert name___ , instead of this is my boy or girlfriend, fiancé.  If you’re simply introduced by name without the title, you may want to question the authenticity of your relationship.

There really isn’t an excuse of introducing your significant other by their name only. Love is not absentminded. Love means that you put the person love first. Of course, not above God. When that person is first in your life, they are a priority. You’re always thinking of them. You are thinking of them in private and in public. Being relationship conscious communicates that you are in love. When you are in love, the person you’re introducing significant should know they are more than just a friend.

4.  Flirting

I’m sure you heard the saying, “this is a part of my personality. I’m flirtatious.” Well, there’s a difference between being outgoing, and “friendly” vs flirting. I’m more than glad to break it down for you. I mention earlier love is mindful. Love is also respectful

Given the mindfulness and respect you have for the love of your life, you are aware of how you interact with the opposite sex. It  means you are conscious that  certain behaviors,  interactions and  conversations (in person,  on social media, via text or over the phone) are no longer acceptable.

The absence of respect and mindfulness results to flirting. Flirting unveils that you don’t appreciate the person you’re with and value the relationship you have with them. Flirting furthermore indicates you single and available to entertain someone outside of the relationship. Firing lets the other person know they have a chance.

5. Public Indifference.

It’s amazing how couples treat each other in public. Couples who are truly in love are extremely comfortable in public. They’re very much playful, communicative, affectionate , transparent and respectful. You could literally sense the genuine love they have for each other. Another way to tell if you’re single in public is public indifference.

Public indifference is an opportunity for a significant other to create a riff or conflict to kill PDA . Arguments in public is an excuse to be cold, distant and indifferent so you don’t have to stand near, hold hands or talk.

If these are behaviors of you’ve witnessed in your relationship, its take to pray and have that talk. It’s no a good feeling to feel you are only a couple in private. It’s not fair to you. I pray that you make the wise decisionl

 

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Faith, friendship, Honesty, How to Find Love, Love Again By Melvin Davis, Melvin Davis

Compatibility: What a Woman Longs For

I confess that I’m not a relationship expert, nor do I claim to understand women 100%. I don’t have all the answers. I do ask God for the understanding, knowledge and wisdom of how to court and love the woman He has for me.  This is my way of preparing for marriage. I want the woman I marry to say, “I’m the reason her eyes are filled with contentment, tears of peace and joy. And that her parents, close family members and friends smile, because “I’m in her life.” More importantly, I want to be the reason she looks forward to expressing her love each day. I also pray to be a great husband. I envision teaching my son how to court a woman, and what my daughter should expect when a guy is really into her. I also imagine explaining to them about the man I used to be, and the person I became in Christ, which made it possible to marry their mother, hence, why they exist. I’m advocate that women are one of the greatest gifts to men.

I’m sure all men can say without theory, based on concrete empirical facts of their experiences, women are a little complicated at times. I’m sure the majority of them could agree. I don’t mean this as a negative. I see beauty in woman’s complexities, how her emotions often envelope over one another like water colors on a canvas–yet the picture is still beautiful, transparent and clear–sometimes only understood by the eyes of her lover. How a woman’s mind works with depth, intelligence, humor and spirit, is all a wonder to me. However, no matter how complex some women are, they long for the basic essentials that makes her feel alive, loved, cared for, and like a woman. Let’s go a little deeper to see what I mean that. I suggest reading Proverbs 31 to truly enjoy this ride. As you read, see the kind of man a Proverbs 31 woman could see walking beside.

  1. A Proverbs 31 woman longs for a man who can trust her.

A way to build trust with a woman is to establish an authentic and transparent friendship with her. When you’re getting to know a person, hesitance rises of revealing who you really are. This is the imperfect, flawed person. I understand the temptation of presenting a near perfect, appealing person, but we know that isn’t the case.  You have to keep in mind that people will expect what you’re advertising. Be honest. My motto is: A person may actually like you if they have a chance to know the imperfect you. I understand you may or may not expose certain details about your personal life and relationship experiences, failures, weakness and shortcomings. at first There’s a time and a place to dispense such information. Timing is critical role of how a friendship develops and relationship unfolds. Ultimately, a woman would only get to know and respect you if you’re up front with her. A mature woman isn’t going to judge or look down on you so don’t worry. She wants to see the man who you have evolved and matured into. Personal and spiritual growth is a plus in her eyes. She would appreciate you in the now if she understood your past.

Trust is something a woman wants in a man. It’s impossible to have a relationship without trust. Your trust in her encourages her to be genuine, confident and carefree in your presence and in public.

  1. A Proverbs 31 woman desires a man who’s consistent in doing “good” to her and not harm.

Consistency presents pressure. It means you have to stay on top of doing something over and over to achieve the same results, but this is where God’s power, grace and mercy steps in. This is where it’s important for a man to have a strong relationship with God.

There are days when you’re going to fail at loving, but an understanding, compassionate and self-less woman already understands that. You’re human. She’s human. It’s your effort that moves her, and your desire to consistently love her that makes her smile when she’s thinking of you. Effort simply shows that you care.

The importance of keep God first in a relationship is that He helps to sustain it. He will give you the knowledge and wisdom to love her in a way that’s consistent and effective, if you ask.

A lack of effort and care is what causes her arm. I’m under the belief, and I know this may sound cliche, but hey, it’s true. Women are like plants. You have to water and pay attention to them on a consistent basis. You water a woman with unconditional love, thoughtfulness, adoration, kindness, patience, understanding, etc. See the Fruits of the Holy Spirit in Corinthians.

  1. She wants a man who has a taste for excellence and a strong work ethic.

A taste for excellence represents the quality of your work ethic. In other words, what your purpose is in life, or what is of importance to you. For me, it’s writing and my relationship with God. I put my best into what’s a priority because I want to see great results. Loving a woman works the same way.

When your heart is set on pleasing a woman, you want her to have the best, and you’ll work hard to accomplish those measurable means.

Sometimes giving your best is sacrificing a hobby to spend more time with her, getting up early to exercise with her, lending a helping hand with choirs or dinner.

  1. A woman longs for a man who could enhance or add something to her life–not the opposite.

It’s never a good idea to pursue a woman who wants to experience true love, and you have no intentions of truly loving her. She’s not looking for added confusion or unnecessary pain, if she’s already accompanied by challenges of her own.

Besides having stability and independence into the equation, walk into a woman’s life with a sense of who you are and your purpose. A man with purpose is appealing to a woman with purpose. Also, offer her unconditional love, commitment and the absence of pride and ego.

In order to enhance something, something has to be already there or in a place. A Proverbs 31 woman isn’t looking for a man to define, complete or take care of her. She knows her identity. She is whole, self-sufficient and is able to take care of herself.  Being wooed by monetary means is just an option to her.

  1. A woman longs for a man who can to speak to her mind.

To take a woman outside of her emotions, and into a place she seldom experiences touch, which is in the pacific of her mind, your conversation has to be enriched with something that feathers her interest.

Intimacy happens before any heated moment. In any way am I’m offering advice of how to get a woman in bed. I believe you should wait to share yourself in marriage. However, intimacy begins with conversation. Intellectual stimulation has mental and physical reactions. Romantically, conversation is a way to turn a woman’s wheels upstairs. To have her think, laugh, smile, or consider you for advice, because of your conversation, sketches you into her life as an ideal husband. A woman who thinks long-terms wants have a man she could talk to, and actually enjoy as a person.

If you’re not versed in areas she’s interested in, do the homework. Find out why intrigues her, and meet her there in the given topical conversation. This shows that you she matters to you.

There are five more things I believe a woman longs for…coming up next.

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An Open Letter to My Future Wife

 

To My Future Wife,

 

I penned this letter now instead of later, because I want to thank God in advance for you. I already know you’re going to be an amazing woman. You’re going to be exactly what I prayed for. And by the time I meet you, I’m going to be everything you need me to be. So whoever you are, wherever you are, here’s an open letter I want to send to you, for all to see. I know you’ll be a testimony of my patience. I hope that your heart to open to receive these words.

 

I know that you’re probably in another situation now. Maybe you’re trying to work things out with the guy you’re with. Maybe your heart is healing from a terrible breakup, one that you invested a great deal of your time and energy in. Perhaps there are some other personal issues going on in your life, that’s preventing you from walking into mine.  May be we just haven’t met. Whatever that’s going in your life, there’s no rush. God’s timing is perfect. We will grace each other eyes and touch each other’s heart. We will enjoy plenty of days and evenings together, whether conversing about life, laughing about something silly, or doing something we both enjoy. I want you to know, that wherever you are in life, I’m praying for you to experience wholeness. I want you to be complete and happy, full of joy before you meet me. I’m going to look at you as a compliment to my life—only to add to it—never to subtract or divide from it.

 

And you’re not the only who’s being prepared for marriage. While I’m waiting on you, God is shaping me into the man he wants me to be for you: A protector and a provider, a great communicator, and a spiritual leader. He also wants me to be a great lover, a man who can make love to the deepest parts of you, and who can also be intimate without physical touch.  He’s molding me into a man who’s transparent, and vulnerable–vulnerable enough to accept you in my life without reservation of being hurt. He’s building my trust in him, so I can fully trust you, my blessing.

 

I want to end this letter by saying: I look forward to developing a wonderful friendship with you: One that’s based on open and honest communication, trust and prayer. I look forward to learning everything about you. I want to know the woman behind closed doors that many seldom see. I want to know what’s inside your heart, because that’s where your true treasure lies. I want to know what’s in your spirit, because that’s where your true beauty lies. I want to know you before I propose to you.

 

Until we cross paths, don’t rush love. We’ll find each other soon. I know it. I can feel it. I’ll see you soon.

 

David Bradshaw,

 

 

Thank you for reading the introduction of my novel. To listen to the audio version on youtube, here’s the link: http://youtu.be/OVjSamRZUh0

For information about my novel, check out my video below.

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/melvindavis/the-birth-of-my-novel-love-again

 

 

 

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Bringing My Dreams into Fruition, the release of my novel, Love Again

Thanks to all who have liked my FB page: All of my quotes and blogs will be posted on that page for now on. Also, in the upcoming weeks, I’m launching a budget on Kickstarter for the release of my novel Love Again, since I’m self-publishing. Hiring a professional copyeditor (maybe a developmental editor too), and a proofreader will be critical in producing quality work. I want my work to reflect the success I see, and I want you all to receive nothing but the best. The budget will also building a building a website, marketing and advertising materials. A professional photographer and a graphic designer will come in handy in designing my book cover and business cards. I want my website to reflect one of superb quality, and one that communicates the brand I’m trying to articulate. I need your support in fulfilling my vision. I will keep you posted. Thanks for your help.

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Practice now or develop all the qualities you look for in a significant other. A time of singleness is a time of preparation. –Melvin Davis

There are many people out there praying to meet the right person. They are waiting with excitement and patience  for that special person to walk into their life and leave long-lasting, life changing footprints on their heart, deeper, their spirit and soul. But while you’re waiting, here are few things to practice or to pray for while you’re single.

Note: Preparation is key for a successful relationship that will lead to these two special words “I DO.”

  1. Love selflessly. Give and do for others without expecting anything in return. You’ll feel good about yourself. Pay for someone coffee at a café or lunch. Bless someone financially. It doesn’t have to be a lot.  Donate blood. That was my good deed today. My blood type is O negative, so I donate whenever I get a chance.
  2. Faithfulness. How many are you faithful to God?  If you aren’t’ fully committed to God and His will for your life, how can He trust you with His blessings? Life is filled with tests that God situates to see how you would respond. You have to pass the test to advance. But if you fail, God is merciful and filled with grace. You will get a second chance, but treat that second chance like it’s your last.  If He can’t trust you with the blessing, you forfeit all that He wants to give you.
  3. Patience. Lets all take a deep sigh of relief. Patience is a constant struggle for many. As much as blog about being patient for love, I have my moments when I’m impatient. But what I’ve learned about God, when I pray to have great faith and patience, He provides the circumstances to develop it. Someone in your family may be trying your patience or someone on your job. Remember, life is filled with test. This is your opportunity to develop patience so when your future husband or wife does something to offend you or when you’re going through a rough time, patience will be pivotal and the deciding factor if you will get over the hump. Love with patience. Be understanding.
  4. Love is Honest and it is TRUTH! If you can’t practice honesty in small matters as a single man or woman how can you in a relationship? Honesty and truth are foundation of building and having a transparent relationship. Communicate exactly how you feel about certain things, of course in a respectful and sensible way, so that when God blesses you with that special person, you’ll have no difficultly being honest and truthful with that person.
  5. Be Forgiving. Let’s have another deep sigh of relief. If you can’t forgive someone who has offended you, how can you be forgiving in a relationship?  Forgiveness is linked to patience and understanding. Put yourself in the shoes in the person you may have done you wrong to. You’d want to make things right and would want a second chance, right?
  6. Be KindGenerousOpen minded and Flexible. If you’re stubborn and stiff, no one will enjoy your company except those who are like-minded and mirror the same social behaviors. Don’t be a grouch, rude or overly sarcastic. Give someone a compliment. Last week at my job, I was helping this woman out with shoes. When I left to check for her size, something said, “Give her a compliment.” I didn’t have to rationalize about this because she was attractive, but I did because I wasn’t sure how she’d respond.  I didn’t’ want her to think I was hitting on her or was trying to get the digits. Nonetheless, I let the opportunity pass. So I said God, if the opportunity presents itself again to compliment her, I would and it did. I told her she was beautiful. Her face lit up, cheeks blossoming red. She said ‘Thank you. You’re so sweet and handsome. You made my day.” Knowing that I made her day made me feel good.  Her compliment also did some justice 😉  When you give a compliment, you’ll receive a compliment. After she left, about a half hour later, another woman walked in and gave me a compliment.  If you can’t compliment someone while you’re single, what are you chances of complimenting your significant other on a consistent basis? Be kind, generous, open minded and flexible now.
  7. Be Encouraging. Inspire someone else. What a blessing it is for a husband and wife to encourage and inspire each other to go after the things God placed in their heart. I imagine my wife saying “Mel, you haven’t reached your potential yet as a writer after selling millions of copies. Or, babe, I know you can’t find the right words to say depict how character X feels Y, but you can do it. Keep at it. Or, don’t worry about what other people may say, take on that opportunity to be featured on the front cover of GQ magazine.”  Forgive me for my imagination. I always had a peculiar one as kid.

Beside every confident husband is a believing and supporting wife, and vice versa. The sky is the limit for a man when his wife sees and believes in his vision.  Be encouraging now. Inspire someone now so you can in your next relationship.

8. Live a healthy lifestyle NOW. Be Consistent, NOW. Preserve your sexy, NOW. Once you get comfortable in a relationship, that’s not the time to slack or to stop doing the things you did before you met that special person. Eat healthy now and exercise now. If you lose your sexy in the relationship, chances are high to lose the passion and the physical and emotional attraction you had.  I don’t’ know about you, but I’m going to continue to maintain my sexy so I can catch and keep my woman eye. I’m just saying too.

9. Do FUN AND EXCITING THINGS NOW. Self-explanatory.

10. And out of these things, LOVE YOURSELF ! Yes you may suffer from loneliness. That’s natural. You’re human. We’re created to be in and to form relationships. My mantra is: GOD DOESN’T BRING SOMEONE IN YOUR LIFE TO COMPLETE YOU, BUT TO COMPLIMENT YOU, TO ADD TO YOUR CUP SO THAT IT OVERFLOWS. If you can’t love yourself, how can you love someone else? You can’t. You’d always feel insecure; never feeling like you can give your best. You can give your best by giving yourself the best and by loving others.

Practice now or…

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The person God sends for you to become one with will bring out the best in you. They will add to your purpose—not distract you from it. —Melvin Davis

Someone asked me would my ministry (writing and teaching about love) be affected if I got involved in a serious relationship or when I get married? I answered no, and here’s why.

I believe the person God has for you will be a blessing to you in every aspect of your life. This doesn’t suggest you will marry the perfect person or have the perfect marriage. But I truly believe, if your future husband or wife has a close, intimate relationship with God, they will add to your life and not distract or subtract from it. And they will stand and still believe in you when things aren’t so great.

I see my future wife as a gift, a token of God’s act of unconditional love, as well as His grace and mercy towards me. In a way, while I’m waiting, it’s like God is saying to me: “I’m making you wait so you really appreciate and honor the woman I’m going to bless you to grow old with. I want you to wait you so you can be everything she wants you to be to her. I want you to wait because I’m giving you insight, a foundation for which will make a marriage last and keep the love; the vitality and spark going years to come, so don’t rush to experiencing love. Knowing this allows me to write about love in the way that I do, so just imagine how would write once that special woman is in my life. A few years ago I met someone and fell in love with. Although things never worked out, that situation inspired my novel and many of my poems. I didn’t know I could feel the way I did or be as vulnerable and transparent as I am now. I discovered myself. So just imagined what kind of impact your future wife, or my future wife for that matter, or your future husband will have on you once God aligns you up with them.  They will make you a better person and keep you focused on your purpose.

The person God …

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If you’re in love with someone, you won’t cheat on that person. If you like that person but still care for them, you still have a chance of being unfaithful. Liking/caring and being in love aren’t the same feelings. —Melvin Davis

I find it difficult to believe that someone could be in love with two people at the same time. The only being that could be in two places at once is God. He could stand next to and love a billion people at once. Human beings aren’t designed that way because we aren’t omnipresent.

I believe that if you’re in love with someone, although you may come across many attractive people throughout the day or while you’re away on a trip, those people you cross paths with aren’t going to tempt you to leave what you’ve built for years with the love of your life or what you’re beginning to build if you just met that person. Love keeps you home, focused and close to the heart of the love of your life.

So often I come across people who have cheated on their significant others and they say, “but I really care about him or her.” Yes, I believe they do care for the person they’re cheating on, but they’re confessing is that what they feel doesn’t translate into being in love. Being in love is an emotional feeling that transcends into spiritual. The spiritual side of love is the connection that God bridges between two people when He brings them together. Caring for someone is also an emotional feeling, but it’s relatively distant from having romantic feelings for someone

Faith is something spiritual, which means faithfulness, has the same nature as well. In other words, we have to be disciplined in our spirit so we can discipline in our flesh to make a commitment everyday not to cheat on the love of our life. Your source of strength of being faithful is not in your own mental capacity or self-will, but in your relationship with God.  When you let go of the hand of God in your relationship or marriage, the likelihood of you letting go the hand of your significant other will happen.

If you’re in lo…

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