love

Identifying Someone You’re Not Equally Yoked With, The Introduction

In 2014, it’s becoming more and more difficult to find love. We live in a wave of a “carefree,” “go with the flow” attitude. I would think by the time you approach your late 20’s or early 30’s, that attitude would be abandoned. Unfortunately, that’s not the case. Who has time to waste? Anyhow, the carefree, go with the flow attitude means this: “I’m going to date whoever I want to date, although I know you have sincere intentions of being monogamous with me.” If you haven’t come across that person, you may meet the broken wing. This is a person who recently exited a relationship. They’re hurt and broken, but feel a sense of liberation and freedom now that they’re single. The excitement of being back on the market propels them to relive what it feels like to be single again. In other words, it’s time to have “fun” and “to see what’s out there.” This is okay for them, but you have to take charge of your well-being. The result of encountering this person also leads to uncertainty, like the carefree; go with the flow type of person. Their emotions are pulling them in all kinds of different weird directions. Well, maybe weird isn’t a good choice of word. Let’s just say, they’re dealing with the past of who they were with, while trying to remain faithful to their healing process, with great potentials darting their way. It’s about variety and choice here. However, properly healing isn’t in the forefront of their minds.  Practice caution with this person.  You don’t know if they’ll return to the relationship they just left, or if they’re going out with 2 of 3 different people days or worse, sleeping with someone else while entertaining you. Step way. It’s a cold world out there.  Is there any wrong with the broken wing person?  Not necessarily. Who hasn’t experienced brokenness? But, in order to find and experience true love, you have to do it God’s way. Your heart should be turned toward him instead of dating someone else.

Pressure mounts up to find someone you can experience love and life with as time passes. You start to think do you have to settle for the sake of not being alone, even if that means putting up with someone who’s unfaithful to you or will treat you like an option.  If this person is you, come back for the second installment of Identifying Someone You’re Unequally Yoked With. I have a message for you. You don’t have to settle. You don’t have to be anyone’s option. You can stay course of waiting on God to send you someone beautiful and something meaningful. While you’re positioning yourself to find love, I want to share few points that will help you avoid disappointment in the next blog.

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I rather capture your heart and mind than catch your eye.-Melvin Davis

 

When you haven’t experienced a deeper level of love, physical attraction speaks in high volumes, and is first over the underlying important tangibles that sustain love. Love is more than just physical attraction. I’m not suggesting that it doesn’t matter. The reality is that good looks don’t always translate into love, faithfulness or respect. More often, it’s the opposite. When you experienced a deeper and greater depth of beauty in someone else, your definition and views of attraction expands. It changes and evolves into something more realistic, mature and meaningful.

A spiritual, soulful connection is more powerful than physical attraction. There’s something ethereal about a spiritual, soulful connection. Imagine looking at a book without words. The page is bare, yet you could feel something surging inside of you that sing the tune of your heart. And that escorts your spirit to tropical islands and into heavenly realms. You can’t see the words, yet you feel them. You can’t see the words, yet you see the image that’s being painted in your mind. It’s perfect. A masterpiece. A spiritual, soulful connection works the same way. You could sit in each other’s presence, and communicate without words; touch without holding hands, because the love that’s nettling you two closer together resides under the coat of your skin.

I rather capture a woman’s heart and mind, now to add, spirit than her eye. Physical attraction withers away everyday, and an unforeseen freak accident could happen. If I won her over good looks, well, there’s go her interest and the relationship. But if she found beauty in my heart, mind and spirit, I know she’ll stay. I’ve found a Proverbs 31 kind of woman.

Stay tuned for another upcoming short blog called The Beauty of Imperfections  

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A Deeper Attraction

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love, Melvin Davis

Broken Promises

A broken promise is God’s opportunity to give you what He promised.—Melvin Davis
We know the beginning of a new relationship is filled with excitement and pure intentions. The fuzzy feeling is record-breaking, considering what you experienced before. The emotional, intellectual, and spiritual connection you longed for has now arrived. And to top that off, you’re both on the same page of what you want out of life. Everything’s a go. You hop in the car of commitment, hit cruise control, and silently pray that the two of you will continue see the same road, driving at the same speed.

As a year and half approaches, you really start to think seriously about each other. By this time, you met the family and friends. And yep, they gave you the thumbs up for approval. However, a few out of the bunch just feel indifferent about your new relationship. But hey, at least you were independent enough to prevent outside perspectives and projections to influence the decision you made, or break the bond you have with that person. I truly commend you. And also, by this time, you’ve probably been on a few vacations together, and spent two of the most meaningful and anticipating holidays of the year together. Thanksgiving and Christmas. Family time with the love of you life is two of the most memorable and enjoyable memories. I could recall the joy that I had with ex’s family. It was good to see everyone together, eating and laughing. And I enjoyed my time with her. Family is truly important to me. Anyhow, as the holidays come to a closure, you saw each other lives merged into one. You’re thought, I could really see myself spending the rest of my life with this person. Those fuzzy feelings are still there, at least for one person. But, somehow, someone pumped the breaks, and totally disrupted the flow of the cruise. Heck, they even took their hand off of the steering wheel, and abandoned the car. You had no idea what changed and what happened. You thought all along things were great. No problems. Or, you know exactly what happened. At this point now, the commitment you had was shattered. You’re embarrassed and hurt because you told your family and friend’s about the promise. The promise was that you would spend the rest of your life together. I want to talk you about the broken promise of commitment.

A broken promise in a relationship is the deep emotional and spiritual blow that comes after the breakup. Simply because: you’re in a stage of reflection, thinking about that happened. You’re overwhelmed. You can’t figure things out, although the truth unveiled itself to your heart. Sometimes it takes a while for someone to accept the truth. Anyhow, more devastatingly: you really start to think about all the time you invested with that person, and with their family and friends. Money is something you could get back, but not them. If you been here before, you know exactly what I’m talking about. If you’re currently experiencing a broken promise, I’m not going to let you walk away without restoring your hope, and starting you on the road to recovery. It’s faith and healing time. Take a cruise with me.

That person may have promised the life you imagined to experience together as a couple or a life the you saw growing up before your innocent eyes. You saw your parents enjoy and relish those good moments that had with each other. But somehow, that promise was broken. Maybe unfaithfulness was the cause. Maybe the person just gave up on you, because it was easy to not fight for the love you believed in. Maybe, somewhere down the road, their emotional, physical and spiritual needs weren’t met, and they never said a word to you about it. The feeling of not having the opportunity to correct the problem leaves a feeling of being cheated. Maybe they voiced their concerns, but you failed, because either didn’t know how to make the necessary adjustments or you grew tired of watering a plant in a pot that was cracked. Whichever the cause, I have good news for you.

The person you were with may have hit you with a mighty blow.  You have all the reasons to be angry, to become better and to give up on love.  I want to encourage you today to not become the pain. Take the lesson out of the pain, and allow it become your wisdom, your eyes and ears of discernment. So, when you meet the next person, you’ll know how to communicate, address issues, and back out when you know you and your potential love interest, aren’t on the same page. A broken promise is God’s opportunity to give you what He promised. Faith is the key.

Sometimes you experienced heartbreak and disappointments, for the very reason of knowing the person you was with, isn’t the one for you. You have to have a starting point to know what or who doesn’t work for you, but now you know.

As tough as it may seem, refuse to become bitter. I repeat. Don’t become bitter, and to add, hopeless. There’s someone out there who will meet you where you are and accept you for who you are.

You are special. You are great. You are a confident loving person.

To my fellow gentlemen, you are a King. You were created to conquer. Not in a demeaning way. I’m talking about your purpose, your dreams, and to take your place in your marriage as a leader and protector. You were created to love with courage and boldness, to be a presence of might and strength.

And to women, you are a virtuous woman. You were created to nurture, care and to also love. You are a queen fit to stand next to your king. You strength is your compliment to what your King lacks. You aid in the success of the sacred union you have, and in other areas of your life.

You are beautiful. You are a woman. You are strength.

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Reminding yourself of what happened in the past could be the barrier that’s standing in between you and what you’re meant to have in your future.-Melvin Davis

The past could seem so near when the hurt and indifference remains so close to your heart in the present. It was, as if “IT,” happened yesterday. And when you move from one chapter to the next, without thoroughly addressing unresolved feelings from an ex or someone you dated, expect contention and confusion, lingering and unanswered questions, and for an explanation to be given if the person wronged you. Remember, how you deal with the past would tell your new love interest how ready you are for love.

So how can you position yourself to meet the right one? This answer is simple, yet tough to put into action. You have to put in the work to want to move forward. You have to be dedicated. The first step in dealing with the past is to:

1. Confess. Be honest with yourself by confessing you still have feelings for someone.
The healing process begins with confession. When you are honest with yourself about you still feel about someone, whether those feelings are fond or indifferent, verbally confess from your heart, how you feel about that person. Confession surfaces the truth from your heart so you can address those unresolved feelings head on.

2. Next, be patient with the healing process.

For many people, healing takes time. Healing may take up to several months, maybe a year or two. For deep emotional attachments, it could take two years or more. Whatever the severity of the emotional attachment, be patient to the healing process. Patience meaning: Allow those feelings run its course. So, if you feeling angry one day, write those feelings down on paper or talk to someone about it. If romantic feelings arise or stir up, do the same.
Telling yourself that yourself that you don’t feel a certain way confuses the heart. But when you are honest with yourself about you feel about someone, the heart opens to change.

Remember, with patience, God can repair your heart, help you see the good of that situation, of how it helped you mature and evolve as a mature man or woman. And as you continue to reflect, you’ll see how close that situation drew you to God. All things do work for the good—no matter how bad it hurt. When God begins to heal you, your heart desires will turn towards what he wants for you.

3. When you’re done healing, embrace the grace period. Meaning, enjoy your time singleness.

Healing is a sign that you have moved on, but it doesn’t necessarily means it’s time to dive into another relationship. It’s important to give yourself time to breath and function in your singleness as an emotionally and mentally clear-headed person. You want to approach life, your new love interest with clarity, a sense of assurance, that you know what you want, and what will and will not work for you. You want to be emotionally and mentally available without reservations of thinking about what someone in the past did you to you. However, I am not suggesting for you to be naïve. Your past could be the barrier that’s standing in between you and what you’re meant to have in your future. Love that is.

The grace period is also a time to refocus and aligned yourself back with God, and to find out what direction he wants you to head in next. The grace period may also be a time for you to seek his will and purpose for you life, if you haven’t discovered it yet already. A time of singleness is a time of preparation.

In my novel Love Again, David Bradshaw, my main character, who’s getting to know his new love interest, Jennifer Washington, is still conflicted and confronted with the past. Let’s take a look.

In this scene, David is opening up to Jennifer about his ex, Maria. What’s in bold is directly from my novel.
David finished telling Jennifer about how he was there for her during some really tough times, like the time he helped her pay for her grandmother’s funeral, edited her research papers and essays while she was graduate student. Even after doing a number of related selfless acts, she was still unappreciative and selfish.

“How did that make you feel?” Jennifer interjected.

“Like loving her was never enough, but it gets better,” David chuckled at the painful memories
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David recalled how he stayed with her, because he thought things would change between them. However, it was the worse decision that he had ever made. He returned to Venezuela from a book tour to propose to her, and found her on the beach in another man’s arms, kissing him.

“Talk about devastation,” he said, taking a deep sigh.

Jennifer gasped, pressing her hands against her chest. “Wow, David. I’m sorry to hear all of that.”
“It’s ok. I’m over it now.”

“Are you sure?” Jennifer saw his eyes boil, and his face tensed like a lion eyeing its dinner. We don’t have to talk it about anymore if you don’t want to.”

Here’s a flashback David is having while talking to Jennifer.

Strong winds clamored against the vast window, shaking the bamboo blinds. He stood infuriated with his back turned to Maria, watching the lightening flashes across the dark, gray skies. She stood behind the wooden pole with tears in her eyes.

“I’m sorry, David, but I was never really in love with you like I thought I was. Things kind of changed when you moved here.

You’re such a sweet guy and I mean that but…”

“But what?” David turned around and faced her. “What do you mean you never really loved me—you’re a…” but he caught himself before swearing at her. He vowed to never curse at a woman, but in that heated moment, a bullet from nearly left his verbal chamber.

“I’m sorry, David,”

“Sorry doesn’t cut it, Maria,” David closed his eyes listening to the raindrops on the windowpane that seemed to get louder as quick as throat dried, and he couldn’t speak anymore

“It’s okay,” David said looking away. “I learned something really important from that situation though.”

I’m sure you can see the contention David is confronted with about his past. And Jennifer has detected some lingering, unresolved feelings.

The past could be the barrier that’s preventing you from meeting the one God has for you. Face the past.

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An Open Letter to My Future Wife

 

To My Future Wife,

 

I penned this letter now instead of later, because I want to thank God in advance for you. I already know you’re going to be an amazing woman. You’re going to be exactly what I prayed for. And by the time I meet you, I’m going to be everything you need me to be. So whoever you are, wherever you are, here’s an open letter I want to send to you, for all to see. I know you’ll be a testimony of my patience. I hope that your heart to open to receive these words.

 

I know that you’re probably in another situation now. Maybe you’re trying to work things out with the guy you’re with. Maybe your heart is healing from a terrible breakup, one that you invested a great deal of your time and energy in. Perhaps there are some other personal issues going on in your life, that’s preventing you from walking into mine.  May be we just haven’t met. Whatever that’s going in your life, there’s no rush. God’s timing is perfect. We will grace each other eyes and touch each other’s heart. We will enjoy plenty of days and evenings together, whether conversing about life, laughing about something silly, or doing something we both enjoy. I want you to know, that wherever you are in life, I’m praying for you to experience wholeness. I want you to be complete and happy, full of joy before you meet me. I’m going to look at you as a compliment to my life—only to add to it—never to subtract or divide from it.

 

And you’re not the only who’s being prepared for marriage. While I’m waiting on you, God is shaping me into the man he wants me to be for you: A protector and a provider, a great communicator, and a spiritual leader. He also wants me to be a great lover, a man who can make love to the deepest parts of you, and who can also be intimate without physical touch.  He’s molding me into a man who’s transparent, and vulnerable–vulnerable enough to accept you in my life without reservation of being hurt. He’s building my trust in him, so I can fully trust you, my blessing.

 

I want to end this letter by saying: I look forward to developing a wonderful friendship with you: One that’s based on open and honest communication, trust and prayer. I look forward to learning everything about you. I want to know the woman behind closed doors that many seldom see. I want to know what’s inside your heart, because that’s where your true treasure lies. I want to know what’s in your spirit, because that’s where your true beauty lies. I want to know you before I propose to you.

 

Until we cross paths, don’t rush love. We’ll find each other soon. I know it. I can feel it. I’ll see you soon.

 

David Bradshaw,

 

 

Thank you for reading the introduction of my novel. To listen to the audio version on youtube, here’s the link: http://youtu.be/OVjSamRZUh0

For information about my novel, check out my video below.

 

 

 

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love

Bringing My Dreams into Fruition, the release of my novel, Love Again

Thanks to all who have liked my FB page: All of my quotes and blogs will be posted on that page for now on. Also, in the upcoming weeks, I’m launching a budget on Kickstarter for the release of my novel Love Again, since I’m self-publishing. Hiring a professional copyeditor (maybe a developmental editor too), and a proofreader will be critical in producing quality work. I want my work to reflect the success I see, and I want you all to receive nothing but the best. The budget will also building a building a website, marketing and advertising materials. A professional photographer and a graphic designer will come in handy in designing my book cover and business cards. I want my website to reflect one of superb quality, and one that communicates the brand I’m trying to articulate. I need your support in fulfilling my vision. I will keep you posted. Thanks for your help.

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love

Couples often grow apart from one another, not necessarily because things went wrong in the relationship, but after the truth convicted their hearts that love was never present in the beginning. —Melvin Davis

When you’re lonely, it’s convenient to find yourself easing into an intimate situation or relationship that you normally wouldn’t if you didn’t feel alone. Some people go as so far as to overlook the fact that they were better off as friends with the person they entered a committed relationship with, but they stayed because that person treated them well, but the truth has a way showing itself down the line.

Before you start dating someone, you have to be honest with yourself at where you’re at in life. How do you feel about yourself as a single person? Do you feel loved, lonely, or unfulfilled? Do you feel like you need someone in your life? Many people make the mistake by seeking love feeling unfulfilled within.

Couples often g…

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