love, Melvin Davis

Broken Promises

A broken promise is God’s opportunity to give you what He promised.—Melvin Davis
We know the beginning of a new relationship is filled with excitement and pure intentions. The fuzzy feeling is record-breaking, considering what you experienced before. The emotional, intellectual, and spiritual connection you longed for has now arrived. And to top that off, you’re both on the same page of what you want out of life. Everything’s a go. You hop in the car of commitment, hit cruise control, and silently pray that the two of you will continue see the same road, driving at the same speed.

As a year and half approaches, you really start to think seriously about each other. By this time, you met the family and friends. And yep, they gave you the thumbs up for approval. However, a few out of the bunch just feel indifferent about your new relationship. But hey, at least you were independent enough to prevent outside perspectives and projections to influence the decision you made, or break the bond you have with that person. I truly commend you. And also, by this time, you’ve probably been on a few vacations together, and spent two of the most meaningful and anticipating holidays of the year together. Thanksgiving and Christmas. Family time with the love of you life is two of the most memorable and enjoyable memories. I could recall the joy that I had with ex’s family. It was good to see everyone together, eating and laughing. And I enjoyed my time with her. Family is truly important to me. Anyhow, as the holidays come to a closure, you saw each other lives merged into one. You’re thought, I could really see myself spending the rest of my life with this person. Those fuzzy feelings are still there, at least for one person. But, somehow, someone pumped the breaks, and totally disrupted the flow of the cruise. Heck, they even took their hand off of the steering wheel, and abandoned the car. You had no idea what changed and what happened. You thought all along things were great. No problems. Or, you know exactly what happened. At this point now, the commitment you had was shattered. You’re embarrassed and hurt because you told your family and friend’s about the promise. The promise was that you would spend the rest of your life together. I want to talk you about the broken promise of commitment.

A broken promise in a relationship is the deep emotional and spiritual blow that comes after the breakup. Simply because: you’re in a stage of reflection, thinking about that happened. You’re overwhelmed. You can’t figure things out, although the truth unveiled itself to your heart. Sometimes it takes a while for someone to accept the truth. Anyhow, more devastatingly: you really start to think about all the time you invested with that person, and with their family and friends. Money is something you could get back, but not them. If you been here before, you know exactly what I’m talking about. If you’re currently experiencing a broken promise, I’m not going to let you walk away without restoring your hope, and starting you on the road to recovery. It’s faith and healing time. Take a cruise with me.

That person may have promised the life you imagined to experience together as a couple or a life the you saw growing up before your innocent eyes. You saw your parents enjoy and relish those good moments that had with each other. But somehow, that promise was broken. Maybe unfaithfulness was the cause. Maybe the person just gave up on you, because it was easy to not fight for the love you believed in. Maybe, somewhere down the road, their emotional, physical and spiritual needs weren’t met, and they never said a word to you about it. The feeling of not having the opportunity to correct the problem leaves a feeling of being cheated. Maybe they voiced their concerns, but you failed, because either didn’t know how to make the necessary adjustments or you grew tired of watering a plant in a pot that was cracked. Whichever the cause, I have good news for you.

The person you were with may have hit you with a mighty blow.  You have all the reasons to be angry, to become better and to give up on love.  I want to encourage you today to not become the pain. Take the lesson out of the pain, and allow it become your wisdom, your eyes and ears of discernment. So, when you meet the next person, you’ll know how to communicate, address issues, and back out when you know you and your potential love interest, aren’t on the same page. A broken promise is God’s opportunity to give you what He promised. Faith is the key.

Sometimes you experienced heartbreak and disappointments, for the very reason of knowing the person you was with, isn’t the one for you. You have to have a starting point to know what or who doesn’t work for you, but now you know.

As tough as it may seem, refuse to become bitter. I repeat. Don’t become bitter, and to add, hopeless. There’s someone out there who will meet you where you are and accept you for who you are.

You are special. You are great. You are a confident loving person.

To my fellow gentlemen, you are a King. You were created to conquer. Not in a demeaning way. I’m talking about your purpose, your dreams, and to take your place in your marriage as a leader and protector. You were created to love with courage and boldness, to be a presence of might and strength.

And to women, you are a virtuous woman. You were created to nurture, care and to also love. You are a queen fit to stand next to your king. You strength is your compliment to what your King lacks. You aid in the success of the sacred union you have, and in other areas of your life.

You are beautiful. You are a woman. You are strength.

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What Fear and the Past Can Do in Your Present

She arrived home and carefully removed the bouquet of roses from her car. “Hmm, what’s this here?” she pulled out a manilla envelope and took a seat on the steps. She found a note inside that read:

“Dear Jennifer,

This was a wonderful night. Forgive me if things feel like they are moving too fast, but know that I’m not rushing you into anything. What I did tonight was genuine, sincere and completely unconditional. You owe me nothing in return. However, what I’m starting to feel for you cannot be denied. I really like you. I enjoy your company and conversation.  I think you’re a great woman with a beautiful spirit.  I’m looking forward to how our friendship will evolve.

I hope you enjoyed your time with me as much as I did with you. Have a good night, Jennifer.

Sincerely,

David Bradshaw.”

Jennifer laid the card down beside her. Words couldn’t fathom how special David made her feel on this night.  She stared into the infinite black skies, and saw stars flashing its brilliance across the universe, the moon tucked amidst smoke gray clouds that seemed to configure two hands collapsed over each other. She cupped her hands over her nose, her vision becoming blurry, feeling the churning deep within again. The spirit of love cocooned her, as she rocked side to side. But fear wiggled into her heart again when she was ready to go forward.

Mom, I think Robert is the one,” Jennifer said to her mother after their third date.

Her face fell into her knees, and she saw the disappointment on her face when she looked into the mirror that night after walking away from Robert. The love she started to feel for David scared her. “This isn’t be real,” she said rereading the card—searching for some blemish or insecurity in the words, but she found none. His action held his words up to its standards. She put the card back into the enveloped and stuffed it back into the bouquet. She had never experience anything like this before. She couldn’t believe David. Her past wouldn’t allow her to believe the potential love birthing in her present.  

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Things a Man Would Appreciate. Pt. II

6. SPIRITUALLY SUPPORTIVE. Pray with us (meaning, physically holding hands). If you’re underestimating the power of praying together in a relationship, you’re truly missing out on spiritual intimacy, on building a close-knit bond that advances beyond a friendship. I’m speaking of a soulful connection here. In my upcoming blog, Faith and Love: It’s Connection and How the Two Can Make or Break Your Relationship, I plan to touch on how faith has a language and prospective of it’s own. And if two aren’t on the same page or if one person has no desire to speak the same faith language and share similar views on how issues or a crisis should be handled, you’ll grow a part from another, and soon the relationship will fall apart. Men are the head of the household because we are called to be spiritual leaders of a marriage. This point is supported in the creation of Adam. But lets move on. When you pray with a man, you move beyond his heart to his spirit. It lets him know you that you deeply care about him, and you’re interested in being a part of his spiritual journey. You’ll also know the matters of his heart.

7. EMOTIONALLY PRESENT. Empathy works wonders. Your ability to listen actively, reciprocate back to him what he’s sharing with you, lets us know that what we said was important.

8. FAITHFULNESS. The main reason men don’t’ commit is because we’re afraid to get hurt just as women are. Trust me when I say this: A MAN WANTS A FAITHFUL WOMAN, AND HE WANTS TO COMMIT. But if we sense we can’t trust you, we will dodge a relationship, a commitment altogether. When men open up, we’re pretty much all in at that point. And being vulnerable is a scary feeling just as it is for women.

9. PATIENCE. The fact is we screw up and sometimes may say things that come off as insensitive. Some of us come from fractured family up bringing’s, so we’ll trying to love while we’re still hurting. We need your patience and understanding. You, as a woman, could help bring healing and understanding to our lives so we can love you in the way we desire to you.

10. COMMUNICATIVE. In other words, speak to us rather than nag or talk at us. Respect is # 1 on a man’s list. What nagging and talking at us does is shut us down. We’ll be talking to the fellas or someone else about issues that arise instead of you. I’ m not suggesting this is right, but a couple shouldn’t give each other the option to consult someone else for advice from outside the relationship before talking about things at home first. Talk, and we’ll listen.

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There are plenty of good men out there who are trying to find the needle in the haystack just like women are. That explains why it’s hard to find it. But once you stop looking, that speeds up the process. You allow God to do what it would take you years to do. He created the haystack and everything in it. –Melvin Davis

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