An Open Letter to My Future Wife

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An Open Letter to My Future Wife

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Update on My Novel

Before I get into what I have to say, I first want thank all who have supported me since day one. I started off posting quotes—really just tampering around with thoughts and feeling but venting from a breakup in 2008. Some of you may remember the short stories I posted on FB. The responses were pretty good considering where I was at in writing. Some of you encouraged me to write a book, and years later, I did. Life puts us in a different direction at times. I never wanted to write a novel. I wanted to be the next Dr. Cornel West….”just sayin.”

Thank you again for waiting patiently for the release my novel. I have worked diligently on Unconditionally Yours (title subject to change) for about two years now or some where around there. It’s difficult writing when life deals you with so many obstacles and unexpected changes and transitions. It’s difficult writing when you’re trying to make ends meet or coming across relationship with people who don’t understand the journey God has placed you on. The road to success is quite lonely, but I am thankful for the family and friends, strangers, well, shall I say angels, who God had me crossed paths with when I felt like giving up. I literally would have a long time ago if he wasn’t for God picking me back up.

My novel has been edited and I’m currently making revisions. I have a friend, writer and editor, by the name of Ariel Driskell, who has helped me shape my story in the direction I want it to be. I thank her for her patience.

Unconditionally Yours has a total of seventeen chapters, and I’m revising twelve while my editor is editing chapter nine. I plan to have my novel proofread before I submit it literally agents. Yes, I’m going the traditional route, so it’s going to take my time to see my novel on the shelves of Barnes & Nobles and other bookstores.

Once again, thanks for your patience and support. I promise you wont’ be disappointed with the finished product. I know it will be a success—it’s just a matter of time.

Until then, I hope you continue to enjoy my quotes and blogs. Stay tuned for my podcasts.

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Why I’m Not Looking for Love? Pt. V

There’s no easy way of getting over someone you’re in love with. The feelings you have for them have to run it’s course or either they will stay until purpose sets you free. –Melvin Davis

Maybe about a month ago I blogged about how I was finally over the woman I met two years and and how I was open to the possibility of finding love from someone else. When our friendship ended, I tried just that: dating here and there to see if something meaningful would cultivate, but love failed to happen– mainly because, I couldn’t see myself being with them. I would take a step back, and focused on the self, my novel, and where I felt God leading me. And after going through some serious personal and spiritual transformation, and moving back into the same area where I met that special woman, I felt that I would be ready to love again. But lo and behold, I wasn’t. A test I thought I taken and passed a year and a half ago was only prep coarse for the test I would actually take when I moved back to Virginia.

Fast forward: After I moving back to Virginia, I returned with no expectations—just open to what life would unfold for me. But in the back of my mind I wondered what If I crossed paths with the woman I was and still am in love with. What would I say to her? What if I saw her with another man? Would that have made me regret the move to begin with? And trust me when I say this: I checked and rechecked my motives for moving back to Virginia. I moved back with the thought in mind that I’d never see her again or her being with another man. But I knew I was led by divine direction. Well, five months had passed, and still I haven’t seen or heard from her. So I told my mind, let her go, focused on the prospects of a writing career, and allow love to come from somewhere else. I did just that, but the same results repeated itself: I couldn’t see myself with the women I’ve been romantically involved with until recently.

I met someone that I couldn’t myself see being with at first, because our perspectives about faith collided. She also offered a few words that felled by the waist side of hope, because was reality as she saw it. Yes artist do struggle to find their way into success, but I am a man of faith. And God never gifts or calls someone to do something they would fail at: If you read my latest poem. Something I Need to Do, you’ll know exactly where I’m coming from 😉 So I started to open myself up this person I met, and to be honest, I started to like enough to want to spend time with her, but my intuition didn’t not release me to fully avail myself to her. I felt something was wrong, too good to be true—until tonight I learned she reconnected with someone else. Now you see where the inspiration from this blog comes from.

I’m not looking for love because I’m still in love with the woman I met two years ago. And trust me when I say this, I tried to pray my feelings away for her and I tried to convince myself that I was over her, and I thought I convince myself that was, but I lied to you, as well as myself.

I believe there’s something telling me to not give up, and there could be several reason as to why: My desire for her has brought me closer to God, strengthen my prayer life, and made me a better man and influenced 97% of my writings, including my first novel, Unconditionally Yours, which is currently being edited. Yes, she’s the kind of woman that had such an effect on me. But what’s a man to do when he encounters such a beautiful person inside and out. He’s left to surrender his pride, open his heart to take a chance at being hurt. I would do it again if I felt that strongly about someone else.

I’m not looking for love because God is telling me to wait, to be patient. My recent encounter with the recent woman proven to be failed one. She lied when I gave her the opportunity to be honest. Trust has been broken, and I doubt if I could ever trust her again. This disappointment was a result of me opening a door that should of stay closed before when I receiving signs about something else. I’m sorry, but I have to leave that story out.

I’m not looking for love because my heart is another place. I have to make this statement unapologetically, because it’s the truth of what I feel—despite other potential love interest.  But although my heart still desires her, I’m not foolish enough to ignore prospects. I can only offer a friendship. It’s their decision to be friends with a man who heart desires to be held in another hand. She’ll have to ask herself am I worth the way. And if the answer is no, I’ll understand why.

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Something I Need to Do

Closed I was to you, I open myself up to see the possibility of what if

Opposites we were, a future I could not see with you because you discovered my faith is my reality, and yours, reason– added with a self-concept of faith.

I see the variances of colors in life. You see black and white. I’m an idealist, but I can’t disconnect myself from reality. I could never give my heart to a see to believe it woman

So I discarded you without second-guessing

A new day came and still I wanted to see the possibility of what if

A hi turned into I miss you and I found out you felt the same way

The time we spend together we discovered chemistry

Good feelings within us birthed passionate kisses and images of lovemaking

I see the possibility of what if, but there’s something I need to do first. I need to go to a place

Vivid signs are leading me in a direction I never saw coming, but I’m not surprised by anything.

There’s something God wants me to see, perhaps a second chance given or an opportunity to see the reality that a chapter needs to be completely closed, not booked marked

This overwhelms my heart a great deal. I’m scared, nervous and excited at the same time. But I have act in obedience

I have to reserve a part of me from you to see if a prayer has been answered

The more I think of you, I can see myself being with you

But until then, there’s something I need to do

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Single, but I’m Struggling to be Patient for Love: How Can I Overcome My Impatience? Pt. II

Perception is not the truth of your reality, but it can be if you interpret what’s in front of you as so.–Melvin Davis

Those who are impatient for love view the single life as punishment, as if they have been singled out to watch their friends enter new and exciting relationships or perhaps get engaged, or see others jump the broom. I could totally understand how seeing others around you experience love may make you feel a little sad, a bit anxious and maybe create a tune of melancholy in the soundtrack of your life, but these emotions don’t have to be a part of your reality.

In part I of this blog, I pointed out after my “friendship” ended with the woman I was in love with, it was only then I began to undergo the changes that were necessary for my personal and spiritual growth, as well as advancing in my understanding about women, unconditional/love, relationships and marriage. But more importantly, how I perceived being single. At times, in passing, I would come across couples enjoying each other’s company. I didn’t become jealous but I frequently asked the question, “why not me?” After asking this question several times, I arrived to the conclusion I can experience what I see, but first, my perception of being single needed to change, which will further help me understand what it truly means to be patient.

Note: By definition, patience means to wait for something without definitively knowing when it will arrive. Knowing this definition alone to develop patience or to be patient for something isn’t just enough to acquire it. There’s another dimension to patience that needs to be highlighted here in order to develop patience. That is, patience also has an emotional dimension to it. It is an intense, more deeper, a spiritual yearning to have something right a way. You have to get a grip of your emotions because it pulling you in whatever direction in your life, not God.

A time of singleness is a time of developing patience. Some of us have a firm grip on our emotions, whereas, we don’t allow external circumstances to change the weather of what we feel and think. However to develop patience, you have to surrender whatever it is that your heart is yearning for or calling out for silently at night, and or roaring during the day as you go about your day. Since I am a single man of Christian faith, I have finally begun to understand the relation, the connection between patience and surrendering: for me, surrender means to let go of something or someone without looking back, or questioning your decision of what you did so. Questioning will draw you back to where you started.

But there’s something you have to be mindful of when you surrender. Fear. Fear will provoke you to ask the question, “what if I lose what I’m letting go of?” Here’s my response:

You can’t let go of someone who never held your hand or haven’t had the chance to reach out to hold yours because of past internal conditions that are affecting their present external conditions that you aren’t aware of. You’re actually letting go of the idea of being with that person so you can free yourself from emotional bondage.

Impatience is emotional, self-imprisonment. The idea of being with that special person shackles you from living your life because that idea resides in your heart. And whatever is in your heart can be found in your prayers. It is there, in your prayer and by prayer, you must let go. In others words I am saying, in regards to some of my heart desires, I am willing to let go what I desire to have a true chance to have it or to be open to someone else.  I am also doing myself a favor by focusing on having a successful writing career. There are certain things that we have to continue praying for, and others that we must stop praying for. When you stop praying about something or someone, it doesn’t mean that you’re giving up on what it is that you want. It means that you’re putting your trust in God to let your heart desires come into fruition on His time, not yours. It also means there are others things need your attention in your life—something you wouldn’t be able to do if you were in a relationship.

Stay tuned for part III

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She is My Sanctuary, My Heaven

She is my sanctuary, my Heaven. I am secure with her. No fear, Only trust

“Where did you come from?” After years, I still ask myself

In you, I didn’t find me. But in you, you complimented me, and I, the same for her

Let us walk on the ground of unconditional love God paved for us

You are my sanctuary, my heaven

I kneel and kiss you’re hand, because you are my queen, my Proverbs 31

Forgive me if I ever failed at loving you. I promise to do the best that I can. I’m imperfect

But the way you love me, you make me feel like I am the best thing that ever happened to you. That’s perfect!

You are my sanctuary, my Heaven

Let us close our eyes and feel the breeze from the sea.

“Can you feel the angels flapping their wings?”

“Yes,” she replied.

I took her by the hand and said this prayer:

“I’m so glad, so thankful that I waited years for you–not knowing who you were before– you were worth the wait”

And if I ever leave this earth, and you find another love, I know I’ll always remain in your heart. My spirit will always be close to ours.

But since I’m standing here next to you, I’m going to love you like it’s my last time

You are my sanctuary, my heaven,” I said kissing her hand. “I love you,”

“I love you too,” she said gathering her words. “And you are my sanctuary and heaven too”

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Why It’s Difficult to Find Love in Today’s Dating Climate? The Introduction

Over the past few weeks, a few encounters and two recent conversations inspired me to blog about the topic of why it’s difficult to find love in today’s dating climate. Although this blog, at first, may paint a broad stroke of hopelessness or impossibility of ever finding love, however, I can’t help but conclude my blog series instilling faith. Smile, because there’s always hope for the hopeful romantic.

I’ve come to the conclusion that individuals such as myself, who desire to experience true love in today’s dating climate, will be extremely hard to find. I find finding true love to be literally like finding a needle in a haystack. Why? Because there’s a certain kind of ethos and fear that both men and women practice in America, as well as a commercial trends that are adopted from what is viewed on television, radio/music. If entertainment has become your barometer of finding love and loving someone else, you’re in trouble. I’m not indicating that all of what you see and hear is garbage, but the truth is, most of it is.

These elements I described above further complicates and contaminates the dating atmosphere, thus, encouraging people to a) play games, b) settle for less because they believe they will find nothing better and c) not get involved with anyone at all because their patience has run dry.

I plan to touch on the reasons why people play games. I’m gong to couch this discussion in what I call The Option Theory: Sampling. As it pertains to people settling for someone they truly don’t want to be with, I like to call this The Substitutionary Theory: Substituting finding true love for the sake of Convenience. And those who cut off their emotional side to weather through the messy storms of the dating world, I tip my hat off to you. It takes a great deal of discipline to abstain from relationships and intimacy. Many have the gift of singleness, but I don’t. I’m sorry to say that God is my only hope of finding true love.

Stay tuned.

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