Finding someone who provides financial security doesn’t always translate into love. Often, the narrative is control, insensitivity and unfaithfulness once that person has you in their grasp. -Melvin Davis
There are both men and women in the dating scene with a particular approach and motive in mind of finding what they’re looking for in a relationship. Some are looking for love, absentminded of whether or not that person is financially secure. Love is all that matters to them and love can be experience when you’re at your best or worse. Then there’s the person who’s looking for love and someone who’s financially secure. This individual is more than likely financially stable, and having someone to take care of them is out of the question. They have everything that they need: A car and a house, a career and enough in their bank account to live comfortably. Having someone in their life whose financially stable creates sense of freedom for this person, and the focus can be on loving each other, hence the relationship, instead of whether or not you could afford to eat this restaurant or vacation, etc. They know that finances have ruined many relationships and marriages, so they want someone enter into a relationship with them who’s established financially. Then there’s the person who’s concluded that love doesn’t exist, and rightfully so in their minds if this is case:
The idea of finding true love appeared in close reach after they read a dreamy and passionate, a soul-felt and pure spirit filled poem or a blog that pitched overtones of hope of experiencing love one day. Or, maybe it was a song about love or a romantic movie about marriage that led them to feel that love was nearby. All of these outlets made them feel Mr. or Ms. Right was around the corner. But when they met that person who had all the qualities they were looking for, either that person wasn’t who they portrayed to be or decided they wasn’t ready for a relationship. At this point, their patience has run short. Frustration had taken a seat in their mind, and now they’re wiling to overlook physical attraction for personality or their relationship with God, or perhaps they’re willing to overlook all of these qualities for financial security. Since you can’t find an attractive, God-fearing person with a great personality, you still want the to live an extravagant lifestyle. You want what your favorite power couple has.
Here are a few question to consider as you continue to read along. Have you ever trusted God with your love life?
Finding someone who could finance your expensive lifestyle is a goal that’s in reach. You could manipulate your way into someone’s heart to get what you want by pretending you love that person. Or, you could forward with the relationship and ignore the feeling that you’re just as empty and unfulfilled inside. What you’ll probably have to negotiate in these kinds of relationships is your voice, having a say in important matters that could ultimately effect your peace and well-being, your living situation, your power, and sense of control. A relationship without a voice or a say in any important decision that could affect your life, or your living arrangement. That’s not a relationship at all. It’s called being someone’s eye candy or their object of self-gratification.
If you’re walking in God’s will, and seeking love without pursuing someone who’s in a particular financial bracket, I believe you will find love. Your approach and motives makes a difference. God loves you so much to send you someone lazy, who lacks ambition, and living life without purpose.
God is the one who’s control of all things, be he’s not going to force His way into your love life if your heart and mind is turned in a different direction, if you’re seeking financial security and not love. Remember, He’s given you free will, which means you have the power of choice, to make decisions with or without His input or intervention. You have to trust, have faith and confidence in God that you can experience love and financial security–both at the some time.
God created you to be dependent on him, so you can walk independently on earth. He’s given you a vision and a dream, a plan, will and purpose for your life. His will has everything you’re looking for. But, if you’re looking for love and financial security outside the will and timing of God, you’ll never experience the fullness of His blessing for your life. He didn’t create you to be dependent on another human being. He’s given you a gift that can provide and sustain yourself. And if you happen to meet someone who may have more than you in the bank, you’re not going to need that person. You will have your own. Seek the will of God and you will find love.
Because of Jennifer’s past, she’s trying hard to not get emotional, but she’s not winning this battle. Maybe if you opened your heart to the person God has in front of you, you may be able to feel again.
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For me, there’s nothing like good chemistry that stirs excitement and joy within you. Chemistry between you and someone is what open doors and windows to experience something anew and refreshing with someone. It’s a sign of a strong bond on the horizon. And when the opportunity presents itself to share some of your most memorable, funny or embarrassing moments of your childhood experiences, go for it. This is a moment to connect and relate, to learn and bond. There’s nothing like sharing good laugh with someone you’re fond of. The exchanging of personal experiences could draw you closer together, perhaps because of the similarities or what you can learn about each other’s different backgrounds, culture or family dynamics.
Here’s a bonding moment between David and Jennifer. David does something really clever that feathers Jennifer’s fancy. Personally, I really think that majority of women would appreciate David’s romantic, clever gesture. After running into her, unplanned for the third time, he finally gets her number at his charity event. As the night nears, David walks her to her car, and seats her inside. Seconds later, her phone rang. Its her mother calling. David waits patiently for Jennifer to get off the phone, and then walks off. I know what you’re thinking lol, but lets read below 😉
With the phone to her ear, Jennifer yelled after David. “I’m off the phone now. Sorry. So you’re not gonna say goodnight? Wait a sec. I think my mom is calling me back,” she heard her phone rang again and looked down.
“I’m not saying goodnight until I know that you’re safe and sound in bed,” he said on the other the end of the phone.
“Really clever, Mr. Bradshaw.”
“I’m going to stay on the phone with you until I know you’re safe and sound in bed.”
And David did just that. As they drove to their separate homes in their separate cars, they shared the most embarrassing moments of their lives over the phone. David told Jennifer about the time that he stood at the top of the stairway at church while his childhood pastor was giving the benediction. A friend pushed him from behind, and the sole of his shoe caught on the rug, so he wasn’t able to catch himself. He tumbled down the steps, crashing into a deacon and causing her to drop the communion tray on his head. The old lady’s underwear he saw under her dress gave him nightmares for years. Jennifer laughed hysterically, pleading for him to stop before she got into an accident.
In turn, she told David about the time she jumped up and grabbed the pull-up bar at elementary school.
“Everyone got a peek at the flowers on my underwear.”
“Talk about botanical. You showed everyone what you were working with, huh?” he joked, laughing just as uncontrollably as she was.
“Stop it, David. My stomach hurts. You’re so silly and mean.”
“Baby, I’m sweet and gentle,” he said, suddenly serious.
“That’s what they all say.”
They had a grand time chatting on the phone. It was as if they’d known each other for years. David felt like they were like two junior-high-school students who had crushes on each other and had finally mustered up the courage to talk to each other.
Jennifer arrived home before David. After she showered and was in bed, she called him back to make sure he’d made it home safely too. He was delighted that she returned the favor.
“Hey, I was wondering if we could get together this weekend,” she said. “I’d like to return the favor for the skim latte.”
“How nice of you. Let me get my calendar. Give me a sec.” He placed the phone on mute and shouted, “Yes!” pumping his fist in the air. He calmed himself down and clicked the mute button off. “OK, I have my calendar,” he said in his most assured voice.
“When would you like to get together?”
“Well, honey—excuse me, I meant, David. What was I thinking?” she cleared her throat.
“It’s all right. You can call me honey.”
“Umm, no. I don’t think so—yet. So, how about sometime this weekend?”
“OK. Let me double-check my calendar.”
David heard what sounded like pages ruffling. This went on for nearly fifteen seconds. “Jennifer, please stop pretending that you’re so busy. How many times are you going to flip through the month of May? Like seriously.”
“Be quiet. Just hold on, please,” she laughed. “Saturday evening at 5 works for me.”
“Great. Saturday evening it is. I’m gonna get some writing done before bed.”
“OK. Thanks for staying up with me. You’re such a nice guy. Goodnight.”
“Goodnight, Jennifer. I’ll give you a call tomorrow.”
“Oh, by the way, I read The Simplicity of Intimacy and The Breakfast Field. You’re such a talented writer. I think you’re just scratching the surface of your potential. You could be great, but that depends if you really wanna be. I believe in you, Mr. Bradshaw.”
“Wow,” David said, taken away by her encouraging and sincere words. “Thank you. I didn’t really think that you’d read my novels.”
“Don’t assume, Mr. Bradshaw. Well, get some rest. Happy writing, and goodnight.”
“Goodnight, Ms. Washington.”
David sat up in bed in a state of disbelief. He still had the phone pressed against his ear listening airwaves of love he felt coming his way. He felt a strong, magnetic connection to her—that there was a special bond forming between them, much like a friendship in the making. He’d recently realized this was something that he really wanted to have in his next relationship.
Do you see the chemistry that’s harnessing between David and Jennifer? And what about the exchanging of their experiences and the laughter they shared? Can you see the connection? And Jennifer does something that every man is moved by, of course if they’re ambitious. She believes in him. She encourages him.
Even the first lady of the United States believes that laughter is good. Here’s a quote from Michelle Obama:
“I think a lot of laughing,” the first lady said at a White House luncheon with reporters who asked about the Obamas’ union. “I think in our house we don’t take ourselves too seriously, and laughter is the best form of unity, I think, in a marriage. “So we still find ways to have fun together, and a lot of it is private and personal. But we keep each other smiling and that’s good,” she added. It also helps that Obama is “very romantic.”
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In this scene, Jennifer and her new acquaintance Samantha made reservations at a restaurant. To make use of their time, they decided to scroll around the mall. A conversation comes about “finding the one,” and “soul mates.”
“Isn’t this beautiful?” Samantha said, approaching Tiffany & Co. Stung by Samantha’s remark, Jennifer had decided to cool it with Samantha, but she was instantly awestruck when saw the huge, diamond-clustered, platinum ring on display. She got closer, nearly pressing her face against the window to see.
“It is,” Jennifer said in a low voice, tucking her words under the hope of marrying the man she’d yearned and prayed to be with.
“Ever plan to get married?” Samantha asked.
“I‘d love to get married,” Jennifer said with a mixture of optimism and defeat.
”You don’t sound too sure.”
“I would. Some day. I have no control over that,” Jennifer answered, turning her attention briefly to Samantha. “This time around, I’m no longer making decisions based solely on how I feel about someone. There must be a sign from heaven,” she said with strong conviction, returning her attention to the ring. “What I feel has to be beyond emotional,” she said solemnly. “Which I think I felt recently.”
“With David?” Samantha asked.
“Yes. When I first saw him last night, and this morning too. I felt something stirring within. Never felt that before, to be honest—kind of scared me. He felt it too. He told me this morning, but I didn’t let him know that I did. I was too scared.”
“Scared of what?” Asked Samantha.
“I don’t know.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about, but it sounds like you believe in soul mates.”
“I’m not sure,” Jennifer said, still staring at the ring. She pictured someone sliding that beautiful piece of jewelry onto her finger. “I thought my ex was my soulmate, but I was wrong. I guess having a deep connection with someone really doesn’t mean they’re your soulmate.”
“I don’t believe in those romantic theories—like soulmates,” said Samantha matter-of-factly. “You choose whoever you please.” She looked at Jennifer, who was still gazing at the ring. “Wanna try it on?”
“Uh, sure—couldn’t hurt.” Jennifer smiled sheepishly, and they went inside the store.
This time around, Jennifer is looking for something else beyond of what her emotions can tell her about someone or to determine if she’s found the one God set aside for her. I believe that many women (men too) face this dilemma.
Emotions come and go. They fluctuate. The move from hot to lukewarm to cold. One day, you’re really into someone, and the next day you aren’t. I believe when the time comes, when God prompts our heart to fully receive who he has in front of us, you’ll know.
My novel Love Again is slated to be released in June. If you like to support my campaign in raising funds for the professional services I need to release a quality novel, here’s the link to contribute. I’m offering free incentives to donator’s, which is outlined on my fundraiser page. Thanks for your time.
To My Future Wife,
I penned this letter now instead of later, because I want to thank God in advance for you. I already know you’re going to be an amazing woman. You’re going to be exactly what I prayed for. And by the time I meet you, I’m going to be everything you need me to be. So whoever you are, wherever you are, here’s an open letter I want to send to you, for all to see. I know you’ll be a testimony of my patience. I hope that your heart to open to receive these words.
I know that you’re probably in another situation now. Maybe you’re trying to work things out with the guy you’re with. Maybe your heart is healing from a terrible breakup, one that you invested a great deal of your time and energy in. Perhaps there are some other personal issues going on in your life, that’s preventing you from walking into mine. May be we just haven’t met. Whatever that’s going in your life, there’s no rush. God’s timing is perfect. We will grace each other eyes and touch each other’s heart. We will enjoy plenty of days and evenings together, whether conversing about life, laughing about something silly, or doing something we both enjoy. I want you to know, that wherever you are in life, I’m praying for you to experience wholeness. I want you to be complete and happy, full of joy before you meet me. I’m going to look at you as a compliment to my life—only to add to it—never to subtract or divide from it.
And you’re not the only who’s being prepared for marriage. While I’m waiting on you, God is shaping me into the man he wants me to be for you: A protector and a provider, a great communicator, and a spiritual leader. He also wants me to be a great lover, a man who can make love to the deepest parts of you, and who can also be intimate without physical touch. He’s molding me into a man who’s transparent, and vulnerable–vulnerable enough to accept you in my life without reservation of being hurt. He’s building my trust in him, so I can fully trust you, my blessing.
I want to end this letter by saying: I look forward to developing a wonderful friendship with you: One that’s based on open and honest communication, trust and prayer. I look forward to learning everything about you. I want to know the woman behind closed doors that many seldom see. I want to know what’s inside your heart, because that’s where your true treasure lies. I want to know what’s in your spirit, because that’s where your true beauty lies. I want to know you before I propose to you.
Until we cross paths, don’t rush love. We’ll find each other soon. I know it. I can feel it. I’ll see you soon.
Thank you for reading the introduction of my novel. To listen to the audio version on youtube, here’s the link: http://youtu.be/OVjSamRZUh0
For information about my novel, check out my video below.
A day befor this outing, Jennifer reassures David that they weren’t going out on a date, but the moment suggests otherwise.
A crisp air swept off the riverfront, where white yachts and small boats assembled in front of the marina. Jennifer shivered, instinctively wrapping her arm around David’s waist to keep herself warm. She savored the muscular build and the warmth of his body against her lean petite frame. Being so caught up at work, and so focused on her dreams, she forgot how it felt to be this close to a man.
Inside of the Grace Mandarn Restaurant, night had fallen by the time they’d finished dinner. David laughed, leading Jennifer by the hand to a bench on the boardwalk in front of the marina.
“Jennifer, you are so funny. You sure you don’t wanna be a comedian instead?” he said after she told him about the time that she slipped and fell on stage at one of her high school theatre performances.
“I tried to warn you inside, but no—you didn’t wanna listen.”
“Ok, enough. I’m almost in tears now,” David said holding his stomach.
“Okay, I’ll quit,” she gradually rubbed his lower back.
They sat in silence, listening to the trickling of calming waters—both feeling a special moment birthing out the night. Jennifer rested her head against David’s shoulder, capturing the full moon. She solemnly confessed, unconsciously rubbing his hand.
“This feels like a date.”
“Does it?” David pretended as if he didn’t feel the same way.
“It does. Everything seems so natural, so unforced.”
“I think it’s better that way,” David said looking down into her seraphic eyes, surrendering to a dreamy smile. “I mean, for things to be natural and unforced.”
This is an excerpt from my novel Love Again. Hope you enjoyed!