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The Temptation of Reliving the Past: When Old Feelings Surface

To return to what God led you away from is to jeopardize where he wants to take you with the person he has for you. –Melvin Davis

What do I do now that I’m “single”? is a question many people find themselves asking when they have “moved” on from a failed relationship. You’re somewhat emotionally detached, and you’re somewhat ready to give love through someone new. However, a flashback of the “good times” crosses your mind. Those fond memories emerge with joy, somehow putting a smile on your face, until you think about the toxic and heated arguments, and the intense moments of feeling unappreciated and emotionally and spiritually disconnected. You also remember those signs of unfaithfulness and lies, being ignored and uncared for. You cried next to that person in bed until no more tears could produce from your heart. You’ve talked to so many people about the situation until your mouth grew tired. The truth made itself known to you. And you even prayed about the relationship once more, and God showed you a clear painting of the situation. In fact, you saw the view of the picture from many angles. God showed you why it’s not his will, and where it will land you if you continued to stay in the relationship. His presence penetrated deep into your heart, that you had to stop doing what your were doing to sit still and gather yourself. You felt the ache bearing deep within that you couldn’t rest well at night, or concentrate during the day.  I want to talk about The Temptation of Reliving the Past.

It’s easy to return to the familiar, because you don’t have to put in the work of getting to know someone new all over again. It takes time and patience getting to know someone, which is something you probably don’t have. You’re short on patience. These days, there isn’t much legroom for mistakes. You have probably thought about returning to that person who didn’t appreciate you, than to give some else a chance who would appreciate and deeply love you. You’re ready to write someone off, because again, you don’t have the “patience.” After all, you “know” the person you were with.

To return to what God led you away from is to jeopardize where he wants to take you with the person he has for you. You have to remind yourself why the relationship didn’t work. Besides that you were toxic for each other, there was probably one prominent force at hand that was working against you two. It wasn’t God’s will.  What’s not in God’s will have no chance at life. Of course, you could make it work, but forcing love into the equation where it’s supposed to develop naturally, just isn’t worth it. Your “I love you’s” will have no feeling or passion behind it. And the touch or the holding of hands will not produce any feelings of love, comfort and assurance that this is the person God has for you.  When you step outside of God’s will, you’re forfeiting being valued and appreciated, love and cared for, respected and adored. You’re giving up your sanity/ peace of mind, because faithfulness and commitment will always be called into question when you’re not in that person’s presence. You’re also giving up the chance to build two important foundations a God-ordained relationship should stand on, which are a friendship and a spiritual connection. Without any of these positive components, love has nothing to stand on.

Before you think about reopening a closed chapter, remember why the relationship failed. God led you away from that person for a very important reason. It wasn’t his will. To return to the past is to jeopardize where he wants to take you with the person he has for you. But that page of finding new love can’t be read until you move on from the past.

In my novel Love Again, Jennifer is temped to return to the past but she comes to her senses. Let’s take a look.

Jennifer took a seat, removed her sunglasses, and got right to it.

“Robert, you know how much I still care for you.”

“Oh, here we go,” he complained, interrupting.

 “I’ve thought about you often throughout the years. I’ve often wondered what life would’ve been like if we’d gotten back together again. But after meeting up with you in New York and DC, I admit, some old feelings resurfaced, but they quickly faded away. I don’t feel the same way for you as I once did before.”

“What do you mean?” His nostrils flared up.

“What I’m saying that it’s too late to make up for what happened several years ago,” she said blinking back tears.” Time has passed. I’ve met someone new now, someone who has believed in me since day one, someone who understands me, someone who I pushed away.”

“Like you’re doing to me now?”

“No! I’m not pushing you away. I’m freeing us from one another so that we can be open to experience love from someone else. I’m sorry Robert, but I don’t see myself being with you. I don’t see us getting married.”

Here Jennifer comes to her senses. She remember all that happened in the past, and some people just don’t change. What’s in God’s will has a second chance.

Thank you for reading my blog. I would like to ask you to take a few minutes to check out my video on indiegogo. I’m raising funds to self-publish my novel Love Again.

Here’s the link:  http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/love-again-a-novel-by-melvin-davis/x/6665495

Your donation would help me tremendously, as well as passing on my campaign to your friends.

Thanks in advance.

 

 

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An Open Letter to My Future Wife

 

To My Future Wife,

 

I penned this letter now instead of later, because I want to thank God in advance for you. I already know you’re going to be an amazing woman. You’re going to be exactly what I prayed for. And by the time I meet you, I’m going to be everything you need me to be. So whoever you are, wherever you are, here’s an open letter I want to send to you, for all to see. I know you’ll be a testimony of my patience. I hope that your heart to open to receive these words.

 

I know that you’re probably in another situation now. Maybe you’re trying to work things out with the guy you’re with. Maybe your heart is healing from a terrible breakup, one that you invested a great deal of your time and energy in. Perhaps there are some other personal issues going on in your life, that’s preventing you from walking into mine.  May be we just haven’t met. Whatever that’s going in your life, there’s no rush. God’s timing is perfect. We will grace each other eyes and touch each other’s heart. We will enjoy plenty of days and evenings together, whether conversing about life, laughing about something silly, or doing something we both enjoy. I want you to know, that wherever you are in life, I’m praying for you to experience wholeness. I want you to be complete and happy, full of joy before you meet me. I’m going to look at you as a compliment to my life—only to add to it—never to subtract or divide from it.

 

And you’re not the only who’s being prepared for marriage. While I’m waiting on you, God is shaping me into the man he wants me to be for you: A protector and a provider, a great communicator, and a spiritual leader. He also wants me to be a great lover, a man who can make love to the deepest parts of you, and who can also be intimate without physical touch.  He’s molding me into a man who’s transparent, and vulnerable–vulnerable enough to accept you in my life without reservation of being hurt. He’s building my trust in him, so I can fully trust you, my blessing.

 

I want to end this letter by saying: I look forward to developing a wonderful friendship with you: One that’s based on open and honest communication, trust and prayer. I look forward to learning everything about you. I want to know the woman behind closed doors that many seldom see. I want to know what’s inside your heart, because that’s where your true treasure lies. I want to know what’s in your spirit, because that’s where your true beauty lies. I want to know you before I propose to you.

 

Until we cross paths, don’t rush love. We’ll find each other soon. I know it. I can feel it. I’ll see you soon.

 

David Bradshaw,

 

 

Thank you for reading the introduction of my novel. To listen to the audio version on youtube, here’s the link: http://youtu.be/OVjSamRZUh0

For information about my novel, check out my video below.

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/melvindavis/the-birth-of-my-novel-love-again

 

 

 

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Bringing My Dreams into Fruition, the release of my novel, Love Again

Thanks to all who have liked my FB page: All of my quotes and blogs will be posted on that page for now on. Also, in the upcoming weeks, I’m launching a budget on Kickstarter for the release of my novel Love Again, since I’m self-publishing. Hiring a professional copyeditor (maybe a developmental editor too), and a proofreader will be critical in producing quality work. I want my work to reflect the success I see, and I want you all to receive nothing but the best. The budget will also building a building a website, marketing and advertising materials. A professional photographer and a graphic designer will come in handy in designing my book cover and business cards. I want my website to reflect one of superb quality, and one that communicates the brand I’m trying to articulate. I need your support in fulfilling my vision. I will keep you posted. Thanks for your help.

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A woman’s heart is a man’s sanctuary. Her loving is his place of intimacy, where he feels one with her. –Melvin Davis

A point I will highlight in my upcoming blog, Things a Man Would Appreciate, is trust.  Some men do have a desire to communicate, and to be open and transparent, but if he can’t trust you with the matters of his heart, out of fear you may take what he share as a sign of weakness or that you may share personal information with someone else, he will not open up. 

Love making at it’s best resides in the sacred union of marriage. It’s where a man, and of course a woman, feels one with his wife. It’s when two souls are one, heart against heart, emotion connected to the other, two thinking on the same intellectual frequency, makes love making a spiritual occasion, a blessing to each other soul. 

A woman’s heart…

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The Importance of Spiritual Compatibility in a Relationship Pt. I

Spirituality compatibility involves how two people will mesh together, how they will handle and respond to life challenges, relationship issues, and certain transitions that have to be made in life when God calls us to.

Spiritual compatibility is a topic often overlooked when we discuss what we look for in a significant other and what we expect out of a relationship. Much attention is given to physical appearance and personality. Attraction and chemistry are important factors of developing a relationship with someone but neither can sustain a one. Good looks and personality become insignificant when you’re having issues in your relationship. Here are a few reasons why spiritual compatibility is important.

  1. You understand each other without judging each other. I’m thankful to have a God who doesn’t judge me or tell anyone about our personal business to paint an unfair picture of me. But so often, this happens in relationships. One reason why people are so closed and hard-shelled, and carry around hurt is because the person they were with, took something personal that they shared and used against them for their advantage. Someone who has a relationship with God and understands Him is compassionate and understanding. They can listen to the worse of your experiences and still love you to the best of their ability. They won’t judge you how you used to be and not look at you any different in the present.

2. Someone to confide in. Having someone you can be honest, transparent and vulnerable with lets you know you have a friend and lover in the relationship. These days, it’s one or the other because it’s difficult for many people to establish an emotional connection when sex isn’t a part of the equation. It’s lonely to be with someone who’s not loving and caring, empathic and sympathetic. I believe God wants us to trust and confide in to the person he brings in our lives–instead of having to go outside of our relationship to discuss our issues with someone else first. The first person you should discuss your issues with is the person you’re with. This doesn’t mean you’re putting God second, but it means after you have whatever conversation you have with your partner, you bring those concerns to God. What your friends and family say should confirm what God has already spoken to you. How often have relationships or the potential of love have been destroyed because too many people had a take on what you should and shouldn’t do? If we believe that God knows everything or knows us better than our loved one, why is he a second option to consult with?

3. You can overcome obstacles, together. No relationship is perfect. Disagreements are inevitable because no two people are exactly alike. It’s hard to learn from each other if you think too much alike. But when challenges arise, like communication barriers, financial hardships, death in the family or perhaps a close friend passes away, or when you aren’t on the same page emotionally, romantically or in the context of lovemaking, being spiritually compatible allows you to work through these issues with compassion, understanding, patience and unconditional love.

4. Spiritual compatibility is an opportunity to grow together spiritually. A relationship should always be evolving and growing in a progressive direction. It is a reality that relationships sometimes get stale or boring and lose its excitement. This often happens one or both persons get too comfortable in a relationship they the neglect doing the very thing that brought them together to begin with. This is okay. Consistency is challenging, but we should never get too settled that we stop water the plant of love. Growing together in God will enhance the overall vitality of the relationship–whereas you’re respecting and loving each other unconditionally, and that you’re bond and lovemaking is reaching a higher plateau.

5. When two people have a close relationship with God, it eliminates unfaithfulness and infidelity. When you take for granted or take your eyes off what God has blessed you with, more than likely your eyes will start to roam and you’ll entertain thoughts that you shouldn’t. You’ll also begin to do things that are inappropriate in a relationship. Such as flirting or entertaining someone you know that views you as more than a friend and  who’s just simply waiting for the opportunity for you to be single again.  You have to be faithful to who God has blessed you with because He has proved himself to be faithful to you when you prayed for the kind of person you’re with now.  Cheating is outright selfish, and God has nothing to do with this kind of behavior. Spiritual compatibility allows a couple to be conscious that they are a gift to each other and that true love, trust and honesty is hard to find today’s dating climate.

Stay tuned for Pt. II

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Update on My Novel

Before I get into what I have to say, I first want thank all who have supported me since day one. I started off posting quotes—really just tampering around with thoughts and feeling but venting from a breakup in 2008. Some of you may remember the short stories I posted on FB. The responses were pretty good considering where I was at in writing. Some of you encouraged me to write a book, and years later, I did. Life puts us in a different direction at times. I never wanted to write a novel. I wanted to be the next Dr. Cornel West….”just sayin.”

Thank you again for waiting patiently for the release my novel. I have worked diligently on Unconditionally Yours (title subject to change) for about two years now or some where around there. It’s difficult writing when life deals you with so many obstacles and unexpected changes and transitions. It’s difficult writing when you’re trying to make ends meet or coming across relationship with people who don’t understand the journey God has placed you on. The road to success is quite lonely, but I am thankful for the family and friends, strangers, well, shall I say angels, who God had me crossed paths with when I felt like giving up. I literally would have a long time ago if he wasn’t for God picking me back up.

My novel has been edited and I’m currently making revisions. I have a friend, writer and editor, by the name of Ariel Driskell, who has helped me shape my story in the direction I want it to be. I thank her for her patience.

Unconditionally Yours has a total of seventeen chapters, and I’m revising twelve while my editor is editing chapter nine. I plan to have my novel proofread before I submit it literally agents. Yes, I’m going the traditional route, so it’s going to take my time to see my novel on the shelves of Barnes & Nobles and other bookstores.

Once again, thanks for your patience and support. I promise you wont’ be disappointed with the finished product. I know it will be a success—it’s just a matter of time.

Until then, I hope you continue to enjoy my quotes and blogs. Stay tuned for my podcasts.

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The Workings of a Happy Woman: Keeping a Smile on Her Face. Wash Her Feet, Pt. 1

If you love her that much, it would be your priority to see her smile. –Melvin Davis

If a woman has never been pampered, treated like royally and with the utmost respect, she’s been missing out on experiencing, in what I call, the triune way of being loved, and that is spiritually, emotionally and intellectually.

I’m sure for many years, many of you who are reading this blog, have been deeply hurt and emotionally scarred by men who have let you down once you opened your heart. You were at first hesitant, less reluctant to give him the time and the day, but your past repeated self. I’m also sure many of you had been in relationships or you’re currently in one, and you feel like you’re being taken for granted, or the passion and love has withered away like leaves scorched by the blazing sun. You wondered if you’d ever experience the inner and external workings of being loved, of being happy, smiling genuinely before the world, in front of your friends and family. In this blog, I want to paint a picture of what is possible for you to experience, but seeking God first, understanding HIs timing, and patience is required of you. It’s time to stop setting for less.

Washing a woman’s feet is one way to let her know you think of her as royalty. This will surely put a smile on her face. There’s something spiritual, something sentimental, something deeply emotional and mentally stimulating when she’s see you kneel before her with her feet in the palm of your hand. The fact that you’re kneeling shows adoration, not worship. What you’re communicating to her without words is that you really love her and see her as the most important thing in your life, of course not next to God.

As her feet soaks in soothing warm water, her body is relaxed, her mind is free, her heart is receptive and her spirit is open to the way you wish to pamper her. With her feet in the palm of her hand, while circling the center of it, what you will do besides send her a tingling feeling up her spine, or moisten the obvious before you or couch her mind in the utter most parts of heaven in your relationship. And as you begin to wash her feet, your love for her will be felt deep down into her soul, bringing you two closer together than before. And while she’s enjoying this moment of unconditional love, she’s thinking of ways to return the favor, prayerfully with fingers crossed on each hand.

It is a man’s, a husband duty to treat his woman like royalty. Washing her feet is one way to show this. If you love her that much, it would be your priority to make her smile.

Stay tuned for Pt. II

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