Communication, Faith, friendship, Honesty, How to Find Love, love, Relationships

God’s Confirmation vs An Emotional High Pt.III

Two prayers I came to mind for you. One is for patience. The second is discernment. This idea literally came to mind. I thank God for His guidance in writing this blog.

I come to realize there’s a lack of patience with others. You know the saying–no one is perfect. Neither are you, therefore, practice patience with one another. Release your finger from the trigger of writing someone off. Breathe a little. Everyone has some type of character fault. I do. However, if you aren’t conscious of what you’re doing and someone points it out, and you’re sold on not doing anything about it, that’s an issue. Maybe God has to do a work within you before He releases you to love. But if you’re with someone who knows what their shortcomings are, and you see effort to change by the reading of the Word, prayer and fasting, practice patience. Ultimately, in all things, be led by God.

A prayer for patience:

Jesus, I love you. I want to become more like you. You are the perfect model and High Priest

Teach me your ways Lord. Change the things about me that makes loving me difficult and hard. Stir the fruit of patience inside of me.

Allow your love to rule in my soul, spirit, mind and heart. Renew my mind. Give me understanding of who you are, that I may become more who you are.

Help me to be patient with others. Help me to walk in purity, holiness, righteousness and love. It’s your name Jesus that I pray, amen!

Discernment is given to every believer who has the Holy Spirit living inside of him or her.

A prayer for discernment:

Father, increase my discernment. Help me to stay in tuned to your

Holy Spirit. Stir me in a way that I’ll stop to listen and wait to see to what you’re trying to reveal to me.

It’s in Jesus name that I pray, amen.

Red flags are always flaring, but you wouldn’t be able to see them if you’re sinking in your emotions. Emotions aren’t your enemy. Emotions are a gift from God. Whether good or bad, what you feel is the confirmation of something you need to know in the natural. They just have to be invested into someone or a relationship that’s in the will of God. That being said, when it comes to your love life, God confirms His will in two ways.

Confirmation in the natural

  1. Incompatible lifestyles

According to 2 Corinthians 6:14, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?”

Paul clearly points out why believers and unbelievers don’t work in a relationship. That includes a friendship too. Light and darkness can’t coexist. Believers in Christ often began relationships with someone of a different faith. This happens when the believer views Christ as a religious figure and Christianity as a religion. Christ is real person and Christianity is about having a relationship with Him. Entering a relationship with a believer who’s committed to being lukewarm can be troublesome too. As in, they have one foot softly planted in Christ and the other firmly stapled in the world.

Incompatibility leads to arguments and debates. Those arguments stem from contrary beliefs and understandings of the scripture. When you aren’t compatible, you will argue about the movies & TV shows you watch, music you listen to, books you read, places you go, what’s appropriate to wear and what you believe about the word of God. Christ wants us to live a life of purity, holiness and righteousness. Any opposite isn’t of God.  You must be careful of what and who you allow to speak into your spirit.

2.  Without respect, there’s no l-o-v-e.

When I speak with men about their relationship problems, I listen carefully to their concerns and all that’s taking place. As soon as I hear, “man, she curses at me, doesn’t answer my phone calls or texts. Or, she talking down to me or hanging out with another guy and refuses to tell me who’s she with.  I say yep, the respect is gone. When I talk to women about their relationship issues, it’s pretty much the same. The respect is totally out the door. Think about it for a second, would God send someone in your life that doesn’t respect you? I’m sorry, that’s not love. Exit left. Follow that arrow that points you back into the will of God.

3.     Rude, negative and pessimistic behavior is a mood, attraction and potential love killer. Underneath these toxic characteristics are deep emotional wounds. Healing is imperative before entering a relationship. When pain comes a part of who you are, it’s difficult for the light of Christ to shine through your personality. Instead of a loving, easy-going, confident, sure and stable person, you would exude an angry, frustrated, insecure, bitter and defensive.

4.  A Busybody is an unsettled spirit.

I may have an unpopular view on dating. I’m okay with that. I actually don’t believe in dating.  Neither am I sold on the tag of dating or serial dating. It’s unwise to go forth with someone without seeking God about it. If I’m really into a woman, I simply pray about her. Often times, I don’t have to. Given everything that I mention above, you’ll see why. People find themselves recovering from great disappointment and unpleasant breakups because they didn’t seek God’s confirmation. They became too caught up in their emotions and attached to what they feel and interpreted it as God’s confirmation. I’ve been there quite a few times.

It’s okay to develop a friendship and hang out as friend. It releases the pressure to perform. Praying before you push the pedal to the floor and swerving into all types of lanes is wise too. Lanes that lead into premature life planning and performing duties and making sacrifices that are reserved for a sacred, God ordained marriage. This is what I prayed the prayer of discernment for you. You too can have a direct line of communication with the Holy Spirit about your love life. You just have to be patient. Discontinue running fast into relationships for the sake that you can or you’re bored. Wait on the Lord and He will reveal His will.

5. I actually like you as a person.

Imagine having an argument with someone or a deep disagreement from the onset. The entire mood just got zipped up into a body bag. Yellow tape is everywhere and both of you are now taking a step back to examine the crime scene like CSI. What happened? Chemistry.

Chemistry is one element God uses to confirm His will in the natural. Yes, you will have disagreements with the love your life, but that doesn’t delete the history and the chemistry you have with each other. A strong friendship is a sign of that chemistry. Great, stimulating conversation too. The fact that you actually get along, like each other and always have something to talk about is a result of chemistry.

Part V is on the way. I’m trucking in the direction of confirmation in the spirit. Yes, God is spirit. We are made in His likeness, which means, yep, we’re spirit too

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Communication, Faith, friendship, Honesty, How to Find Love, inspiration, love, Love Again By Melvin Davis, Melvin Davis

5 Ways For a Man to Tell If You’re Equally Yoked with Him

A very familiar question I’m asked often is “so why are you single?” This is a question that has become a little redundant to hear and answer. In a way, I sort of anticipate the day I’m no longer asked. However, a week ago, I didn’t mind answering it. Why, because something changed within me.

While I was brainstorming and jotting ideas for the vision God has given me for ministry, something happened. Another vision had set in that would compliment the vision of ministry. As the pen stood still in my hand, I looked off to the side and saw a particular woman in my minds eye. I didn’t see an actual physical person, but I saw qualities that go beyond that. Whoever this woman is I believe God has set aside for me for a purpose. She’s chosen for me. Vice versa. This woman is special because I know I’ll find her equally yoked with me.

I want to talk about 5 ways for a man to tell if you’re equally yoked with him. I’m aware that I can’t speak for every man. We’re all different. I get that, but I’m describing below is basic essential for a healthy relationship. And yes, I know you’re thinking, “but you’re still single, how can you write blog about being equally yoked with someone? Well, I believe you can tell the same way you know someone isn’t the one for you.  You just know it. Your spirit doesn’t agree with that person–no matter how attractive, intelligent, spiritual and well put together they may be. Besides that, there’s a particular scripture that qualifies me to answer the question of how you can tell you’re equally yoked with someone.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”–Jeremiah 29:11

The woman I had a vision about is a Proverbs 31 woman. That’s a promise to me from God. I believe this by faith and I’m speaking her into existence. Perhaps you should do the same.

Here are 5 ways for a man to tell if you’re equally yoked with him.

  1. Acceptance and understanding of his purpose.

In part I of this blog, I mentioned that I didn’t see myself being with a woman who doesn’t understand or support my calling. By calling, I mean my life’s purpose or vocation if that word works a little better for you. I didn’t quite explain what my calling is, but I offered a variety of responses that I receive when I open up about it. I’ll share them again. These are a few responses I receive when I tell women I’m called to pastor, and writing is one medium God uses me to minister to others.

“That’s deep.” (My all-time favorite.)

“Oh, that’s nice.” (The modest, but indifferent response.)

“That’s great. I wish you success.” (Me, really?)

“Oh okay…nods head.” (I nod my head back feeling all the awkwardness in the world.)

“Oh really??????” (Yup…nodding my head)  *This is the fake super excited response.

“So you must really take your faith seriously?” (As if it’s like a hobby and not a lifestyle.)

“That would be too much pressure.” (Pressure? I feel the pressure already and I don’t think my ministry has begun. There are days I feel unqualified, inexperience and unworthy. Hey, I’m a man trying to live a life please to God.)

When I hear these responses, I don’t have to figure out if she’s the one or not. The work has already been done. The evidence is in the indifferent reactions. A good listening ear will take a long way.

The love of your life isn’t going to run away from your purpose. That person will fit in it. In my case, I understand some hesitance may be there. My is life dedicated to serving in the Kingdom of God, and not every woman can see living a Christ-like lifestyle. I believe, when two lives intersect, two worlds are merging into one. It’s God’s ultimate plan to bring two people together to walk the same path in a relationship with Him and each other.

Trust God, and watch Him make love happen in your life. That’s a promise.

Because there’s acceptance and understanding of his purpose, there’s another way a man gages you to tell if you’re equally yoked with him.

2. Spiritually compatibility.

I know this sounds cliché, but think of a relationship like rhythm in music. It’s harmonious. All the components that go into making a quality, good sound are working together to sit well with your ear and heart. This is how I see the woman that’s equally yoked with me.

Spiritual compatibility is the gelling of two spirits and souls dancing in rhythm, and projecting the same sound that lets you and the other person know, you found something special in one another.

If a woman has no desire to know God, the chances of a spiritual connection probably isn’t going to happen with him either. A man of God is looking for a woman of God. If your heart is moving in the direction of coming into a relationship with Christ, he sees hope in a “you and him.” He believes he could build something long lasting and special with you. He’s thinking, like myself, It would be an honor to play a role in her salvation or strengthening her walk with God: This is great, because while God is working on you, He’s unfolding a wonderful relationship before your eyes.

If the roles are reversed, as in the woman has the stronger relationship with God, it would be his desire to meet you where you’re at. He isn’t going to shy away or feel less of a man if you’re there spiritually and he’s not. His focus on building HIs relationship with God is on Him anyway, and he sees you as playing an important part in that. He sees a helpmate in you.

3. Great Communication and Honesty.

A man of God wants a woman who’s open and honest with him.

If the woman I’m with is afraid to communicate with me in open honesty and truth, let’s say for example, there are typos in this blog or in my novel, and I ask what she thought about it, and she says, “it was really good,” Houston, we have a problem. Love tells the truth from a place of honesty and sincerity.

I’m not expecting her to be an English teach as someone pointed out when I posted the excerpt above a week ago. I was halfway joking here. The point is to be straightforward and honest.

Let’s consider how Proverbs 31: 26 describes a woman that’s a great and honest communicator.

“She speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction is on her tongue.”

Wisdom is truth. Wisdom is also the ability to say something out of love and without fear.

Going back to the example of a woman pointing out the flaws in my work: Faithful instruction is her giving me the opportunity to correct what’s wrong, so that I could improve as a writer and present the best work possible. Or, if there were things I need to work on as a person, I would expect her to voice what they are. Trust me when I say this, a man values and appreciates a woman who speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction. He will  know it’s coming from a place of her love and respect. Equally important, he’ll know it’s coming from God. She is a helpmate that’s trying to help him.

4. She’s an excellent listener. Great Communication also translates into excellent listening skills.

Wisdom is to know when to listen.

Sometimes after posting  a devotional message, responding to prayer requests and inbox messages from others asking for spiritual or relationship advice–adding in listening to the concerns of others over the phone, I’m drained. Spiritually. Don’t misunderstand me. I enjoy this. I have a heart for people. I love helping others. Its my nature. I always welcome the opportunity to be used by God. However, I’m human too.

I’m not sure if people who are overly talkative are aware that someone may want them to just listen. There are moments when someone may want to pour into you or pray for them, but an extended hand or a listening ear isn’t offered—only 45 min’s to an hour worth of what’s on your mind when you do “talk.” When this happens to me, I’m repeating in my head, why is this happening. I’m sure he is too.

A proverbs 31 woman is a listening woman. I’m praying for a woman who can listen, and listen without the urge to get a word out. Talkers without the balancing of listening are anxious to get a word out, which means, they really aren’t listening. I know when this is happening lol ;). I’m a good listener and observer.

Listening seems so insignificant but can be detrimental to a relationship or friendship. Any nature of relationship involves exchange. Exchange also means listening.

Note: When a man is into you, you’ll come to discover an excellent listener in him. He’s in tuned into your tone voice, choice of words and how you convey them. He’s taking mental note of your facial expressions, how you move your hands when you talk, and other body language that suggest what kind of mood you’re in.  And if he’s really in tuned to you, he’ll know what’s your mind before you get a chance to tell him. He’ll know when to listen and do nothing else but listen or to offer you sound advice  of encourage. His empathy will increase your love for him.

5. Another way for a man to tell if you’re equally yoked with him, if the transition into a relationship is a smooth one.

 A relationship happens when you are equally yoked with someone

Reflecting on dating situations I was in, or getting to know someone, there were always something in a way that prevented a relationship from happening. Sometimes it was the woman I was interested in have other things going on or I had personal things in my life to focus on. I walked away thinking, “maybe the timing isn’t right.” Here’s what I’m alluding to.

When things are too difficult from the onset, that’s never a good sign. Yeah, I understand that no one is perfect, therefore a relationship doesn’t have a chance to be either. However, if there are challenges that has the power to take your focus off each other, perhaps bad timing is not the case here, it’s God saying this isn’t the person I want you to be with.

I believe that God’s timing is perfect in drawing two imperfect people together. In God’s timing, the transition into love is a smooth one. And if there are unforeseen challenges ahead or external circumstances currently going on, it’s not going to draw your attention off of each other. What’s happening will draw you closer to each other. Praying for and with each other, and being emotionally and spiritually present, is always a plus. You really have no idea what this can do for you.

In part II. B of Equally Yoked, I want to share a few characteristics that a woman should look for a man to tell if he’s match for you.

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Are You Seeking Love or Financial Security?

Finding someone who provides financial security doesn’t always translate into love. Often, the narrative is control, insensitivity and unfaithfulness once that person has you in their grasp. -Melvin Davis

There are both men and women in the dating scene with a particular approach and motive in mind of finding what they’re looking for in a relationship. Some are looking for love, absentminded of whether or not that person is financially secure. Love is all that matters to them and love can be experience when you’re at your best or worse. Then there’s the person who’s looking for love and someone who’s financially secure. This individual is more than likely financially stable, and having someone to take care of them is out of the question. They have everything that they need: A car and a house, a career and enough in their bank account to live comfortably. Having someone in their life whose financially stable creates sense of freedom for this person, and the focus can be on loving each other, hence the relationship, instead of whether or not you could afford to eat this restaurant or vacation, etc. They know that finances have ruined many relationships and marriages, so they want someone enter into a relationship with them who’s established financially. Then there’s the person who’s concluded that love doesn’t exist, and rightfully so in their minds if this is case:

The idea of finding true love appeared in close reach after they read a dreamy and passionate, a soul-felt and pure spirit filled poem or a blog that pitched overtones of hope of experiencing love one day. Or, maybe it was a song about love or a romantic movie about marriage that led them to feel that love was nearby. All of these outlets made them feel Mr. or Ms. Right was around the corner. But when they met that person who had all the qualities they were looking for, either that person wasn’t who they portrayed to be or decided they wasn’t ready for a relationship. At this point, their patience has run short. Frustration had taken a seat in their mind, and now they’re wiling to overlook physical attraction for personality or their relationship with God, or perhaps they’re willing to overlook all of these qualities for financial security. Since you can’t find an attractive, God-fearing person with a great personality, you still want the to live an extravagant lifestyle. You want what your favorite power couple has.

Here are a few question to consider as you continue to read along. Have you ever trusted God with your love life?

Finding someone who could finance your expensive lifestyle is a goal that’s in reach. You could manipulate your way into someone’s heart to get what you want by pretending you love that person. Or, you could forward with the relationship and ignore the feeling that you’re just as empty and unfulfilled inside. What you’ll probably have to negotiate in these kinds of relationships is your voice, having a say in important matters that could ultimately effect your peace and well-being, your living situation, your power, and sense of control. A relationship without a voice or a say in any important decision that could affect your life, or your living arrangement. That’s not a relationship at all. It’s called being someone’s eye candy or their object of self-gratification.

If you’re walking in God’s will, and seeking love without pursuing someone who’s in a particular financial bracket, I believe you will find love. Your approach and motives makes a difference. God loves you so much to send you someone lazy, who lacks ambition, and living life without purpose.

God is the one who’s control of all things, be he’s not going to force His way into your love life if your heart and mind is turned in a different direction, if you’re seeking financial security and not love. Remember, He’s given you free will, which means you have the power of choice, to make decisions with or without His input or intervention. You have to trust, have faith and confidence in God that you can experience love and financial security–both at the some time.

God created you to be dependent on him, so you can walk independently on earth. He’s given you a vision and a dream, a plan, will and purpose for your life. His will has everything you’re looking for. But, if you’re looking for love and financial security outside the will and timing of God, you’ll never experience the fullness of His blessing for your life. He didn’t create you to be dependent on another human being. He’s given you a gift that can provide and sustain yourself. And if you happen to meet someone who may have more than you in the bank, you’re not going to need that person. You will have your own. Seek the will of God and you will find love.

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Are You Seeking Love or Financial Security?

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