love

Single in Public. A Couple in Private

Some relationships are intentionally undefined for the option of having the benefits of it, but not the commitment.–Melvin Davis

Before I get into the message of this message, I pray that you seek God in love life. Who God has for and who you have mind may not align together.  Pray about that person before you get emotionally involve. The common mistake women make is mistaking good sex for love. Men often translate giving gifts to secure a relationship. Lust doesn’t translate into love and It sure isn’t a strong foundation to build a relationship on. Love can’t be purchased at a price. No matter how much you spend on a woman to buy her love, it can’t be bought. You are either renting her or giving her materialistic things instead of giving your time. A women of God isn’t moved by expensive gifts or any gifts if she can provide those things on her own and she knows the love is found in how much time a man spends with her. Quality time is when friendships are developed, respect and faithfulness is established, God is talked about as being first, which in sum, gives love a foundation to stand up on.

Your body is truly a temple. It’s where the Holy Spirit resides. He sends a message to your heart to let you know what’s not of the God the Father. That’s called conviction. God can do more with a heart set on pleasing him than willfully doing your own thing. I encourage you to wait until the day you say, “I do.” You will save yourself from unnecessary soul-ties, regrets and building the foundation of your relationship on premature intimacy. I know this is a challenge, but it’s worth undertaking. God keeps His word. He is not a liar.

Human behavior is intriguing. Through watching dating couples in public I can tell if they have just met, have been dating for a long time, or if they’re in or not in love. I could also see these things in married couples as well. I want o share five ways you can tell you are Single in Public.

1. Spacing

The space couples share between each other is significant. Too much distance sends a message to the person you’re with, and to the public, that you aren’t together. Intimacy is defined as “familiar” or “personal” or “private”. In a relationship, intimacy is an emotional and spiritual sacred connection you share with someone. You are familiar with that person because you intimately know each other. Sex is a form of intimacy, but it’s not the kind I’m talking about. A few synonyms of intimacy are nearness, closeness and inseparable. There’s a sense of warmness and closeness between two couples in public when they are in love. Affection is visible, even if it’s a stroke against the arm, a hand resting on the lower back or a kiss on the lips or the cheek . This is what intimacy looks like in public.

Too much distance, silence, a lack of chemistry and connectivity is either a sign of an emotional or spiritual disconnect. Or worse, the person doesn’t feel the same way you do. Confessing you are in a relationship in secret doesn’t suggest you are in public.

Too much distance is a negative.

2. Body Language.

Every person isn’t “mushy” in public. Some people are uncomfortable with PDA. For others, it takes time to arrive to this point. Another reason could be is self-consciousness.

 Interesting enough, some people or couples care about how they are perceived in public when they show affection. Some men don’t want to be perceived as weak or sensitive. They feel like PDA subtracts from their masculinity. There some women who don’t want to be viewed as clingy or insecure. These are some valid reasons for not showing affection in public.

However, when you are in love, nothing else outside of the sacred union of your relationship matters. You don’t care what others think or have to say about you. Better yet,  you are excited to show that person off. You This is you’re opportunity to share your testimony meeting that special person publicly. Unfortunately, there are dishonest people who are in relationships with God-fearing, faithful and passionately devoted people. Here are two examples that poor body language.

a. If you’re out at restaurant, a cafe, or somewhere sitting down or standing, and an attractive person walks in, and your significant other eyes shift and stay on that person, not only are they acknowledging  their physical attraction, but they’re signal of interest is non-verbally communicated. Or, and I’ve witnessed this happen a lot, a persons entire body will shift in the direction of the person they’re attracted or interested in.  They’re chest or head will slightly turn in their direction. This is simple an invitation communicated with body language. I’ve done this before and saw women respond that way to me. This kind of behavior happening in your relationship is  a no no.

 b. Hands and arms are close to the body.

Couples tend to hold hands in public or intertwine arms when they’re on the same page with each other. But when one person is unfaithful in their heart, their hands will be preoccupied with everything else except the person they’re with. Men will often stuff their hands in their pockets to demonstrate they are not with the woman they’re with. Women will fiddle in their purse. In 2015, both men and women will hop in their phone to respond to text and FB messages, etc. Distance is also created by stepping away.

3. An Improper Introduction.

There’s nothing more awkward and disappointing than meeting your significant friend (s), and you hear, this is _insert name___ , instead of this is my boy or girlfriend, fiancé.  If you’re simply introduced by name without the title, you may want to question the authenticity of your relationship.

There really isn’t an excuse of introducing your significant other by their name only. Love is not absentminded. Love means that you put the person love first. Of course, not above God. When that person is first in your life, they are a priority. You’re always thinking of them. You are thinking of them in private and in public. Being relationship conscious communicates that you are in love. When you are in love, the person you’re introducing significant should know they are more than just a friend.

4.  Flirting

I’m sure you heard the saying, “this is a part of my personality. I’m flirtatious.” Well, there’s a difference between being outgoing, and “friendly” vs flirting. I’m more than glad to break it down for you. I mention earlier love is mindful. Love is also respectful

Given the mindfulness and respect you have for the love of your life, you are aware of how you interact with the opposite sex. It  means you are conscious that  certain behaviors,  interactions and  conversations (in person,  on social media, via text or over the phone) are no longer acceptable.

The absence of respect and mindfulness results to flirting. Flirting unveils that you don’t appreciate the person you’re with and value the relationship you have with them. Flirting furthermore indicates you single and available to entertain someone outside of the relationship. Firing lets the other person know they have a chance.

5. Public Indifference.

It’s amazing how couples treat each other in public. Couples who are truly in love are extremely comfortable in public. They’re very much playful, communicative, affectionate , transparent and respectful. You could literally sense the genuine love they have for each other. Another way to tell if you’re single in public is public indifference.

Public indifference is an opportunity for a significant other to create a riff or conflict to kill PDA . Arguments in public is an excuse to be cold, distant and indifferent so you don’t have to stand near, hold hands or talk.

If these are behaviors of you’ve witnessed in your relationship, its take to pray and have that talk. It’s no a good feeling to feel you are only a couple in private. It’s not fair to you. I pray that you make the wise decisionl

 

Advertisements
Standard
love

Identifying Someone You’re Not Equally Yoked With, The Introduction

In 2014, it’s becoming more and more difficult to find love. We live in a wave of a “carefree,” “go with the flow” attitude. I would think by the time you approach your late 20’s or early 30’s, that attitude would be abandoned. Unfortunately, that’s not the case. Who has time to waste? Anyhow, the carefree, go with the flow attitude means this: “I’m going to date whoever I want to date, although I know you have sincere intentions of being monogamous with me.” If you haven’t come across that person, you may meet the broken wing. This is a person who recently exited a relationship. They’re hurt and broken, but feel a sense of liberation and freedom now that they’re single. The excitement of being back on the market propels them to relive what it feels like to be single again. In other words, it’s time to have “fun” and “to see what’s out there.” This is okay for them, but you have to take charge of your well-being. The result of encountering this person also leads to uncertainty, like the carefree; go with the flow type of person. Their emotions are pulling them in all kinds of different weird directions. Well, maybe weird isn’t a good choice of word. Let’s just say, they’re dealing with the past of who they were with, while trying to remain faithful to their healing process, with great potentials darting their way. It’s about variety and choice here. However, properly healing isn’t in the forefront of their minds.  Practice caution with this person.  You don’t know if they’ll return to the relationship they just left, or if they’re going out with 2 of 3 different people days or worse, sleeping with someone else while entertaining you. Step way. It’s a cold world out there.  Is there any wrong with the broken wing person?  Not necessarily. Who hasn’t experienced brokenness? But, in order to find and experience true love, you have to do it God’s way. Your heart should be turned toward him instead of dating someone else.

Pressure mounts up to find someone you can experience love and life with as time passes. You start to think do you have to settle for the sake of not being alone, even if that means putting up with someone who’s unfaithful to you or will treat you like an option.  If this person is you, come back for the second installment of Identifying Someone You’re Unequally Yoked With. I have a message for you. You don’t have to settle. You don’t have to be anyone’s option. You can stay course of waiting on God to send you someone beautiful and something meaningful. While you’re positioning yourself to find love, I want to share few points that will help you avoid disappointment in the next blog.

Standard
love

Something about Her

The thought of her is never force down on to paper.

She is the romantic period in this 21st century.

She is suitable like honey is to tea.

A whiff of her spirit is of the finest fragrance: Soft and alluring.

The aesthetic of her being came into existence by the breath of God.

I am made for her.

And she is the perfect gift that stops me from looking any further

She’s everything she needs to be for me.

If she gives me a chance by letting me into her heart, I’ll pluck strings she never knew she had

Her eyes would reflect the blue skies and the brilliance of white clouds in heaven

Her skin would glow like the streets of pure gold

Her hair would shine like the harp in the angels hand

I want to be the reason you glow.

I whispered selah into her ears, but I’m not done

I give you my heart to search

In it, you’ll find  my devotion and faithfulness toward you

Would you back off, because what you discovered, does exist?

Would you tell me I’m too good to be true, and settle for what doesn’t match your love or speaks your love language?

I am the man who wants to master you. I want a doctoral  degree in you. I want to speak and love you fluently

You have my attention

Standard

I rather capture your heart and mind than catch your eye.-Melvin Davis

 

When you haven’t experienced a deeper level of love, physical attraction speaks in high volumes, and is first over the underlying important tangibles that sustain love. Love is more than just physical attraction. I’m not suggesting that it doesn’t matter. The reality is that good looks don’t always translate into love, faithfulness or respect. More often, it’s the opposite. When you experienced a deeper and greater depth of beauty in someone else, your definition and views of attraction expands. It changes and evolves into something more realistic, mature and meaningful.

A spiritual, soulful connection is more powerful than physical attraction. There’s something ethereal about a spiritual, soulful connection. Imagine looking at a book without words. The page is bare, yet you could feel something surging inside of you that sing the tune of your heart. And that escorts your spirit to tropical islands and into heavenly realms. You can’t see the words, yet you feel them. You can’t see the words, yet you see the image that’s being painted in your mind. It’s perfect. A masterpiece. A spiritual, soulful connection works the same way. You could sit in each other’s presence, and communicate without words; touch without holding hands, because the love that’s nettling you two closer together resides under the coat of your skin.

I rather capture a woman’s heart and mind, now to add, spirit than her eye. Physical attraction withers away everyday, and an unforeseen freak accident could happen. If I won her over good looks, well, there’s go her interest and the relationship. But if she found beauty in my heart, mind and spirit, I know she’ll stay. I’ve found a Proverbs 31 kind of woman.

Stay tuned for another upcoming short blog called The Beauty of Imperfections  

love

A Deeper Attraction

Image
Communication, Faith, friendship, Honesty, How to Find Love, inspiration, love, Love Again By Melvin Davis, marriage, Melvin Davis, New Contemporary Romance, New Kindle Books, Patience, poetry, Relationships, romance, Romance/Love

You Will Find What You Lost

Yesterday I stopped by a store to return an auto part that I didn’t need for my car. As I stood in line, waiting patiently to make the return, I noticed how kind and friendly the cashier was. I knew she had a heart of joy, but I also noticed something else about her.

During the transaction we began talking. I don’t quite remember how we ended up talking about how she found $ 280 on a windy day in the parking lot. She said what was interesting about the money on the ground is that it didn’t fly away. It flapped, but the corner of the money was stuck to the ground. She went inside and let her employee’s know she found money, and that she was going to let the store manager know. They thought she was crazy for doing that. Anyone who finds money on the ground would probably look around to see if anyone dropped it, but after, they’re pocketing that money. I know you have. I have before…just being honest. The cashier said she didn’t feel right. “It’s not mine. It doesn’t belong to me,” she reiterated to me.

“God, I pray you send that person back to me who lost this money,” she said she prayed. She goes on to say she felt sorry for the person who the money “They probably need it.” Later on, someone called to the store and explained that they lost money. The person was crying on the other end of the phone, because he was unemployed, and that he needed it for his family. She calmed the guy down, and told him she has his money. “It will be here,” she reassured him.  “Don’t worry. I have it for you.”

As soon as he walked through the store, she instantly knew it was him. She gave him the money and he offered her $20 but she refused to take it. “It’s your money,” she told the guy. “You don’t owe me anything.” The guy was a little upset that she didn’t take what he offered her, but here’s what happened to the casher a few days later. 

She found $20 outside on the ground. The money was stuck to the pavement the same way she found the $280. There was no one insight. She picked it up, knowing in her heart, it was God blessing her with $20. This was the same amount she refused to take from the guy. A few days later, she saw $20 on the floor. There was a gentleman in sight. She thought it belonged to him, and asked if it was. He replied no. She knew then, it was God blessing her with another $20. As you can see, she received double for returning something that belong to her. What do you have that doesn’t’ belong to you? Maybe you’re in a relationship with someone you know is not the one for you. Maybe you’re entertaining someone with the same feeling. Let them go. I thanked her for sharing this story. I told her” you just inspired my devotional message today. Here’s my message.

There are something’s you felt you lost in life. May it was a relationship. Perhaps you weren’t quite mature at the time to handle one. Maybe you were faithful and devoted to someone, but they were unfaithful to you. I thought this person was the one. Maybe you loved someone who passed away. You felt you were cheated, and grew angry at God. That’s understandable. Maybe it was a career opportunity that slipped away from you from some odd reason. Maybe it was a friendship, a house or a car. Whatever it was that you lost, I want you to know, you will find it again. From the perspective of the gentleman who dropped $280 on the ground, he found what he lost. I’m sure he was praying as he grew worry and stressed about the money he had, but God touched the cashier heart to hold what belong to him. What God has for you isn’t going anywhere. And from the perspective of the cashier, her honesty, good heart and obedience, earned her double. I have no idea what kind of situation that you’re in, but maybe you aren’t being honest with someone about how you feel or where you see the relationship going. Trade places for a moment. What if someone left you out in the dark about how they felt and saw you? Would you want to continue on another day, week, month or year, out- of- the- know? Be honest with the person. Let them know the truth about how you feel and how you see them. You aren’t being “mean” or “hurting” them. You’re freeing them. You could truly find the love of your life, and so could they, by being honest. Do yourself and that person a favor, and let go. 

Remember, you will find what you lost. God is preserving it for you. Trust Him.

Standard

An Open Letter to My Future Wife

love

An Open Letter to My Future Wife

Image

Are You Seeking Love or Financial Security?

Finding someone who provides financial security doesn’t always translate into love. Often, the narrative is control, insensitivity and unfaithfulness once that person has you in their grasp. -Melvin Davis

There are both men and women in the dating scene with a particular approach and motive in mind of finding what they’re looking for in a relationship. Some are looking for love, absentminded of whether or not that person is financially secure. Love is all that matters to them and love can be experience when you’re at your best or worse. Then there’s the person who’s looking for love and someone who’s financially secure. This individual is more than likely financially stable, and having someone to take care of them is out of the question. They have everything that they need: A car and a house, a career and enough in their bank account to live comfortably. Having someone in their life whose financially stable creates sense of freedom for this person, and the focus can be on loving each other, hence the relationship, instead of whether or not you could afford to eat this restaurant or vacation, etc. They know that finances have ruined many relationships and marriages, so they want someone enter into a relationship with them who’s established financially. Then there’s the person who’s concluded that love doesn’t exist, and rightfully so in their minds if this is case:

The idea of finding true love appeared in close reach after they read a dreamy and passionate, a soul-felt and pure spirit filled poem or a blog that pitched overtones of hope of experiencing love one day. Or, maybe it was a song about love or a romantic movie about marriage that led them to feel that love was nearby. All of these outlets made them feel Mr. or Ms. Right was around the corner. But when they met that person who had all the qualities they were looking for, either that person wasn’t who they portrayed to be or decided they wasn’t ready for a relationship. At this point, their patience has run short. Frustration had taken a seat in their mind, and now they’re wiling to overlook physical attraction for personality or their relationship with God, or perhaps they’re willing to overlook all of these qualities for financial security. Since you can’t find an attractive, God-fearing person with a great personality, you still want the to live an extravagant lifestyle. You want what your favorite power couple has.

Here are a few question to consider as you continue to read along. Have you ever trusted God with your love life?

Finding someone who could finance your expensive lifestyle is a goal that’s in reach. You could manipulate your way into someone’s heart to get what you want by pretending you love that person. Or, you could forward with the relationship and ignore the feeling that you’re just as empty and unfulfilled inside. What you’ll probably have to negotiate in these kinds of relationships is your voice, having a say in important matters that could ultimately effect your peace and well-being, your living situation, your power, and sense of control. A relationship without a voice or a say in any important decision that could affect your life, or your living arrangement. That’s not a relationship at all. It’s called being someone’s eye candy or their object of self-gratification.

If you’re walking in God’s will, and seeking love without pursuing someone who’s in a particular financial bracket, I believe you will find love. Your approach and motives makes a difference. God loves you so much to send you someone lazy, who lacks ambition, and living life without purpose.

God is the one who’s control of all things, be he’s not going to force His way into your love life if your heart and mind is turned in a different direction, if you’re seeking financial security and not love. Remember, He’s given you free will, which means you have the power of choice, to make decisions with or without His input or intervention. You have to trust, have faith and confidence in God that you can experience love and financial security–both at the some time.

God created you to be dependent on him, so you can walk independently on earth. He’s given you a vision and a dream, a plan, will and purpose for your life. His will has everything you’re looking for. But, if you’re looking for love and financial security outside the will and timing of God, you’ll never experience the fullness of His blessing for your life. He didn’t create you to be dependent on another human being. He’s given you a gift that can provide and sustain yourself. And if you happen to meet someone who may have more than you in the bank, you’re not going to need that person. You will have your own. Seek the will of God and you will find love.

love

Are You Seeking Love or Financial Security?

Image