love

Making Sure the Door is Closed: Moving on from Your Ex or Your Heart Desire Pt. I

I’ve shared some personal details about my love life with the intent of helping myself heal through my trying moments in life and to let others know they aren’t the only ones that struggle with loneliness and being patient for true love. I’m no way conceited when I say this: Women say to me, “you’re a good-looking guy with his head on straight, why are you single?  Here are three answers: 1) A lot women aren’t honest and straightforward. They usually are talking to someone else on the side or haven’t gotten over their last relationship while trying to pursue something new. I don’t think it’s right to pursue someone because you find someone attractive 2. Some women don’t know who they are, which is fine. We all come into our own at different points in life, but I can’t take the risk of dating someone who may come to the conclusion, that after we invested time into getting to know each other and have committed to a relationship, that she needs to see what’s “out there.” Being single is your opportunity to know who you are, although we may find ourselves out of a hurtful or wonderful relationship. 3. It’s simply not my time (instructions from on high.)

I few months ago I blogged about how I got over the woman I was in love with, the woman who practically inspired many of my poems, blog posts, and some of my novel. The pain from our friendship ending drove me to God. I did get over her, at least I thought I did, until a month ago: sometimes we force our minds to believe we’re over something or someone when our heart is not.

Advertisements
Standard
love

When you know who you are and love who you are, you know what you have to offer in a relationship. The former and the latter will give you insight to see who can and who cannot appreciate or comprehend your value. Continue to be patient. –Melvin Davis

When you know who you are…

Quote
love

The Inspiration Behind My Writing

Creativity is a gift; a thing without shape. It’s the spirit of inspiration. The experiences we acquire throughout life is the flesh, the thing that makes the inspiration real, felt once it’s created. –Melvin Davis

If this blog post burns any bridge between any potential lover and I, aware and unaware, then so be it. When I write, I can’t help but to be candid and honest. It’s what aim for as an aspiring novelist. Whether a writer chooses to disclose what inspires them to write is their choice. I’m a man of empathy: what I love about writing is being able to have a spiritual, intellectual and emotional connection with my readers. I want them to feel what I feel and see what I see whatever it is that I’m writing.

Subliminally, in many of my blogs and poems, except the borderline erotic ones, I’ve hinted to who inspires me to write. Note: the poems I write that are erotic, never comes from a place of lust, but from a place of expressing how I would engage my future wife. But I understand the difficulty for many religious and “holy” people to discard lovemaking, openly, from their conversation.  Of course, if I were married, or seriously courting someone or dating, the intimacy of what she and I would share would no be up for entertainment. Lovemaking is a sacred. I totally agree. My borderline erotic poems are sincere creative sacred expressions. Not trash. But back to the point: I never envision expressing myself through words and being this quite transparent. As a child, I was very imaginative and creative. I enjoyed drawing however in my adulthood life, drawing left my creative landscape. Words and images have become my medium from which I express myself artistically but there’s someone I met sometime ago, in addition to studying philosophy and a breakup that really influenced my writing.

There are some people we meet in life that will have a long lasting impact on us. There was a woman I met about two years ago. Instantly I felt something strong about her. She had beauty that extended with balance: physically, intellectually, and spiritually. She had a wonderful personality. All of those things I saw and discerned in her were gathered from conversation. Long story short: If you have read my blogs on being patient for love, seeking your purpose before seeking love, you’ll see where the inspiration from those blogs come from: my impatience and lack of self-love ruined the friendship this special woman and I had.

Since then, a great deal of time had passed. I’m not same person she met two years ago. What still remains the same are the feelings I have for her. Trust me when I say this, and I’ve actually share this with her while we were friends: I tried praying my feelings away because I didn’t have the patience to let whatever was going to unfold, unfold. Yes, I’ve dated other women since then. A good portion I shall say, but not with hopes of getting over her, instead to prove to others and myself that could move on and be open to love coming from someone else. In other words, the world didn’t stop because of what I felt and feel for her. But besides having feelings for her, God tells me to focus Him and writing and to be patient for love. So here I am, single and not involved with anyone.

Since the feelings I have for her continue to stay, subconsciously, my mind and my heart transcends thoughts and feelings for her into art. The height of feeling the way I did and do for her inspires to me write about love because I am still in love with her. In a way, a part of me wonders would I write with such passion, with such transparency and vulnerability. If I were to no longer feel what I feel for her or desire her, would I still write the way I do about love? To be honest, I don’t have an answer for that question. Even when the pain was there, when I couldn’t forgive myself for my mistakes, I still wrote with passion. It’s interesting how when our friendship ended, I began writing my novel and going through my personal and spiritual transformation that was need to mold and shape a better me.

I will not say her name out of respect and for her privacy; she is the inspiration behind my writing. In fact, my love for her inspired me to write poetry. The first poem I ever wrote was, This is What She Do Me. I gave her this poem and she enjoyed. Said she would frame it. That feeling felt good, but what really touched me was that she appreciated the words I used to paint a picture of how I perceived and felt about her. I believe any artist would like to have their work understood, felt and appreciated.

I don’t know how this feeling for her would last or would change if I met someone else. Either way, I’d still write with passion and vigor. So until then, I’m going to harness all the inspiration I can about her to paint portraits with words.

Standard
love

She is the Inspiration Behind My Writing

No matter how long it’s been since I talked to you thoughts of you never remain distant

Your presence, your smile, your laugh, your hair, your skin, your spirit, your ambition, your work ethic, all of who you are inspired me to write This is What You Do To Me

I continue to ask myself, “Who are you? And where did you come from?” You left footprints on my heart that no one could erase after I open up to them

“Would you erase them?”

Pink fingernail polish you wore me at my request. You put the biggest smile on my face

Being in your presence alone aroused the better than me

No thoughts of lust you, only ones pure in spirit

I want to love you God’s way

The impact you left on me inspires me to write about love because I am still in…

How could I confess such words not hearing from you in so long?

What do I hope? Why do I dream? Why do I still pray? Why do I still think of you?

I tried to let go, but my heart is indifferent

If I never hear your voice again or lay eyes on your beauty, I have no regrets approaching you

The impact you had on my life helped me to discover my gift in writing, helped me to develop a stronger and more intimate relationship with God

Heck, you birthed a novel out of me

I wonder what how I would write if the thought and feeling of you cease to exist

But that day hasn’t come yet and what I feel is like a stubborn stain that refuses to come, so I write with passion unapologetically

You are my inspiration

Standard
love

How to Win Your Woman Back Pt. II

The faith you have in having another chance with this special woman must match the level of patience. So if your faith is great, so must your patience be. You have to be patient enough to allow God to ordain the time and place of when you will cross paths with her again. Getting involved in divine affairs will only cause delays and further disappointment.  Practice patience, and here’s why in the next step.

6. While you’re being patient for God to intervene on your behalf, ask Him to order your steps to her. Maybe the woman of your life doesn’t reside in the same state as you. Maybe she does, but whatever the case is, because she’s emotionally disconnected from you, you have to find your way back into her heart. This will not be an easy task. Only God can undo the wrong done. Only He can soften the heart of a woman to give you another chance. God has to reconstruct her perception by showing her you’re not the same man she knew before. God is granting you grace and mercy by her acceptance of you back into her life.

7. After you ask God to order your steps back into her life, He will clear the path for that to happen. But here’s something you should be mindful of.  I’m sorry but you can’t have other women on the side while trying to rekindle what was or what could be for the first time. You’re setting yourself up to failure. Any intelligent woman can detect if there’s someone else in the picture whether she articulates the unspoken truth or not. A woman’s intuition never lies. As I reflect over the past months or even year, I’ve met some women along the way, but God disconnected me from them and reminded me to be patient if I wanted to meet the woman He’s set aside for me. This message of being patient not only came from within, but it also came from countless strangers in conversation. The path has been cleared for me. Life is guiding me in a different direction now. One I never anticipated. God has cleared the distractions out of my life so that I can journey to a new place emotionally and mentally free and open and ready for love. Stay tuned for my next blog “I’m Ready for Love.”

Note: When God begins to move distractions out of your life, He’s clearing the path for what’s meant to be, so don’t take it personal when “friends” and “potential” love interest cut you off. This will happen by design. You have to be ready and prepared when God moves that special lady back into your life.

Thus far, I have focused on spiritual aspect of aligning yourself with the woman of your dreams. It’s time to switch gears now. These last three steps will require courage of you. Again, if you know deep down in your heart this woman is not the one for you, don’t bother to read further. If so, you’ll be fine. Continue reading. When God clears the path for you, you’re on your way to have a heart to heart conversation with her, a window of opportunity for you to win her back.

8. Be willing to embarrass yourself. On Facebook I quoted: “You know a man loves you if he’s willing to embarrass himself to get you back.” Someone made the comment on the contrary. However, any man like me, who is passionate about something or someone, will go the extreme to do whatever it takes to have it. I don’t care if it requires taking a hard hit at my pride. You have to ask yourself the question: Am I willing to embarrass myself to get her back? If you have to stand up on a table and make a public announcement to let her know how serious you are about her, then do so. If she decides to give you another chance, and she has some, let’s say, special requirements for you to follow, be wiling to abide by those rules. God bless you if she asks you she smash cake on your face out in public and repeat “I promise not to mess up again,” More power to you if that’s her request.

Note: Women are visual, and again, emotional. Creating a scene that would resonate one of a movie in her mind will do some justice. However, she will be immensely moved by originality and sincerity.

9. Again, be patient. Just because she reopens the line of communication between you and her doesn’t necessarily mean that she’s given you her heart: During this time of being patient, she actually waiting to see if all your actions and words were genuine. She also wants to see if you’re willing to really develop a friendship with her without any kind of intimacy—strictly friendship. Discipline will be required of you here. If she places you in the friend zone for six months to a year, so be it. Putting a time frame on what decision she should or shouldn’t make is unfair. Remember, you messed up. You have to follow her rules until you earned a seat in her heart. If she’s worth it, waiting should not be a problem if you love her that much.

10. Be Transparent and Communicative: You availing yourself like an open book will give her the opportunity to examine all of you—parts she didn’t see or wanted to see before. Transparency and communication will rebuild that bride of trust again. She needs to trust you before she can open up again.

Note: Your strength and attractiveness to a woman not only resides in your physical makeup or personality, but also in your ability to be transparent and communicative. Women love men who are transparent and can communicate.

11. Make a commitment to be faithful: The time you taken to focus on you and your relationship with God while you let go of the situation with the woman you’re in love with, in addition to all the leadership and spiritual qualities God was instilling in you, He was also preparing you to be a faithful lover. You see, when God takes something away from you, and you go without it for months or even years, He’s helping you to see how valuable she was to you when you had her in your life. He’s also teaching you how to be faithful to Him, so that faithfulness to Him will transition over into your faithfulness to her.

Note: When you’re being unfaithful to the woman God has given you; you’re being unfaithful to Him. When you look at her, you should see God because she was made in His image. Keeping this in mind will encourage you to love her in a way that you never knew you could love.

After God gives you a second chance with her, give thanks. By giving thanks to God, you’re acknowledging this wouldn’t have been possible without Him. By giving thanks, you’re also reminding yourself to keep Him first. By giving thanks, you’re reminding yourself, to never again, take her for granted.

If you apply these steps to your situation, if things still didn’t turn out the way you expected, you still gained something. You now have a stronger relationship with God, and you’re a whole and complete man that knows what it takes to have a successful relationship.

As always, thanks for your time and reading.

Please leave comments and share with whomever you feel may benefit from my blog.

Standard
love

Why I’m Not Looking for Love? Pt. V

There’s no easy way of getting over someone you’re in love with. The feelings you have for them have to run it’s course or either they will stay until purpose sets you free. –Melvin Davis

Maybe about a month ago I blogged about how I was finally over the woman I met two years and and how I was open to the possibility of finding love from someone else. When our friendship ended, I tried just that: dating here and there to see if something meaningful would cultivate, but love failed to happen– mainly because, I couldn’t see myself being with them. I would take a step back, and focused on the self, my novel, and where I felt God leading me. And after going through some serious personal and spiritual transformation, and moving back into the same area where I met that special woman, I felt that I would be ready to love again. But lo and behold, I wasn’t. A test I thought I taken and passed a year and a half ago was only prep coarse for the test I would actually take when I moved back to Virginia.

Fast forward: After I moving back to Virginia, I returned with no expectations—just open to what life would unfold for me. But in the back of my mind I wondered what If I crossed paths with the woman I was and still am in love with. What would I say to her? What if I saw her with another man? Would that have made me regret the move to begin with? And trust me when I say this: I checked and rechecked my motives for moving back to Virginia. I moved back with the thought in mind that I’d never see her again or her being with another man. But I knew I was led by divine direction. Well, five months had passed, and still I haven’t seen or heard from her. So I told my mind, let her go, focused on the prospects of a writing career, and allow love to come from somewhere else. I did just that, but the same results repeated itself: I couldn’t see myself with the women I’ve been romantically involved with until recently.

I met someone that I couldn’t myself see being with at first, because our perspectives about faith collided. She also offered a few words that felled by the waist side of hope, because was reality as she saw it. Yes artist do struggle to find their way into success, but I am a man of faith. And God never gifts or calls someone to do something they would fail at: If you read my latest poem. Something I Need to Do, you’ll know exactly where I’m coming from 😉 So I started to open myself up this person I met, and to be honest, I started to like enough to want to spend time with her, but my intuition didn’t not release me to fully avail myself to her. I felt something was wrong, too good to be true—until tonight I learned she reconnected with someone else. Now you see where the inspiration from this blog comes from.

I’m not looking for love because I’m still in love with the woman I met two years ago. And trust me when I say this, I tried to pray my feelings away for her and I tried to convince myself that I was over her, and I thought I convince myself that was, but I lied to you, as well as myself.

I believe there’s something telling me to not give up, and there could be several reason as to why: My desire for her has brought me closer to God, strengthen my prayer life, and made me a better man and influenced 97% of my writings, including my first novel, Unconditionally Yours, which is currently being edited. Yes, she’s the kind of woman that had such an effect on me. But what’s a man to do when he encounters such a beautiful person inside and out. He’s left to surrender his pride, open his heart to take a chance at being hurt. I would do it again if I felt that strongly about someone else.

I’m not looking for love because God is telling me to wait, to be patient. My recent encounter with the recent woman proven to be failed one. She lied when I gave her the opportunity to be honest. Trust has been broken, and I doubt if I could ever trust her again. This disappointment was a result of me opening a door that should of stay closed before when I receiving signs about something else. I’m sorry, but I have to leave that story out.

I’m not looking for love because my heart is another place. I have to make this statement unapologetically, because it’s the truth of what I feel—despite other potential love interest.  But although my heart still desires her, I’m not foolish enough to ignore prospects. I can only offer a friendship. It’s their decision to be friends with a man who heart desires to be held in another hand. She’ll have to ask herself am I worth the way. And if the answer is no, I’ll understand why.

Standard
love

Love, a cappella

Warm water chest high, drops of water fell from her hands as they rested perfectly around my face

Kisses on my soft lips, her eyes communicated to me, “all this for me”

“Yes,” were the sincere words the sincere that slide off my tongue

She laughs because she knows I know her all too well

She is one with me

Sublime beauty lay bare before my eyes. “You’re beautiful than ever,” I said

She smiled but the lovemaking that knocked on her emotions, deep into her spirit, summoned her undivided attention

Knees planted on sheer sheets, her being rendered unto mine

My eyes read “I’m going to make love to you”

My face left her soft lips, and moved to the teat, in harmony

Pluck after pluck, her mouth open but no words came forth

Kisses around navel, her back arched like a bow

The love in my spirit communicated to her, “I’m going to make love to you”

Gated parted

Such dabs warranted gentle moans, but no words came forth

Cherries and strawberries never tasted so good. I know my wife

My soft lips touch her again as I entered a warm home to lay next to a fireplace

Her mouth parted, no words came forth, but tears flowed from thine pretty eyes

Cuddled in sheets, her back felt the warmth of my chest

Her hands clenched onto mine because I was her security

I whispered “I love you,” and concluded the evening with a kiss on soft shoulders

Standard