love

Why I’m Not Looking for Love? Pt. V

There’s no easy way of getting over someone you’re in love with. The feelings you have for them have to run it’s course or either they will stay until purpose sets you free. –Melvin Davis

Maybe about a month ago I blogged about how I was finally over the woman I met two years and and how I was open to the possibility of finding love from someone else. When our friendship ended, I tried just that: dating here and there to see if something meaningful would cultivate, but love failed to happen– mainly because, I couldn’t see myself being with them. I would take a step back, and focused on the self, my novel, and where I felt God leading me. And after going through some serious personal and spiritual transformation, and moving back into the same area where I met that special woman, I felt that I would be ready to love again. But lo and behold, I wasn’t. A test I thought I taken and passed a year and a half ago was only prep coarse for the test I would actually take when I moved back to Virginia.

Fast forward: After I moving back to Virginia, I returned with no expectations—just open to what life would unfold for me. But in the back of my mind I wondered what If I crossed paths with the woman I was and still am in love with. What would I say to her? What if I saw her with another man? Would that have made me regret the move to begin with? And trust me when I say this: I checked and rechecked my motives for moving back to Virginia. I moved back with the thought in mind that I’d never see her again or her being with another man. But I knew I was led by divine direction. Well, five months had passed, and still I haven’t seen or heard from her. So I told my mind, let her go, focused on the prospects of a writing career, and allow love to come from somewhere else. I did just that, but the same results repeated itself: I couldn’t see myself with the women I’ve been romantically involved with until recently.

I met someone that I couldn’t myself see being with at first, because our perspectives about faith collided. She also offered a few words that felled by the waist side of hope, because was reality as she saw it. Yes artist do struggle to find their way into success, but I am a man of faith. And God never gifts or calls someone to do something they would fail at: If you read my latest poem. Something I Need to Do, you’ll know exactly where I’m coming from 😉 So I started to open myself up this person I met, and to be honest, I started to like enough to want to spend time with her, but my intuition didn’t not release me to fully avail myself to her. I felt something was wrong, too good to be true—until tonight I learned she reconnected with someone else. Now you see where the inspiration from this blog comes from.

I’m not looking for love because I’m still in love with the woman I met two years ago. And trust me when I say this, I tried to pray my feelings away for her and I tried to convince myself that I was over her, and I thought I convince myself that was, but I lied to you, as well as myself.

I believe there’s something telling me to not give up, and there could be several reason as to why: My desire for her has brought me closer to God, strengthen my prayer life, and made me a better man and influenced 97% of my writings, including my first novel, Unconditionally Yours, which is currently being edited. Yes, she’s the kind of woman that had such an effect on me. But what’s a man to do when he encounters such a beautiful person inside and out. He’s left to surrender his pride, open his heart to take a chance at being hurt. I would do it again if I felt that strongly about someone else.

I’m not looking for love because God is telling me to wait, to be patient. My recent encounter with the recent woman proven to be failed one. She lied when I gave her the opportunity to be honest. Trust has been broken, and I doubt if I could ever trust her again. This disappointment was a result of me opening a door that should of stay closed before when I receiving signs about something else. I’m sorry, but I have to leave that story out.

I’m not looking for love because my heart is another place. I have to make this statement unapologetically, because it’s the truth of what I feel—despite other potential love interest.  But although my heart still desires her, I’m not foolish enough to ignore prospects. I can only offer a friendship. It’s their decision to be friends with a man who heart desires to be held in another hand. She’ll have to ask herself am I worth the way. And if the answer is no, I’ll understand why.

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Single, but I’m Struggling to be Patient for Love: How Can I Overcome My Impatience? Pt. II

Perception is not the truth of your reality, but it can be if you interpret what’s in front of you as so.–Melvin Davis

Those who are impatient for love view the single life as punishment, as if they have been singled out to watch their friends enter new and exciting relationships or perhaps get engaged, or see others jump the broom. I could totally understand how seeing others around you experience love may make you feel a little sad, a bit anxious and maybe create a tune of melancholy in the soundtrack of your life, but these emotions don’t have to be a part of your reality.

In part I of this blog, I pointed out after my “friendship” ended with the woman I was in love with, it was only then I began to undergo the changes that were necessary for my personal and spiritual growth, as well as advancing in my understanding about women, unconditional/love, relationships and marriage. But more importantly, how I perceived being single. At times, in passing, I would come across couples enjoying each other’s company. I didn’t become jealous but I frequently asked the question, “why not me?” After asking this question several times, I arrived to the conclusion I can experience what I see, but first, my perception of being single needed to change, which will further help me understand what it truly means to be patient.

Note: By definition, patience means to wait for something without definitively knowing when it will arrive. Knowing this definition alone to develop patience or to be patient for something isn’t just enough to acquire it. There’s another dimension to patience that needs to be highlighted here in order to develop patience. That is, patience also has an emotional dimension to it. It is an intense, more deeper, a spiritual yearning to have something right a way. You have to get a grip of your emotions because it pulling you in whatever direction in your life, not God.

A time of singleness is a time of developing patience. Some of us have a firm grip on our emotions, whereas, we don’t allow external circumstances to change the weather of what we feel and think. However to develop patience, you have to surrender whatever it is that your heart is yearning for or calling out for silently at night, and or roaring during the day as you go about your day. Since I am a single man of Christian faith, I have finally begun to understand the relation, the connection between patience and surrendering: for me, surrender means to let go of something or someone without looking back, or questioning your decision of what you did so. Questioning will draw you back to where you started.

But there’s something you have to be mindful of when you surrender. Fear. Fear will provoke you to ask the question, “what if I lose what I’m letting go of?” Here’s my response:

You can’t let go of someone who never held your hand or haven’t had the chance to reach out to hold yours because of past internal conditions that are affecting their present external conditions that you aren’t aware of. You’re actually letting go of the idea of being with that person so you can free yourself from emotional bondage.

Impatience is emotional, self-imprisonment. The idea of being with that special person shackles you from living your life because that idea resides in your heart. And whatever is in your heart can be found in your prayers. It is there, in your prayer and by prayer, you must let go. In others words I am saying, in regards to some of my heart desires, I am willing to let go what I desire to have a true chance to have it or to be open to someone else.  I am also doing myself a favor by focusing on having a successful writing career. There are certain things that we have to continue praying for, and others that we must stop praying for. When you stop praying about something or someone, it doesn’t mean that you’re giving up on what it is that you want. It means that you’re putting your trust in God to let your heart desires come into fruition on His time, not yours. It also means there are others things need your attention in your life—something you wouldn’t be able to do if you were in a relationship.

Stay tuned for part III

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love

Learn Her Love Language of Intimacy and Love Her Accordingly, Pt. I

A way into a woman’s heart is through prayer. Pray with her.–Melvin Davis

You have to love a woman in a powerful, heartfelt, sincere, spiritual and unconditional way to make it impossible for her to leave you.–Melvin Davis

 

She is gentle, independent and strong. And because she possesses these attributes, a woman can face adversities in life on her own if she has to. However, it would be a kind gesture to let her know she’s not alone during difficult times. And that she doesn’t have to go outside of he relationship to find someone to pray with. I believe what constitutes a great relationship is incorporating spirituality into the equation of intimacy. Intimacy is the friendship; the closeness, the chemistry and the connection that will make a woman feel loved, appreciated and desired. It will also make it hard for her to leave you.

There are various approaches men use to develop intimacy with a woman. Some men try to couch their love for a woman in sex, which doesn’t quite work out often.  Sex will eventually get boring to her. It will become a habitual ritual throughout the course of the relationship. It will also open a door for her to be unfaithful because she really wants something meaningful. Other men use money to create a world of intimacy, however, even to the woman that never gets tired of being showered with gifts, living a lavish and fancy life, her heart will eventually roam to another man while she tries to keep the benefits of being spoiled. You cannot give money in exchange for love. At the core love and its purity, love is not physical, which means good sex or money sustain your love for a woman. I’m not denying that love cannot bee expressed physically, but an expression is an reaction caused by something internal or that which happens beneath the surface. Another way to put it, love is not physical. I motion that love is something spiritual. So if a man wants to develop something meaningful with a woman, he has to do something other men rarely do. He has to be the rare gem that stands out in her collection of experiences with other guys. A man has to be that which is refreshing to a woman, so that he could reconstruct her world and perception about love, relationships and men.  A man must speak a woman’s love language of intimacy with prayer, which is something spiritual, so that he can love her accordingly.

Praying with a woman in a relationship moves you closer to her heart but what can move you further away if you don’t. When she needs emotional and spiritual support, or just someone to pray with, and you have no desire or interest to, you will start to become insignificant in her mind—thus making her forget the reason why she gave you her number to begin with. A man should want to be the first person she turns to in prayer, because it shows that you are a spiritual leader. Praying with a woman will not only move you closer to her heart, it will offer her another reason to trust you and to feel secure around you. Trust and security will create a desire for her to give you her best.

In part II, I’m going to further into the benefits of a man praying with a woman.

 

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love

A heart remains broken if its still attached to the past.–Melvin Davis

I can’t go in full length in elaborating about this quote because I’m tired, but I will take a few moments to blog a few words before I head to bed. For quite sometime, I’ve been emotionally unavailable to pursue anyone seriously. Yes, I’ve dated here and there, fulfilled a desire or two, and as much as I tried, I wasn’t emotionally available, due to the aftermath of the last woman I encountered. She wasn’t a bad person, by all means but I believe her heart was with someone else. On top of that, I was just a fractured man having difficulty containing what I felt, and I became frustrated because I couldn’t express what I felt, and this had absolutely nothing to do with sex at all. Anyhow, all the while pursing something with her. I really wasn’t ready for a love or a relationship. She met a lesser and weaker me.

I still think she’s a divinely one of a kind, but I have to give my eyes and heart a fair shot of seeing and experiencing what I saw in her in someone else. When I love, I love hard.  When things don’t work out as I expected, it takes me a while heal. I can’t fathom how people jump in a out of relationships like hop scotch. My design is not but like that. I’ve only been in two relationships, all other encounters were just dates, and you can put that in quotation marks.

Naturally, when things come to an end with someone I deeply cared for, I reflect on my actions and other person to no end, and then I’m come to grips that I cannot change the past. My quotes and blogs are inspired by my reflections.

I’m starting to feel free now. I’m at place now of seeing the door of my heart open for someone to come in. I don’t know who she is, but I’m sure my Creator has polished me well enough thus far to get a well-rounded, confident and self-assured man, one who understands and knows what unconditional love looks like, who appreciates and understands the value of having a woman by your side, more importantly, she will also get a God-fearing man.

As of lately, I’m content, feel complete in God as a single man, and I still praise God having accepted the fact that I cannot change or undo the mistakes in my youth, however, I can free myself from the past so that I can avail myself to another woman. A month ago, I wasn’t able to do this. It’s impossible for me to give my heart to another woman and it desired to be with someone else. That would be totally unfair, and contrary to my character. When I came to peace with moving on from the past a few days ago, I felt relief and healing.

Whoever is she is, I want to you say to you “baby, my name is Melvin Davis and I’m ready”….I’m joking hahaha…well halfway.

Good night.

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2011 in review

Dear Friends,

I like to thank all of you for stopping by to read my blogs. Many of you have shared the impact that my writing and the messages containing in it, have resonated, inspired and encouraged you in someway. I hope that I can continue leaving a positive impression on your hearts.

WordPress prepared an annual report of my blogging in 2011. I thought it was neat enough to share with you.

As we go into 2012, I plan to take things to another level by posting vlogs (video blogs), so that you can see the writer speak about the topics he writes about. Stay tuned.

Once again, thanks for your support.

Sincerely,

Melvin Davis

 

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2011 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

The concert hall at the Syndey Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 9,200 times in 2011. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 3 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.

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love

Love is Healing Pt. II: How You Can Position Yourself to Experience True, Unconditional Love

Your chances are greater at experiencing true, unconditional love by experiencing healing before you say “I do.”–Melvin Davis

Instructions often come with any product that you purchase, even if it doesn’t make sense lol, as well as a warranty or the option to purchase one if there is some type of defect down the line. To interject my faith here, as a Christian, I believe that Christ paid a debt for my sins by dying on the cross. With that being said, going to back to the product under warranty reference, we are also under warranty because of Christ sacrifice, which means, any hurts or pains or defects or brokenness from the past, can be fixed. In order to experience true, unconditional love, healing must take place first before you decide to pursue or allow someone to court you.

Here are three ways to start loving yourself again:

  1. Reconnecting to your first and true love will start the healing process. What greater person to turn to than the One who knows you better than you do. We often look for the love in others and for them to define and set our value. As I mentioned before, the love you receive from someone else serves the purpose of complimenting you, not defining you. The love you will experience from that special person will bring out the better of you and enhance those great qualities you already have within.

2.  After you reconnect with God, you will start to see yourself the way God sees you. God thinks you are one of His greatest creations. The value He has set on you is a remarkable one. You are cut from the finest fabric of His creation. If you’re dating or married to someone who doesn’t see you the way God sees you, how is that person going to love you unconditionally?

The woman that God joins me with will be a gift, and it will be my responsibility to not treat her less than. The finest things in life will last when you maintain it and by never failing to refer to the instructions that came along with her, i.e., God.  By loving my future wife the way God sees her, will always put me in a position to love her unconditionally. The way I love her is the way I love myself, because we will be one. When I fail to love her, I fail to love myself

3. When you see yourself the way God sees you, you will begin to love yourself. Love is an action, not something that is hidden behind the realm of our emotions that we cannot see. Telling yourself that you love yourself is a way to awaken the love within you. By verbally communicating to the self that you are loved, will inherently send signals to your heart, which will then tell your mind you feel loved and that you are loved, while you’re waiting to meet the love of your life or waiting for love to ignite itself in your marriage. In other words, you are developing a heighten sense of self-worth and self-confidence. So when you come into contact with a person who doesn’t appreciate or value you, the love you posses within will enable you move on without feeling that you missed out on that person.

Learning how to love you again, or for the first time, will heal the wounds that you carry with you in life.

Remember, the longer you journey on in life wounded, the more difficult it will be to experience healing.  You have to love yourself to love again.

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Communication, Faith, friendship, Honesty, inspiration, love, marriage, Melvin Davis, Relationships

The Eve Checklist: What a Man Should Look for in a Woman Pt. II

To breakdown what God had in mind before deciding it was not good for Adam to be alone, we can infer that He was going to create a woman who was compatible and stood equal ground with him. Although we do not know how Adam looked physically, we do know God was going to send someone who he was going to be pleased with in appearance and vice versa. We could also infer that God was going create a woman who Adam could trust and express his deepest and surface-like concerns to. Furthermore, God was also going to fashion a woman who Adam could also laugh with during the good times, empathize with during the bad times, as well as pray through unfavorable situations to survive the test of challenges that comes along with the married life. God was also going to send a woman who Adam could fellowship and worship Him with, someone who was going to help grow and expand what he had been entrusted with in the Garden of Eden. He ultimately was going to send a woman who was going to faithful to him, not take his kindness for a weakness, and do other things that would be harmful to his physical, psychological, financial/economic and spiritual well being. So God created an Eve that would possess the same qualities that Adam had (see my Adam Checklist).

Note I: Adam and Eve had a spiritually connection before they had a physical one, or as the bible puts it, before they “knew” or “laid” with each other, i.e., lovemaking.

In these times, it’s hard for to find a woman who hasn’t been condition by the popular trends and behaviors of their favorite music artist, actress, entertainer, etc., and society as a whole. If those trends or behaviors are positive, I think it’s okay to learn from those who we admire and aspire to be in our profession. But when we start taking on their negative attitudes, lifestyles and systems of belief, this is called idolatry.

We live in a time where financial security is more important than love. For example, some women are targeting or desiring rich, wealthy or well-off men for their pockets more so than relationship to have security. I understand that security is important, but at what cost is a woman willing to exchange her sanctuary, i.e., body and loving for a nice house, car and designer clothes and accessories? Unfortunately, there are women out there who will do whatever it takes to climb the social ladder and have a shot at security. Relationships these days run more like a business. Men, beware.

There are men like myself who want to be faithful to one woman and one woman only—no matter how many beautiful women that are out there. However, we will not settle nor commit to a woman who lacks internal beauty. Internal beauty is the spiritual substance that makes a woman virtuous. She has all the qualities listed in my Adam Checklist.  A woman of virtue has the kind of spirit that demands respect from a man without her having to ask for it because she is clothed with the presence of God. Moreover, her virtue is felt from her spirit, which glows in her aura and through her personality and conversation. She has a peculiar resonance about her that makes you stand in awe. And when you factor in the aesthetics of her physical makeup, breathtaking. Beauty is not hard to find, but that with substance is.

Sn: Just in case you’re wondering how do I know what makes a woman virtuous? I can spiritually discern it. In short, a woman of virtue spends a great deal of time with God. I’m not talking about the holier than thou kind of woman (if I had time to share my experiences…oh boy) or a woman who has become no earthly good. A woman virtue is in touch with her spiritual and her natural self. In other words, she is woman with a great, not judgmental or a snooty, sense of humor. Fellas, you don’t want to be with a holier than thou woman because its going to be a fire and brimstone journey. For example, if I sneezed around the holier than thou woman or checked out her rear (me admiring her beauty because I am a man), she will consider what I did as a sin or lustful. Consequently, she may invite me to her church to be question by the local congregation authorities that will be wearing purple hoods, which they will then put me on the altar. I’m going to tell them I am not their sacrifice because they must’ve got me confused with Isaac, but moving on. Their next course of action will be to report me to their pastor who often watches The Players Club or Scarface on the 82 inch plasma TV in his or her office or listening to the Black or Red Album in the ipod while simultaneously checking out a steamy novel like Zane on their ipad. A virtuous woman is a woman with balance…someone that you can be yourself around.

Stay tuned for Pt. III

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