I rather capture your heart and mind than catch your eye.-Melvin Davis

 

When you haven’t experienced a deeper level of love, physical attraction speaks in high volumes, and is first over the underlying important tangibles that sustain love. Love is more than just physical attraction. I’m not suggesting that it doesn’t matter. The reality is that good looks don’t always translate into love, faithfulness or respect. More often, it’s the opposite. When you experienced a deeper and greater depth of beauty in someone else, your definition and views of attraction expands. It changes and evolves into something more realistic, mature and meaningful.

A spiritual, soulful connection is more powerful than physical attraction. There’s something ethereal about a spiritual, soulful connection. Imagine looking at a book without words. The page is bare, yet you could feel something surging inside of you that sing the tune of your heart. And that escorts your spirit to tropical islands and into heavenly realms. You can’t see the words, yet you feel them. You can’t see the words, yet you see the image that’s being painted in your mind. It’s perfect. A masterpiece. A spiritual, soulful connection works the same way. You could sit in each other’s presence, and communicate without words; touch without holding hands, because the love that’s nettling you two closer together resides under the coat of your skin.

I rather capture a woman’s heart and mind, now to add, spirit than her eye. Physical attraction withers away everyday, and an unforeseen freak accident could happen. If I won her over good looks, well, there’s go her interest and the relationship. But if she found beauty in my heart, mind and spirit, I know she’ll stay. I’ve found a Proverbs 31 kind of woman.

Stay tuned for another upcoming short blog called The Beauty of Imperfections  

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A Deeper Attraction

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Loving Each Other God’s Way

Loving God’s way brings out the best in each other.–Melvin Davis

The 9 fruits of God’s Holy Spirit are spiritual essentials you need function in God’s will with authority, confidence and excellence, as well as handle it’s responsibilities with integrity, a great level of patience and professionalism, when challenges arise. But the use of the 9 fruits God’s Holy Spirit isn’t just limited to walking in His will. Those spiritual intangibles are also applicable to a relationship. In order to become what God wants you to be each other, you must shower the love of your life with the 9 fruits of His holy spirit.

1. The number one fruit of God’s Holy Spirit is Love, because He is love.

Love is the reason we exist. Human beings are an expression of God’s Love. When God created us, he’s given us the capacity to love. Love is the greatest gift to experience in this world. Love is embedded in our DNA: It’s in our mind and emotions, in our bodies and spirit, which is why we can experience love on all four levels.

To express your love to the one God has blessed you with is an everyday opportunity to love that person God’s way. God’s love is full of compassion and passion, faithfulness and unselfishness, self-denying and sacrificing, sympathy and empathy, security, absolute assurance and confidence.

Love isn’t competition. Couples who feel the need to compete with each other, or to be dominate over one another, its because they’re simply insecure. Insecurity is linked to the lack of love you have for yourself, and the fear of the giving of yourself. It all boils down to control. Love isn’t controlling. Love is the absence of control and the freedom to be.

If God were insecure with us, he wouldn’t have given us the gift of freewill. He would create us in a way that robots are designed to function according to they way it was programmed. That’s not love. That’s what you call control and manipulation and insecurity.

Loving God’s way means allowing each other to be who God created you to be. God never asks anyone to rewrite or rewire the way He created someone, which is why He’ll never put in you situation where you have to. Yes, there are some destructive bad habits and attitudes that need to be done away with but the nature and essence of who someone is, who they are.

 

2. It’s a great feeling to be around someone who’s full of Joy. God is joy!

After God spoke the heavens and the earth into existence, He created light and distinguished it from dark. He also separated the skies from the water, spoke animals and all other living organisms that roam this earth into existence and he created man. Everything He created, He said it was “good.” To call something good means there’s excitement and delight in what you made.

Life is challenging and riddled with seen and unforeseen obstacles. To spend the rest of your life with someone who’s pessimistic and condemning, who speaks the opposite of life and hope, is to be with someone who doesn’t have a spirit of joy. Bitter people are equipped to speak disbelief and doubt. Question. Are you pursuing someone who’s speaking doubt and discouragement into your life?

In a relationship, joy looks like encouragement and inspiration, love and passion, positivity and optimism, faith and hope. I hear people say all the time “I’m just being real” or “rationale.” Of course, something’s are what they are, but faith can breathe and function in high and low places. Whereas, reason doesn’t have the perspective to see beyond its own limitations or speak faith when things seem bleak. Reason doesn’t have the ability to comprehend that there’s a second chance or another opportunity. Nor can it sense that what God has placed within you, will come to pass. You want to be with someone who knows God, who has faith in Him and who has truly walked by faith. You could have all the book knowledge about God or have sound theology, but if you’re knowledge and theology has never become practical in your life, it will show. Others will see your experience with the Divine is rigid and insensitive one. A relationship is an emotional and spiritual affair.

With joy in your heart, your presence alone can act as a healing and therapeutic agent to the love of your life, when they are experiencing tough times of their own. Having your spirit lifted reignite hope. I’m sure it has an impact on your immune system.

3. Peace is the very thing that keeps all things together working in harmony and the way it was designed to function. God is peace!

Someone who’s hot-tempered and has a big ego often have difficulties communicating and seeing their faults. Communication is challenge for them because they’re emotions are overriding their ability to think and reason clearly. See, reason isn’t all that bad 😉 It’s possible to come to a mutual understanding resolution when peace isn’t in your heart. But when you have in you, you’re able to communication without malice and anger, and admit your wrongs without reservation of feeling humiliated or embarrassed. You can’t give pride a seat in your relationship. It will eventually want to take the driver seat and take control. The destination is destruction.

A heart without peace is a concoction for destruction.

4.God is patient with you, therefore practice patience with the person you’re with.

He wants you to practice the same kind of patience with the love of your life that He has with you. Patience simply means to keep your cool when your emotions are telling you not to, to endure uncomfortable times without condemnation and to love the love of your life when you don’t feel like loving.

Living to see another day to experience God’s presence is an act of His love and patience.  Could you imagine God losing His cool with you when you made a mistake? Could you imagine Him throwing your sins in your face when He forgave you for something you did 5 years ago, last week or yesterday. Unfortunately, this is what some people do. They “forgive you” for the offense, but later remind of you of faults later. In a way, it’s like betrayal. Condemnation is a painful emotional blow and a reminder for someone to feel what they felt when they did you wrong. It’s unfair and insensitive to condemn someone. This is what Satan does folks.

You can’t be condemn and practice impatient, and love at the same time.

5.  God is kind by showering you with compliments every single day. For example, he lets you know that you’re beautiful, intelligent and gifted through the sincere words of someone else. When you open your eyes in the morning, He saw fit to still believe and have confidence that you will fulfill His will for your life.  When He sends you a word of encouragement through someone, that you are better than your past, God is reminding you that He loves you and thinks otherwise of you, despite when you or others may think less of yourself. He’s grace and mercy is like fertile ground for you to grow and flourish.

How often do you give the love of your life compliments? Do you tell that person how good they look often? Do you thank them for listening to you, offering you sound advice or praying with you? Do you tell each other that you believe in each other? Are you presence of help or discouragement?

Being kind to the love of your life is like watering a plant. Shower each other with kindness.

6. To impart something into someone else without a romantic ulterior motive or to receive something back is generous. What if God did things for you to receive some monetary or self-gratifying pleasure? Is that love or generosity? Yes, He wants your worship and praise, but even that isn’t forced on you. He receives your worship and praise when it’s done out love and sincerity. Hence, freewill 😉

Many people in relationships go out their way to please their significant other, but have the thought in the back of their mind “that I better get something back.” That’s not love, nor is it being generous. Romantic ulterior motives often backfire. You’re not a “help” to someone if your motive is to draw closer to that person. You are a potential distraction to the aim at mind, and giving to receive, more than likely, results to disappointment.

When there’s a cycle of generous giving in a relationship, no one is withholding their best or is concerned about receiving: The focus on each other, and not on the self.

7.  God is faithful to you, so be faithful to the one He’s blessed you with. Faithfulness is who God is.

It’s becoming more difficult to find true love these days. There are so many poor devices of influence lingering in social media, television and the radio airwaves that its provoking people to seek love to benefit the self or to use their bodies to find something meaningful. And because of failed relationships and disappointment, many people are guarded and reserved. So, if you do find the kind of person God whispered in your heart that you would find, you better hold on to it.

It takes discipline and constant reminders of God’s blessing to be faithful. Faithfulness means keeping your heart and love in the right place. As well as, your mind, body and spirit. Faithfulness means not engaging someone else in a way that could incite romantic feelings, within you or someone else. Faithfulness means to be conscious of your conduct and conversation with someone. Faithful means to never give someone the idea that they can have you in any kind of romantic or sexual way. Faithfulness means confiding in the love of your life. Faithfulness means guarding each other’s interest, and being there for each other, emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually available to your significant other. They are your best friend, and confidant.

8. God is gentle; therefore He is gentle with us. 

Gentleness employed in a relationship would look like mutual respect and kindness, sympathy (never apathy) and benevolence. Also, being considerate of each other’s feeling and perspectives, although you may disagree.

It’s important for a man to be gentle to a woman. Her heart and emotions are the most sensitive parts of her. Empathy reveals you can listen and understand her. Empathy is what brings you two closer. And from a woman to a man, she must also choose her words carefully, as well as using certain pitches in her tone of voice. Men have extremely big egos, because we have to uphold a sense of strength and confidence. When the ego is stroked the wrong way, a man will respond indifferent to you.  Never talk down to each other, but always lift each other with love and respect.

9.  Woosah, aka, Self-control. We’ve seen an angry God in the Old Testament scriptures, but He had to get angry to discipline humanity for their disobedience. I’m not using this example to use fire and brimstone against the love of your life.

God’s spirit needs to be in you to practice self-control, because you’re not able to overcome temptations or stop the momentum of your emotions when they’re rising up to the surface. Self-control will save your relationship/marriage. We all know the countless stories of infidelity, verbal and physical abuse, the weight gaining stories, and other emotional, physical and spiritual ailments that have destroyed the lives of many people. Self-control is going to help you stay in God’s will, whole and healthy. Anything that happens in His will, maybe His will.

Self-control demonstrated in a relationship is either two people walking away from a heated argument so things could cool down, or listening to each other perspectives to gain a better understanding, and not talking over each other to prove the other person wrong. Disagreements ultimately serve the purpose of learning someone else thinks and reasons, and how they feel about certain things. Arguing is destructive. It seeks to belittle, embarrass or hurt the person you don’t see eye-to-eye with.

I believe one reason God joins two together other than experiencing love is to a ministry together. When you’re serving in God’s purpose, you’re going to have to engage in battle and fight life changes together. That’s love and teamwork. It’s not God’s will to battle and war against other.

Loving each other God’s way will help bring out the best of two in a relationship. It’s going to lengthen its years, and keep the passion and vigor. Pray for the 9 fruits of God’s holy spirit, so you can love each other the way He designed you two to love.

 

 

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Are You Seeking Love or Financial Security?

Finding someone who provides financial security doesn’t always translate into love. Often, the narrative is control, insensitivity and unfaithfulness once that person has you in their grasp. -Melvin Davis

There are both men and women in the dating scene with a particular approach and motive in mind of finding what they’re looking for in a relationship. Some are looking for love, absentminded of whether or not that person is financially secure. Love is all that matters to them and love can be experience when you’re at your best or worse. Then there’s the person who’s looking for love and someone who’s financially secure. This individual is more than likely financially stable, and having someone to take care of them is out of the question. They have everything that they need: A car and a house, a career and enough in their bank account to live comfortably. Having someone in their life whose financially stable creates sense of freedom for this person, and the focus can be on loving each other, hence the relationship, instead of whether or not you could afford to eat this restaurant or vacation, etc. They know that finances have ruined many relationships and marriages, so they want someone enter into a relationship with them who’s established financially. Then there’s the person who’s concluded that love doesn’t exist, and rightfully so in their minds if this is case:

The idea of finding true love appeared in close reach after they read a dreamy and passionate, a soul-felt and pure spirit filled poem or a blog that pitched overtones of hope of experiencing love one day. Or, maybe it was a song about love or a romantic movie about marriage that led them to feel that love was nearby. All of these outlets made them feel Mr. or Ms. Right was around the corner. But when they met that person who had all the qualities they were looking for, either that person wasn’t who they portrayed to be or decided they wasn’t ready for a relationship. At this point, their patience has run short. Frustration had taken a seat in their mind, and now they’re wiling to overlook physical attraction for personality or their relationship with God, or perhaps they’re willing to overlook all of these qualities for financial security. Since you can’t find an attractive, God-fearing person with a great personality, you still want the to live an extravagant lifestyle. You want what your favorite power couple has.

Here are a few question to consider as you continue to read along. Have you ever trusted God with your love life?

Finding someone who could finance your expensive lifestyle is a goal that’s in reach. You could manipulate your way into someone’s heart to get what you want by pretending you love that person. Or, you could forward with the relationship and ignore the feeling that you’re just as empty and unfulfilled inside. What you’ll probably have to negotiate in these kinds of relationships is your voice, having a say in important matters that could ultimately effect your peace and well-being, your living situation, your power, and sense of control. A relationship without a voice or a say in any important decision that could affect your life, or your living arrangement. That’s not a relationship at all. It’s called being someone’s eye candy or their object of self-gratification.

If you’re walking in God’s will, and seeking love without pursuing someone who’s in a particular financial bracket, I believe you will find love. Your approach and motives makes a difference. God loves you so much to send you someone lazy, who lacks ambition, and living life without purpose.

God is the one who’s control of all things, be he’s not going to force His way into your love life if your heart and mind is turned in a different direction, if you’re seeking financial security and not love. Remember, He’s given you free will, which means you have the power of choice, to make decisions with or without His input or intervention. You have to trust, have faith and confidence in God that you can experience love and financial security–both at the some time.

God created you to be dependent on him, so you can walk independently on earth. He’s given you a vision and a dream, a plan, will and purpose for your life. His will has everything you’re looking for. But, if you’re looking for love and financial security outside the will and timing of God, you’ll never experience the fullness of His blessing for your life. He didn’t create you to be dependent on another human being. He’s given you a gift that can provide and sustain yourself. And if you happen to meet someone who may have more than you in the bank, you’re not going to need that person. You will have your own. Seek the will of God and you will find love.

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Are You Seeking Love or Financial Security?

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The Inspiration Behind My Novel, Poems, Quotes and Blogs. My Love Life and The Other Stuff in Between, Pt. II

I’m often asked the question, what’s the inspiration behind my blogs, quotes and poems? Reader’s inbox me on Facebook wondering I’m going through something, like a breakup or heartbreak. Or, who’s the special woman I’m writing about. I usually reference in my work, if I’m writing about a particular person. For example, most of the stuff you read in 2011, maybe leading up to the beginning of 2012 was inspired by a woman I was in love. She inspired my first novel, Love Again, which is being read by a friend before I submit it to literary agents. She also inspired my very first poem called This is What You Do to Me and a few others. I was still in love with her during that time and getting out all the thoughts and feelings I had of her was necessary for me to move on. I’ve always journal about experiences ever since grade school lol. I don’t know if I were dating back then or whatever you want to call it LOL.  Other works are simply inspired by how I would treat the woman God will bless me with. Some works are messages that just come to my head without me thinking about it or reflecting on some past experiences. Then after I read the comments and feedback that I get, I see it was God giving me a message to give to someone else. Other times I’m just giving advice.

As a blogger, I’m subjected to the questions about my personal life because I’m open about some aspects of my love life. The things I share, I wouldn’t mind speaking about it publicly. When I started blogging and posting quotes, I was extremely conscious about how readers would interpret or misinterpret my work or if someone thought I was talking about them. Or worse, how’d be judged. Well,  I can’t control how a person perceives what I write about and if someone judges me or thinks I was talking about them without addressing it to me so the matter could be clarified, there’s nothing I could do about that. 90 % of my work isn’t inspired by someone  About 10% was inspired by the woman I referenced above.

Stay tuned for pt. III. I’ talk briefly about my love life because I don’t have one, and the other stuff in between.

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Relationship Patterns

Have you ever considered finding out what a person relationship pattern is before entering a committed relationship with them? Relationship patterns can tell you a lot about what type of person someone has dated in the past and why their particular “type” hasn’t worked out. Relationship patterns continue to repeat self because the individual’s approach to finding love or dating hasn’t changed. Meeting someone new doesn’t bring new results but changing your approach to experiencing love will.

Listen to how I break down figuring out a person relationship patterns

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The Importance of Spiritual Compatibility in a Relationship Pt. I

Spirituality compatibility involves how two people will mesh together, how they will handle and respond to life challenges, relationship issues, and certain transitions that have to be made in life when God calls us to.

Spiritual compatibility is a topic often overlooked when we discuss what we look for in a significant other and what we expect out of a relationship. Much attention is given to physical appearance and personality. Attraction and chemistry are important factors of developing a relationship with someone but neither can sustain a one. Good looks and personality become insignificant when you’re having issues in your relationship. Here are a few reasons why spiritual compatibility is important.

  1. You understand each other without judging each other. I’m thankful to have a God who doesn’t judge me or tell anyone about our personal business to paint an unfair picture of me. But so often, this happens in relationships. One reason why people are so closed and hard-shelled, and carry around hurt is because the person they were with, took something personal that they shared and used against them for their advantage. Someone who has a relationship with God and understands Him is compassionate and understanding. They can listen to the worse of your experiences and still love you to the best of their ability. They won’t judge you how you used to be and not look at you any different in the present.

2. Someone to confide in. Having someone you can be honest, transparent and vulnerable with lets you know you have a friend and lover in the relationship. These days, it’s one or the other because it’s difficult for many people to establish an emotional connection when sex isn’t a part of the equation. It’s lonely to be with someone who’s not loving and caring, empathic and sympathetic. I believe God wants us to trust and confide in to the person he brings in our lives–instead of having to go outside of our relationship to discuss our issues with someone else first. The first person you should discuss your issues with is the person you’re with. This doesn’t mean you’re putting God second, but it means after you have whatever conversation you have with your partner, you bring those concerns to God. What your friends and family say should confirm what God has already spoken to you. How often have relationships or the potential of love have been destroyed because too many people had a take on what you should and shouldn’t do? If we believe that God knows everything or knows us better than our loved one, why is he a second option to consult with?

3. You can overcome obstacles, together. No relationship is perfect. Disagreements are inevitable because no two people are exactly alike. It’s hard to learn from each other if you think too much alike. But when challenges arise, like communication barriers, financial hardships, death in the family or perhaps a close friend passes away, or when you aren’t on the same page emotionally, romantically or in the context of lovemaking, being spiritually compatible allows you to work through these issues with compassion, understanding, patience and unconditional love.

4. Spiritual compatibility is an opportunity to grow together spiritually. A relationship should always be evolving and growing in a progressive direction. It is a reality that relationships sometimes get stale or boring and lose its excitement. This often happens one or both persons get too comfortable in a relationship they the neglect doing the very thing that brought them together to begin with. This is okay. Consistency is challenging, but we should never get too settled that we stop water the plant of love. Growing together in God will enhance the overall vitality of the relationship–whereas you’re respecting and loving each other unconditionally, and that you’re bond and lovemaking is reaching a higher plateau.

5. When two people have a close relationship with God, it eliminates unfaithfulness and infidelity. When you take for granted or take your eyes off what God has blessed you with, more than likely your eyes will start to roam and you’ll entertain thoughts that you shouldn’t. You’ll also begin to do things that are inappropriate in a relationship. Such as flirting or entertaining someone you know that views you as more than a friend and  who’s just simply waiting for the opportunity for you to be single again.  You have to be faithful to who God has blessed you with because He has proved himself to be faithful to you when you prayed for the kind of person you’re with now.  Cheating is outright selfish, and God has nothing to do with this kind of behavior. Spiritual compatibility allows a couple to be conscious that they are a gift to each other and that true love, trust and honesty is hard to find today’s dating climate.

Stay tuned for Pt. II

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A lack of affection could make one person feel eons away from their significant other in the same room. –Melvin Davis

Compatibility is just as important as good looks. If you’re with someone who isn’t as affectionate as you, your chances of being unhappy down the road is likely. Get to know a person before you commit. Something simple as affection could be the deciding factor of having a relationship with that person you’re spending time with.

A lack of affection could…

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