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Identifying Someone You’re Not Equally Yoked With, The Introduction

In 2014, it’s becoming more and more difficult to find love. We live in a wave of a “carefree,” “go with the flow” attitude. I would think by the time you approach your late 20’s or early 30’s, that attitude would be abandoned. Unfortunately, that’s not the case. Who has time to waste? Anyhow, the carefree, go with the flow attitude means this: “I’m going to date whoever I want to date, although I know you have sincere intentions of being monogamous with me.” If you haven’t come across that person, you may meet the broken wing. This is a person who recently exited a relationship. They’re hurt and broken, but feel a sense of liberation and freedom now that they’re single. The excitement of being back on the market propels them to relive what it feels like to be single again. In other words, it’s time to have “fun” and “to see what’s out there.” This is okay for them, but you have to take charge of your well-being. The result of encountering this person also leads to uncertainty, like the carefree; go with the flow type of person. Their emotions are pulling them in all kinds of different weird directions. Well, maybe weird isn’t a good choice of word. Let’s just say, they’re dealing with the past of who they were with, while trying to remain faithful to their healing process, with great potentials darting their way. It’s about variety and choice here. However, properly healing isn’t in the forefront of their minds.  Practice caution with this person.  You don’t know if they’ll return to the relationship they just left, or if they’re going out with 2 of 3 different people days or worse, sleeping with someone else while entertaining you. Step way. It’s a cold world out there.  Is there any wrong with the broken wing person?  Not necessarily. Who hasn’t experienced brokenness? But, in order to find and experience true love, you have to do it God’s way. Your heart should be turned toward him instead of dating someone else.

Pressure mounts up to find someone you can experience love and life with as time passes. You start to think do you have to settle for the sake of not being alone, even if that means putting up with someone who’s unfaithful to you or will treat you like an option.  If this person is you, come back for the second installment of Identifying Someone You’re Unequally Yoked With. I have a message for you. You don’t have to settle. You don’t have to be anyone’s option. You can stay course of waiting on God to send you someone beautiful and something meaningful. While you’re positioning yourself to find love, I want to share few points that will help you avoid disappointment in the next blog.

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The Temptation of Reliving the Past: When Old Feelings Surface

To return to what God led you away from is to jeopardize where he wants to take you with the person he has for you. –Melvin Davis

What do I do now that I’m “single”? is a question many people find themselves asking when they have “moved” on from a failed relationship. You’re somewhat emotionally detached, and you’re somewhat ready to give love through someone new. However, a flashback of the “good times” crosses your mind. Those fond memories emerge with joy, somehow putting a smile on your face, until you think about the toxic and heated arguments, and the intense moments of feeling unappreciated and emotionally and spiritually disconnected. You also remember those signs of unfaithfulness and lies, being ignored and uncared for. You cried next to that person in bed until no more tears could produce from your heart. You’ve talked to so many people about the situation until your mouth grew tired. The truth made itself known to you. And you even prayed about the relationship once more, and God showed you a clear painting of the situation. In fact, you saw the view of the picture from many angles. God showed you why it’s not his will, and where it will land you if you continued to stay in the relationship. His presence penetrated deep into your heart, that you had to stop doing what your were doing to sit still and gather yourself. You felt the ache bearing deep within that you couldn’t rest well at night, or concentrate during the day.  I want to talk about The Temptation of Reliving the Past.

It’s easy to return to the familiar, because you don’t have to put in the work of getting to know someone new all over again. It takes time and patience getting to know someone, which is something you probably don’t have. You’re short on patience. These days, there isn’t much legroom for mistakes. You have probably thought about returning to that person who didn’t appreciate you, than to give some else a chance who would appreciate and deeply love you. You’re ready to write someone off, because again, you don’t have the “patience.” After all, you “know” the person you were with.

To return to what God led you away from is to jeopardize where he wants to take you with the person he has for you. You have to remind yourself why the relationship didn’t work. Besides that you were toxic for each other, there was probably one prominent force at hand that was working against you two. It wasn’t God’s will.  What’s not in God’s will have no chance at life. Of course, you could make it work, but forcing love into the equation where it’s supposed to develop naturally, just isn’t worth it. Your “I love you’s” will have no feeling or passion behind it. And the touch or the holding of hands will not produce any feelings of love, comfort and assurance that this is the person God has for you.  When you step outside of God’s will, you’re forfeiting being valued and appreciated, love and cared for, respected and adored. You’re giving up your sanity/ peace of mind, because faithfulness and commitment will always be called into question when you’re not in that person’s presence. You’re also giving up the chance to build two important foundations a God-ordained relationship should stand on, which are a friendship and a spiritual connection. Without any of these positive components, love has nothing to stand on.

Before you think about reopening a closed chapter, remember why the relationship failed. God led you away from that person for a very important reason. It wasn’t his will. To return to the past is to jeopardize where he wants to take you with the person he has for you. But that page of finding new love can’t be read until you move on from the past.

In my novel Love Again, Jennifer is temped to return to the past but she comes to her senses. Let’s take a look.

Jennifer took a seat, removed her sunglasses, and got right to it.

“Robert, you know how much I still care for you.”

“Oh, here we go,” he complained, interrupting.

 “I’ve thought about you often throughout the years. I’ve often wondered what life would’ve been like if we’d gotten back together again. But after meeting up with you in New York and DC, I admit, some old feelings resurfaced, but they quickly faded away. I don’t feel the same way for you as I once did before.”

“What do you mean?” His nostrils flared up.

“What I’m saying that it’s too late to make up for what happened several years ago,” she said blinking back tears.” Time has passed. I’ve met someone new now, someone who has believed in me since day one, someone who understands me, someone who I pushed away.”

“Like you’re doing to me now?”

“No! I’m not pushing you away. I’m freeing us from one another so that we can be open to experience love from someone else. I’m sorry Robert, but I don’t see myself being with you. I don’t see us getting married.”

Here Jennifer comes to her senses. She remember all that happened in the past, and some people just don’t change. What’s in God’s will has a second chance.

Thank you for reading my blog. I would like to ask you to take a few minutes to check out my video on indiegogo. I’m raising funds to self-publish my novel Love Again.

Here’s the link:  http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/love-again-a-novel-by-melvin-davis/x/6665495

Your donation would help me tremendously, as well as passing on my campaign to your friends.

Thanks in advance.

 

 

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The Inspiration Behind My Novel, Quotes and Blogs. My Love Life and The Other Stuff in Between, Pt. I

If someone were to ask me in an interview what inspired me to write my novel, I couldn’t hold back. A candid and forthright answer is all I could offer. I am pretty much an open and transparent kind of guy. Last weekend a pastor, who I’ve never met or talked to until last Sunday, told me that I wear my heart on my sleeve. In a way, he’s right. In the context of a relationship or friendship, hen it comes to someone I’m interested in, I am like an open book. There’s nothing about me I want to hide or hold back. I want her to see strengths and weakness. Honest and transparent is a part of who I am.  I want her to see all of me so she could love that person instead of what she imagines me to be. Anyhow, I would tell people in an interview that Love Again was partly inspired by a woman I met and fell in love with in 2010.  I never felt so much pain and abandonment during that time. However, in retrospect, that experience served its purpose: I ultimately began writing the novel toward the end of August 2011 and completed it December, in the same year. I finished with a total of 465 pages.  I wrote so frivolously because of the heartbreak but also because of my newfound passion and purpose in creative writing.

Come back for pt. II.  I want to talk about the inspiration behind my quotes and blogs and the other stuff in between.

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The person God sends for you to become one with will bring out the best in you. They will add to your purpose—not distract you from it. —Melvin Davis

Someone asked me would my ministry (writing and teaching about love) be affected if I got involved in a serious relationship or when I get married? I answered no, and here’s why.

I believe the person God has for you will be a blessing to you in every aspect of your life. This doesn’t suggest you will marry the perfect person or have the perfect marriage. But I truly believe, if your future husband or wife has a close, intimate relationship with God, they will add to your life and not distract or subtract from it. And they will stand and still believe in you when things aren’t so great.

I see my future wife as a gift, a token of God’s act of unconditional love, as well as His grace and mercy towards me. In a way, while I’m waiting, it’s like God is saying to me: “I’m making you wait so you really appreciate and honor the woman I’m going to bless you to grow old with. I want you to wait you so you can be everything she wants you to be to her. I want you to wait because I’m giving you insight, a foundation for which will make a marriage last and keep the love; the vitality and spark going years to come, so don’t rush to experiencing love. Knowing this allows me to write about love in the way that I do, so just imagine how would write once that special woman is in my life. A few years ago I met someone and fell in love with. Although things never worked out, that situation inspired my novel and many of my poems. I didn’t know I could feel the way I did or be as vulnerable and transparent as I am now. I discovered myself. So just imagined what kind of impact your future wife, or my future wife for that matter, or your future husband will have on you once God aligns you up with them.  They will make you a better person and keep you focused on your purpose.

The person God …

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The Importance of Spiritual Compatibility in a Relationship Pt. II

If you’re not comparable to each other, misunderstandings will be a continuous occurrence. The intention of loving will turn into judgment, and respect will soon transform into contempt. —Melvin Davis

As I’ve matured over the years in my faith and relationship with God, reflecting on past and most recent experiences, I see how important it is to be with someone who is spiritually compatible (“equally yoked”) with you. If you’re with someone who doesn’t’ take their faith and spirituality seriously, more than likely, you will be criticized, judged and misunderstood when God requires you to do something that seems illogical, which will ultimately put you in a place to censor your conversation, the sharing of past experiences–essentially who you are. In addition, when you’re with someone who don’t have a certain kind of respect and adoration to God and of His blessings, they will do inappropriate things in a relationship to disrespect you, such as accept sentimental gifts from others, or discretely sexting or sending flirtatious texts to others while their in and out of your presence. It’s not a coincidence that such people find themselves losing out on a great thing, and that they continue to search for love through sex–repeating the same relationship patterns and dysfunctional behaviors of their past. You’ll never find and experience love beginning a relationship with sex.

What I’m continuing to do in part II of this blog is simply outline what a relationship looks like when you’re with someone who’s has strong faith and a relationship with God.

For my devotional reading two nights ago and yesterday morning, I read chapters 1-4 in the book of Genesis. The word “comparable” jumped out at me when I read that God “saw fit” for man (Adam) to not be alone. This enlightenment inspired the remaining points of this blog.

6. When you are spiritual compatible to each other, you are a support and help to each other. There’s nothing like being in a relationship when you know your significant other has your back no matter what. They’re a voice of presence, a shoulder for you to lean on when you feel like giving up on yourself or when you feel most vulnerable. Sad to say, they’re people in relationships who significant other takes advantage of them when they feel most weakest. Can you imagine being with someone, and they know you’re struggling with whatever, and their taking what you confide in them and sharing it with other people? You thought they had your best interest because they told you they believed in you or how they were going to be with you in the beginning, but as time changed, they realized they were not willing to be by your side?

Whether you’re trying to materialize a dream that God has placed in your heart, or take on an endeavor or opportunity to move up the corporate ladder in your career, or whether you’re fighting something that’s haunting you from a previous relationship, or from a traumatic childhood experience, you’re significant is suppose cover and protect you when you’re most vulnerable, and to pray and help you during your time of difficulty.

7. There’s a common ground of mutual respect. When a couple knows they are a gift to one another that presumes a high-level of respect that follows. Respect goes a long way in a relationship, because it’s the very thing that keeps two people from saying or doing hurtful things they will later regret. They will also take pride in respecting one another when they’re away from each other. For instance, there isn’t a need to worry what your significant is doing when they’re handing out with other friends or are away for business. You know in the back of your mind they wouldn’t do anything inappropriate to jeopardize the relationship.

8. When you’re with someone your spiritually compatible with, you have a shared vision, and foundation of love you want to build your life on and future family. To know you’re with someone who loves God, there’s a sense of security you can experience with that person. You know that the source of their strength and self-survival is not only contingent on you, but God Himself. You also know that, although they’re not perfect, their morals and ethical standards are built upon a solid foundation of God. You can see yourself having a family with this person because you know they equipped to store biblical beliefs in them that will prepare them for the world we live in.

9. You have the opportunity to experience unconditional love. To know that your significant other or spouse loves you unconditionally gives you peace and a great sense of security. When someone loves you unconditionally, they’re making a conscious to love all of you and all of who you’re not. They understand that you’re not perfect, but because you have God in your life, they know you will become all God wants you to be. They don’t’ see a person is inapt or weak, but a person who’s made in the image and likeness in God.

10. You can experience soulful lovemaking. When God brings two together to become one, they are joined together not just in mind, body, and spirit, but the soul as well. To experience this kind of connection is like being in heaven: this person understands your love language and intellect that you only you get. There’s not much explaining or misinterpreting because know the core and the essence of who you are. And when you make love, factoring all of these elements, adding on the respect, the companionship, the unconditional love, knowing that person is a help and support to you, that moment of making love will be a soulful one. You’re making a love with a person who knows you.

Stay tune for my next two blogs title Relationship Patterns: Understanding Your Love Interest Before You Say I Do or Lets Make this Official and How to Tell if That Person Is the One for You

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Update on My Novel

Before I get into what I have to say, I first want thank all who have supported me since day one. I started off posting quotes—really just tampering around with thoughts and feeling but venting from a breakup in 2008. Some of you may remember the short stories I posted on FB. The responses were pretty good considering where I was at in writing. Some of you encouraged me to write a book, and years later, I did. Life puts us in a different direction at times. I never wanted to write a novel. I wanted to be the next Dr. Cornel West….”just sayin.”

Thank you again for waiting patiently for the release my novel. I have worked diligently on Unconditionally Yours (title subject to change) for about two years now or some where around there. It’s difficult writing when life deals you with so many obstacles and unexpected changes and transitions. It’s difficult writing when you’re trying to make ends meet or coming across relationship with people who don’t understand the journey God has placed you on. The road to success is quite lonely, but I am thankful for the family and friends, strangers, well, shall I say angels, who God had me crossed paths with when I felt like giving up. I literally would have a long time ago if he wasn’t for God picking me back up.

My novel has been edited and I’m currently making revisions. I have a friend, writer and editor, by the name of Ariel Driskell, who has helped me shape my story in the direction I want it to be. I thank her for her patience.

Unconditionally Yours has a total of seventeen chapters, and I’m revising twelve while my editor is editing chapter nine. I plan to have my novel proofread before I submit it literally agents. Yes, I’m going the traditional route, so it’s going to take my time to see my novel on the shelves of Barnes & Nobles and other bookstores.

Once again, thanks for your patience and support. I promise you wont’ be disappointed with the finished product. I know it will be a success—it’s just a matter of time.

Until then, I hope you continue to enjoy my quotes and blogs. Stay tuned for my podcasts.

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You Are My Queen

In the nude, your beauty reaches its highest pinnacle, sculpted like a queen who sustains and nourishes her temple

Your mind and intellect wakes me, stirs me with infinite satisfaction, you have yet to lose my interest

I kneel to kiss your hand, because the spirit of God within you sanctions me to

You have no idea how much you mean to me

You’re worth than the wealth I could ever obtain. I would choose you over it

You changed my life simply by your presence: I accredit my success to you

Without you, I am complete, but with you–you compliment me

I love everything about you

I’m glad I waited for you: you were worth the patience, worth the tears of

my deep yearning, worth every word in this prose

The best thing that ever happened to me was letting go of a past love. And the greatest

thing that happened to me was finding you

I’m thankful to spend the rest of my life with you

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