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Developing a Relationship with a Woman

Developing a relationship with a woman starts with an emotional connection. A spiritual connection will bring you closer to her. —Melvin Davis

 I want to say up front before you read further: I am no expert on relationships or women. I simply share my wisdom and musing for encouragement and edification. One of my Facebook friend’s once said, “I speak women.” That comment nearly had me tears lol. My blogs and quotes are inspired by past experiences. Other things I’ve written about, I believe, came to me by a way of prayer. Although I am single, and not married yet, I often pray to be a great husband to my future wife. In a way, as I continue to develop patience for love, the challenges I encounter, meanwhile, teaches me about manhood, and developing spiritual maturity. I want to be prepared for my wife. I also want a have good understanding about women before I meet the love of my life. That’s just me.

Since women are, by nature, emotional beings, you have to connect with her emotionally to develop an intimate relationship with her. An emotional connection can be established by being vulnerable and transparent. Yes, you will find women who are guarded because they have been hurt in the past, or for the reason they want to know if you could be trusted. A woman wants to know, that if she places her heart in your hands, would you break it? Would you mistreat her after you’ve worked hard for her time and affection? Would go from the charming to a mean and nasty one? Would you put smiles on her face instead of tears coming from her eyes? In order to gain a woman’s trust, she has to see who you really are, which calls for a man to be vulnerable and transparent. Vulnerability and transparency opens up the lines of good and honest heart-to-heart conversation. By a man revealing depths of him, whether being spiritual or in the natural, a woman has a chance to see sides of him he seldom shows to anyone. At this point, she actually has the opportunity to determine your worthiness or not.

Though vulnerability and transparency births great conversation, a spiritual connection with a woman will bring you closer to her (depending on the type of woman she is). Praying with a woman and sharing your relationship with God with her is an intimate moment that will inch you closer to her Because when you Incorporate prayer and share your personal relationship with God, a woman gets a chance to see how you handle adversity and respond to life challenges, thus, she will see your true strength: Women to feel secure by a man being a responsible man and a spiritual leader.

Whether she tells you or not, a woman wants to see how you would handle problems that arise in a relationship, because there will be some, no matter how good of a saint you are or claim to be. A woman wants to see how you would act when you’ve lost your religion and when the cloak of holiness fell off.

They are more ways of developing a relationship with a woman to explore, but I felt expounding on the emotional and spiritual aspect is a good start.

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The Inspiration Behind My Writing

Creativity is a gift; a thing without shape. It’s the spirit of inspiration. The experiences we acquire throughout life is the flesh, the thing that makes the inspiration real, felt once it’s created. –Melvin Davis

If this blog post burns any bridge between any potential lover and I, aware and unaware, then so be it. When I write, I can’t help but to be candid and honest. It’s what aim for as an aspiring novelist. Whether a writer chooses to disclose what inspires them to write is their choice. I’m a man of empathy: what I love about writing is being able to have a spiritual, intellectual and emotional connection with my readers. I want them to feel what I feel and see what I see whatever it is that I’m writing.

Subliminally, in many of my blogs and poems, except the borderline erotic ones, I’ve hinted to who inspires me to write. Note: the poems I write that are erotic, never comes from a place of lust, but from a place of expressing how I would engage my future wife. But I understand the difficulty for many religious and “holy” people to discard lovemaking, openly, from their conversation.  Of course, if I were married, or seriously courting someone or dating, the intimacy of what she and I would share would no be up for entertainment. Lovemaking is a sacred. I totally agree. My borderline erotic poems are sincere creative sacred expressions. Not trash. But back to the point: I never envision expressing myself through words and being this quite transparent. As a child, I was very imaginative and creative. I enjoyed drawing however in my adulthood life, drawing left my creative landscape. Words and images have become my medium from which I express myself artistically but there’s someone I met sometime ago, in addition to studying philosophy and a breakup that really influenced my writing.

There are some people we meet in life that will have a long lasting impact on us. There was a woman I met about two years ago. Instantly I felt something strong about her. She had beauty that extended with balance: physically, intellectually, and spiritually. She had a wonderful personality. All of those things I saw and discerned in her were gathered from conversation. Long story short: If you have read my blogs on being patient for love, seeking your purpose before seeking love, you’ll see where the inspiration from those blogs come from: my impatience and lack of self-love ruined the friendship this special woman and I had.

Since then, a great deal of time had passed. I’m not same person she met two years ago. What still remains the same are the feelings I have for her. Trust me when I say this, and I’ve actually share this with her while we were friends: I tried praying my feelings away because I didn’t have the patience to let whatever was going to unfold, unfold. Yes, I’ve dated other women since then. A good portion I shall say, but not with hopes of getting over her, instead to prove to others and myself that could move on and be open to love coming from someone else. In other words, the world didn’t stop because of what I felt and feel for her. But besides having feelings for her, God tells me to focus Him and writing and to be patient for love. So here I am, single and not involved with anyone.

Since the feelings I have for her continue to stay, subconsciously, my mind and my heart transcends thoughts and feelings for her into art. The height of feeling the way I did and do for her inspires to me write about love because I am still in love with her. In a way, a part of me wonders would I write with such passion, with such transparency and vulnerability. If I were to no longer feel what I feel for her or desire her, would I still write the way I do about love? To be honest, I don’t have an answer for that question. Even when the pain was there, when I couldn’t forgive myself for my mistakes, I still wrote with passion. It’s interesting how when our friendship ended, I began writing my novel and going through my personal and spiritual transformation that was need to mold and shape a better me.

I will not say her name out of respect and for her privacy; she is the inspiration behind my writing. In fact, my love for her inspired me to write poetry. The first poem I ever wrote was, This is What She Do Me. I gave her this poem and she enjoyed. Said she would frame it. That feeling felt good, but what really touched me was that she appreciated the words I used to paint a picture of how I perceived and felt about her. I believe any artist would like to have their work understood, felt and appreciated.

I don’t know how this feeling for her would last or would change if I met someone else. Either way, I’d still write with passion and vigor. So until then, I’m going to harness all the inspiration I can about her to paint portraits with words.

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How to Win Your Woman Back Pt. II

The faith you have in having another chance with this special woman must match the level of patience. So if your faith is great, so must your patience be. You have to be patient enough to allow God to ordain the time and place of when you will cross paths with her again. Getting involved in divine affairs will only cause delays and further disappointment.  Practice patience, and here’s why in the next step.

6. While you’re being patient for God to intervene on your behalf, ask Him to order your steps to her. Maybe the woman of your life doesn’t reside in the same state as you. Maybe she does, but whatever the case is, because she’s emotionally disconnected from you, you have to find your way back into her heart. This will not be an easy task. Only God can undo the wrong done. Only He can soften the heart of a woman to give you another chance. God has to reconstruct her perception by showing her you’re not the same man she knew before. God is granting you grace and mercy by her acceptance of you back into her life.

7. After you ask God to order your steps back into her life, He will clear the path for that to happen. But here’s something you should be mindful of.  I’m sorry but you can’t have other women on the side while trying to rekindle what was or what could be for the first time. You’re setting yourself up to failure. Any intelligent woman can detect if there’s someone else in the picture whether she articulates the unspoken truth or not. A woman’s intuition never lies. As I reflect over the past months or even year, I’ve met some women along the way, but God disconnected me from them and reminded me to be patient if I wanted to meet the woman He’s set aside for me. This message of being patient not only came from within, but it also came from countless strangers in conversation. The path has been cleared for me. Life is guiding me in a different direction now. One I never anticipated. God has cleared the distractions out of my life so that I can journey to a new place emotionally and mentally free and open and ready for love. Stay tuned for my next blog “I’m Ready for Love.”

Note: When God begins to move distractions out of your life, He’s clearing the path for what’s meant to be, so don’t take it personal when “friends” and “potential” love interest cut you off. This will happen by design. You have to be ready and prepared when God moves that special lady back into your life.

Thus far, I have focused on spiritual aspect of aligning yourself with the woman of your dreams. It’s time to switch gears now. These last three steps will require courage of you. Again, if you know deep down in your heart this woman is not the one for you, don’t bother to read further. If so, you’ll be fine. Continue reading. When God clears the path for you, you’re on your way to have a heart to heart conversation with her, a window of opportunity for you to win her back.

8. Be willing to embarrass yourself. On Facebook I quoted: “You know a man loves you if he’s willing to embarrass himself to get you back.” Someone made the comment on the contrary. However, any man like me, who is passionate about something or someone, will go the extreme to do whatever it takes to have it. I don’t care if it requires taking a hard hit at my pride. You have to ask yourself the question: Am I willing to embarrass myself to get her back? If you have to stand up on a table and make a public announcement to let her know how serious you are about her, then do so. If she decides to give you another chance, and she has some, let’s say, special requirements for you to follow, be wiling to abide by those rules. God bless you if she asks you she smash cake on your face out in public and repeat “I promise not to mess up again,” More power to you if that’s her request.

Note: Women are visual, and again, emotional. Creating a scene that would resonate one of a movie in her mind will do some justice. However, she will be immensely moved by originality and sincerity.

9. Again, be patient. Just because she reopens the line of communication between you and her doesn’t necessarily mean that she’s given you her heart: During this time of being patient, she actually waiting to see if all your actions and words were genuine. She also wants to see if you’re willing to really develop a friendship with her without any kind of intimacy—strictly friendship. Discipline will be required of you here. If she places you in the friend zone for six months to a year, so be it. Putting a time frame on what decision she should or shouldn’t make is unfair. Remember, you messed up. You have to follow her rules until you earned a seat in her heart. If she’s worth it, waiting should not be a problem if you love her that much.

10. Be Transparent and Communicative: You availing yourself like an open book will give her the opportunity to examine all of you—parts she didn’t see or wanted to see before. Transparency and communication will rebuild that bride of trust again. She needs to trust you before she can open up again.

Note: Your strength and attractiveness to a woman not only resides in your physical makeup or personality, but also in your ability to be transparent and communicative. Women love men who are transparent and can communicate.

11. Make a commitment to be faithful: The time you taken to focus on you and your relationship with God while you let go of the situation with the woman you’re in love with, in addition to all the leadership and spiritual qualities God was instilling in you, He was also preparing you to be a faithful lover. You see, when God takes something away from you, and you go without it for months or even years, He’s helping you to see how valuable she was to you when you had her in your life. He’s also teaching you how to be faithful to Him, so that faithfulness to Him will transition over into your faithfulness to her.

Note: When you’re being unfaithful to the woman God has given you; you’re being unfaithful to Him. When you look at her, you should see God because she was made in His image. Keeping this in mind will encourage you to love her in a way that you never knew you could love.

After God gives you a second chance with her, give thanks. By giving thanks to God, you’re acknowledging this wouldn’t have been possible without Him. By giving thanks, you’re also reminding yourself to keep Him first. By giving thanks, you’re reminding yourself, to never again, take her for granted.

If you apply these steps to your situation, if things still didn’t turn out the way you expected, you still gained something. You now have a stronger relationship with God, and you’re a whole and complete man that knows what it takes to have a successful relationship.

As always, thanks for your time and reading.

Please leave comments and share with whomever you feel may benefit from my blog.

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Learn Her Love Language of Intimacy and Love Her Accordingly, The Introduction

No matter how rough she’s been sanded by the hardships of life, she still has a soft side to her. She wants to be courted and romanced. She desires to be desired and loved. –Melvin Davis

The spirit of a woman is her true self, a side she seldom show to anyone, except her creator, and maybe a close friend/prayer partner. You can sit side by side by a woman and feel eons apart. Imagine being in a relationship with a woman feeling this way and “trying” to “make” “love” to her that matter. The results: an offbeat, difficult, pretentious, make-believe sounds of pleasure. Lovemaking should not be a challenge or difficult. It should be a smooth transition to go into. However, when you know a woman beyond her outer beauty, beyond her wall of defense, and beyond her heart, you have a wonderful opportunity to know her, but this can only be accomplished by speaking her love language of intimacy.

Part I and II of Love Her Love Language and Articulate it Confidently, my thoughts of what I think women want are couched in speaking her love language of friendship, keeping things simple, communicating effectively with her and having the ability to be transparent and vulnerable with her. To pause here for a second: a man must be patient, cautious and particular in whom he chooses to reveal and share these aspects with. Not everyone is mature enough for love, nor does everyone has a sincere desire to give and receive it. There are certain aspects of myself that I have revealed to certain women than others. One or two conversations is all I need with a woman to see she’s open and understanding to a guy like me. All of these things will enable her to find a place of comfort and security within you. In this blog, I want to push things a little bit deeper, slightly on the spiritual side although maintaining a sense of naturalism here. In other words, no matter who spiritual and holy you position yourself to be, you cannot be to spiritual and holy to the point that you suppress what you have been created to do. You are created to give and receive love. We as human beings have a desire to be touched, hugged, kissed, affirmed, complimented, in sum, affectionate and loved. At any rate, there are a few things that need to be set in motion before all these things can happen, and for you to experience the power of touch, the hug, and the kiss of someone who you feel very strongly for. When you feel a deep, close-knit connection of intimacy within someone, you are one.

What comes to mind when you hear the word intimacy is, sad to say, sex, or, if you’re with someone you’re in love with, lovemaking. Lovemaking is one aspect of intimacy, but it isn’t the only side to it. I’m sure my take on intimacy isn’t new but I want to expand, introduce for some, reintroduce for others, the core, and the essence of truly connecting to a woman beyond her heart. In order to connect to a woman beyond her heart, you must speak her love language of intimacy.

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Closer

You set a life for me to live, a standard that I cannot reach without you

I pray for a greater level of faith, and you provided the circumstance that requires it

Given the promise, the task that you have called me to, I know my faith must match its requirement

I still believe in my Gethsemane moment

Tears trickle down my cheeks because I feel the heat of pressure but still I trust

Who can I trust but you? No one. Who can love me like you? No one. Time after time, you allowed me to see this, and I’m thankful

There’s no turning back now; my faith has moved me to a place that I cannot to return to a place that I no longer call home

In you, I have comfort. In you, I have peace. In you, I am safe. Who or what can harm me?

I wait the day to receive the reward of my faith, but my relationship with you trumps all

I can see and hear clearly the words flowing from my mouth as I given account of the power of your presence in my life. I am the word from your pen. You are a wonderful and intelligible author. I love you prose

I already have when you set aside for me, but material things means nothing

This is actually a prayer of reverence that I prayed after my devotion a few moments ago.

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Learn Her Love Language and Speak it Confidently, Pt.II

If there is any emotion within her, she can love and be loved. —Melvin Davis

In part I of this blog, I noted at the core of every woman, no matter how rough she’s been sanded by the hardships of life, she still has a soft side to her. She wants to be courted and romanced. She desires to be desired and loved. And for the topic at hand, she also wants a man to speak her love languages of honesty, one of friendship and simplicity. But I want to add a few more love languages to the equation of developing a meaningful, long-lasting and spiritual, intimate relationship with a woman that could potentially lead to the altar.

Women want to be transparent and vulnerable enough with a guy to show her true self. I believe women have sides of them that they are afraid to reveal to a man because she’s afraid he may use it to have the upper hand on her. But in order for a man to make her feel comfortable enough to lay down her hair, he must speak the love languages of transparency and vulnerability. Transparency involves being open and honest with another person—not holding anything back. I define vulnerable, hence, vulnerability by making yourself available for a person to see all, including the good and the bad. No one is perfect, but presenting yourself as perfect makes you unbelievable, and does damage to the self and the other person.

It’s extremely difficult for some men and once upon, myself, to be transparent and vulnerable. However, the last woman I was in love with, and have moved on from so that my eyes could bee open to see a special someone else, and for my heart to be open to experienced that same special feeling that I felt with the previous woman, I was completely transparent and vulnerable with her. I wanted her to see all of me. I wanted her to know that I wasn’t coming with folly or to get into her pants– nor did I come with a posture of perfection but one of good, honest, sincere intentions. Although things didn’t work out, I’d take the same chance again with the next woman I feel is special enough to see all of me. Speaking a woman’s love language of transparency and vulnerability by being open, revealing the what’s going in your head, what you feel in your heart, your aspirations, your dreams, what foundations you come from, how you define or have redefined love, what love should and shouldn’t look like, your relationship with God and how you come to know God, will an intricate part in finding a home in a woman’s heart. She needs to see all you to truly understand and love all of you.

There’s also another part of the equation of developing a great relationship with a woman. She has to know that she can trust and feel secure around you. Often times men get so excited, although they come with good intentions, they, including myself, have to be extremely patient in earning a woman’s trust and for her to feel secure around you. You speak a woman’s love language of trust and security by simply being patient with her and by following her speed. There’s nothing more awful and such a turnoff than rubbing a woman the wrong way in the preliminary stages with impatience. When this happens, she may just lose interest in you—altogether forfeiting your chances of ever getting close to her. But yes, there’s that “but” of hope: if she’s curious enough, and feel that you are special to be given another chance, she will. But in the event of building or rebuilding a road that leads to her heart that you have fractured, you could earn her trust by following her speed. In other words, if she doesn’t want anything more than a relationship, don’t pursue anything more. This doesn’t necessarily mean that she’s not interested. She may have something else going in life that demands her attention or she may have recently exited a previous relationship or it just may not be the right time for her. Women have a timing of their own, because things have to be and feel right. For men, things just have to make sense lol. Anyhow, be friends with her. Being friends will provide the opportunity to earn her trust, and for her to feel secure and comfortable around you.

And a question to ask yourself guys, “what’s the rush?” Patience will bring your heart desires closer to you. Impatience will push it away.

Note:

Trusting someone with your heart is nearly like putting your life into someone else hands. I know what a relationship looks like, a marriage for that matter, when trust and security withers away from the bond that you brought you together with that person to begin with. My parent’s marriage serves as a point of reference, in addition to my last relationship of four years ago. Although my parents have moved on with their lives, the scars remain. This is why write about the topic of love with such passion and vigor. I don’t want people to experience what I saw, nor do I again.

Whatever you choose to disclose to that woman you find special, if she she’s spiritually mature, she should not judge you. This is why it’s important for you to know her love language.

Note II: There is something that doesn’t need to be disclosed, especially if they are irrelevant at the time. Learning a woman’s love language, as well as listening to the voice of God guide you into a woman’s heart, will serve you will. Love and disclose carefully.

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Learn Her Love Language and Articulate it Confidently Pt. I

Learn her love language and articulate it confidently followed by action.–Melvin Davis

I believe at the core of every woman, no matter how rough she’s been sanded by the hardships of life, she still has a soft side. She wants to be courted and romanced. I want to take a few paragraphs to expound in what I believe women really want from men. I may be wrong in sharing my perspectives here, shooting from the hip as many people say, but it’s worth the shot. Read this poetically if you will. No matter how sensitive, evasive, guarded and defensive a woman can be, by nature, by desire, at heart, she has a soft, feminine place. She desires to be desired and yearns to be loved.

A woman’s love language is the way she wants a man to love and treat her. Every woman has a love language of her own. Some women are strictly feminine, as in gentle, girly-girly, soft and delicate. And these characteristics trickle over in her conversation, body language, her conduct, the way she socializes with others, her style and dress. So the romantic kind of guy, one who is a gentleman, who has the same attributes listed above, but that of a masculine version, will more than likely, be suitable for her.  Other women who are not so girlish, a little on the edgy and aggressive side, as I have come to learn, like men to match their attitude, language and social behavior. And then there’s the woman who posses both the feminine and edgy side. Note: I mentioned certain feminine types because I think it’s important for a man to know the love language of the woman he pursues so he can proceed accordingly. I tend to lean toward the feminine, slightly edgy kind of woman because balance is good. I’ve dated women that were only edgy. It’s quite interesting to listen their comments about how they perceive me. Some aggressive women perceive me as “different,” and “rare,” and others just don’t know how to respond or interact with me. As much as these women think I’m a good fit for them, which stems from thought of trying something “new,” I know deep down inside they know I’m not, and vice versa. Because I’m drawn to the more feminine kind of woman, my approach is gentle, respectful, and not so much aggressive, not do I use vulgar language. Of course aggression is needed when necessary;) I think for the person who wants to try something new, something new must happen within you.

Honesty is one love language a woman’s wants a man to speak (men too). She’s heard the romantic and sweet-talk before, and regardless how pleasant it sounds; she wants to hear something new and refreshing. Originality and authenticity should be on the shelf of every man’s thoughts at any given moment. You don’t know whom you’re going to come across paths or make eye contact with.  The cliché is true that there’s nothing new under the sun, but you can reword the cliché and actually follow up with action. This will enable a woman to believe that you’re being sincere and honest when you approach her. She wants you to look her in the eye and tell her exactly what you want from her so she could on the same page with you. Honesty will take you far in a woman’s heart, maybe to the point of drawing tears of joy and relief from her eyes because she’s been lied to quite often, mistreated and taken for granted. Honesty will also cultivate great, spiritual intimate relationship.

Friendship and simplicity is also another love language of a woman. Be friends first. Do the simple stuff in life. Fancy dining’s and other fancy outing’s are great, however, she’s probably used to that too. My philosophy: Let the fancy wining and dining compliment the foundation you have built with a friendship by doing the simple things in life. Going to a beach or a nice waterfront to listen to the waters converse with each other under the warm rays of sun, with the wings of angels conjuring up winds to whisper poetic verses from nature, sitting side by side getting to know the true matters of her heart e.g., things she hasn’t shared with her best friend (s) or others who she considers closes to her. And while having these kinds of heart felt conversations, a tone of honesty and sincerity and eye contact will set her emotions at ease. At this point, she’s vulnerable and listening. Eye contact lets her know that you’re actually listening and interested in what she has to say. In return, she will take the time to know the true matters of your heart as well. This is an effective way to develop a great friendship, which will increase the chances of having a wonderful relationship. And after you have built a strong foundation of friendship, wining and dining it totally appropriate. This will let you know that you’re not wasting $$$, because people, and relationships for that matter, are an investment. This will also send a message to her that you’re not wining and dining to get some loving.

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