love

The Temptation of Reliving the Past: When Old Feelings Surface

To return to what God led you away from is to jeopardize where he wants to take you with the person he has for you. –Melvin Davis

What do I do now that I’m “single”? is a question many people find themselves asking when they have “moved” on from a failed relationship. You’re somewhat emotionally detached, and you’re somewhat ready to give love through someone new. However, a flashback of the “good times” crosses your mind. Those fond memories emerge with joy, somehow putting a smile on your face, until you think about the toxic and heated arguments, and the intense moments of feeling unappreciated and emotionally and spiritually disconnected. You also remember those signs of unfaithfulness and lies, being ignored and uncared for. You cried next to that person in bed until no more tears could produce from your heart. You’ve talked to so many people about the situation until your mouth grew tired. The truth made itself known to you. And you even prayed about the relationship once more, and God showed you a clear painting of the situation. In fact, you saw the view of the picture from many angles. God showed you why it’s not his will, and where it will land you if you continued to stay in the relationship. His presence penetrated deep into your heart, that you had to stop doing what your were doing to sit still and gather yourself. You felt the ache bearing deep within that you couldn’t rest well at night, or concentrate during the day.  I want to talk about The Temptation of Reliving the Past.

It’s easy to return to the familiar, because you don’t have to put in the work of getting to know someone new all over again. It takes time and patience getting to know someone, which is something you probably don’t have. You’re short on patience. These days, there isn’t much legroom for mistakes. You have probably thought about returning to that person who didn’t appreciate you, than to give some else a chance who would appreciate and deeply love you. You’re ready to write someone off, because again, you don’t have the “patience.” After all, you “know” the person you were with.

To return to what God led you away from is to jeopardize where he wants to take you with the person he has for you. You have to remind yourself why the relationship didn’t work. Besides that you were toxic for each other, there was probably one prominent force at hand that was working against you two. It wasn’t God’s will.  What’s not in God’s will have no chance at life. Of course, you could make it work, but forcing love into the equation where it’s supposed to develop naturally, just isn’t worth it. Your “I love you’s” will have no feeling or passion behind it. And the touch or the holding of hands will not produce any feelings of love, comfort and assurance that this is the person God has for you.  When you step outside of God’s will, you’re forfeiting being valued and appreciated, love and cared for, respected and adored. You’re giving up your sanity/ peace of mind, because faithfulness and commitment will always be called into question when you’re not in that person’s presence. You’re also giving up the chance to build two important foundations a God-ordained relationship should stand on, which are a friendship and a spiritual connection. Without any of these positive components, love has nothing to stand on.

Before you think about reopening a closed chapter, remember why the relationship failed. God led you away from that person for a very important reason. It wasn’t his will. To return to the past is to jeopardize where he wants to take you with the person he has for you. But that page of finding new love can’t be read until you move on from the past.

In my novel Love Again, Jennifer is temped to return to the past but she comes to her senses. Let’s take a look.

Jennifer took a seat, removed her sunglasses, and got right to it.

“Robert, you know how much I still care for you.”

“Oh, here we go,” he complained, interrupting.

 “I’ve thought about you often throughout the years. I’ve often wondered what life would’ve been like if we’d gotten back together again. But after meeting up with you in New York and DC, I admit, some old feelings resurfaced, but they quickly faded away. I don’t feel the same way for you as I once did before.”

“What do you mean?” His nostrils flared up.

“What I’m saying that it’s too late to make up for what happened several years ago,” she said blinking back tears.” Time has passed. I’ve met someone new now, someone who has believed in me since day one, someone who understands me, someone who I pushed away.”

“Like you’re doing to me now?”

“No! I’m not pushing you away. I’m freeing us from one another so that we can be open to experience love from someone else. I’m sorry Robert, but I don’t see myself being with you. I don’t see us getting married.”

Here Jennifer comes to her senses. She remember all that happened in the past, and some people just don’t change. What’s in God’s will has a second chance.

Thank you for reading my blog. I would like to ask you to take a few minutes to check out my video on indiegogo. I’m raising funds to self-publish my novel Love Again.

Here’s the link:  http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/love-again-a-novel-by-melvin-davis/x/6665495

Your donation would help me tremendously, as well as passing on my campaign to your friends.

Thanks in advance.

 

 

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The Art of Thoughtfulness: A Man’s Guide to Moving a Woman’s Heart Pt. II

How in tuned you are to a woman determines how thoughtful you are in expressing your love toward her. —Melvin Davis

Paying attention to the details of a woman’s personality, spiritual and intellectual makeup is salient in moving her heart. For love isn’t self seeking, it pours into another that them feel loved and significant, valuable,  desired and wanted. Here are a few thoughtful kind acts you can to to move a woman’s heart.

1. COOK BREAKFAST. If you really want to put a smile on her face before she leaves out the door, cook breakfast or prepare coffee or tea if. Since we know women take their time prepping for work in the a.m., they have to get up extra early in the morning to make sure they’re hair and makeup is done. And if she hasn’t picked out her outfit the night before, more than likely, that’s on her agenda too. You also have to take into account her shower. So while she’s doing all of these things, make the morning easier for her by make sure she gets a good meal before she leaves the house.

BONUS: I hope you didn’t think you were done. Depending on what state or what side of the world you live on, or if you’re living in a cool or warm climate, and must I say neighborhood. If the neighborhood is safe and you’re living in a cold climate, warm up the car for her. If hot, turn the AC on, so she’s nice in comfy. Again, the key here is to make her money less difficult as possible. You may want to prepare lunch for her.

2. COMMUNICATE THROUGHOUT THE DAY. Giving her a call or sending a text just to say “I just want to let you know I’m thinking about you. Do you need anything? Or how’s the workday going does. This may seem insignificant but it’s not. Woman love the small things. For her to know you thought about her enough to say hello or inquire about her day will mean a lot to her. That hello could be timely. She may be having a bad day or someone on the job could have upset her. Heck, her day could be going dandy, and the fact that you contacted her would the icing on the cake.

3. COOK DINNER and WASH DISHES AFTERWARD. Whether you know it or not, when a woman sees a man throwing down in the kitchen, this turns her on. I know this for a fact. NOTE:  I am no chef, but I have desire to throw down for my lady in the kitchen. I believe in loving in a quartet way: PHYSICALLY, MENTALLY, EMOTIONALLY AND SPIRITUALLY. Physically is not limited to nourishing her temple. i.e., pleasing her loving, but exercising with her, and cooking meals that are beneficial to the both of you. Yes, I know as men, we are condition to believe a woman is the only one given cooking duties. Maybe that was true decades ago, but it’s 2013. Things have changed. The expectations of expressing your love toward a woman has been altered, so embrace the challenge.

Now I know you’re probably saying, “now I have to wash dishes too?” Who knows, she may join in to help you. As I mentioned earlier, a cooking man as a sexy man to a woman. But besides that point, cooking meals takes some of the load off her in evenings and weekends. She deserves a rest too.

4.  BE ROMANTIC. MAKE HER A GREETING CARD AND COME UP WITH YOUR OWN WORDS. You probably aren’t Michelangelo or Picasso.Neither are you a Shel silverstein or a Edgar Allan Poe or a Melvin Davis, but you can be you. Originality and authenticity is something that also moves a woman. Lets say your card came out like you hired a 3rd grader to do. Okay, fine. And lets just say, finger crossed, your handwriting isn’t the best, or you don’t know how to express what you feel in words, SO WHAT!. Create and speak from your heart, She’ll appreciate your kind gesture from the bottom of her heart.

FYI: I’m pretty good with words, so if you need my assistance, contact me. Melvindvs11@gmail.com We can discuss a reasonable price 😉

5. CAR MAINTENANCE.  Taking the load off her by maintaining her car will free her up to do other things and spend more time with you.

 a. Change her Oil If you know her car is due for an oil change, change it for her or take it to get it change while she’s occupied doing something at home or if she at the salon getting her hair done. You know women spend 8 or more hours in the salon, talking more than half the time.

b. Wash her Car. Either you could wash her car for her or you can help her wash it. Think of this as an intimate time to spend with her. You two many fancy up for a water fight for that matter.

C. Take car of the registration and emissions test

 6. LAUNDRY TIME. Do the laundry. Before I committed to writing a novel, I initially wanted to write an anthology of romantic short stories. One of the stories is title Folding Clothes. For me, doing laundry with someone you love and care about is an intimate, sometimes playful moment. Doing things that aren’t related to sex or foreplay could open a door to have different kinds of conversations. You may get a pillow or sock fight in lol. Whatever suits your jovial interests are.

There are tons of things thoughtful things you can do, but I’m going to save that for the book. The stronger and deeper she feels about you, the further she’ll let you journey into her heart. Love with her thought and purpose.

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Things a Man Would Appreciate. Pt. II

6. SPIRITUALLY SUPPORTIVE. Pray with us (meaning, physically holding hands). If you’re underestimating the power of praying together in a relationship, you’re truly missing out on spiritual intimacy, on building a close-knit bond that advances beyond a friendship. I’m speaking of a soulful connection here. In my upcoming blog, Faith and Love: It’s Connection and How the Two Can Make or Break Your Relationship, I plan to touch on how faith has a language and prospective of it’s own. And if two aren’t on the same page or if one person has no desire to speak the same faith language and share similar views on how issues or a crisis should be handled, you’ll grow a part from another, and soon the relationship will fall apart. Men are the head of the household because we are called to be spiritual leaders of a marriage. This point is supported in the creation of Adam. But lets move on. When you pray with a man, you move beyond his heart to his spirit. It lets him know you that you deeply care about him, and you’re interested in being a part of his spiritual journey. You’ll also know the matters of his heart.

7. EMOTIONALLY PRESENT. Empathy works wonders. Your ability to listen actively, reciprocate back to him what he’s sharing with you, lets us know that what we said was important.

8. FAITHFULNESS. The main reason men don’t’ commit is because we’re afraid to get hurt just as women are. Trust me when I say this: A MAN WANTS A FAITHFUL WOMAN, AND HE WANTS TO COMMIT. But if we sense we can’t trust you, we will dodge a relationship, a commitment altogether. When men open up, we’re pretty much all in at that point. And being vulnerable is a scary feeling just as it is for women.

9. PATIENCE. The fact is we screw up and sometimes may say things that come off as insensitive. Some of us come from fractured family up bringing’s, so we’ll trying to love while we’re still hurting. We need your patience and understanding. You, as a woman, could help bring healing and understanding to our lives so we can love you in the way we desire to you.

10. COMMUNICATIVE. In other words, speak to us rather than nag or talk at us. Respect is # 1 on a man’s list. What nagging and talking at us does is shut us down. We’ll be talking to the fellas or someone else about issues that arise instead of you. I’ m not suggesting this is right, but a couple shouldn’t give each other the option to consult someone else for advice from outside the relationship before talking about things at home first. Talk, and we’ll listen.

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Love has the power to make life worth living. It can also transform our lives for the good. But when we don’t hold our end of the bargain to love, the consequences can be life changing, for the worse.–Melvin Davis

I plan to post a teaching on faith and love. I want to show you the relationship of the two and how faith has a language of it ‘s own, which will inherently determine the success or failure of a relationship, including business or personal. 

I have discovered my relationship with God influences of how women view me: in terms of whether they feel they can coexist with me in a relationship or not or talk about various topic. This is why it doesn’t take me long to figure out if I could see myself someone. As I’ve matured in my Christian walk, and watched my spiritual discernment heighten, it’s easier for me to see where people, younger and older, faith stand. If you ever want to know where someone faith is, do these three things.

1) Tell them what you’ve gone or going through. If you’re judged based upon your past or current circumstance, that person doesn’t have much of a relationship with God. It’s hard to walk with God and not grow into a compassionate, understanding and loving person. It’s just not possible.

2) Tell them about your acts of faith. I’ve shared some moves I had to make where I didn’t know what the outcome was going to be. God doesn’t always show you the entire picture because He wants to mature your faith. He also wants to get you in a place where you’re only depending on Him to sustain your existence, peace and provision.

3) Share your dreams and aspirations with someone. A woman told me what my chances of being a successful novelist where slim. Our friendship has never been the same. I can’t be with someone who doesn’t believe in me or support. I’d rather converse the matters of my heart with my future wife instead of another woman. Anyhow, I understood the perspective she was speaking from, which was why I was offended. Logic and reason is the barometer she uses to determine the success or failure of something.  Faith picks up where reason stops and God wouldn’t call you or me to do something he doesn’t intend to be successful at. 

Stay tune for Faith and Love. 

Love has the po…

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Two Things Women Love

A woman loves a man who actually listens to her and cares about her. But before I elaborate on that point in the next paragraph, let’s give a working definition of what listening and caring means To listen is to be attentive of what and how something is being said and to apply what’s being said. Apply means to react, respond or take a point or a suggestion into consideration. To care is to be emphatic, sensitive, letting the other person know that they matter

A woman loves a man who’s a great listener and who cares about what she has to say and how she feels because its lets her know that you’re in tuned and paying attention to her. Part of the reason women walk away from men is because they fail to listen. Something that seems so small and insignificant could be the very reason a relationship crumbles or why men blow a chance before they could even have one. A lack of attentiveness sends a sign to a woman who you’re insensitive and self-centered. If she comes to the conclusion that everything is about you, then she thinks you are probably better off by yourself.

What listening and caring does is move you closer into a woman’s heart, making her feel like you are one with her instead of a man who’s just taking up space in her life. It shows her you can be a friend and lover. She’s not looking for a vegetable, but a relationship. Listening and caring also opens a door to experience a deeper level of intimacy with her and I’m not just talking about making love but I’m eluding to experiencing a more caring and love side of her that she wants to feel safe, confident and comfortable to do.

Something simple as listening and caring can take you a long way. It could lead into a marriage and a successful one at that.

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Practice now or develop all the qualities you look for in a significant other. A time of singleness is a time of preparation. –Melvin Davis

There are many people out there praying to meet the right person. They are waiting with excitement and patience  for that special person to walk into their life and leave long-lasting, life changing footprints on their heart, deeper, their spirit and soul. But while you’re waiting, here are few things to practice or to pray for while you’re single.

Note: Preparation is key for a successful relationship that will lead to these two special words “I DO.”

  1. Love selflessly. Give and do for others without expecting anything in return. You’ll feel good about yourself. Pay for someone coffee at a café or lunch. Bless someone financially. It doesn’t have to be a lot.  Donate blood. That was my good deed today. My blood type is O negative, so I donate whenever I get a chance.
  2. Faithfulness. How many are you faithful to God?  If you aren’t’ fully committed to God and His will for your life, how can He trust you with His blessings? Life is filled with tests that God situates to see how you would respond. You have to pass the test to advance. But if you fail, God is merciful and filled with grace. You will get a second chance, but treat that second chance like it’s your last.  If He can’t trust you with the blessing, you forfeit all that He wants to give you.
  3. Patience. Lets all take a deep sigh of relief. Patience is a constant struggle for many. As much as blog about being patient for love, I have my moments when I’m impatient. But what I’ve learned about God, when I pray to have great faith and patience, He provides the circumstances to develop it. Someone in your family may be trying your patience or someone on your job. Remember, life is filled with test. This is your opportunity to develop patience so when your future husband or wife does something to offend you or when you’re going through a rough time, patience will be pivotal and the deciding factor if you will get over the hump. Love with patience. Be understanding.
  4. Love is Honest and it is TRUTH! If you can’t practice honesty in small matters as a single man or woman how can you in a relationship? Honesty and truth are foundation of building and having a transparent relationship. Communicate exactly how you feel about certain things, of course in a respectful and sensible way, so that when God blesses you with that special person, you’ll have no difficultly being honest and truthful with that person.
  5. Be Forgiving. Let’s have another deep sigh of relief. If you can’t forgive someone who has offended you, how can you be forgiving in a relationship?  Forgiveness is linked to patience and understanding. Put yourself in the shoes in the person you may have done you wrong to. You’d want to make things right and would want a second chance, right?
  6. Be KindGenerousOpen minded and Flexible. If you’re stubborn and stiff, no one will enjoy your company except those who are like-minded and mirror the same social behaviors. Don’t be a grouch, rude or overly sarcastic. Give someone a compliment. Last week at my job, I was helping this woman out with shoes. When I left to check for her size, something said, “Give her a compliment.” I didn’t have to rationalize about this because she was attractive, but I did because I wasn’t sure how she’d respond.  I didn’t’ want her to think I was hitting on her or was trying to get the digits. Nonetheless, I let the opportunity pass. So I said God, if the opportunity presents itself again to compliment her, I would and it did. I told her she was beautiful. Her face lit up, cheeks blossoming red. She said ‘Thank you. You’re so sweet and handsome. You made my day.” Knowing that I made her day made me feel good.  Her compliment also did some justice 😉  When you give a compliment, you’ll receive a compliment. After she left, about a half hour later, another woman walked in and gave me a compliment.  If you can’t compliment someone while you’re single, what are you chances of complimenting your significant other on a consistent basis? Be kind, generous, open minded and flexible now.
  7. Be Encouraging. Inspire someone else. What a blessing it is for a husband and wife to encourage and inspire each other to go after the things God placed in their heart. I imagine my wife saying “Mel, you haven’t reached your potential yet as a writer after selling millions of copies. Or, babe, I know you can’t find the right words to say depict how character X feels Y, but you can do it. Keep at it. Or, don’t worry about what other people may say, take on that opportunity to be featured on the front cover of GQ magazine.”  Forgive me for my imagination. I always had a peculiar one as kid.

Beside every confident husband is a believing and supporting wife, and vice versa. The sky is the limit for a man when his wife sees and believes in his vision.  Be encouraging now. Inspire someone now so you can in your next relationship.

8. Live a healthy lifestyle NOW. Be Consistent, NOW. Preserve your sexy, NOW. Once you get comfortable in a relationship, that’s not the time to slack or to stop doing the things you did before you met that special person. Eat healthy now and exercise now. If you lose your sexy in the relationship, chances are high to lose the passion and the physical and emotional attraction you had.  I don’t’ know about you, but I’m going to continue to maintain my sexy so I can catch and keep my woman eye. I’m just saying too.

9. Do FUN AND EXCITING THINGS NOW. Self-explanatory.

10. And out of these things, LOVE YOURSELF ! Yes you may suffer from loneliness. That’s natural. You’re human. We’re created to be in and to form relationships. My mantra is: GOD DOESN’T BRING SOMEONE IN YOUR LIFE TO COMPLETE YOU, BUT TO COMPLIMENT YOU, TO ADD TO YOUR CUP SO THAT IT OVERFLOWS. If you can’t love yourself, how can you love someone else? You can’t. You’d always feel insecure; never feeling like you can give your best. You can give your best by giving yourself the best and by loving others.

Practice now or…

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A lack of affection could make one person feel eons away from their significant other in the same room. –Melvin Davis

Compatibility is just as important as good looks. If you’re with someone who isn’t as affectionate as you, your chances of being unhappy down the road is likely. Get to know a person before you commit. Something simple as affection could be the deciding factor of having a relationship with that person you’re spending time with.

A lack of affection could…

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