You’ll save yourself from heartbreak if you get to know the person before you decide you want to be with them.-Melvin Davis
A time of singleness is a time of preparation. Pray to become the man who God sees in you.–Melvin Davis
Reflecting on the past three years of my life, I saw myself becoming the man who God sees in me. What began that process was heartbreak. And that heartbreak led me to take a deeper look at myself, which was quite painful and embarrassing. I saw things that I didn’t like about myself, and certain relationship patterns that were repetitive in my life. So I stopped praying for love, for a wife to spend the rest of my life with. I focused on myself. Prioritizing will position you to acquire your heart desires.
There are plenty of great men in the Bible that admire, that move to the point of saying, “I want to have certain qualities and Godly traits. I wanted the faith that they had. I wanted the intimate relationship they have with God, and I can confidently say, I’ve been successful thus far. I studied these men for myself–not for love, not for a wife. However, in hindsight, I saw God grooming me into the man who would position me for success as a novelist and businessman, to develop a stronger relationship with Him. And relevant to the topic at hand, to become the husband, the spiritual leader in the sacred union with my wife and future father I will soon be one day. A time of singleness is truly a time of preparation. I know this for a fact.
This blog serves the purpose of highlighting certain qualities and characteristics that aren’t tied to who I am, what I’ve become in Christ. Every man has his own purpose and personality in God. I want you to focus on what these great and awesome men in the bible had and stood for, as I have interpreted them. I believe that every woman should desire a man like this.
If you’re not comparable to each other, misunderstandings will be a continuous occurrence. The intention of loving will turn into judgment, and respect will soon transform into contempt. —Melvin Davis
As I’ve matured over the years in my faith and relationship with God, reflecting on past and most recent experiences, I see how important it is to be with someone who is spiritually compatible (“equally yoked”) with you. If you’re with someone who doesn’t’ take their faith and spirituality seriously, more than likely, you will be criticized, judged and misunderstood when God requires you to do something that seems illogical, which will ultimately put you in a place to censor your conversation, the sharing of past experiences–essentially who you are. In addition, when you’re with someone who don’t have a certain kind of respect and adoration to God and of His blessings, they will do inappropriate things in a relationship to disrespect you, such as accept sentimental gifts from others, or discretely sexting or sending flirtatious texts to others while their in and out of your presence. It’s not a coincidence that such people find themselves losing out on a great thing, and that they continue to search for love through sex–repeating the same relationship patterns and dysfunctional behaviors of their past. You’ll never find and experience love beginning a relationship with sex.
What I’m continuing to do in part II of this blog is simply outline what a relationship looks like when you’re with someone who’s has strong faith and a relationship with God.
For my devotional reading two nights ago and yesterday morning, I read chapters 1-4 in the book of Genesis. The word “comparable” jumped out at me when I read that God “saw fit” for man (Adam) to not be alone. This enlightenment inspired the remaining points of this blog.
6. When you are spiritual compatible to each other, you are a support and help to each other. There’s nothing like being in a relationship when you know your significant other has your back no matter what. They’re a voice of presence, a shoulder for you to lean on when you feel like giving up on yourself or when you feel most vulnerable. Sad to say, they’re people in relationships who significant other takes advantage of them when they feel most weakest. Can you imagine being with someone, and they know you’re struggling with whatever, and their taking what you confide in them and sharing it with other people? You thought they had your best interest because they told you they believed in you or how they were going to be with you in the beginning, but as time changed, they realized they were not willing to be by your side?
Whether you’re trying to materialize a dream that God has placed in your heart, or take on an endeavor or opportunity to move up the corporate ladder in your career, or whether you’re fighting something that’s haunting you from a previous relationship, or from a traumatic childhood experience, you’re significant is suppose cover and protect you when you’re most vulnerable, and to pray and help you during your time of difficulty.
7. There’s a common ground of mutual respect. When a couple knows they are a gift to one another that presumes a high-level of respect that follows. Respect goes a long way in a relationship, because it’s the very thing that keeps two people from saying or doing hurtful things they will later regret. They will also take pride in respecting one another when they’re away from each other. For instance, there isn’t a need to worry what your significant is doing when they’re handing out with other friends or are away for business. You know in the back of your mind they wouldn’t do anything inappropriate to jeopardize the relationship.
8. When you’re with someone your spiritually compatible with, you have a shared vision, and foundation of love you want to build your life on and future family. To know you’re with someone who loves God, there’s a sense of security you can experience with that person. You know that the source of their strength and self-survival is not only contingent on you, but God Himself. You also know that, although they’re not perfect, their morals and ethical standards are built upon a solid foundation of God. You can see yourself having a family with this person because you know they equipped to store biblical beliefs in them that will prepare them for the world we live in.
9. You have the opportunity to experience unconditional love. To know that your significant other or spouse loves you unconditionally gives you peace and a great sense of security. When someone loves you unconditionally, they’re making a conscious to love all of you and all of who you’re not. They understand that you’re not perfect, but because you have God in your life, they know you will become all God wants you to be. They don’t’ see a person is inapt or weak, but a person who’s made in the image and likeness in God.
10. You can experience soulful lovemaking. When God brings two together to become one, they are joined together not just in mind, body, and spirit, but the soul as well. To experience this kind of connection is like being in heaven: this person understands your love language and intellect that you only you get. There’s not much explaining or misinterpreting because know the core and the essence of who you are. And when you make love, factoring all of these elements, adding on the respect, the companionship, the unconditional love, knowing that person is a help and support to you, that moment of making love will be a soulful one. You’re making a love with a person who knows you.
Stay tune for my next two blogs title Relationship Patterns: Understanding Your Love Interest Before You Say I Do or Lets Make this Official and How to Tell if That Person Is the One for You
Creativity is a gift; a thing without shape. It’s the spirit of inspiration. The experiences we acquire throughout life is the flesh, the thing that makes the inspiration real, felt once it’s created. –Melvin Davis
If this blog post burns any bridge between any potential lover and I, aware and unaware, then so be it. When I write, I can’t help but to be candid and honest. It’s what aim for as an aspiring novelist. Whether a writer chooses to disclose what inspires them to write is their choice. I’m a man of empathy: what I love about writing is being able to have a spiritual, intellectual and emotional connection with my readers. I want them to feel what I feel and see what I see whatever it is that I’m writing.
Subliminally, in many of my blogs and poems, except the borderline erotic ones, I’ve hinted to who inspires me to write. Note: the poems I write that are erotic, never comes from a place of lust, but from a place of expressing how I would engage my future wife. But I understand the difficulty for many religious and “holy” people to discard lovemaking, openly, from their conversation. Of course, if I were married, or seriously courting someone or dating, the intimacy of what she and I would share would no be up for entertainment. Lovemaking is a sacred. I totally agree. My borderline erotic poems are sincere creative sacred expressions. Not trash. But back to the point: I never envision expressing myself through words and being this quite transparent. As a child, I was very imaginative and creative. I enjoyed drawing however in my adulthood life, drawing left my creative landscape. Words and images have become my medium from which I express myself artistically but there’s someone I met sometime ago, in addition to studying philosophy and a breakup that really influenced my writing.
There are some people we meet in life that will have a long lasting impact on us. There was a woman I met about two years ago. Instantly I felt something strong about her. She had beauty that extended with balance: physically, intellectually, and spiritually. She had a wonderful personality. All of those things I saw and discerned in her were gathered from conversation. Long story short: If you have read my blogs on being patient for love, seeking your purpose before seeking love, you’ll see where the inspiration from those blogs come from: my impatience and lack of self-love ruined the friendship this special woman and I had.
Since then, a great deal of time had passed. I’m not same person she met two years ago. What still remains the same are the feelings I have for her. Trust me when I say this, and I’ve actually share this with her while we were friends: I tried praying my feelings away because I didn’t have the patience to let whatever was going to unfold, unfold. Yes, I’ve dated other women since then. A good portion I shall say, but not with hopes of getting over her, instead to prove to others and myself that could move on and be open to love coming from someone else. In other words, the world didn’t stop because of what I felt and feel for her. But besides having feelings for her, God tells me to focus Him and writing and to be patient for love. So here I am, single and not involved with anyone.
Since the feelings I have for her continue to stay, subconsciously, my mind and my heart transcends thoughts and feelings for her into art. The height of feeling the way I did and do for her inspires to me write about love because I am still in love with her. In a way, a part of me wonders would I write with such passion, with such transparency and vulnerability. If I were to no longer feel what I feel for her or desire her, would I still write the way I do about love? To be honest, I don’t have an answer for that question. Even when the pain was there, when I couldn’t forgive myself for my mistakes, I still wrote with passion. It’s interesting how when our friendship ended, I began writing my novel and going through my personal and spiritual transformation that was need to mold and shape a better me.
I will not say her name out of respect and for her privacy; she is the inspiration behind my writing. In fact, my love for her inspired me to write poetry. The first poem I ever wrote was, This is What She Do Me. I gave her this poem and she enjoyed. Said she would frame it. That feeling felt good, but what really touched me was that she appreciated the words I used to paint a picture of how I perceived and felt about her. I believe any artist would like to have their work understood, felt and appreciated.
I don’t know how this feeling for her would last or would change if I met someone else. Either way, I’d still write with passion and vigor. So until then, I’m going to harness all the inspiration I can about her to paint portraits with words.
There is a time to love, and a time to seek your purpose. Wise is the person who finds love seeking their purpose than the one who seeks love not knowing who they are. Your purpose is a part of who you are.–Melvin Davis
I want to say up front this blog isn’t intended to be preachy or judgmental. It’s never my intentions to do either. What I want to do is encourage you prioritize what’s important in your life. I’ve made my mistakes in the past so it would be impossible for me to uphold a posture of perfection or as a man who has it altogether. But I will say I am not the same person from my latter years.
Over the past year so, since I’ve been writing on the topic of love, my readers often engage me in questions or request my insight about their relationships. Whether verbally or through written word, I listen and read what’s not being said. And what’s not being, is more than likely, is what a person really wants to say but cannot say it because what they are experiencing is clouding their ability unearth the truth behind what they feel and think about their relationship and the other person. I help people articulate what they want to say and see what they need to see, so that they will have clear direction to act accordingly to avoid hurt. After it’s all said and done, it’s ultimately their decision to take what they receive and apply.
Once upon a time I was man that was so engaged in finding love, mainly for the reason that I felt that I needed someone else in my life to feel alive, loved and valued. And if I am honest, although I have conquered loneliness, I still have moments of loneliness. I’m aware that loneliness and a sense of belongingness is a part of the human condition. We are created to be in relationship with one another, whether friendship or romantically. Resolving the issues within that are toxic to you and others, learning who you are, and the main message in this blog, discovering your purpose before seeking love, will help you defeat loneliness. I would be lying to you if I said that there aren’t benefits of having a great person in your life, whom you could trust and converse with sincerity and passion with, as well as share moments of humor that follows laughter from the belly (good times), someone you could grow spiritually with by letting them see how you’re personal and intimate relationship with God is like. A person’s relationship with God reveals who they are, how they think about like, how they see you in the context as lover, as friend. I believe God is a great God, therefore, the great woman He blesses me with; I will treat with a high level of respect and adoration, and love her in an awesome way that’s inclusive of mind, body and spirit. I like to coin these three entities as the trinity of love, a holistic way of loving someone.
In part II of this blog, I will elaborate on the consequences of seeking love before your purpose. Then I will conclude with the benefits to end on an inspirational note.
As always, thanks for reading. And by all means, leave comments. I encourage them. I’m interested in what you have to say.
You are a gift from above: I must protect you
Your heart is my gem, so precious: I value it
In disagreements, I cannot let such vile words come from my mouth to touch your ears:
You are sensitive and gentle,
I am imperfect, but I pray my imperfections won’t hurt you, but forgive me if I do
You are one with me, therefore, when you hurt, I hurt
You are the love of my life, I am thankful to be a part of yours
Promise to be one with me-even when I’m not your presence
If something is wrong, communicate to me. I want to make it better
If I fail at loving you, I failed at loving myself
If any tears are to come from your eyes, I pray that they are tears of joy