love

Single in Public. A Couple in Private

Some relationships are intentionally undefined for the option of having the benefits of it, but not the commitment.–Melvin Davis

Before I get into the message of this message, I pray that you seek God in love life. Who God has for and who you have mind may not align together.  Pray about that person before you get emotionally involve. The common mistake women make is mistaking good sex for love. Men often translate giving gifts to secure a relationship. Lust doesn’t translate into love and It sure isn’t a strong foundation to build a relationship on. Love can’t be purchased at a price. No matter how much you spend on a woman to buy her love, it can’t be bought. You are either renting her or giving her materialistic things instead of giving your time. A women of God isn’t moved by expensive gifts or any gifts if she can provide those things on her own and she knows the love is found in how much time a man spends with her. Quality time is when friendships are developed, respect and faithfulness is established, God is talked about as being first, which in sum, gives love a foundation to stand up on.

Your body is truly a temple. It’s where the Holy Spirit resides. He sends a message to your heart to let you know what’s not of the God the Father. That’s called conviction. God can do more with a heart set on pleasing him than willfully doing your own thing. I encourage you to wait until the day you say, “I do.” You will save yourself from unnecessary soul-ties, regrets and building the foundation of your relationship on premature intimacy. I know this is a challenge, but it’s worth undertaking. God keeps His word. He is not a liar.

Human behavior is intriguing. Through watching dating couples in public I can tell if they have just met, have been dating for a long time, or if they’re in or not in love. I could also see these things in married couples as well. I want o share five ways you can tell you are Single in Public.

1. Spacing

The space couples share between each other is significant. Too much distance sends a message to the person you’re with, and to the public, that you aren’t together. Intimacy is defined as “familiar” or “personal” or “private”. In a relationship, intimacy is an emotional and spiritual sacred connection you share with someone. You are familiar with that person because you intimately know each other. Sex is a form of intimacy, but it’s not the kind I’m talking about. A few synonyms of intimacy are nearness, closeness and inseparable. There’s a sense of warmness and closeness between two couples in public when they are in love. Affection is visible, even if it’s a stroke against the arm, a hand resting on the lower back or a kiss on the lips or the cheek . This is what intimacy looks like in public.

Too much distance, silence, a lack of chemistry and connectivity is either a sign of an emotional or spiritual disconnect. Or worse, the person doesn’t feel the same way you do. Confessing you are in a relationship in secret doesn’t suggest you are in public.

Too much distance is a negative.

2. Body Language.

Every person isn’t “mushy” in public. Some people are uncomfortable with PDA. For others, it takes time to arrive to this point. Another reason could be is self-consciousness.

 Interesting enough, some people or couples care about how they are perceived in public when they show affection. Some men don’t want to be perceived as weak or sensitive. They feel like PDA subtracts from their masculinity. There some women who don’t want to be viewed as clingy or insecure. These are some valid reasons for not showing affection in public.

However, when you are in love, nothing else outside of the sacred union of your relationship matters. You don’t care what others think or have to say about you. Better yet,  you are excited to show that person off. You This is you’re opportunity to share your testimony meeting that special person publicly. Unfortunately, there are dishonest people who are in relationships with God-fearing, faithful and passionately devoted people. Here are two examples that poor body language.

a. If you’re out at restaurant, a cafe, or somewhere sitting down or standing, and an attractive person walks in, and your significant other eyes shift and stay on that person, not only are they acknowledging  their physical attraction, but they’re signal of interest is non-verbally communicated. Or, and I’ve witnessed this happen a lot, a persons entire body will shift in the direction of the person they’re attracted or interested in.  They’re chest or head will slightly turn in their direction. This is simple an invitation communicated with body language. I’ve done this before and saw women respond that way to me. This kind of behavior happening in your relationship is  a no no.

 b. Hands and arms are close to the body.

Couples tend to hold hands in public or intertwine arms when they’re on the same page with each other. But when one person is unfaithful in their heart, their hands will be preoccupied with everything else except the person they’re with. Men will often stuff their hands in their pockets to demonstrate they are not with the woman they’re with. Women will fiddle in their purse. In 2015, both men and women will hop in their phone to respond to text and FB messages, etc. Distance is also created by stepping away.

3. An Improper Introduction.

There’s nothing more awkward and disappointing than meeting your significant friend (s), and you hear, this is _insert name___ , instead of this is my boy or girlfriend, fiancé.  If you’re simply introduced by name without the title, you may want to question the authenticity of your relationship.

There really isn’t an excuse of introducing your significant other by their name only. Love is not absentminded. Love means that you put the person love first. Of course, not above God. When that person is first in your life, they are a priority. You’re always thinking of them. You are thinking of them in private and in public. Being relationship conscious communicates that you are in love. When you are in love, the person you’re introducing significant should know they are more than just a friend.

4.  Flirting

I’m sure you heard the saying, “this is a part of my personality. I’m flirtatious.” Well, there’s a difference between being outgoing, and “friendly” vs flirting. I’m more than glad to break it down for you. I mention earlier love is mindful. Love is also respectful

Given the mindfulness and respect you have for the love of your life, you are aware of how you interact with the opposite sex. It  means you are conscious that  certain behaviors,  interactions and  conversations (in person,  on social media, via text or over the phone) are no longer acceptable.

The absence of respect and mindfulness results to flirting. Flirting unveils that you don’t appreciate the person you’re with and value the relationship you have with them. Flirting furthermore indicates you single and available to entertain someone outside of the relationship. Firing lets the other person know they have a chance.

5. Public Indifference.

It’s amazing how couples treat each other in public. Couples who are truly in love are extremely comfortable in public. They’re very much playful, communicative, affectionate , transparent and respectful. You could literally sense the genuine love they have for each other. Another way to tell if you’re single in public is public indifference.

Public indifference is an opportunity for a significant other to create a riff or conflict to kill PDA . Arguments in public is an excuse to be cold, distant and indifferent so you don’t have to stand near, hold hands or talk.

If these are behaviors of you’ve witnessed in your relationship, its take to pray and have that talk. It’s no a good feeling to feel you are only a couple in private. It’s not fair to you. I pray that you make the wise decisionl

 

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I rather capture your heart and mind than catch your eye.-Melvin Davis

 

When you haven’t experienced a deeper level of love, physical attraction speaks in high volumes, and is first over the underlying important tangibles that sustain love. Love is more than just physical attraction. I’m not suggesting that it doesn’t matter. The reality is that good looks don’t always translate into love, faithfulness or respect. More often, it’s the opposite. When you experienced a deeper and greater depth of beauty in someone else, your definition and views of attraction expands. It changes and evolves into something more realistic, mature and meaningful.

A spiritual, soulful connection is more powerful than physical attraction. There’s something ethereal about a spiritual, soulful connection. Imagine looking at a book without words. The page is bare, yet you could feel something surging inside of you that sing the tune of your heart. And that escorts your spirit to tropical islands and into heavenly realms. You can’t see the words, yet you feel them. You can’t see the words, yet you see the image that’s being painted in your mind. It’s perfect. A masterpiece. A spiritual, soulful connection works the same way. You could sit in each other’s presence, and communicate without words; touch without holding hands, because the love that’s nettling you two closer together resides under the coat of your skin.

I rather capture a woman’s heart and mind, now to add, spirit than her eye. Physical attraction withers away everyday, and an unforeseen freak accident could happen. If I won her over good looks, well, there’s go her interest and the relationship. But if she found beauty in my heart, mind and spirit, I know she’ll stay. I’ve found a Proverbs 31 kind of woman.

Stay tuned for another upcoming short blog called The Beauty of Imperfections  

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A Deeper Attraction

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love

An Open Letter to My Future Wife

 

To My Future Wife,

 

I penned this letter now instead of later, because I want to thank God in advance for you. I already know you’re going to be an amazing woman. You’re going to be exactly what I prayed for. And by the time I meet you, I’m going to be everything you need me to be. So whoever you are, wherever you are, here’s an open letter I want to send to you, for all to see. I know you’ll be a testimony of my patience. I hope that your heart to open to receive these words.

 

I know that you’re probably in another situation now. Maybe you’re trying to work things out with the guy you’re with. Maybe your heart is healing from a terrible breakup, one that you invested a great deal of your time and energy in. Perhaps there are some other personal issues going on in your life, that’s preventing you from walking into mine.  May be we just haven’t met. Whatever that’s going in your life, there’s no rush. God’s timing is perfect. We will grace each other eyes and touch each other’s heart. We will enjoy plenty of days and evenings together, whether conversing about life, laughing about something silly, or doing something we both enjoy. I want you to know, that wherever you are in life, I’m praying for you to experience wholeness. I want you to be complete and happy, full of joy before you meet me. I’m going to look at you as a compliment to my life—only to add to it—never to subtract or divide from it.

 

And you’re not the only who’s being prepared for marriage. While I’m waiting on you, God is shaping me into the man he wants me to be for you: A protector and a provider, a great communicator, and a spiritual leader. He also wants me to be a great lover, a man who can make love to the deepest parts of you, and who can also be intimate without physical touch.  He’s molding me into a man who’s transparent, and vulnerable–vulnerable enough to accept you in my life without reservation of being hurt. He’s building my trust in him, so I can fully trust you, my blessing.

 

I want to end this letter by saying: I look forward to developing a wonderful friendship with you: One that’s based on open and honest communication, trust and prayer. I look forward to learning everything about you. I want to know the woman behind closed doors that many seldom see. I want to know what’s inside your heart, because that’s where your true treasure lies. I want to know what’s in your spirit, because that’s where your true beauty lies. I want to know you before I propose to you.

 

Until we cross paths, don’t rush love. We’ll find each other soon. I know it. I can feel it. I’ll see you soon.

 

David Bradshaw,

 

 

Thank you for reading the introduction of my novel. To listen to the audio version on youtube, here’s the link: http://youtu.be/OVjSamRZUh0

For information about my novel, check out my video below.

 

 

 

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love

A woman’s heart is a man’s sanctuary. Her loving is his place of intimacy, where he feels one with her. –Melvin Davis

A point I will highlight in my upcoming blog, Things a Man Would Appreciate, is trust.  Some men do have a desire to communicate, and to be open and transparent, but if he can’t trust you with the matters of his heart, out of fear you may take what he share as a sign of weakness or that you may share personal information with someone else, he will not open up. 

Love making at it’s best resides in the sacred union of marriage. It’s where a man, and of course a woman, feels one with his wife. It’s when two souls are one, heart against heart, emotion connected to the other, two thinking on the same intellectual frequency, makes love making a spiritual occasion, a blessing to each other soul. 

A woman’s heart…

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Practice now or develop all the qualities you look for in a significant other. A time of singleness is a time of preparation. –Melvin Davis

There are many people out there praying to meet the right person. They are waiting with excitement and patience  for that special person to walk into their life and leave long-lasting, life changing footprints on their heart, deeper, their spirit and soul. But while you’re waiting, here are few things to practice or to pray for while you’re single.

Note: Preparation is key for a successful relationship that will lead to these two special words “I DO.”

  1. Love selflessly. Give and do for others without expecting anything in return. You’ll feel good about yourself. Pay for someone coffee at a café or lunch. Bless someone financially. It doesn’t have to be a lot.  Donate blood. That was my good deed today. My blood type is O negative, so I donate whenever I get a chance.
  2. Faithfulness. How many are you faithful to God?  If you aren’t’ fully committed to God and His will for your life, how can He trust you with His blessings? Life is filled with tests that God situates to see how you would respond. You have to pass the test to advance. But if you fail, God is merciful and filled with grace. You will get a second chance, but treat that second chance like it’s your last.  If He can’t trust you with the blessing, you forfeit all that He wants to give you.
  3. Patience. Lets all take a deep sigh of relief. Patience is a constant struggle for many. As much as blog about being patient for love, I have my moments when I’m impatient. But what I’ve learned about God, when I pray to have great faith and patience, He provides the circumstances to develop it. Someone in your family may be trying your patience or someone on your job. Remember, life is filled with test. This is your opportunity to develop patience so when your future husband or wife does something to offend you or when you’re going through a rough time, patience will be pivotal and the deciding factor if you will get over the hump. Love with patience. Be understanding.
  4. Love is Honest and it is TRUTH! If you can’t practice honesty in small matters as a single man or woman how can you in a relationship? Honesty and truth are foundation of building and having a transparent relationship. Communicate exactly how you feel about certain things, of course in a respectful and sensible way, so that when God blesses you with that special person, you’ll have no difficultly being honest and truthful with that person.
  5. Be Forgiving. Let’s have another deep sigh of relief. If you can’t forgive someone who has offended you, how can you be forgiving in a relationship?  Forgiveness is linked to patience and understanding. Put yourself in the shoes in the person you may have done you wrong to. You’d want to make things right and would want a second chance, right?
  6. Be KindGenerousOpen minded and Flexible. If you’re stubborn and stiff, no one will enjoy your company except those who are like-minded and mirror the same social behaviors. Don’t be a grouch, rude or overly sarcastic. Give someone a compliment. Last week at my job, I was helping this woman out with shoes. When I left to check for her size, something said, “Give her a compliment.” I didn’t have to rationalize about this because she was attractive, but I did because I wasn’t sure how she’d respond.  I didn’t’ want her to think I was hitting on her or was trying to get the digits. Nonetheless, I let the opportunity pass. So I said God, if the opportunity presents itself again to compliment her, I would and it did. I told her she was beautiful. Her face lit up, cheeks blossoming red. She said ‘Thank you. You’re so sweet and handsome. You made my day.” Knowing that I made her day made me feel good.  Her compliment also did some justice 😉  When you give a compliment, you’ll receive a compliment. After she left, about a half hour later, another woman walked in and gave me a compliment.  If you can’t compliment someone while you’re single, what are you chances of complimenting your significant other on a consistent basis? Be kind, generous, open minded and flexible now.
  7. Be Encouraging. Inspire someone else. What a blessing it is for a husband and wife to encourage and inspire each other to go after the things God placed in their heart. I imagine my wife saying “Mel, you haven’t reached your potential yet as a writer after selling millions of copies. Or, babe, I know you can’t find the right words to say depict how character X feels Y, but you can do it. Keep at it. Or, don’t worry about what other people may say, take on that opportunity to be featured on the front cover of GQ magazine.”  Forgive me for my imagination. I always had a peculiar one as kid.

Beside every confident husband is a believing and supporting wife, and vice versa. The sky is the limit for a man when his wife sees and believes in his vision.  Be encouraging now. Inspire someone now so you can in your next relationship.

8. Live a healthy lifestyle NOW. Be Consistent, NOW. Preserve your sexy, NOW. Once you get comfortable in a relationship, that’s not the time to slack or to stop doing the things you did before you met that special person. Eat healthy now and exercise now. If you lose your sexy in the relationship, chances are high to lose the passion and the physical and emotional attraction you had.  I don’t’ know about you, but I’m going to continue to maintain my sexy so I can catch and keep my woman eye. I’m just saying too.

9. Do FUN AND EXCITING THINGS NOW. Self-explanatory.

10. And out of these things, LOVE YOURSELF ! Yes you may suffer from loneliness. That’s natural. You’re human. We’re created to be in and to form relationships. My mantra is: GOD DOESN’T BRING SOMEONE IN YOUR LIFE TO COMPLETE YOU, BUT TO COMPLIMENT YOU, TO ADD TO YOUR CUP SO THAT IT OVERFLOWS. If you can’t love yourself, how can you love someone else? You can’t. You’d always feel insecure; never feeling like you can give your best. You can give your best by giving yourself the best and by loving others.

Practice now or…

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 Many make decisions of being with someone based upon what a person doesn’t have in the present, that they miss an opportunity to experience love with them in their success. —Melvin Davis

Love is something that is felt and experienced deep within, yet so many people miss out on the love of their life by drawing conclusions based upon what they see on the surface.  So man people are looking for something meaningful with a surface-like perspective on life and people. I hear so many women say I won’t date this or that guy if doesn’t have it altogether, of if he doesn’t have this or that thing. And so many men overlook women because they don’t dress a particular way. It’s important to keep in mind, that the person who is walking with God, who knows what their purpose and passion is, and is actively pursuing it, will not go without certain necessities for long.

I strongly believe, that if the person you have your eyes set on, cannot see what God has placed in you and where He’s taking you, is not meant to be a part of your destiny. They will not be able to the handle magnitude and the influence that will come once you’re in the place of success, so don’t take it person when you’re overlooked or discounted.

Material possessions won’t guarantee longevity in a relationship or a successful marriage. It is God who brings two people together and His presence in the union that will sustain a successful relationship or marriage.

Many make decis…

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If you’re in love with someone, you won’t cheat on that person. If you like that person but still care for them, you still have a chance of being unfaithful. Liking/caring and being in love aren’t the same feelings. —Melvin Davis

I find it difficult to believe that someone could be in love with two people at the same time. The only being that could be in two places at once is God. He could stand next to and love a billion people at once. Human beings aren’t designed that way because we aren’t omnipresent.

I believe that if you’re in love with someone, although you may come across many attractive people throughout the day or while you’re away on a trip, those people you cross paths with aren’t going to tempt you to leave what you’ve built for years with the love of your life or what you’re beginning to build if you just met that person. Love keeps you home, focused and close to the heart of the love of your life.

So often I come across people who have cheated on their significant others and they say, “but I really care about him or her.” Yes, I believe they do care for the person they’re cheating on, but they’re confessing is that what they feel doesn’t translate into being in love. Being in love is an emotional feeling that transcends into spiritual. The spiritual side of love is the connection that God bridges between two people when He brings them together. Caring for someone is also an emotional feeling, but it’s relatively distant from having romantic feelings for someone

Faith is something spiritual, which means faithfulness, has the same nature as well. In other words, we have to be disciplined in our spirit so we can discipline in our flesh to make a commitment everyday not to cheat on the love of our life. Your source of strength of being faithful is not in your own mental capacity or self-will, but in your relationship with God.  When you let go of the hand of God in your relationship or marriage, the likelihood of you letting go the hand of your significant other will happen.

If you’re in lo…

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