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The Importance of Spiritual Compatibility in a Relationship Pt. II

If you’re not comparable to each other, misunderstandings will be a continuous occurrence. The intention of loving will turn into judgment, and respect will soon transform into contempt. —Melvin Davis

As I’ve matured over the years in my faith and relationship with God, reflecting on past and most recent experiences, I see how important it is to be with someone who is spiritually compatible (“equally yoked”) with you. If you’re with someone who doesn’t’ take their faith and spirituality seriously, more than likely, you will be criticized, judged and misunderstood when God requires you to do something that seems illogical, which will ultimately put you in a place to censor your conversation, the sharing of past experiences–essentially who you are. In addition, when you’re with someone who don’t have a certain kind of respect and adoration to God and of His blessings, they will do inappropriate things in a relationship to disrespect you, such as accept sentimental gifts from others, or discretely sexting or sending flirtatious texts to others while their in and out of your presence. It’s not a coincidence that such people find themselves losing out on a great thing, and that they continue to search for love through sex–repeating the same relationship patterns and dysfunctional behaviors of their past. You’ll never find and experience love beginning a relationship with sex.

What I’m continuing to do in part II of this blog is simply outline what a relationship looks like when you’re with someone who’s has strong faith and a relationship with God.

For my devotional reading two nights ago and yesterday morning, I read chapters 1-4 in the book of Genesis. The word “comparable” jumped out at me when I read that God “saw fit” for man (Adam) to not be alone. This enlightenment inspired the remaining points of this blog.

6. When you are spiritual compatible to each other, you are a support and help to each other. There’s nothing like being in a relationship when you know your significant other has your back no matter what. They’re a voice of presence, a shoulder for you to lean on when you feel like giving up on yourself or when you feel most vulnerable. Sad to say, they’re people in relationships who significant other takes advantage of them when they feel most weakest. Can you imagine being with someone, and they know you’re struggling with whatever, and their taking what you confide in them and sharing it with other people? You thought they had your best interest because they told you they believed in you or how they were going to be with you in the beginning, but as time changed, they realized they were not willing to be by your side?

Whether you’re trying to materialize a dream that God has placed in your heart, or take on an endeavor or opportunity to move up the corporate ladder in your career, or whether you’re fighting something that’s haunting you from a previous relationship, or from a traumatic childhood experience, you’re significant is suppose cover and protect you when you’re most vulnerable, and to pray and help you during your time of difficulty.

7. There’s a common ground of mutual respect. When a couple knows they are a gift to one another that presumes a high-level of respect that follows. Respect goes a long way in a relationship, because it’s the very thing that keeps two people from saying or doing hurtful things they will later regret. They will also take pride in respecting one another when they’re away from each other. For instance, there isn’t a need to worry what your significant is doing when they’re handing out with other friends or are away for business. You know in the back of your mind they wouldn’t do anything inappropriate to jeopardize the relationship.

8. When you’re with someone your spiritually compatible with, you have a shared vision, and foundation of love you want to build your life on and future family. To know you’re with someone who loves God, there’s a sense of security you can experience with that person. You know that the source of their strength and self-survival is not only contingent on you, but God Himself. You also know that, although they’re not perfect, their morals and ethical standards are built upon a solid foundation of God. You can see yourself having a family with this person because you know they equipped to store biblical beliefs in them that will prepare them for the world we live in.

9. You have the opportunity to experience unconditional love. To know that your significant other or spouse loves you unconditionally gives you peace and a great sense of security. When someone loves you unconditionally, they’re making a conscious to love all of you and all of who you’re not. They understand that you’re not perfect, but because you have God in your life, they know you will become all God wants you to be. They don’t’ see a person is inapt or weak, but a person who’s made in the image and likeness in God.

10. You can experience soulful lovemaking. When God brings two together to become one, they are joined together not just in mind, body, and spirit, but the soul as well. To experience this kind of connection is like being in heaven: this person understands your love language and intellect that you only you get. There’s not much explaining or misinterpreting because know the core and the essence of who you are. And when you make love, factoring all of these elements, adding on the respect, the companionship, the unconditional love, knowing that person is a help and support to you, that moment of making love will be a soulful one. You’re making a love with a person who knows you.

Stay tune for my next two blogs title Relationship Patterns: Understanding Your Love Interest Before You Say I Do or Lets Make this Official and How to Tell if That Person Is the One for You

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The Workings of a Happy Woman: Keeping a Smile on Her Face. Wash Her Feet, Pt. 1

If you love her that much, it would be your priority to see her smile. –Melvin Davis

If a woman has never been pampered, treated like royally and with the utmost respect, she’s been missing out on experiencing, in what I call, the triune way of being loved, and that is spiritually, emotionally and intellectually.

I’m sure for many years, many of you who are reading this blog, have been deeply hurt and emotionally scarred by men who have let you down once you opened your heart. You were at first hesitant, less reluctant to give him the time and the day, but your past repeated self. I’m also sure many of you had been in relationships or you’re currently in one, and you feel like you’re being taken for granted, or the passion and love has withered away like leaves scorched by the blazing sun. You wondered if you’d ever experience the inner and external workings of being loved, of being happy, smiling genuinely before the world, in front of your friends and family. In this blog, I want to paint a picture of what is possible for you to experience, but seeking God first, understanding HIs timing, and patience is required of you. It’s time to stop setting for less.

Washing a woman’s feet is one way to let her know you think of her as royalty. This will surely put a smile on her face. There’s something spiritual, something sentimental, something deeply emotional and mentally stimulating when she’s see you kneel before her with her feet in the palm of your hand. The fact that you’re kneeling shows adoration, not worship. What you’re communicating to her without words is that you really love her and see her as the most important thing in your life, of course not next to God.

As her feet soaks in soothing warm water, her body is relaxed, her mind is free, her heart is receptive and her spirit is open to the way you wish to pamper her. With her feet in the palm of her hand, while circling the center of it, what you will do besides send her a tingling feeling up her spine, or moisten the obvious before you or couch her mind in the utter most parts of heaven in your relationship. And as you begin to wash her feet, your love for her will be felt deep down into her soul, bringing you two closer together than before. And while she’s enjoying this moment of unconditional love, she’s thinking of ways to return the favor, prayerfully with fingers crossed on each hand.

It is a man’s, a husband duty to treat his woman like royalty. Washing her feet is one way to show this. If you love her that much, it would be your priority to make her smile.

Stay tuned for Pt. II

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The Intro to The Workings of a Happy Woman: Keeping a Smile on Her Face

A smile on a woman’s face is a sign of the quality of your labor.–Melvin Davis

Before I went to bed last night, I read the scripture about Christ washing His disciples feet before His crucifixion. If you were familiar with this text, you’d understand that foot washing is a pure act of humility and service. After reading, without trying to apply foot washing to anything or anyone, the idea came to mind of couching foot washing in the context of marriage, in a way of how I would treat my future wife and how I believe a woman should be treated.

Unconditional love is an act of humility and service.

Throughout my dating experiences, I suffered some upsets, disappointments and a broken heart or two. I know when I meet my wife, I’m sure I would be overwhelmed with joy, because of what I mentioned above, the patience, and the constant challenge of keeping in mind God’s timing in allowing things to fall in place.

In order to cultivate a close, intimate relationship with a mature woman, and keep a smile on her face, you have to do something you haven’t done before. Furthermore, you have to engage her in a way she’s not accustomed to. Connecting with her on a spiritual, emotional, intellectual and physical level will position you to keep a smile on her face.

So far, I have an idea of where this blog is heading but I’m still a little fuzzy. I do know Pt. I of this blog will start at the soles of a woman’s feet (relating foot-washing experience. ) More than likely, I will end with crown of her head, while working in the spiritual, emotional and intellectual aspect of engaging her.

Stay tuned.

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Discovering a Woman’s Language of Intimacy

Speak a woman’s love language of intimacy, and you’ll do more than tickle her fancy. You will have a strong connection with her. Your connection with her is an opportunity to court her. –Melvin Davis

Speaking a woman’s language of intimacy starts with knowing the kind or type of woman you want a relationship with. Looking back, I can laugh at the experiences I’ve had in dating. I dated women that were, how I can say this, quite rough around the edges. They expected me to engage in them in a way that reflected the social environments they came from, and the men they dated in them. As you can tell by now, from reading my blogs, you get the hint that I’m a gentleman, spiritual, calm and sort of romantic. My personality didn’t work well with them, and vice versa.

Note: The more you get to know yourself, you have a better idea of who will and will not mesh well with you.

There were women I dated that weren’t so brash. I found this kind of woman feminine, from head to toe and in speech and etiquette, yet they still liked a little edginess. This kind of women calls for balance: combining romanticism and with some edginess works well for her. Note: I’ll let you define what “edginess” is.  I shared these two examples because you have to know the nature of a woman before you show your romantic side to her. I’ve dated women that weren’t necessarily my type, but I had to make adjustments (that’s if I really liked them.) The point is here to know what type of woman you are dating before you engage her an intimate way. I’m not suggesting you to change because who are could introduce her to something entirely different. Something she wasn’t accustomed but discovered that she liked it.

Knowing what type of woman you’re dating is one way to discover a woman’s language of intimacy. Listening is also another way. I often to pray to become a better listener– specifically when it comes down to recognizing Gods voice among the chatters of the world. I also pray how to listen to a woman. One fatal mistake I made in my last pursuit of love, was failing to listen to her needs, and where she was in life. I’ve learned that women aren’t always going disseminate information directly to you. They will speak about the matters of their heart indirectly, expecting you to pick up on the cues. For instance, if she says, ” you know there’s something about a man when he dresses this or that way, or I like a guy with stubble, she’s communicating to you that, “this is what I like about a guy or this is what catches my eye.  Now, if you’re not picking up on these hints, you’re shooting yourself in the foot. A few years ago, I met someone who said I needed to grow a little facial hair. My response in my head was, I’m not changing who I am…she’s going to like me for me. Yes, you have a right to stand your ground, but ask yourself, is she worth the adjustment? I dated someone briefly who liked my stubble and then I started to like it. I just didn’t feel like shaving during the time I met her. Well, I kept the stubble and women like my stubble now lol. By listening to a woman, you learn what she does and doesn’t like. Listening is your opportunity to flow in love with her.

 

Note II: When I worked at Ralph Lauren,  men would come in look around, but they wouldn’t buy anything. I thought this was a little odd at first, but as it continued to happened, I understand now: if the wife didn’t approve of what her husband wanted, he didn’t get it. I used to mumble to myself. “Punk.” Until a gentleman told me that his wife would put her “loving” on lock if what he wore didn’t appease to her sense well. I definitely took mental of that. You can’t withhold loving for me. It’s essential and good stuff and quite nurturing to the soul.

 

 

Developing a friendship with a woman is also critical in discovering her language of intimacy. In addition to her telling what she likes about a man or what type of man she’s into, by befriending a woman, you get a chance to learn her ways. A woman’s ways is her mood, personality, the things that make her happy or upset, the way she speaks, her outlook on life, what she cares or could care less about, her faith, her taste for food or wine. All of these tangible and intangibles things factor into her language of intimacy. For instance, in my opinion, if a woman is playful and not uptight, more than likely, she’s experimental and receptive to a little chivalry/romanticism. If she’s uptight, a card and a rose may get you a blank stare. You’ll be lucky to get a thankful…. been there and done that…. bad memories.

Every woman has a language of intimacy she wants a man to speak to he. But he can only speak her language if he’s in tuned to her emotions and spirit. It’s not a coincidence that a good listening ear, along with transparency and vulnerability are important aspects of a relationship. Women look for these characteristics in men, although she may not come out and say it. She may not be aware that this is what she’s been missing.

 

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The Inspiration Behind My Writing

Creativity is a gift; a thing without shape. It’s the spirit of inspiration. The experiences we acquire throughout life is the flesh, the thing that makes the inspiration real, felt once it’s created. –Melvin Davis

If this blog post burns any bridge between any potential lover and I, aware and unaware, then so be it. When I write, I can’t help but to be candid and honest. It’s what aim for as an aspiring novelist. Whether a writer chooses to disclose what inspires them to write is their choice. I’m a man of empathy: what I love about writing is being able to have a spiritual, intellectual and emotional connection with my readers. I want them to feel what I feel and see what I see whatever it is that I’m writing.

Subliminally, in many of my blogs and poems, except the borderline erotic ones, I’ve hinted to who inspires me to write. Note: the poems I write that are erotic, never comes from a place of lust, but from a place of expressing how I would engage my future wife. But I understand the difficulty for many religious and “holy” people to discard lovemaking, openly, from their conversation.  Of course, if I were married, or seriously courting someone or dating, the intimacy of what she and I would share would no be up for entertainment. Lovemaking is a sacred. I totally agree. My borderline erotic poems are sincere creative sacred expressions. Not trash. But back to the point: I never envision expressing myself through words and being this quite transparent. As a child, I was very imaginative and creative. I enjoyed drawing however in my adulthood life, drawing left my creative landscape. Words and images have become my medium from which I express myself artistically but there’s someone I met sometime ago, in addition to studying philosophy and a breakup that really influenced my writing.

There are some people we meet in life that will have a long lasting impact on us. There was a woman I met about two years ago. Instantly I felt something strong about her. She had beauty that extended with balance: physically, intellectually, and spiritually. She had a wonderful personality. All of those things I saw and discerned in her were gathered from conversation. Long story short: If you have read my blogs on being patient for love, seeking your purpose before seeking love, you’ll see where the inspiration from those blogs come from: my impatience and lack of self-love ruined the friendship this special woman and I had.

Since then, a great deal of time had passed. I’m not same person she met two years ago. What still remains the same are the feelings I have for her. Trust me when I say this, and I’ve actually share this with her while we were friends: I tried praying my feelings away because I didn’t have the patience to let whatever was going to unfold, unfold. Yes, I’ve dated other women since then. A good portion I shall say, but not with hopes of getting over her, instead to prove to others and myself that could move on and be open to love coming from someone else. In other words, the world didn’t stop because of what I felt and feel for her. But besides having feelings for her, God tells me to focus Him and writing and to be patient for love. So here I am, single and not involved with anyone.

Since the feelings I have for her continue to stay, subconsciously, my mind and my heart transcends thoughts and feelings for her into art. The height of feeling the way I did and do for her inspires to me write about love because I am still in love with her. In a way, a part of me wonders would I write with such passion, with such transparency and vulnerability. If I were to no longer feel what I feel for her or desire her, would I still write the way I do about love? To be honest, I don’t have an answer for that question. Even when the pain was there, when I couldn’t forgive myself for my mistakes, I still wrote with passion. It’s interesting how when our friendship ended, I began writing my novel and going through my personal and spiritual transformation that was need to mold and shape a better me.

I will not say her name out of respect and for her privacy; she is the inspiration behind my writing. In fact, my love for her inspired me to write poetry. The first poem I ever wrote was, This is What She Do Me. I gave her this poem and she enjoyed. Said she would frame it. That feeling felt good, but what really touched me was that she appreciated the words I used to paint a picture of how I perceived and felt about her. I believe any artist would like to have their work understood, felt and appreciated.

I don’t know how this feeling for her would last or would change if I met someone else. Either way, I’d still write with passion and vigor. So until then, I’m going to harness all the inspiration I can about her to paint portraits with words.

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The Introduction to How to Win Your Woman Back

If you love the woman you believe to be the one for you, pride will not be a matter in putting your heart on the line to win her back –Melvin Davis

Before I get into the heart of this message, I want to say upfront: this blog doesn’t serve the purpose of manipulating women or their emotions or to get them in bed. Pleas stop reading if this is the case. Women are a gift. They are the most beautiful beings on planet earth: A force, a power to be reckoned with because they bring balance, nurture and healing to a man’s life and much more. This message is for the guy who messed up a great thing. Perhaps internal and external circumstances or a lack of spiritual and personal maturity factored into the mistakes you’ve made. This is natural. Experience prepares us for what will ultimately be and to be a better man next time around. Maybe you were unfaithful. Unfaithfulness is something that should not be taken lightly. It’s like a fatal gunshot wound. Unfaithfulness can kill the life of a relationship, and only the power and forgiveness of God can resurrect it. This message is for the guy who is serious about the woman he’s ruined his chances with and feels deep down in his heart, this is the woman God has set apart for him.

I also want to place this thought in the forefront of your mind while you’re reading my blog: What I’m sharing will not guarantee you a second-chance. Only God knows. Only He has the power to undo the damage. If you feel your efforts may be in vain, stop reading. This blog is reserved for the man of great faith, for the guy who is willing to get hurt or disappointed. If you think she’s worth it, these fears should hold you back. To you who will follow these steps God has placed upon my heart in how to get your woman back, you will become a better person and a better man. Your relationship with God will be stronger than what it was before. I’ve discovered my purpose in my pain. I’ve matured spiritually and personally. I’m wiser and much stronger. I’m equipped to be the spiritual leader in a relationship.

There’s more good news in addition to growing as a man. That is what’s in God’s will for you to have will come into fruition. This is where faith comes in but there’s a catch. Your heart has to be fixed on God and not on the woman you believe to be your wife. Your heart desire cannot overpower giver of gifts. You have to search for your wife in Him. In Him are second chances given. In Him is healing to what was.

Stay tuned for the next installment of this blog series.

As always, thanks for reading. I encourage comments.

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