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What Kind of Woman Am I Attracted to? Pt I

“It ‘s a man’s responsibility to make sure his woman feels like the most beautiful woman in a room, even if she’s amongst other attractive women.”

Melvin Davis

Days ago I was asked the question, what kind of woman am I attracted to? My response, “I’ll start from the inside out. Finding some you’re physically attracted is the easy part, but finding compatibility is the challenge. What’s in a woman’s spirit, how she thinks, and what comes from her mouth could maintain or break my attraction to her. What’s inside the heart and spirit is equally important as the exterior.

I can’t ignore the person and the man that I am becoming in God. I know myself well enough to know what kind of woman I would or wouldn’t be attracted to. I gel well with people who are purpose driven, who have a hunger and desire to fulfill their dreams and who have a great relationship with God. I could bounce ideas of this person all day, and engage in great conversation, whether on or beneath the surface…

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Communication, Faith, friendship, Honesty, How to Find Love, inspiration, love, marriage, Melvin Davis, Relationships, romance

Be truthful. Be forthright. Be honest.

 

I had a 2 hour a conversation with a married couple a few days ago. What I heard benefited me tremendously. Their testimony and experiences rejuvenated my hope and excitement in finding a faithful woman. Not just a faithful woman, but a God-fearing one. The wife said to me, “I rather be hurt by the truth than to be hurt by a lie. It’s more difficult to recover from a lie. People forgive, however lies are like tough stains that are hard to get out of the heart and memory. The husband and wife both confessed that they have had difficult times in their marriage, which is expected, but they never lied to each other. The husband said, “I always tell her the truth–even if it hurts her, but at least she knows I am being honest.” A woman respects when a man truthful. Vice versa. I want to point out a trend that’s not new, but more obvious in 2016. It makes finding love more challenging, as well as having meaningful friendships. It’s called “The Art of Passive Aggressiveness.” This isn’t new profound revelation, so I encourage you to dislodge you’re excitement. However, what I present to you is something I think you should be conscious of. Let’s get into it.

Matthew 5: 37 says, “But let your ‘yes’ be ‘yes,’ and your ‘no’, ‘no.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.”

Matthew 5: 37 talks about being truthful and dishonest. When you tell the truth in love, you’re mirroring the image of Christ. When you lie, you emulate the nature of our adversary. Finding honesty in people is hard to come by in 2016. Rather than telling the truth, individuals opt to be passive aggressive or lie altogether. I understand the fear of hurting someone’s feeling lingers at the forefront of your mind. You know the impact it could have on the other person who’s deeply interested in you. However, hiding what you truly feel or just completely ignoring the person you welcomed them into your life, doesn’t do the entire situation much justice. It doesn’t help the other person either. You’re building momentum to the hurt the person in a greater way by prolonging what needs to be said now than later. It’s essential to keep in mind the concept of sowing and reaping. I’m speaking from experience.

When it comes to where you are emotionally, mentally or spiritually, be truthful. Be forthright. Be honest. If you recently exited a relationship, and you’re on the brink of entering another one without communicating where you stand, failure is the likely outcome. I suggest being single for a while. Breathe. Heal. Reflect. Learn. Grow. Going into new situation broken will create more brokenness. God wants you sit still, so He can deal without the other hurts in your life before he addresses the recent hurt of your breakup. God works strategically and in order.

Maybe the above doesn’t apply to you. Perhaps investing time with someone you’re not really interested in for the reason that you’re lonely, need attention, just killing time and banking on another relationship to heal you is call deception. Deception is to posture yourself in a way to hold another attention. It’s like conversing or interacting in a way to gives a false sense of hope. It’s okay to say, “I’m not interested. Or, “I don’t foresee anything pass a friendship.” It’s only right for the other party to know the truth. Putting yourself in a position of power to pick and choose when you want to be bothered, talk, text, or blatantly ignore the person altogether is impolite, rude and insensitive. Put yourself in their shoes and ask yourself if you want to be recipient of this kind of behavior. God isn’t going to curse or strike you down for being honest about you how feel and where you stand.  Communicate the truth. Communicate the truth in love. The person maybe hurt when you tell them how you feel, but they will respect you. If they choose to leave of your life, at least you know they you aren’t keeping them around for any other reason. They will meet the person God has for them. So will you. It’s better to give the other party the option to make the best decision for their self and emotional well-being.

If you’re like me, God has you on hold. And while you’re in the waiting room, opportunities are going to come your way to date or entertain a love interest. I know this is frustrating. I’ve been single since 2008. That’s not to say that I haven’t dated since. I have, but God taught me a lesson about dating, which is, don’t date. You’re probably thinking, well, that doesn’t make sense. Doesn’t Proverbs 18:22 say, “He that finds a wife finds a good thing.”  This is absolutely true. True when God releases you to find or pursue. True when God says yes. True in the context of His timing. Here’s what God taught me about dating. Don’t date. When I pray about someone I’m interested in, the Holy Spirit reveals the Father’s will to me.  Jesus tells us in John 16:13, “But when he, the Holy Spirit comes, he will lead you and guide you into ALL truth.” I lie to you not. God answers my prayers in sometimes minutes, hours, a day or two. No longer than a month. Hearing “no” is disappointing. Really disappointing when YOU see potential, but think of the impact of the disappointment of going forth without seeking God’s will. When you’re in the waiting period, you can say, “This isn’t the season for me. God hasn’t permitted me get involved with anyone at this time.”  When a person completely objects to spiritual statement of truth, because it “doesn’t make sense,” or it  “sounds like BS,” you don’t have to pray. The person has either communicated they aren’t born of the Spirit of God through Christ or they lack spiritual maturity. You would be unequally yoked on both accounts if you choose to go forward. Embracing anything that’s not the will of God comes with unnecessary heartache, drama, confusion and pain. I’ve been there before too.

Get into the habit of being honest. Having courtesy for another feelings goes along way. It’s called communication.  Honest communication. I know it’s more convenient to hide what you’re truly feeling and thinking or to simply ignore someone. I’m guilty of this, but I changed when the Holy Spirit convicted me and I reaped what I sow. Folks may think you’re being “mean” for being honest, forthright and truthful. We live in “I don’t want to offend you” aka Passive Aggressiveness times. The scripture doesn’t teach us to be passive or lukewarm. The word of God teaches us to let your “yes, be yes. Your no, be no.”

There will come a time when the tables are turned. Where you are the one head over heels and the other person is the puppet master. Having your emotional and mental strings pulled by someone isn’t a good feeling. Be truthful. Be forthright. Be honest.

 

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This Kind of Woman. This kind of Love

In our secret place, we hold hands, worshipping God in spirit and in truth

The oneness of our sacred union, the purity of our hearts and yielded spirits, makes it possible to experience God’s presence together

The love of God joins the love we have for each other, causing our spirits to cry in reverence

Words were not needed. Only the songs of our hearts

The sweet incense of God entered our secret place as we worshipped

We bow in the throne room, hearing the wings of angels

They hold glistening white garments

Heads still bowed, for the fear of the Lord is upon us

“Stand up,” said one angel of the Lord. “Fear not.”

Strength returning to our legs, our eyes beheld the glory of God’s servant

We put on our new garments with lifted hands of praise

Returning back to our home, our faces glow with glory of God and our eyes glimmer with fire

We lay, tracing each other lips. For neither of us could speak in this moment

I run my fingers through her hair. “Your beautiful,” I was finally able to utter

She smiles, standing to her feet, helping me up

Standing in the night outside, we behold the bright moon

Close and cozy, I kiss her cheek, then her soft lips

We didn’t have to say I love you in this moment

Our spirits spoke

I kneeled, kissed her hand and asked, “Will you marry me again?”

“Everyday, I would,” She rubbed my head.

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The Purity of Love

I dip my entire being into the basin of the Lord’s presence

I wish not to touch you with unclean hands

Or look or think about you with unclean thoughts

Or speak foul language from an unclean tongue

I only want to be and speak the language of pure love

Everyday I see a bride when I look at you

Grace, virtue, love, nurture, forgiveness, faithfulness, kindness and Christ emanates from your eyes

In your eyes, I also see myself, and when you look at me, you see the reflection of your glamour. We are one

Let’s walk on top of the water as we keep our eyes on Christ

He can save and hold us together in any storm

Let’s travel together in heavenly places and behold our eternal resting place

I hold your hand tight as we journey into God’s handy-work, hoping we won’t depart  from each other once we get here

We bow before our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ in worship, saying. “Holy is the Lamb.”

Tears form in our eyes as the glory of the Lord consumes us

“Holy is the Lamb. Lord we bless you. You are the Alpha and the Omega. Holy You are.

Hallelujah

We return from our heavenly visit, holding each other tighter like never before

 Kissing each other more passionately than before

Our fingers grace across each other’s face, enjoying the look of our youth that will soon fade, but we are joyful, because we know, in our eternal resting place, we’ll have new faces

Thinking about our past disagreements and tantrums, they don’t measure up to the bigger picture

The picture was our wedding day. The day we committed to not be divided or subtracted by the hardships and challenges of life.

I love you, my love

Kneeled at our bed, I kiss her hand and she kisses my forehead

The night ends with a spiritual kiss on unclean lips

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What You Don’t See

Ground your expectations of experiencing love in reality, and you will endure with patience and understanding, hardships that come with loving people.–Melvin Davis

Who you admire from afar, such as celebrities, people in power or of influence, others who have caught your eye on social media, characters you read in book or saw in a film, are often depicted in a perfect light. You’re attracted to the appearance of a person. What you see on the outside does enough justice for you to say, I’m interested” or I “envision” being with this person. Beauty or physical attraction to the eye isn’t wrong, however, that’s not the only premise you should base potential off.

The reality about relationships is that they aren’t perfect, because people aren’t. Relationships can get nasty, ugly and competitive, which ultimately depends on the individual’s relationship with Christ. You’re different person when you have on the mind of Christ. That’s another blog. Everyone is not in the “right” or “ideal” place in life, as they appear to be. It’s also true that you can arrive to your destination of success, have all the necessary tangibles for stability, yet there are emotional wounds beneath the surface. Perhaps there’s a pending conversation or feelings from your last relationship that needs to take place before you’re really an eligible candidate. Character flaws like arrogance, being unreliable, pride, ego, poor communication, rude behavior, and timidity are also traits some successful people have.  These are real current issues in a lot of people lives today. You may not see these shortcomings in a picture, dialogue exchange on social media, at the beginning stage of meeting a person, but they will eventually surface as you go beneath the layers.

It’s wise and fair to have an honest view about relationships before you commit to one. I understand that everyone wants to experience love and a healthy relationship. You can. I believe you will through Jesus Christ. It’s good to keep in mind that you should possess what you’re seeking and praying for in others. If you want someone in tip-top shape, it’s a great idea to look in the mirror. Making sure you’re eating healthy and exercising. If you want someone who can cook and clean, make sure you’re able to do the same. If you want someone who’s smart, it would be a great to posses some intellect of your own. I mentioned before, if you want someone who has a relationship with God, have one of your own. This is a short list of what I hear people expect from others. Having this mind draws a line of reality than fantasy.

 

 

 

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Cutting Soul-Ties: The Healing Factor

At the point of breaking a soul tie, is when you find out what you really feel for that person. It’s also a moment of going to God in honesty and asking him to sever the soul-tie.-Melvin Davis

A soul tie is like a having a guest who’s overstayed their welcome in your house. The house is your soul. The guest is the person who once had your heart. They moved on, but your attachment to them didn’t.  In the soul lie memories, experiences, events and moments that shaped who you are. It’s uncannily amazing of how years can pass from a breakup, yet there’s an emotional and spiritual connection lingering with the last person you were with It’s not a coincidence thoughts and feelings ride the waves of your mind like great white whales finning through the ocean. This isn’t good when you’re trying to move on and be open to the person God has for you. The soul-tie has needs to be cut.

The consequence of not letting go is that you introduce a part of you that hasn’t moved on to the new love interest. This isn’t far to the individual or you. A pattern I face in meeting women is that they haven’t moved on from their last relationship. Getting to know someone by counseling them isn’t always a great feeling. I’m not complaining here, because I have a heart for people. I love helping others. A lesson I learned years ago was to heal before pursuing someone else.

Another unfortunate effect of a soul-tie is that you hurt yourself. Stabbing you in the heart by what could’ve been bruises the spirit. Torment is reliving something over and over that you can’t change. This isn’t of God. You’re not the best you when you’re damaged emotionally, psychologically and spiritually.  Your personality can’t shine through the dark clouds of insecurities. Moodiness, sensitivity, depression, lack of joy and peace, presents an inconsistency in your character. One day, people see when you’re up. Another day, they see when you’re down you. These are some signs that you’re struggling with something. As caring as any person is, it’s difficult to love someone romantically with these preexisting conditions.

Holding on also delays meeting the person God has for you. God is of order. He never invites confusion into your life. We know He’s not the author of confusion. The adversary is. Two questions to ask yourself are what does this soul-tie profit you? Is it God telling you to hold on or is it you telling yourself to?

Now that God has revealed the truth to you, cut the soul-tie.

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Faith, Honesty, How to Find Love, love, marriage, Melvin Davis, New Contemporary Romance, Patience, Relationships, romance, Romance/Love

God’s Confirmation vs An Emotional High Pt. II

Before I get into the message, I want to do something different this time. It’s my heart desire God speaks to you through the words He’s given me. I want you to be spirit fed and led rather than emotional fed and led. I want you to pray this prayer before you read further. I never want to give anyone false hope or have anyone believe there’s life in something God isn’t going to touch. Simply, because, it’s not His will. It’s my heart desire for you to experience everything in God’s will. There’s peace, joy, love, kindness, gentleness and more in God’s will. Relationships aren’t perfect because you aren’t. I say, posses what you’re requiring in someone else. I mean mentally, emotionally and spiritually. By keeping God first, all things are possible through Jesus Christ. All things.

Jesus, guide me by your spirit as I read this blog

Speak to my heart in ways that you never have before

Give me clarity and understanding about your will for my life

May confirmation and peace be with me when I’m done reading

Bless me with the wisdom to see your will during this time of my life

It’s you Jesus that I desire more than anything

It’s through You that all things are revealed

Open the eyes of my heart to see what you’re showing me in this blog

Show me your will about the person I have my eyes on

Remove from this relationship if it’s not what you desire for me

It’s in Jesus name that I pray, amen!

 

Determining if you met the love of your life is difficult when emotion is the only point of reference you have to confirm God’s will. I’m in no way suggesting feeling a deep interest, love or longing for someone is negative. Emotions are gift from God. It’s how we experience the humanity of a person. That’s the good and the bad. Feeling is an aspect of love. It’s passionate and breathtaking. However, as I pointed out moments ago, you need something more than feeling to confirm if you are or aren’t with the right person. Having an emotional high for someone without God ‘s confirmation can be devastating.

An emotional high prescribes the euphoria like your favorite romantic movie. The feeling of meeting someone with promising potential feels sublime. Everything feels right. I’m sure you’re well acquainted with early “good morning” texts from your love interest, along with some Christ-like words of encouragement. A.m., texts often leads to, in between afternoon texts and maybe, in between short phone conversations. Preferably around lunch time or a “bathroom break” or out getting “a whiff of fresh air.” Whatever is your vice is to get out of the office, house or chair, I understand. Those afternoon texts and short conversations will more than likely drift into evening and midnight conversation.  Midnight for some reason creates an atmosphere of transparency. Perhaps your guard is let down when the pressures and responsibilities of life are asleep in the wee hours of the morning. Candid conversation opens you up to exchange some of the most personal and intimate parts of your life. You talk about painful times of tribulation, lost and moments you felt like there was no other than God who pulled you through defying times. You also share memorable high points of your life. Like how God blessed you with the new career, how you started a business, or found a new church home. As the night turns into early morning, you end the call with a mutual feeling of excitement, renewed faith and hope. This newfound picture of life includes you two in it. You see each other spending life together in the most perfect, peaceful and Godly way. Optimism takes precedence as you sleep the 4 or 5 hours you have left to start the day.

Whether you’re aware of it or not, exchanging the matters and experiences of your heart is a way to build a soul-tie. There’s intimacy involved when you connect with someone in a spiritual and emotional way.  A bridge of closeness is coming together that creates just enough security and trust that you feel safe. You start to think, just maybe, I found someone special.  You’re ready to blow the trumpet and make the announcement to family and friends that you found the person you’ve been praying and waiting for. Oh, I forgot, that announcement is also extended to Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, IG too, but that’s hold until you know it’s official. I’ve learned the hard lesson of premature announcements. You cringe behind door, asking yourself, what I tell those closest to me I found the love of my life. You feel embarrassed, stupid and ashamed. You ultimately feel like the “Donkey of the Day.” If you “named” it and “claimed” it, fine. It’s not too late to seek God’s will. You have the chance to stop the boat from sailing out too far in the sea. This is a time to pray. If you have been talking to someone for several months, with the intent to court, I suggest praying if you’re feeling unsure. If you’re engaged to someone, and you feel skeptical about this person, it’s not too late to seek God’s confirmation. Pray. If you married someone, without the peace and confirmation in your heart, pray. God loves you so much to see you live life outside of His will. There isn’t a need to feel ashamed. Most of the content in my blogs derive from personal experiences, but as Paul says so unashamedly to the church of Corinth, in 1 Corinthians 13:11, reflecting on life before his encounter first encounter with Christ, “When I was a child, I spoke as a child, and reason like a child. But when I became a man, I put away childish things.” Part of those childish things I put away was not moving forward with someone without God’s confirmation. I don’t care how good she looks, what accolades she has, people she knows, what she possesses materialistically or the kind of relationship she has with God, I’m seeking God’s confirmation before I become emotionally and spiritually invested. Time is a gift that cannot be squandered. I want to touch on a few key points of how God confirms His will to you It happens naturally and spiritually.  In part III, I will share the wisdom and knowledge God has blessed me with. I pray that you find them useful and applicable to your life.

 

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